SWINGIN’ ON A STAR

Commissioned by Tony Treloar during a cricket match between St Bartholomew’s and Wolston Park on 28 February 2004.

Oh, would you like to swing on a star,

carry moonbeams home in a jar

and be better off than you are?

Or would you rather be a frog?

A frog is an animal that leaps in a pond.

He don’t rent a house; don’t pay a bond.

He’s cold and slimy and a sickly green

and if he’s captured, then he’s French cuisine,

but if you don’t mind a-swimming in a bog,

you may grow up to be a frog.

Oh, would you like to swing on a star,

carry moonbeams home in a jar

and be better off than you are?

Or would you rather be an ape?

An ape is an animal that swings in a tree.

His face is a horrid sight to see.

He grunts and grumbles when he tries to speak

and if Charles Darwin’s right, his future’s bleak

but if you don’t mind a life with no escape,

you may grow up to be an ape.

Oh, would you like to swing on a star,

carry moonbeams home in a jar

and be better off than you are?

Or would you rather be a cassowary?

A cassowary is an animal that lives in Brazil.

His strong legs and beak help him to kill.

He’s quick and very tricky to abduct

and if you’re alone with him, you’re prob’ly fucked

but if you don’t think you’re life is necessary,

you may grow up to be a cassowary.

Not all the monkeys are in a zoo.

Every day you meet quite a few.

So you see, it’s all up to you.

You could be better than you are.

You could be swingin’ on a star.

- Daniel Viles (28 February 2004)