ODE TO MARK PHILIPPOUSSIS

 

Composed in March 2005 one Friday morning after Mark Philippoussis had announced his engagement to Alexis Barbara not all that long after ending flings with Delta Goodrem and Paris Hilton.

 

Oh Scud! Oh Scud! You serving machine.

Do you ever date anyone over nineteen?

Do you find if they’re older that you lack the power?

Do you make love at two-forty kay-ems an hour?

 

Paris is richer than you; Delta’s Out of the Blue;

You insist that we call you ‘the Scud’, not ‘the Poo’.

Oh Poo! Poo! We had high hopes for you

because Lleyton and Bec freeze the hairs on our neck!

 

Oh mighty Adonis with your nuptials upon us,

oh please Mr Scud, won’t you make me this promise?

That when you lay Mrs Scud down on the bedding,

you’ll stay at the Hilton and Delta sings at the wedding?

 

-         Daniel Viles (4 March 2005)

 

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