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| Fan Fiction Archive |
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| The Pilot Transcribed by invisible_mom |
(Darien pulls out his card and matches them up) Hobbes: �See? Let�s get you outta here. You stand out like a Cossack at a bar mitzvah.� Darien: �Hey, wait, wait, wait. I understand that you have some info for me.� Hobbes: �Excuse me? No. I think you have some info for me. Some very important info. So what�s the deal. What did The Agency tell you about it?� Darien: �About what?� Hobbes: �What do you mean about what? What you think about what? My raise.� Darien: �Actually, they didn�t mention it.� Hobbes: (visibly upset): �Didn�t say anything about a, about a, about a raise?� Darien: �No.� (Hobbes rubs his head, upset, then walks away. Darien still stands there, confused.) Hobbes: �Come on!� Darien: �I�m coming. Hold on.� (Next scene � Darien and Hobbes are sitting at a beach front food place called Cocos Helados. Hobbes is eating and drinking his tropical drink. Darien has a beer.) Hobbes: �I wasn�t just in Beirut, I was Beirut. Let me show you something. Take a look at this.� (Pulls out a picture, shows it to Darien.) �Look at that. Arafat. Me with Arafat. Bunny we used to call him. What a tool! Yeah, they were some days man, when I was with the company. You�re not interested in any of this?� Darien: �I don�t even know what the hell you�re talking about here. I mean, look, in case you haven�t noticed, we have a bit of a terrorist problem on our hands here.� Hobbes: �Yeah, who do you think uncovered it genius? Folks got the dirt bags swarming in here like flies. Even the cops have left. Everyone�s freakin paranoid. They whack you if you even sneeze like a government agent.� Darien: �Oh yeah? How come you�re still breathing?� Hobbes: �Cause I�m too good for my own good. What? You don�t think? Why don�t you pull out your wallet? Go ahead, pull it out.� (Darien searches for his wallet. Hobbes pulls it out of his jacket pocket and puts it on the table in front of Darien.) Darien: �Hobbes. My dog can pick a pocket, OK?� Hobbes: �Yeah? Can your dog make out a terrorist?� (Darien looks over his shoulder and sees a one-eyed man stab a melon with a knife while another man looks on.) Hobbes: �Not them. Them!� (Darien looks over his shoulder again and sees a man and a woman kissing. Their hand luggage has red Canadian maple leafs on them.) Darien: (sarcastically): Canadian terrorists. (He laughs) Hobbes: �You think that�s funny? That�s �Free Quebec� militia my friend.� Darien: �Nice.� Hobbes: �They took out 100 agents last year alone. Haven�t made me yet. Nobody makes Bobby Hobbes!� Darien: �Look, will you focus here? What is going on with Arnaud�s safe house?� Hobbes: �What about it? It�s here.� Darien: �What? It�s here?� Hobbes: �Yeah.� Darien: �You found it?� Hobbes: �I haven�t found it. Frickin Agency isn�t paying me enough for that crap. Why? What are they paying you?� Darien: �Sorry, what?� Hobbes: �What are they paying you?� Darien: �What are they paying� Hobbes, I don�t think that is really important.� Hobbes: �Come on, we�re partners, aren�t we? What are you? GS2, GS3, what?� Darien: �They mentioned something like, was it a GS6 or something?� Hobbes: �GS6.� Darien: �Is that good?� Hobbes: (slams his fist down on the table): �What makes you so special? I have been out here year after year, day after day, busting my butt� (Hobbes looks up at the Canadians, who are still necking and kissing.) �Oh crap!� Darien: �What?� Hobbes: �You just blew our cover.� Darien: �Oh, I just blew our cover.� Hobbes: �Yes. They just made us. No, no, no, don�t look, don�t look, don�t look.� Darien: �Would you relax? It looks like they�re making each other Hobbes.� Hobbes: �Stand up slowly and walk to the street. Do it.� Darien: �Look Hobbes, will you just calm down.� Hobbes: �Do as I say. You�re out of your league.� (Gets up and walks away) Darien: �Oh, I�m out of my league, out of my league. Just what league would that be? Oh, of course, the psycho secret agent softball league.� (Gets up and walks over to where Hobbes is standing.) Darien: �Look, Hobbes, Hobbes, you want to play James Bond, why don�t you do it on your own time? I�m trying to get my life together. (Hobbes rolls over a counter and ducks out of sight.) �What? Are you insane?� Hobbes: �Behind you!� Darien: �What?� Hobbes: �Look!� (Darien turns around and sees the Canadian couple cocking their guns.) Darien: �Aw crap.� (Hobbes reaches over the counter, grabs Darien�s jacket, and hauls him over the counter and onto the floor. A gun battle ensues. Hobbes pulls a large gun out of his jacket and returns fire.) Hobbes: �You run for it, I�ll cover you.� Darien: �Hey Hobbes, not that I wouldn�t like to leave�� Hobbes: �Just go dammit! When you get to the hotel ask for a valet named Rousseau.� (Returns more fire) �He�ll give you a satchel and a bottle.� (Returns more fire) �Looks like aspirin.� (Returns more fire. When he ducks back down behind the counter this time, Darien isn�t there.) �Now when you get there�� (Turns, sees Darien is gone) �Ah, Fawkes! You freakin yellow belly!� (Shot of a taxi with it�s hood being closed, but no one is there. The engine starts. Back to the gun battle.) Hobbes: �Screw the Expos!� (He shoots 2 handguns at the same time until they are both empty. Just then the taxi pulls up along side him and the door opens. It looks like there is no one inside.) Darien: �Get in!� (Hobbes just looks at the taxi.) �Ah, come on, who the hell do you think it is?� (Hobbes jumps into the taxi and they speed away. The Canadians continue to shoot at the taxi. The camera shows us the front of the taxi. We can see Hobbes, but not Darien. Hobbes looks at the side mirror and a bullet breaks it. The camera shows us the front of the taxi and now both men are visible. They look at each other.) Hobbes: �Is that supposed to impress me? (Darien looks away grinning.) (Next scene � The 2 Canadians pick up Darien�s wallet and start going through it. The camera gives us a close-up of the wallet, then pulls away to show that Arnaud is now going through it.) Huisclos: �Our Canadian guests saw him with a U.S. intelligence agent. My guess is he is probably looking for us.� Arnaud: �I can�t believe it. Half my men are combing the states for him and the idiot shows up in my own backyard. (Arnaud stops. He is in pain. Huisclos offers Arnaud his bottle of Pepto Bismol. Arnaud knocks it out of his hand. Arnaud unbuttons his shirt to check his bandage. He is bleeding again.) Huisclos: �The matter is simple then. We could just lure him here.� Arnaud: �Yes, that would have been a good idea if those maple suckers hadn�t used him for target practice! Fawkes will be extra cautious now. He�ll go to ground, hide. We need something to draw him out into the open. (Arnaud looks in the wallet, finds the picture of Darien and Casey.) (Next scene � Casey is at Eddie The Mammoth�s office) Casey: �I know that patient information is confidential Dr. Mammoth, but what I �� Eddie: �Call me Eddie.� Casey: �Eddie. I need to know exactly what Darien told�� Eddie: �I told you. He said he was in some kind of an experiment. And he needed whatever it was taken out.� Casey: �Yeah, but what�� (coughs from the cigarette smoke) Eddie: �You feeling alright?� Casey: �Yes, I�m fine, thank you.� Eddie: �How�s your liver and your kidneys?� (Casey�s cell phone rings) Casey: �Excuse me, just a minute. Hello?� Voice: �Dr. O�Claire please.� Casey: �Yes.� Voice: �Dr. Casey O�Claire?� Casey: �Yes, this is she.� Voice (with a southern accent): �Well, I�m terribly sorry to bother you Ma�am, but my name is Harley Griffin, and I work with the Central Intelligence Agency , CIA, and I believe that we have a mutual concern.� (Shot of Arnaud talking on the phone) �A gentleman by the name of Darien Fawkes.� (Next scene � inside a church in Mexico) TO�s voice: �Now wait a minute, wait a minute. Where you, where are you calling from? You calling from Mexico? Are you on a cell phone? Do you have any idea what that costs?� Darien: �Wait a minute. Listen to me. Do not talk to me about roaming charges OK. I am roaming here in the land of homicidal Canadians. Hobbes: �Can I talk to him just one second. (Darien turns away from Hobbes to keep the phone.) �Please. Just one second.� (Shot of TO punching numbers into a calculator) Darien: �You have to send me some backup.� TO: Oh, I wouldn�t worry about it kid. You�ve got Hobbes.� (Hobbes is still trying to get the phone away from Darien.) Hobbes: �Just one second please. Give me the phone. Give me the phone.� Darien: �Hobbes needs Prozac, OK. I need help.� TO: Your needs! Your needs! Is that all you ever think about.� Darien: �Don�t pull that crap. You need me.� TO: �So what are you gonna do kid? Quit? Darien: �You know what? You know what? I just might. Because let me tell you, I would rather live crazy than die sane.� TO: �Oh. Too bad about your girlfriend then.� Darien: �What?� (Hobbes grabs the cell phone from Darien and points his gun at Darien so he can keep it.) Hobbes: �Listen, you son of a bitch. I was promised a 10% hike for combat. You� what� what�� (turning to face Darien) �Your girlfriend just skipped town.� Darien: �What?� Hobbes: �The bimbo took off. Are you a member of some Abba Fan Club?� Darien: �Abba Fan Club?� Hobbes: �Yeah, they sent you a fax.� Darien: �What�s it say? What�s it say?� Hobbes: �What�s it say? What�s it say? � If you want to see her alive again, find fear in the phone book. What the hell does that mean, fear in the phone book?� Darien: �I don�t know.� Hobbes: �Alright, listen to me you fat bastard, it is stipulated in my contract�� (Next scene - Casey is looking at pictures of Darien standing over Kevin�s bloody body. She is in the back seat of Arnaud�s car. They are driving down a dusty, deserted road in Mexico.) Arnaud: �I�m sorry we were so late picking you up, and I regret that it was under such circumstances.� Casey: �He couldn�t have done this. Not Darien.� Arnaud: �You�ve seen his behavior, Dr. O�Claire. Would you call that rational?� Casey: �But it doesn�t make any sense. Why would he come down here?� Arnaud: �The fact is, his brother�s experiment left him a bi-polar wrecking ball. He�s completely delusional. Poor fool even thinks that he can turn invisible. He�s gone crazy.� Casey: �What do you propose that we do?� Arnaud: �Well, as I explained on the phone, it�s vital that we reach him before he harms someone else, and he seems to respond to your presence, so I was hoping we could use it to draw him out of hiding.� Casey: �You want to use me as bait.� Arnaud: �We can operate from The Agency safe house, that is if you�re willing to help.� (Casey puts her head down in her hand like she is going to cry. Huisclos hands her a handkerchief.) Casey: �Thank you.� (She sees his slashed hand) �Your hand!� Arnaud: �It�s nothing.� Casey: �Nothing! It�s completely infected. Hold still. I have some Bacitrace in my bag.� (Arnaud rolls his eyes. He is in the front seat so Casey doesn�t notice.) Huisclos: �You are very kind.� (Arnaud and Huisclos exchange a look while Casey is taking care of Huisclos� hand.) (Next scene - Darien and Hobbes are at an outdoor phone on a street corner. Hobbes is looking through a phone book while Darien is looking in a Spanish/English dictionary.) Darien: �Try miedo.� Hobbes: �We already did miedo.� Darien: �Why don�t you try it again.� Hobbes: �I just did it!� Darien: �Why don�t you try it again now, okay? (Darien tries to grab the phone book, but Hobbes keeps hold of it.) Hobbes: �I can do it! Just�relax you. Miedo. There�s no miedo, there�s no timor, there�s no frickin fear in the frickin phone book!� (Darien slams the dictionary down on top of the pay phone. He looks down and sees a spider climbing up the pole.) Darien: �What�s Spanish for spider?� (Next scene - Darien and Hobbes are standing outside of La Arana Loncheria. They go inside.) Cook: �Are you him?� Darien: �Him?� Cook: �El Hombre Invisible.� Darien: �What if I was?� Cook: �Then there would be a message for you.� Darien: �Oh yeah? And would you give it to me?� Cook: �I could. But he asks that you get it yourself.� (The cook motions with his eyes and head for Darien to look behind him. He turns and sees a large glass tank with spiders crawling in it and on it. Darien looks at the Cook, then at Hobbes.) Hobbes: �Go ahead�GS6.� (Darien reluctantly walks toward the glass tank. There is sand on the bottom with a letter partially buried in it. 2 spiders are crawling on it.) Hobbes to Cook: �Uno hambergasa, por favor.� Cook: �Right away.� (Darien figures out how to reach in and snatch the letter without touching the spiders. Hobbes walks over to him.) Hobbes: �That was very impressive.� (Darien opens the letter and starts reading it.) Hobbes: �What is it?� Darien: �It�s directions.� Hobbes: �For what?� Darien: �It says I should come alone or they�ll kill her.� Hobbes: �Well, that�s what they always say. You don�t believe that. Do you? You�re not going to do this alone? Listen, no matter what you may say, we�re partners. And you know what that means? Let me tell you something that I learned in a little playpen called Iraq. (To the cook): How much?� Cook: �20.� (I�m not sure about this. Can�t quite catch it on the tape. Sorry.) Hobbes: �I was in a trench right, knee deep in camel crap, shrapnel going right up my�� (We hear Darien quicksilver. Hobbes turns around and doesn�t see Darien. He turns back to the cook.) Hobbes: �Give me my money. Disappearing act. (Hobbes goes towards the rear of the luncheonette. The cook picks up a phone and dials. He is standing in front of a poster advertising the H. G. Wells Invisible Man movie.) (Next scene - Arnaud�s car pulls through the front gate of his hacienda. His cell phone rings.) Arnaud: �Griffin here. I see, what time was that? Yes, I understand. John, would you show her inside please? Dr. O�Claire, why don�t you go on in and make yourself comfortable. I�ll be with you in just a moment. Alright? Casey: �OK.� Huisclos to the driver: �You take the car and you bring it around to the side alright? Then wait there. Go, go, go! (Driver leaves) Arnaud: �OK, look. Fawkes will be here any moment. Give me the counteragent. (Huisclos pulls 3 bottles of counteragent out of his pocket. Arnaud takes one.) Arnaud: �Now listen. We�ll keep her alive until he gets here, keep her occupied. We�ll take care of her later.� Huisclos: �What?� Arnaud: �I said we�ll kill her later.� Huisclos: �Is that what we�ll do?� Arnaud: �Huisclos, now is hardly the time�� Huisclos: �I don�t care. She�s a good woman. She�s very kind to me. I�m not going to let you use her and then throw her away. And I won�t let you use me.� Arnaud: �OK, OK, I�m sorry. We�ll just have to be a bit more creative.� (Arnaud pulls out his gun, shoots Huisclos in the foot, then hits him on the head. He makes sure Huisclos is unconscious, then walks away.) |