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| Fan Fiction Archive |
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| The Pilot Transcribed by invisible_mom |
(Darien scales a high rise building from the outside. He jumps over the balcony railing, then turns and looks down the building. He pulls up his ski mask. He looks down and we see how high up he is.) Darien: "A smuck named Nietzche once wrote �Anything done out of love is beyond good and evil.� Now here�s the thing: I love my job. So what does that make me?� (He enters the apartment. He pulls out a flashlight and scans the apartment. He finds an oxygen tank, then a picture of Ronald Reagan as president.) Darien: �Oh yeah!� (He puts the small flashlight in his mouth to free his hands. He takes the picture off the wall, pulls out a small, hand-held drill, and starts drilling the safe. He then flips open a gold case that contains 8 separate explosive charges. He chooses one and packs it into the hole he drilled in the safe. He then attaches two wires to the charge. Finally, he attaches a timing device to the safe and connects the wires to it.) Darien: �See my whole feeling was that good and evil could kiss my ass. Well, that night they sort of got together�and bit me on it." (Darien ducks around the corner of the livingroom for cover. Just before the safe blows, the overhead light goes on. An old man steps into sight and says, "Hey, you�re not the oxygen man!" Then the safe blows. The old man clutches his chest and falls to the floor, having a heart attack. Darien starts to run away, but then his conscience gets the better of him.) Darien: "Crap." (He goes back to perform CPR on the man. He is straddling the guy at the hips, and is getting frustrated at his lack of success.) Darien: �Come on pops!� (He finally starts pounding on the guy�s chest.) Darien: "C�mon old man. Earn your freaking Medicare! Come on!" (The old man abruptly comes around, lays back down, and Darien slumps down over him exhausted by his efforts. Just then two security guards burst in the door, and seeing Darien on top of the old man, they pull their guns and tell him to freeze. Darien looks at them and says, "Aw crap.") (Next scene � We see a picture of a newspaper with a picture of Darien sitting in court with the headline "Burglar Molester of the Elderly".) Darien voice-over� "You know how they say "no good deed goes unpunished?" I was about to become a poster boy for that phrase." Old Man: �I don�t know how long I was out. But when I woke up, he was trying to have his way with me. The bastard!� Darien voice-over: "You have to understand something about justice in retirement communities. You even sneeze at an old person, you not gonna make bond. So given my crime, and that this was my 3rd strike, you can guess the outcome." Judge John Beale: "Death by lethal injection, (long pause while Darien looks up at him with a horrified expression on his face) sadly not being an option, it is the decision of this court that you, Darien Fawkes, be remanded to the maximum security penitentiary at Bakersfield, there to serve the remainder of your life without hope of parole." Darien voice-over: "Things just turned black, I couldn�t say a word. Didn�t have a thought.� (Wild clapping ensues in the courtroom while a shocked Darien turns around to look at his girlfriend Casey. She is beyond furious and gets up and leaves the courtroom as Darien calls out her name.) (Next scene � Darien is lying on a bed in a jail cell.) Darien voice-over: "Because of a bottleneck at the federal pen, they had to hold me a day at the court jail. Fortunately, the security there was a little less than lax." (Darien is lying on the bed. The lights go out. He sits up. He holds out his right arm, gives it a sharp snap forward, and a pen pops out of his sleeve. He looks at it. It says San Diego Municipal court, so we know he stole it from the courtroom. He takes it apart and separates it into 2 pieces. He goes to the lock and puts his hands through the bars, and starts picking the lock.) Darien voice-over: �Soon they�d be comparing me to the greats. Ed Coulters the Lizard, John Robbey the Cat, and from that night on I�d be Darien Fawkes the ..ahhhh!� (While he is picking the lock, a spider crawls down the cell door, landing on his hand. He shakes it and the pen pieces off onto the floor, involuntarily yells, and the guard hears him and comes in.) Darien: "Aw crap." (Next scene - Darien is in a solitary confinement cell. The camera is on the ceiling looking down on him. He is sitting there with his head bowed, looking depressed.) Darien voice-over: �You know when they say when God wants to torture you he answers your prayers? Well, I prayed for a miracle, and for my sins, he sent it.� (Door opens, a bright light blinds Darien, his brother Kevin walks in, door closes.) (Darien says the next part as rambling thoughts in his head. He doesn�t speak out loud again until after Kevin starts talking) �Oh! Kevin! What can I tell you about my brother Kevin.� (Shot of boy throwing Legos in the air) �That�s me.� (Shot of boy building a DNA model out of Legos) �That�s Kevin.� (Shot of man running from a police car in pursuit. Voice - Suspect is a white male approximately 21 years of age.) �That�s me.� (Shot of Kevin graduating college. Voice - A man of brilliance and vision.�) �That�s Kevin.� (Shot of Kevin on the cover of Tomorrow�s Science Magazine.) �He was a guy who saw a bright future in everything he touched.� (Shot of Darien asleep in a chair, supposedly selling maps to home of the stars.) �Lord knows what he was looking for in me.� Kevin in the jail cell: �You want to tell me about it?� Darien: Well, you now, we are still painting (points to cell wall behind him), and God, wait until you see the livingroom. (Kevin looks up at the ceiling, exasperated) I think you especially are gonna love it. It�s got this really lovely colonial trim, it kinda, no, no, don�t do that, don�t give me the glare. I�m handling it.� Kevin (at the same time): �handling it.� Darien: �I am and my case is on appeal.� Kevin (at the same time): Case is on appeal.� Darien: �Look, you want to get your own sentences? Kevin: �Then tell me one I haven�t heard before.� (pauses) �Why the hell didn�t you call me?� Darien: �Yeah, and say what? Hey bro, what�s happening man. Haven�t talk to you in a couple of years. Can you come down and bust me out?� Kevin: �It beats hearing it over America Online.� Darien: �I�m on the web?� Kevin: �Darien!� Darien: �Wait a minute, I mean c�mon, you�ve been hogging the press since we were 12. Don�t I get a shot?� Kevin: �No.� Darien: �Why, because I�m not good enough?� Kevin: �You aren�t guilty enough.� Darien: �Okay Kev, if I didn�t do the crime, do you think I can do the time?� Kevin (shaking his head no): �Not where they�re sending you.� (Darien looks down, very depressed) Kevin: �Look I didn�t come here to lie to you. I came here to help.� Darien: �I think you�re a little late bro, they�re shipping me out of here in a few minutes.� (Kevin walks over to Darien and holds out an envelope towards him.) Darien: �What is this? What is it?� Kevin: �It�s an option, if you�ll trust me. Go on.� (Darien takes the envelope, opens it, and starts reading the letter inside.) Kevin: �Folks I work with looked into your case. They agreed you got the shaft. Now these guys have some pull with the Justice Department. I got them to put in a request. Took a little greasing, but they agreed to make you an offer. There�s a project we�ve been developing. It�s fed funded, kind of under the table. And we finished animal testing a month ago, and now we are ready for a volunteer.� Darien: �A volunteer, you mean as in like a guinea pig.� Kevin: �As in possible pardon if you�ll do it.� Darien: �Well is this, is this some kind of Viagra thing?� Kevin: �Look, I can�t get into it here. Suffice to say it will involve some surgery�� Darien (laughs): �It sounds like you said surgery.� Kevin: �It�s nothing I can�t reverse! Believe me, it�s a small price to pay for getting out.� Darien (getting angry): �Look Kev, I�m your brother, hot a lab rat.� Kevin: �Darien, we don�t have time for the pride thing.� Darien: �Pride thing. Nice. (standing & pacing the cell) �OK, this is my body we are talking about Now you want to play doctor with it.� Kevin: �Would you rather your pen pals play something else?� (Darien stands on the opposite side of the cell, away from his brother) Kevin: Look, I�m not saying it�s not a risk. But it�s better than throwing your life away. If you�re going to trust someone, trust me.� Darien: �Why�s that? Because you�re my brother?� Kevin: �Because you don�t have much choice.� (Kevin holds out the envelope again) (Scene of van driving down a deserted road. Scene shifts to the inside of the van. Darien swipes his hand across the floor, looks at dirt in his hand, then brushes the dirt away.) Darien: �Nice truck.� Kevin: �I told you, it�s part of our cover. Darien: �As what? An ad for welfare reform? Look, I�m just saying that whoever is funding this project�� Kevin: �They�re people who want to make a difference, alright? They just�� Darien: �Have to do it on a tight budget?� (Shot of van going through a checkpoint. Voice - F&G van entering outer perimeter.) (Van pulls up in an open area surrounded by abandoned looking buildings. The back opens. Kevin gets out, walks away. Darien gets out and just looks around taken aback. Tumbleweeds roll by.) Kevin: �Darien! Let�s go!� (Darien follows Kevin. Guards follow him. Once inside the building, they see the real entrance to the complex. Kevin smiles smugly.) Kevin: �Welfare reform huh?� Darien: �It�s not bad. Actually, I think they have a nicer one at the Y.� (voice - Admit 2. 2 cleared.) (A door slides open showing Darien and Kevin approaching. They walk through the door. They pause. Inside there is a line of people dressed in white.) Kevin: �Let me introduce you to the team. This is Dr. Ramsey, Optical Physics. This is Dr. Baker, Bio Physics. Dr. Mergantz (sp?), Regal (sp?) Topography. Dr. Hartnell, Genetic Coding. This is Nurse Brekenridge, Nurse Carrera (Darien smiles at the nurses). This is Dr. Trout in Computer Modeling. This is Dr. Ward, also Computer Modeling. Dr. Bromowitz, Endocrinology, and my main man, Dr. Arnaud de Thiel, Biochemistry. Youngest graduate of Geneva University.� Darien: �Wow.� Arnaud: �It�s an honor to meet you, Mr. Fawkes. I�ve read so much about you on America Online.� Kevin (laughing): Arnaud has more degrees than the rest of us put together. We like to call him our Swiss Doogie Howser.� Arnaud: �It�s because they watch too much television. Next week I�ll be Xena, Warrior Princess.� Darien: �Oh, you must be the resident comedian.� Arnaud: �Well, as I like to say, laughter is a man�s only real weapon.� Darien: �It�s good. You make that one up?� Arnaud: �Fraid so, you like?� Darien: �Actually, I think it was funnier a hundred years ago when Mark Twain said it. You gonna take credit for Huck Finn too?� (Scene changes. Arnaud is giving Darien several injections.) Arnaud (injecting first needle): �Little prick. Really Monsieur, I�d no idea you were so educated. I rather thought that was your brother�s domain.� Darien: �Yeah, well, I guess, you know, don�t believe everything you think.� (Arnaud gets another needle) Arnaud: �You see, I understand. I have an elder brother myself. Things become quite competitive. Perhaps we could compare notes sometime.� Darien: �Absolutely! I would love that! Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Then maybe you could teach me some Swiss douche.� Arnaud: �Excuse me?� Darien: �That�s your language right?� Arnaud: �Ah, that�s Swiss Deutch, Swiss German. I�m Swiss French.� (Arnaud gets another needle) Darien: �So you don�t douche?� Arnaud: �Monsieur!� Darien: �Relax man. I�m just ribbing you.� (Darien laughs) �Hell, I love Swiss stuff. You know, knives and clocks and cheese�� Arnaud: �Little prick.� (Arnaud gets another needle) Darien: �I even like Abba.� Arnaud: �Abba�s Swedish.� Darien: �No.� Arnaud: �Yes.� Darien: �No.� Arnaud: �Yes.� Darien: �No, no, no, no, I�m, I�m, I�m actually pretty sure they�re Swiss.� Arnaud: �They are Swedish. A Swiss man would never make lyrics like that. When I was at Zurich, the whole university boycott�� Darien: �Wait, time out, Zurich. You told Kevin you were at Geneva.� (Arnaud picks up another needle) Arnaud: �I have studied in so many places Monsieur.� Darien: �Yeah, I know, it�s just kind of tough keeping them all straight.� Arnaud: �Yes. Now I will always be straight with you Monsieur. The question is, will anybody else?� (Arnaud finishes injecting the last needle as he finishes talking. Darien passes out and slumps forward. Arnaud catches him and lays him down on the table. Arnaud leaves the room. The door closes. The door opens and Arnaud comes back in dressed in some kind of a containment suit. He is pushing a small cart. There is a receptacle on it that contains the gland. The rest of the surgical team is there, and Darien is laying on his stomach, unconscious, prepped for surgery. There is a hole in the back of his head. Using forceps, Kevin takes the gland out of its receptacle and puts it into Darien�s head.) |