Fan Fiction Archive
Germ Theory
   Transcribed by StarvedChoccobo

(The scene opens in the Keep, on a tray of vials filled with a green liquid.)

DARIEN: (voice-over) Composers of traditional Japanese music believe that true expression is found not only in the notes, but in the silences between them.

(The camera pans to the entrance to the Keep, where Hobbes, carrying a giant load of paperwork, staggers in.)

HOBBES: Hey Keep.

(Claire, who is working nearby, looks up.)

CLAIRE: Hello.

HOBBES: How you doing? Any idea where my see-through partner is, huh? I�m being buried alive in paperwork here, I could use a hand.

DARIEN: (voice-over) In other words, know when to shut up.

CLAIRE: Since when are you on filing duty?

HOBBES: Ever since I made an innocent comment to the fat man that my cases have been a bit of a bore lately.

(Eberts comes up behind Hobbes as he is talking, and places another set of files on top of the stack Hobbes is already carrying.)

EBERTS: Great news, Robert. I was able to pull a few strings, and managed to get you your own staple remover.

(Eberts pulls out the staple remover.)

HOBBES: That�s great. You know, I�m a highly trained, decorated field agent, Eberts. I can kill a man thirty ways right now with my bare hands.

EBERTS: But can you collate?

(Eberts clicks the staple remover and starts to walk off.)

EBERTS: Come, Robert.

(Hobbes stands still for a moment, upset, then follows Eberts. Claire tries hard to repress a smile as Hobbes walks out, stumbling slightly as he leaves. Darien suddenly appears in front of Claire, shedding quicksilver and reading a file. Claire turns back to her work and sees Darien.)

CLAIRE: Ohh!

(Claire puts a hand to her head, then recovers and snatches the file from Darien. Darien merely stares at Claire, chewing gum.)

CLAIRE: Avoiding paperwork is not a good reason for quicksilvering.

DARIEN: Avoiding? Moi? No.

(Darien stands up and backs towards the chair.)

DARIEN: I was� I was merely waiting, quietly, for my shot.

(Claire sighs, and walks over to Darien as he sits down in the chair. Darien grins at Claire as she sits down, then looks off to the side, at the tray of vials with green liquid in them. He picks one vial up and inspects it.)

DARIEN: Hey, can I have the last of the Kool-Aid here?

CLAIRE: That is an experimental reagent which may work as a time-release form of counteragent, which may act as a safety buffer for times when you can�t get one of these injections and which, though it won�t free you from your counteragent dependency, could save your life one of these days, so in other words, please stop playing with my lab equipment.

(Claire ties Darien�s arm and readies a needle as she talks.)

DARIEN: Whoa, that was a really long run-on sentence, but okay, if you say so.

(Darien attempts to set the vial back, but sets it down too hard and breaks it.)

CLAIRE: Ohh, Darien! It�s two weeks of work!

(Darien tries to pick up a shard of glass, but cuts himself instead.)

DARIEN: Aah!

(Claire grabs Darien�s arm and sticks him with the needle, angrily.)

DARIEN: Aaah!

(Claire smiles unapologetically at him. Claire wipes off the injection spot as Darien looks at his finger, which is covered in blood.)

DARIEN: Ah, crap. Hey, I, I got kind of a nasty cut here. Could you�

(Darien motions towards his finger. Claire simply looks at the finger, then at Darien, then gets up and walks off.)

DARIEN: Or I�ll get my own band-aid.

(Claire walks over to the tray, and crunches on the glass. She glares at Darien. Darien looks over at Claire.)

DARIEN: And a broom.

(Darien gets up as the outside of his apartment suddenly comes into view. The camera moves inside as Darien, in his bed clothes, stumbles to the mirror in his bathroom. Darien, whose hair looks disastrous, inhales, then sniffles.)

DARIEN: Oh�

(Darien grabs a tube of toothpaste with his injured hand, and starts to lift it.)

DARIEN: Aah�

(Darien starts to peel gauze off of his injured finger. He grimaces, then looks slightly alarmed. He pauses, then unravels the rest of the gauze. He raises his hand up to the mirror to reveal his hand, but the injured finger is invisible up from the first joint. Darien shakes his hand hard, trying to get the quicksilver off, but with no success. Darien stares at the empty space where his finger is, then looks into the mirror.)

DARIEN: Oh, crap.

(Fade to static, intro.)

DARIEN: (voice-over) There once was a tale about a man who could turn invisible. I thought it was only a story, until it happened to me. Okay, so here�s how it works. There�s this stuff called quicksilver, that can bend light. Now, my brother and some scientists made it into a synthetic gland, and that�s where I came in. See, I was facing life in prison, and they were looking for a human experiment. So, we made a deal. They put the gland in my head, and I walk free. Well, the operation was a success, but that�s where everything started to go wrong.

(Fade to commercial.)

(The scene returns to the door to the Keep opening. Darien is standing outside, wearing an oven mitt over his hand.)

DARIEN: Hey. Yo, Keep.

(Claire turns away from an experiment.)

CLAIRE: Hello.

(Darien walks over to Claire.)

DARIEN: How you doing?

CLAIRE: Good.

DARIEN: Now, check this out.

(Darien raises his hand and whips the oven mitt off. Two fingers are now invisible. Claire gasps. Darien looks at his hand, and notices that the second finger is invisible.)

DARIEN: Oh, man.

(Claire grins.)

CLAIRE: Very impressive. Now do that strange American children�s thing�

(Claire pretends to grab her nose between her fingers.)

CLAIRE: "Now oop! Got your nose!"

(Darien motions towards his fingers.)

DARIEN: Oh, I�m not doing this�I mean, you know, not on purpose.

CLAIRE: Well, hold on.

(Claire gets up out of her chair.)

CLAIRE: You mean you can�t un-quicksilver them?

(Darien looks at his fingers, and concentrates, but nothing happens.)

DARIEN: Nah. What�s the deal here?

CLAIRE: I, I, It would seem as though the gland is flooding the area with quicksilver, perhaps in response to the wound.

DARIEN: Well, I�ve gotten cut before. I mean, this has never happened.

CLAIRE: But we don�t know exactly how the gland is going to behave in your body over time. I mean, m, maybe it�s starting to make itself feel more at home. I mean, this does seem to indicate a link between your gland and the immune system. This is incredible.

(Claire quickly maneuvers past Darien and moves to her equipment. Darien turns to follow her.)

DARIEN: Hmm. Yeah, that�s great. So, what are you going to do here?

(Claire grabs a scalpel and moves to Darien.)

CLAIRE: I�m just going to get a little bit of a tissue scraping here.

(Darien shakes his head.)

DARIEN: No. No, no, no. I, I don�t want to be scraped. I want to be fixed, okay?

CLAIRE: Oh, come on, hold still.

(Claire grabs Darien�s hand.)

DARIEN: No! I�

(Claire looks up at Darien.)

DARIEN: Just, I want my fingers back, okay? You know, I don�t want to have to wear a glove every time I go out in public. I mean, you know, the whole� the whole Michael Jackson look is very 80�s.

CLAIRE: Stop whinging and let me do this.

(Claire attempts to scrape Darien�s finger, but slices him instead.)

DARIEN: Aah! What are you trying to do, Bobbit my whole finger there?

CLAIRE: I�m sorry, but your hand is invisible, in case you hadn�t noticed. All right, here we go.

(Claire tries again, but misses Darien and cuts herself. She shakes her hand.)

CLAIRE: Oh! Ow. Boy, missed you altogether there.

DARIEN: Yeah, not so much fun to be scraped, is it? Now you know how, owww, I feel.

(Claire scrapes Darien�s finger again as he�s talking.)

CLAIRE: Oh, perfect.

(Claire waves the knife and walks off. The camera jumps to Hobbes, in the archives room, filing papers. Eberts walks in, smiling, with another stack of papers. He spots Hobbes and freezes in the doorway, the smile fading from his lips.)

EBERTS: What are you doing?

(Hobbes responds without stopping.)

HOBBES: Deciding how much dynamite to strap to my body if I have to do this again tomorrow.

(Eberts walks over and sets his stack of papers down nearby. He looks at the drawer that Hobbes is filing papers into.)

EBERTS: Where are you filing those dental forms?

(Hobbes continues to work, and responds with clenched teeth.)

HOBBES: Under "D" for "Dental", and "Dull", and don�t ever speak to me again, Eberts!

(Eberts clears his throat and raises a finger.)

EBERTS: Uh, the pink files go under "D". The mint files go under "I", for "Insurance"�

(Eberts looks at the drawer again.)

EBERTS: Oh, god.

(Eberts reaches into the drawer, and thumbs through the files.)

EBERTS: Oh, please don�t tell me you put the buff files in there too. Oh, no. No, no, no, these all have to come out, Robert.

(Eberts grabs a large chunk of paperwork and tries to pull it out. Hobbes attempts to stop him.)

HOBBES: Eberts, no, no�

EBERTS: I�m sorry, I�m very sorry.

HOBBES: Eberts, no!

(Eberts takes the papers out and places them next to his stack.)

HOBBES: That�s three hours of my life!

EBERTS: I blame myself. I let you fly too far, too fast.

(Hobbes slams the drawer shut and glares at Eberts.)

HOBBES: (growling) I have met three presidents. I have captured terrorists.

(Hobbes grabs Eberts by his suit lapels.)

HOBBES: (growling) I deserve to die in action, Eberts, not just to be filed away.

(Eberts holds up sheets of paper in front of Hobbes� face.)

EBERTS: What you regard as inconsequential dental forms are, in fact, more, much more.

(Hobbes looks at the sheets.)

HOBBES: Oh, God.

(Hobbes releases Eberts slowly. Eberts starts to give a speech, getting louder and backing Hobbes up against the file cabinets.)

EBERTS: They are, in fact, symbols. Symbols of America. Although the world will little note nor long remember what we do today in these hallowed halls, I tell you this, with no degree of uncertainty, that forms filed in triplicate are the very foundation of democracy!

(Eberts thrusts the papers at Hobbes, who recoils violently into the file cabinets.)

EBERTS: Why do we file, Robert, why?! One word: freedom.

(As Eberts finishes his speech, Darien walks by the door, oblivious to Eberts and Hobbes. Hobbes spots Darien and calls out to him.)

HOBBES: Fawkes! Fawkes, get me outta here!

(Eberts grabs Hobbes� shoulder and holds him back.)

EBERTS: Save your breath, Robert. (pauses) I love the smell of toner in the morning.

(Eberts holds the papers up to his nose and inhales deeply. Hobbes stares at Eberts in horror.)

HOBBES: Darien?! Dariennnnnn!!

(The camera jumps to an overhead view, and dives down Hobbes� throat as he screams. The camera quickly moves through a hallway and into the Keep, where Claire is preparing an experiment. She strips off her latex gloves, and absent-mindedly looks at her hand. The index finger on her left hand is invisible up to a ring she is wearing. She stares at it, puzzled, then swiftly moves out into the hall, calling for Darien.)

CLAIRE: Darien? Darien?

(The camera jumps to a shot of the Official. Claire�s hand, with the finger still invisible, is thrust into view.)

CLAIRE: Do you see this? D, Do you know why?

OFFICIAL: Hmm?

CLAIRE: It�s invisible.

(The camera moves out, to reveal Darien standing by Claire.)

OFFICIAL: Hmm. Oh, yes. (sharply) Why?

CLAIRE: This is quicksilver, but it�s not coming from Darien, or not directly. I mean, I cut myself with a scalpel that was contaminated with his cells.

DARIEN: You make it sound so dirty.

CLAIRE: I�m generating quicksilver! Well, not me, I mean, it is coming from within the cut, (becomes thoughtful) or a change in white blood cells, maybe� oh!

(Claire snaps her fingers.)

CLAIRE: No, no, bacteria in the infection, that�s it, that�s it.

OFFICIAL: All right, slow down. What infection, and is it dangerous?

CLAIRE: No, no, no, it�s not dangerous, I mean, antibiotics would knock it out in a second, but we don�t want to knock it out.

DARIEN: Uh, hey, speak for yourself, all right? I�m in pain here.

(Darien hold up his hand, showing his thumb and first two fingers wrapped in gauze.)

CLAIRE: Look, if I�m right, and there are bacteria producing quicksilver, and I can isolate them, I mean, sir, this would be huge. Discovery of penicillin huge.

(Darien sits down on the Offical�s desk and sniffs his fingers while Claire is talking, then grimaces. Claire smiles widely, and the Official follows suit.)

OFFICIAL: Ahh, ohh. Yeah, I see, yeah.

(The Official gets up.)

OFFICIAL: Tell me what you need.

CLAIRE: Just me, for now, and Darien, of course. He�s where I discovered the original occurrence.

DARIEN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

(Darien gets up off of the desk and faces Claire.)

DARIEN: Hold on there. You discovered?

CLAIRE: Well, you didn�t know what you were looking at.

DARIEN: Yeah, well, neither did you.

CLAIRE: Oh, yes, and if it were up to you, (mockingly) we would have put a little antiseptic on it, and there�s be no bacteria left to discover.

OFFICIAL: Ah, excuse me, kiddies. Need I point out that since all of this is top secret, neither of you is going to be eligible for a Nobel Prize.

DARIEN: Thank you. (to Claire) Hmm.

OFFICIAL: Fawkes, you are at the good doctor�s disposal.

CLAIRE: Hmm.

(Darien turns back to the Official.)

DARIEN: Well, hold, hold on there, Chief.

(Darien leans in towards the Official.)

DARIEN: I mean, is this wise? You know, I�m just thinking, I mean, aren�t my skills better used in assisting some of our other agent, you know, out in the field?

OFFICIAL: Hobbes is on paperwork patrol, Alex is out in the field on a three-day assignment. There�s plenty of time for you to play guinea pig.

(The Official sits back down, while Darien stares into space for a moment.)

DARIEN: Great.

(Darien turns to Claire.)

DARIEN: More scrapings?

(Claire raises her arms in a little cheer.)

CLAIRE: (in a high voice) Ooh, yes, lots!

(Claire touches Darien�s arm and moves off.)

Darien giggles sarcastically.

DARIEN: Great.

(The scene quicksilver fades back to a medical lab, where Claire is staring into a microscope. Hobbes walks up to the door of the lab.)

HOBBES: (sighs) How you doing, Claire. Did you know there were 63 separate government regulations on what to staple versus what to paper clip, huh? I could tell you what they are, but then, of course, I�d have to kill you.

(Claire sweeps an arm across the lab table, knocking some petri dishes to the floor, then yells at Hobbes without raising her head.)

CLAIRE: Would you shut the hell up?!

(Hobbes looks alarmed and starts moving towards Claire slowly.)

HOBBES: What�s the matter, Claire? I just came to see if you wanted�

CLAIRE: Would you get out of here, you prattling little moron. Can�t you see I�m trying to work?

HOBBES: Claire, what�s wrong? Listen, if we need to talk, we should just�

CLAIRE: I said�

(Claire grabs a beaker and throws it at Hobbes.)

CLAIRE: Get out! Ouuuut!

(Claire continues to throw beakers. Hobbes ducks under them.)

HOBBES: Claire, what�s the matter with you?!

(Hobbes straightens up.)

HOBBES: I thought I had job stress.

(Hobbes looks at Claire. She glares back at him with quicksilver-mad red eyes.)

HOBBES: Whoa, Quicksilver PMS. Listen, Claire, just calm down, okay?

(Hobbes starts slowly moving in towards Claire, hands out. Claire stares at Hobbes.)

CLAIRE: I�m calm.

HOBBES: I don�t know why you got the red-eye thing going, but I, I can help you, okay?

(Claire giggles, and grins evilly.)

CLAIRE: Who says I need your help?

(Hobbes continues closing in on Claire.)

HOBBES: Claire, I�m not going to hurt you, okay? I�m just a mild-mannered little file clerk, okay?

(Hobbes notices some counteragent and a syringe, right next to Claire. Claire�s hand is nearby, fondling a scalpel.)

HOBBES: I�m just gonna get you some nice medicine over here, all right?

(Claire stares at Hobbes evilly.)

HOBBES: Claire?

(Hobbes slowly reaches out and takes the syringe.)

HOBBES: Just want to get this medicine right here.

CLAIRE: Right there?

HOBBES: Yeah.

CLAIRE: Oh, yeah.

HOBBES: Yeah.

CLAIRE: That�s the spot.

HOBBES: Claire?

(Claire swings at Hobbes with the scalpel. Hobbes ducks, and grabs her arm on the recoil. He pins that arm to the table and grabs her other hand as she takes a swing at him. Her hand is completely invisible. Hobbes struggles with Claire�s hand.)

HOBBES: Claire, Claire? Just relax. Just, Claire, I�m not going to hurt you, Claire.

(Claire savagely knees Hobbes in the stomach. Hobbes groans, but continues to struggle with Claire.)

HOBBES: Claire? Oh, you want to hurt me, but I�m not going to hurt you, you know why? You know why?

(Claire slams her head into Hobbes� and screams. Both Hobbes and Claire are knocked back.)

HOBBES: Oh, god, god.

(As Hobbes recovers, Claire giggles. Hobbes looks up at her.)

HOBBES: Now you made me mad.

(Hobbes grabs Claire by the shoulders and slams her onto a hospital gurney. Claire resumes screaming wildly as Hobbes slams her hand against the gurney, forcing her to drop the scalpel.)

HOBBES: No, stop it!

(Claire giggles and hyperventilates.)

HOBBES: Calm down, Claire.

(Claire looks at him with red eyes.)

HOBBES: Oh, god.

(The Official walks in as Claire resumes struggling, and gets the wrong impression.)

HOBBES: Claire�

OFFICIAL: Oh, geez.

HOBBES: Calm down, stop it.

OFFICIAL: And to think, I was going to commend you for working late.

(Hobbes spares a quick glance at the Official.)

HOBBES: Sir?

OFFICIAL: And, Doctor, I expect this kind of unprofessional behavior from Hobbes, but I�m shocked that you, of all people, would fish off the company pier.

HOBBES: Oh, my god. Look at her eyes, sir!

(Claire grabs Hobbes by the throat and drives him into the wall near the Official, still wailing and screaming.)

OFFICIAL: Wow.

(Hobbes looks over at the Official from Claire�s hold.)

HOBBES: Little help, sir?

OFFICIAL: Yeah, sure, sure, no problem.

(Claire releases Hobbes and grabs the Official by the throat. She pulls back and delivers a roundhouse punch to his jaw, causing it to bleed. The Official grabs her arms and holds them.)

OFFICIAL: Oh, feisty, huh?!

CLAIRE: I�m going to rip off your arm and beat you with the wet end!

OFFICIAL: All right. Yeah, and colorful, too.

(The Official turns Claire around and attempts to hold her. He is mostly unsuccessful, and Claire dances around him, still barely in his grip. Hobbes is rapidly filling the syringe with counteragent.)

OFFICIAL: Oh, ho, anytime now, Hobbes, huh? Come on, come on.

(Hobbes finishes filling the syringe and moves to Claire. He quickly injects her with the counteragent.)

CLAIRE: Ohhh, god! Ohhh!

(Claire starts to moan softly. Hobbes and the Official help her to the gurney, where they lie her down.)

HOBBES: Whew, okay, that�s good. Here we go. Easy, babe, take it easy. It�ll be okay. Oh, yeah.

(The Official groans quietly. Hobbes looks at him.)

HOBBES: She clipped you pretty good, there, Chief.

OFFICIAL: What, this? This is nothing.

(The Official takes out a handkerchief and wipes the blood off of his lips and chin.)

OFFICIAL: In fact, it�s kind of nostalgic.

HOBBES: Nostalgic, sir?

OFFICIAL: Uh-huh.

HOBBES: Being slapped by young British women is�

OFFICIAL: Hobbes.

(The Official puts the handkerchief away as Hobbes continues talking.)

HOBBES: I mean, like most guys, I can trace my sexual awakenings back to Mary Poppins, but that�s pretty much a nurturing thing, sir. (chuckles)

OFFICIAL: Hobbes, I�m talking boxing. I was BBF light heavyweight champ, back in the day. Called me "Iron Jaw". I retired undefeated.

(The Official feels his jaw, then pops it back into place.)

HOBBES: Ooh.

OFFICIAL: There we go.

(The Official throws an arm around Hobbes� shoulder.)

OFFICIAL: Yeah, yeah, I can tell you about some of those Pentagon Nancys I sent crying home to their mamas.

(The Official and Hobbes laugh. The Official fakes a punch into Hobbes� stomach.)

HOBBES: Ooh, ah. (laughs) Ohhh. Well, I�m glad to see you can still go toe-to-toe, sir.

OFFICIAL: Yeah.

(The Official pats Hobbes� cheeks, then heads out the door with a swagger in his step.)

HOBBES: I�ll get her home safe, sir.

OFFICIAL: Yeah, thank you, Hobbes.

HOBBES: Yes.

OFFICIAL: See you tomorrow.

HOBBES: Bright and early.

(The Official shadowboxes out in the hall.)

OFFICIAL: Thump, thump, thump, yeah, oh, yeah! CIA turkey!

(The Official stops and walks out of sight. Hobbes turns back to Claire, who has just regained consciousness.)

CLAIRE: (faintly) What happened?

(The camera zooms in on Claire�s face.)

(Fade to commercial.)

(The scene returns in the Agency hallways. A set of double doors swings open as the Official walks through, accompanied by an extremely apologetic Claire.)

CLAIRE: I was completely under the influence of quicksilver madness, so I hope you understand that both my behavior and anything that I may have said are completely antithetical to both my dedication to, and, may I say, my admiration for you as a person, and, and more importantly, as my employer.

(The Official stops in the middle of the hallway, and turns to Claire.)

OFFICIAL: Doctor, it�s forgotten.

(The Official pats Claire on the shoulder as she lets out a relieved sigh. The two begin walking again.)

CLAIRE: Thank goodness. Oh, quite frankly, this is why I don�t drink. I have no tolerance. You should have seen me in college, one gin and tonic, I was like, "Woo-hoo, let�s swim naked!"

OFFICIAL: Really?

(The Official and Claire stop again.)

CLAIRE: Yeah.

OFFICIAL: Doctor, you didn�t hurt me. No. In fact, I hope you didn�t break a finger when you punched me.

(Claire flexes her hand and fingers.)

CLAIRE: Oh, no, no, no, my hand isn�t a bit sore. Feels great, actually.

OFFICIAL: Oh.

CLAIRE: Although �I�m sure it will, it will hurt terribly tomorrow. Shall we go in?

(The Official and Claire enter the Keep, where Darien is waiting. Darien is idly playing with a beaker containing reagent, but quickly moves away from it as soon as Claire and the Official enter the Keep.)

DARIEN: I didn�t touch it. I did not� I did not touch that.

(Claire smiles at Darien.)

CLAIRE: Darien, good. I want you to see this too so you know you haven�t been poked and prodded in vain.

(Claire moves to a microscope as she talks.)

DARIEN: Yeah, well, I�ve got something to show you too.

(Darien rolls up his sleeve to reveal that his arm has turned invisible to the elbow.)

DARIEN: Hmm? Look at that.

CLAIRE: Oh, yeah, that�s to be expected. You were infected first. So, come here.

(Darien rolls his sleeve down, looking irritated. Claire brushes her invisible hand with a cotton swab, then wipes it on a slide and places it under the microscope.)

OFFICIAL: Yeah?

CLAIRE: Hold on.

(Claire motions to the Official to take a look, which he does. A shot of the microscope viewing area is shown, but nothing is visible.)

OFFICIAL: I don�t see anything.

CLAIRE: Exactly.

(Claire applies an unseen substance to the slide.)

CLAIRE: Now� look again.

(The Official looks again, and a second shot of the microscope viewing area is shown, but now bacteria are visible.)

OFFICIAL: Ah, huh, you put bacteria on the slide.

CLAIRE: No. It�s alcohol.

(Claire brandishes the vial of alcohol in front of the Official.)

CLAIRE: It killed the bacteria that were already present. Once they were dead, they stopped producing quicksilver and they became visible.

(Darien walks around the Official.)

DARIEN: Which means what?

CLAIRE: Which means, I was right. The bacteria in the infection has mutated into what is essentially a new species.

OFFICIAL: How is that possible?

CLAIRE: Okay, first, Darien cut his hand, which was no doubt less than sterile.

DARIEN: Well, hey, I wash my hands� every now and then.

CLAIRE: He had a high level of quicksilver in his system, plus counteragent from the injection I�d just given him. Finally, experimental reagent entered his cut when he broke the flask. All these thing mixed into an unknown ratio, and now�

OFFICIAL: And now, these bacteria can manufacture their own quicksilver.

CLAIRE: Each one is like a microscopic gland.

DARIEN: Okay, I got it.

(Darien grabs two beakers from Claire�s work area, and holds them up, miming pouring them into each other.)

DARIEN: So, basically, it�s like, uh, when you were a kid, and then you dump all this stuff from your brother�s chemistry set into one big jar to see if it blows up, right?

(Claire frowns and shakes her head before getting up and taking the beakers from Darien.)

CLAIRE: Why would anyone misuse a chemistry set like that?

(Darien looks at Claire, then shakes his head and walks around the Official to face Claire directly.)

DARIEN: Okay, great, so, so you�ve got it figured out. Can, can I have some drugs now, please, because I, I would really like my arm back, and it�s, it�s really starting to hurt because it� it�s really starting to throb.

CLAIRE: Oh, don�t you be so silly. We need to study that bacteria to make sure the mutation is stable.

OFFICIAL: Need I remind you that, last we met, you bore a striking resemblance to that girl in The Exorcist.

DARIEN: (to Claire) I heard. Bad words and everything.

CLAIRE: Yeah, yeah. Quicksilver madness is a risk, but as long as Darien and I remain here, around the clock, we�ll be fine.

DARIEN: I have to sleep here?

CLAIRE: (cheerily) Yeah.

DARIEN: No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no way.

(Darien moves towards the door, and places his hands behind his head.)

CLAIRE: Come on, we need to watch over each other and be near a nice supply of counteragent.

OFFICIAL: What about the infection itself?

CLAIRE: Oh, that�s totally manageable.

(Darien yanks down his sleeve, revealing his invisible arm again.)

DARIEN: Hello?! Where�s my arm, huh? You know, not to mention I�m starting to break out in sweats here. Darien rolls his sleeve back down and moves back to the Official and Claire.

OFFICIAL: Congratulations, Doctor. If you can make more of these bacteria, we could someday produce a supply of quicksilver without having to� you know.

(Darien speaks up from next to the Official.)

DARIEN: Drill a hole in my head?

OFFICIAL: I told you, we shelved that idea- for now.

(Darien looks at Claire.)

DARIEN: Look, I have a fever. I�m nauseous. I am not a lab rat pushing buttons for a food pellet. I am in pain here.

OFFICIAL: Point taken.

(Darien looks at the Official as he starts to head for the door.)

OFFICIAL: Give that lab rat an aspirin.

(Darien looks at Claire, who smiles encouragingly at him.)

DARIEN: Chief�

(Darien heads after the Official. The camera moves back to the archives room, where Hobbes and Eberts are taking a break. Hobbes wipes sweat off of his brow as Eberts drinks from a water bottle. Eberts and Hobbes sigh. Eberts passes the water bottle to Hobbes.)

HOBBES: Thanks, Eberts.

(Hobbes takes a drink from the bottle.)

HOBBES: Mmm.

(Eberts stares at Hobbes.)

EBERTS: I couldn�t help but notice that mark on your chin.

(Hobbes motions to his chin.)

HOBBES: Oh, right there, yeah, uh-huh. Barfight in Madrid. Couple of Basque separatists took exception to my political views. Of course, I may have said something about soccer being the world�s most boring sport.

EBERTS: Zero-zero after four hours, I fail to understand it�s appeal.

HOBBES: All I�m saying, that�s all I�m saying.

(Eberts motions towards the water bottle.)

EBERTS: Give me a hit.

(Hobbes passes the bottle over.)

HOBBES: There you go.

(Eberts takes a swig of water.)

HOBBES: Yeah, yeah, check this one out.

(Hobbes pulls up his pant leg, revealing another scar.)

HOBBES: See that? Huh? Beirut. A sniper caught me out in the open. Yeah. Had to staunch the bleeding with goat dung. Nearly lost my leg to gangrene. Yeah.

(Hobbes rolls his pant leg back down, and Eberts holds out his hand.)

EBERTS: Washington, the Y2K shredding of �99.

(A bugle starts playing in the background.)

EBERTS: We�d been working for days. I was dog tired. Hell, we all were. I was pinned down behind a stack of Congressional tax forms, when an EZ-1099 hit me, right there.

(Eberts makes a slashing motion across his hand.)

EBERTS: Four inches. Still hurts every time it rains.

(Hobbes stares at Eberts. The scene quicksilver fades to a shaking petri dish and a cotton swab. Claire�s hands are shaking as she moves to get another sample from Darien, who is lying down on the chair.)

DARIEN: Okay, well, this is officially the worst sleepover I�ve ever been on.

CLAIRE: (shakily) Okay.

DARIEN: Get whatever you need there.

(Claire gets up and moves over to her lab area, sweating and shaking.)

CLAIRE: All right, there. So we have no growth at 28 degrees Celsius. Trying thirty.

(Darien gets up from the chair.)

DARIEN: Claire?

CLAIRE: Uh-huh?

DARIEN: You okay?

CLAIRE: Yeah, well, I�ve felt better, why?

DARIEN: Well, you�re shivering, there.

(Darien moves over to Claire.)

CLAIRE: I know, I have a 103 temperature.

DARIEN: Yeah?

(Darien feels Claire�s forehead and cheeks as she continues to work.)

DARIEN: That can�t be good, Claire.

CLAIRE: I�ll live. What about you? What are you again?

DARIEN: 102.

CLAIRE: Okay. (sighs) We�ll just, we�ll just keep working.

(Claire weakly throws up her hands.)

CLAIRE: I just don�t get it. I mean, we�ve had no growth at any temperature or pH.

DARIEN: Well, you got the, uh, you know, bugs to survive in the rats over there, right?

(The camera focuses on the rat cage, where an invisible trail appears in the shavings on the floor of the cage. Squeaking is heard.)

CLAIRE: I need to be able to culture the bacteria outside of a living host.

DARIEN: Hmm, I guess the last thing the world needs is an invisible rat, aaah!

(Darien screams and falls on the table, writhing in pain.)

CLAIRE: Oh!

(Claire rushes over to a syringe loaded with counteragent. Darien looks up with quicksilver-mad red eyes.)

DARIEN: Help�

CLAIRE: Yeah, I�ve got it, I�ve got it.

(Claire comes back with the syringe, and injects Darien with it.)

CLAIRE: I�ve got it, I�ve got it, I�ve got it.

(Claire sighs as she removes the syringe.)

CLAIRE: Darien� look, you know the bacteria are constantly dumping quicksilver into your system. So, you just need to monitor that tattoo more carefully, okay?

(Darien looks up at Claire.)

DARIEN: Oh, I would, but unfortunately, my tattoo�s invisible� along with my arm.

CLAIRE: Right.

(Darien stands up and leans against the table.)

DARIEN: God, I hate this.

(Darien is silent for a moment.)

DARIEN: Got a question.

CLAIRE: Yeah?

DARIEN: What happens if we both end up with red-eye at the same time?

(Claire slowly looks at Darien. The scene jumps to the Official�s office. The Official leans forward in his chair.)

OFFICIAL: You�re sure you�ve tried everything?

(Claire, standing in the doorway and sweating profusely, responds.)

CLAIRE: The bacteria cannot reproduce outside of a living host.

OFFICIAL: What about using some other kind of bacteria, like one that grows in those little dishes of yours, and make it produce quicksilver.

(Claire slowly moves into the room.)

CLAIRE: Yes, uh, I thought about that. But you see, it�s not as though I�d simply be repeating a controlled experiment. I�m trying to recreate a biological accident. Now, while technically that�s possible�

(The Official interrupts.)

OFFICIAL: (chuckling) Good, good. I have complete faith in you.

CLAIRE: No, sir, you don�t understand. Determining the exact ratio of counteragent to reagent to quicksilver to bacterial numbers�there�s billions of possible combinations.

OFFICIAL: Well, surely you�re not afraid of a little elbow grease?

CLAIRE: Sir, that could take years, and, and, Darien and I, we�re already quite sick from this infection.

(The Official stands up slowly.)

OFFICIAL: So, what are you saying, Doctor? That we abandon this enormous breakthrough, because it�s hard? Or because you and Darien have a couple of little boo-boos on your little fingers?

CLAIRE: There�s no reason to suffer this kind of pain or discomfort for what is very likely to be no tangible result.

OFFICIAL: Have the infections reached a point where your lives are in danger?

CLAIRE: No, at least, I, I don�t, I don�t think so.

OFFICIAL: Have the infections reached a point where they�re causing permanent physical and mental damage?

CLAIRE: Again, no.

OFFICIAL: Then I don�t care if it hurts, or how uncomfortable you feel.

(The Official sits back down.)

OFFICIAL: You will resume your work, and to make sure you do, I�m confiscating all your antibiotics. Thank you, Doctor.

(Claire stares at the Official despairingly.)

(Fade to commercial.)

(The scene reopens on a sign labeled "Wadja�s Eats". The camera pans down to reveal Hobbes and Eberts at a service window. Hobbes is ordering some food.)

HOBBES: Hey, what�s shaking, Mac? Why don�t you give me a double cheeseburger, extra onions, mayo� some fries with that, give me a root beer with that.

(Hobbes turns to Eberts, who is looking around the outside of the restaurant with partially concealed disgust.)

HOBBES: I gotta tell you, I am so glad to get out from that office, away from Fawkes and Claire and all their, germs, you know what I mean?

(Eberts notices a sign from the health inspector posted in the window, with a giant "C" on it.)

EBERTS: Yes, that is a relief.

HOBBES: You know, Eberts, I�ll tell you something.

(Hobbes puts a hand on Eberts� shoulder.)

HOBBES: The reason I�m taking you to lunch today is because I want to thank you.

(Eberts looks around and smiles faintly.)

EBERTS: You really shouldn�t have.

HOBBES: I mean, the fact is, that even if it�s just for this week, I� I have to say that I am proud to call you partner. I really am. Partners have a very special bond, Eberts. Very special bond. They do for each other, they help each other. Huh?

MAN: Up!

(Eberts takes his burger, and inspects it.)

HOBBES: You know, for instance, I happened to notice that all requests for salary increases pass right through your capable hands, Eberts.

EBERTS: My tomatoes are still green.

HOBBES: And you know, this isn�t asking for favors or anything. We�re partners, it�s unspoken. You know what I�m saying?

(Eberts sniffs the tomato experimentally.)

HOBBES: I mean, did you ask me to buy you lunch today? No.

(Hobbes leans in close.)

HOBBES: And I wouldn�t ask you to change a three, to say, maybe, an eight on my weekly paycheck, right?

(Hobbes chuckles, but Eberts misses the implication.)

EBERTS: Good. That would constitute stealing against the United States Government, which is punishable by criminal prosecution. Pass the salt, please.

HOBBES: I thought we were partners, Eberts. But I guess I read that wrong, I guess you don�t feel the same bond I do, do you? And that hurts, me, Eberts. Oh, that hurts, that hurts.

(Hobbes snatches the green tomato from Eberts and shoves it into his burger.)

HOBBES: Give me the damn tomato�Eberts!

(Hobbes takes a giant bite out of his burger, and turns away from Eberts. The scene shifts to an Agency bathroom, where retching and vomiting can be heard. The camera slowly pans down the stalls, looking underneath each one. The camera ends up on Darien�s feet. Darien, who has stopped retching, suddenly whirls and vomits loudly into the toilet again. Darien recovers slightly, flushes the toilet, then opens the door, groaning. He staggers to the sink, and coughs. Darien feels his shirt experimentally, then quickly opens it up. The mirror reveals Darien�s body, now partially invisible. Darien looks into the mirror, whimpers, and runs out of the bathroom. The camera jumps to the Keep, where Darien enters, panicked.)

DARIEN: All right, that�s it, I�m done. Done. Can�t do this anymore. How about I disappear, sneak out to the pharmacy, you just tell me what to get and�

(Darien stops and looks around, not seeing Claire.)

DARIEN: Hello?

(Darien spots Claire�s legs sticking out from behind a partition. He rushes over and takes her head in his hands.)

DARIEN: Claire? Claire, Claire.

(Darien opens one of her eyes, revealing red eyes.)

DARIEN: Ah, damn it.

(Darien scoops Claire up, and sets her in the chair.)

DARIEN: Come on, come on, come on. There you go.

(Darien grabs a syringe of counteragent, and looks at Claire.)

DARIEN: Sorry if I�m not good at this, but�

(Darien moves to inject Claire in the neck, then changes his aim and injects her in the arm. Claire suddenly wakes up as Darien breaks the skin, and struggles.)

CLAIRE: Oww!

DARIEN: No, no, no, whoa�

CLAIRE: What the hell are you doing?!

DARIEN: Whoa, calm down, calm down.

(Darien holds Claire�s head down.)

DARIEN: You whacked your head and passed out. I found you on the floor, you�re okay.

CLAIRE: Oh!

(Claire moves a hand to her head.)

DARIEN: Okay, it�s okay, just give the stuff a couple of minutes to work, all right? Just relax. Breathe, breathe.

(Claire calms down and takes deep breaths.)

DARIEN: That�s it, relax. Just relax. There you go, there you go. There you go, that�s it.

CLAIRE: What do you mean, found me?

DARIEN: Well, would�ve been there to catch you, but, uh, I had a lung to throw up, so�

CLAIRE: Okay, I�m going to get back to work.

(Claire attempts to get up, but Darien restrains her.)

DARIEN: No, no, you�re not, not yet. You rest, all right? Doctor�s orders.

(Claire looks away from Darien.)

DARIEN: You okay? I just want you to take it easy.

CLAIRE: Rats.

DARIEN: Look, I know, I know it�s hard for you to just relax�

CLAIRE: No, look, I mean in the cage, look.

(Claire taps Darien and points to the rat cage.)

CLAIRE: There, the rats are visible again.

DARIEN: Welcome back, Mouseketeers, look at that.

CLAIRE: No, no, no, it, it, it means they�re cured.

(Claire slowly gets up and heads towards the cage, with Darien in tow.)

CLAIRE: I mean, the, the quicksilver bacteria is dead, which means that we won�t even need antibiotics, the infection�s going to clear up all by itself.

DARIEN: No more barfing? The fish will be so disappointed.

CLAIRE: Yes, you see, the rats would recover more quickly, because of their faster metabolisms. But we could assume the same thing will happen to us, probably in a day or so. Hi guys!

(Claire opens the cage, and her smile abruptly fades.)

CLAIRE: Oh.

(The camera focuses on the rats, who don�t move.)

DARIEN: What? No, oh, no, no, all white rats have white eyes like that.

CLAIRE: Darien�

DARIEN: What?

CLAIRE: They�re not visible because they�re cured. They�re visible because they�re dead.

DARIEN: The infection killed them?

(Claire stares at him, but says nothing.)

DARIEN: Okay, um, I think I�m going to be sick again.

(Darien runs off, and the scene quicksilver fades to the Official�s office. Darien and Claire come in, both talking quickly. Darien and Claire turn towards the Official�s desk.)

DARIEN: That�s it, experiment�s over. We dem�whoa.

CLAIRE: Oh, my.

OFFICIAL: Okay, go ahead, say it.

DARIEN: Uh, say what? You mean, welcome to the club?

(The camera moves to the Official, sitting behind his desk, with Eberts next to him. The Official�s head is invisible.)

EBERTS: Apparently, the doctor infected him when she punched him in the mouth.

CLAIRE: Yes, this is, uh, uh, disconcerting.

OFFICIAL: It�s damned inconvenient, is what it is.

(As the Official talks, Eberts quietly steps behind him and leans in, looking at where the Official�s head should be.)

OFFICIAL: I cannot be sick, I need to make decisions. I need�

DARIEN: To keep a clear head?

(Claire glares at Darien.)

DARIEN: I�m sorry, but that, that was right there. If I don�t say these things, they just fester, it�s better�

OFFICIAL: Fix me. Now.

(The Official looks back at Eberts, who quickly straightens up.)

CLAIRE: Sir, you have all the antibiotics.

DARIEN: That�s right, we�ve got all the counteragent. So, I�m thinking maybe it�s time to share. Hmm?

(The Official mutters.)

DARIEN: No, no, no. It�ll be cool. Like, you know, you got peanut butter in my chocolate. Well, whoa, you got chocolate in my peanut butter.

CLAIRE: What is this American obsession with peanut butter?

(The Official shouts and slams a fist on his desk, crushing a coffee cup.)

OFFICIAL: No more candy talk. Fix me, now.

(Darien and Claire stare at the Official. The scene moves to the Keep, where Claire is staring into a microscope and muttering to herself. The door opens to reveal Hobbes, holding a paper bag.)

HOBBES: Keep.

CLAIRE: Hey.

HOBBES: Keep, how you doing? I brought you a little present.

CLAIRE: (to self) All right, so rapid mutation implies gram negative rather than gram positive. Maybe a combination therapy�

(The door closes behind Hobbes as he comes in. Hobbes stares as Claire removes her high heels from her now invisible feet and lower legs.)

HOBBES: Little light on the feet, there, huh?

CLAIRE: Oh, yeah, yeah. With me, the infection is, is focusing itself on my extremities, which are very, very swollen.

HOBBES: You�re okay that way?

CLAIRE: Hmm.

(Hobbes reaches into the paper bag and pulls out a burger.)

HOBBES: Picked you up a burger. You know, I figured a little taste of the outside world would cheer you up a little bit right now.

CLAIRE: Oh, yeah, Bobby, thanks, but I really am not hungry.

HOBBES: You sure? Because I happen to know that onions are a natural antibiotic.

CLAIRE: Oh, god, Bobby�

(Claire gets up quickly and covers her mouth. Hobbes throws the burger into the paper bag and tries to grab Claire.)

HOBBES: Whoa, whoa, Keep!

(Hobbes trips and the two fall to the ground, hitting a tray in the process.)

HOBBES: Whoa!

CLAIRE: Ow!

(Darien comes in, and surveys the mess.)

DARIEN: Smooth. Nice.

HOBBES: At least I didn�t let her head whack on the floor, unlike certain partners I might mention. Give her a hand, would you?

CLAIRE: Be careful of this glass.

(Darien reaches down and pulls Claire up.)

CLAIRE: Oh!

DARIEN: I got you.

CLAIRE: Oh, thank you.

DARIEN: You just, ah, come, come on.

(Hobbes gets up slowly, holding his arm out.)

HOBBES: Hey guys�

(Hobbes looks at his arm, which has a piece of glass embedded in it.)

HOBBES: Ow. Ooh, that�s gonna leave a mark.

(Claire looks up at Hobbes� arm.)

CLAIRE: That�s going to leave more than a mark. That slide contains a sample of live bacteria.

(Claire lets her shoulders drop, then yanks the glass out of Hobbes� arm, causing him to stifle a groan.)

DARIEN: Oh, goody. Now there�s four of us. We can play invisible bridge.

HOBBES: Four of yous? I thought there was just two of yous.

(The door to the Keep opens, and the Official and Eberts walk in. The Official�s head is wrapped in gauze, and he is wearing sunglasses, reminiscent of the original Invisible Man.)

OFFICIAL: Ah, this place is a mess.

(Darien nods towards the Official.)

DARIEN: Uh, prom night, huge zit.

EBERTS: Ah, the Official was somewhat distracted, not being able to see himself in the mirror, so I suggested the bandages.

DARIEN: Hmm, looks familiar.

OFFICIAL: (muffled) Where are my antibiotics?!

CLAIRE: Well, actually, there�s a bit of a problem with that. I�ve been running some tests, in order to optimize our treatment regime, and it seems as though the bacteria are resistant to antibiotics. I can�t cure the infection.

DARIEN: Can�t?

(Darien circles around to face Claire directly. The Official turns to Eberts, who hands him a cell phone. The Official dials a number, then raises the phone to his ear.)

DARIEN: No. No, no, that�s not what you said. You said it was no problem.

CLAIRE: Many, many bacteria become resistant. Ask any parent whose child has chronic ear infections.

DARIEN: I think this is a little worse than an ear infection. Well, of course, unless your ear�s got a little touch of the Ebola.

CLAIRE: No, no. Ebola is a virus, not a bacteria.

HOBBES: Well, when you�re dead, it�s not that important of a distinction, is it?

OFFICIAL: (muffled) Enough. Due to the virulent nature of this bacteria, I�ve decided to invoke Protocol 34.

CLAIRE: Protocol 34?

HOBBES: Stick a fork in us, we�re done.

DARIEN: Uh, new guy. Sorry, what is Protocol 34?

CLAIRE: Executive order. Center for Disease Control. Full military quarantine.

DARIEN: A quarantine? A quarantine, okay. That�s probably a good idea.

HOBBES: You know about the laboratory in Michigan that had the outbreak of the deadly hantavirus.

DARIEN: No.

HOBBES: Of course not. That�s because after Protocol 34, the only evidence that existed were little bits of charcoal, and a smoking hole in the ground.

(The scene moves outside, where many cars with sirens blazing pull up. Men dressed in gray camouflage get out of the cars, and start working. A black man, the leader of the group, steps out of an SUV and starts issuing orders.)

LEADER: Okay, folks, seal all roof vents, windows, and doors. Anybody comes out of this building, terminate them. As of right now, people, this building is a roach motel. Now move it!

(Fade to commercial.)

(The scene returns in the Keep, where Claire opens a bio-hazard waste disposal unit, and tosses something in. Claire, now invisible from the waist down, throws her hands up.)

CLAIRE: Can�t cure the infection.

(Claire walks over to another part of the lab.)

CLAIRE: I have tried every antibiotic, every sulfa drug. Nothing is working. Quite frankly, I, I�m open to suggestions.

(Claire stops behind the Official, who is now invisible from the waist up, creating an odd mix and match effect. Darien, in a chair and completely invisible, speaks up.)

DARIEN: Well, for one, could you please not stand right there? It makes you look "hippy".

(Claire looks around, then moves.)

HOBBES: Okay, let�s review our options.

(Hobbes holds up his fingers and starts listing options, lowering a finger with each option.)

HOBBES: Quicksilver madness, dead. Unchecked infection, dead. Escape the building, dead. Stay in the building until Protocol 34 elapses, dead.

DARIEN: Oh, you left out being, uh, struck by a giant meteor.

EBERTS: Sir, sir, may I have permission to go to the file room?

CLAIRE: Albert!

(Eberts looks at Claire meekly.)

CLAIRE: We�re less than 24 hours from being vaporized, and you want to finish up paperwork?

HOBBES: Leave him be. It comforts him.

(Hobbes winks at Eberts, and waves.)

HOBBES: Go ahead.

(Eberts smiles gratefully, nods, and leaves.)

DARIEN: Uh, excuse me, you said the bacteria couldn�t live outside of our bodies, so, uh, why are our clothes disappearing now?

CLAIRE: My best guess is that the bacteria are flourishing. They�re producing more and more quicksilver, which means that they�re basically flooding everything that touch it.

HOBBES: This just gets getting better and better.

CLAIRE: (chuckles) Oh, you haven�t heard the worst of it yet.

DARIEN: Now what?

CLAIRE: There�s only one shot of counteragent left.

DARIEN: Claire, you should get it. I mean, you�re our only hope to cure this thing.

OFFICIAL: No, I want the last dose split between you and Darien. If he goes quicksilver mad, he might do something stupid, like run outside and get himself shot in the head. No, the gland is too valuable a commodity to risk damaging.

DARIEN: Well, thanks for seeing the human side of the tragedy there, boss.

HOBBES: Listen, I�d like to point out that I am not yet sick yet, okay? I could assist the doctor, help her find a cure. I could be�

(Hobbes suddenly gags, and rushes to the waste disposal unit, where he promptly vomits.)

CLAIRE: And then there were none.

(The scene moves outside, where a black sports car pulls up, and Alex gets out. Back in the Keep, Claire studies a folder until a phone rings. She picks it up.)

CLAIRE: Yeah? Alex! It�s Claire.

(The camera moves outside, to Alex.)

ALEX: Yes, I guessed that when you answered the phone. What�s going on in there?

(Alex moves her head back from the phone for a moment, then puts it back.)

ALEX: Long story short, please.

(Alex listens for a moment.)

ALEX: Ah, sounds like barrels of fun.

(Alex listens again.)

ALEX: The situation out here?

(Alex looks around.)

ALEX: Well, you may have noticed you no longer have a view from your windows any more.

(Two men in hazmat suits finish draping a tent over the building. The camera moves back inside, where Darien�s chair moves towards Hobbes, who is leaning over the waste disposal unit, still vomiting.)

DARIEN: Hey, listen, I don�t know if you�ve noticed this, but I get a little nasty when I go quicksilver crazy, and I�m kinda guessing "legs" here would be the same way. So, this is what I�m thinking. Why don�t we get in restraints, so when we do go nuts, we don�t hurt anyone, okay? You know, Claire can have the full dose of counteragent. What do you say?

HOBBES: (from inside waste disposal unit) That makes sense.

OFFICIAL: Enjoying this, aren�t you, Doctor?

(Claire looks over at the Official�s legs.)

CLAIRE: Excuse me, sir?

OFFICIAL: Don�t play innocent with me, this has been your plan all along. The big, bad boss goes nuts. Suddenly, I�m out of the picture, and you�re running the agency.

DARIEN: Uh, boss?

OFFICIAL: You think I�m stupid? You think I don�t know that as soon as you have me strapped down, that you�ll cure yourselves and leave me here to rot?

(Hobbes raises his head from the waste disposal unit.)

HOBBES: I�m thinking if his eyes weren�t invisible, they�d be turning a lovely shade of crimson right about now.

OFFICIAL: You gave me this infection on purpose. Well, it won�t work. Nobody knocks out Iron Jaw.

(The Official shoves Claire and runs out of the Keep.)

DARIEN: Hey, come on, big guy� Hobbes.

(Darien�s chair rolls back as he runs after the Official. Hobbes gets up and follows.)

HOBBES: Call Alex.

(The Official, seen only by his pants, runs off. Claire picks up a phone and auto-dials Alex. The shot changes to quicksilver vision as Darien chases after the Official, whose invisible section glows green. From off camera, Hobbes gags. Darien looks back to Hobbes as the Official runs through a set of double doors. Hobbes is standing at the door of the men�s room, holding his stomach.)

HOBBES: Sorry, pit stop.

(Hobbes goes into the bathroom as the camera speeds outside to Alex.)

ALEX: Got it.

(Alex closes her cell phone and walks over to the team leader.)

ALEX: My boss is heading towards the exit. Hold your fire, I can stop him and get him back inside.

LEADER: My orders are to shoot anyone who comes out of the building.

ALEX: Well, he�s the one who gave you those orders.

LEADER: Well, then he should know better.

ALEX: No, he�s under the influence of �

(The Official comes out, with only pants visible.)

ALEX: Oh, boy.

(The MPs point their guns at the Official.)

LEADER: What in the hell�

(The team leader draws a gun.)

LEADER: Shoot to, take him!

(An MP fires, and hits the Official in the leg, dropping him to the ground.)

ALEX: No! Hold your fire!

(Darien, invisible, comes out, and sees the MPs.)

DARIEN: Ah, crap.

(Darien looks down at the Official, writhing in pain. In normal vision, the Official�s pants turn towards the building as Darien drags him back in.)

OFFICIAL: Shoot me?! Shoot me?! I give the orders around here, and you�re all fired!

(The onlookers watch in amazement as the Official disappears into the building. The scene shifts to the medical lab, where Hobbes is attempting to restrain a now completely invisible Official. Darien is restrained in the gurney next to the Official.)

HOBBES: Ah, Chief, just� would you hold still.

(Hobbes tightens the restraints, then stops, as the Official struggles, in vain, to get free.)

HOBBES: All right, fellas. Sorry, no more ditching school.

OFFICIAL: Hobbes, I�ll have you shot! I�ll have you shot!

HOBBES: Yeah? Get in line behind the guys outside, Chief. I�m gonna go help Claire, I�ll see you guys in a while.

(Hobbes leaves.)

OFFICIAL: Hobbes, I�ll have you shot.

DARIEN: Ah, our request for a TV in here doesn�t seem so silly now, does it? (chuckles)

OFFICIAL: Ah, shut up.

(The scene moves to the Keep, where only Claire�s head and neck are visible. She is still running experiments. Hobbes is sitting with a trash can in his lap, with his head perched over the can.)

HOBBES: Keep, the floating head thing�s making me even more nauseous. Could you do something about that, please?

CLAIRE: Yeah.

(Claire moves off and puts on a lab coat.)

CLAIRE: Don�t know how long it�s going to stay like this, though.

(Hobbes sets the trash can down, and Claire sits down near him.)

CLAIRE: It�s, uh, it�s pretty hopeless, you know?

HOBBES: Nah, come on. You�ll do that genius thing, you always do, right? We�ll be fine.

CLAIRE: No, Bobby, not this time. I cannot kill these bacteria. I have tried everything. I�m so� sorry.

HOBBES: It�s okay.

CLAIRE: It�s not okay, Bobby. It�s all my fault. I was just so bent on making this major discovery, I ignored every single danger. No, it, it�s quite possible that these bacteria might not have been so resistant to the antibiotics in the beginning. If I�d just treated everybody then�

HOBBES: You didn�t know that.

CLAIRE: I�ve killed my friends.

(Hobbes rubs Claire�s back soothingly.)

HOBBES: No, no, stop that. Come on, Keep. Now listen�

(Hobbes takes a syringe and pushes his chair around to face Claire.)

HOBBES: �got one dose of counteragent left. I say you make it count. Here you go.

(Hobbes tries to get Claire�s wrist, but she doesn�t respond.)

HOBBES: Come on, come on!

(Claire gives Hobbes her hand, and pulls her sleeve back. Hobbes looks around a bit, then looks back up at Claire.)

HOBBES: I�m not that good at finding invisible veins, you want to give me a hand, please?

(Claire guides the needle.)

CLAIRE: Yeah, yeah. Here it is.

HOBBES: Got it?

CLAIRE: Yep.

(Hobbes injects Claire with the counteragent, but Claire stares at Hobbes� arm in wonder.)

HOBBES: You can let go of my arm now, Keep. I mean, you don�t have to�

CLAIRE: Look at your arm!

(Claire looks at Hobbes arm, where the scar from the glass shard is visible.)

HOBBES: I work out.

CLAIRE: Bobby, your cut is visible.

HOBBES: Yeah, it�s right there. (points)

CLAIRE: No, this doesn�t make sense. You�re sick, just like the rest of us, but your cut shows absolutely no sign of any invisible bacteria.

(Claire looks over and spots Hobbes� half eaten burger. She moves over to the burger, and grasps it joyfully.)

CLAIRE: If you hadn�t so recently vomited, I would kiss you!

(Claire rushes off with the burger. Hobbes moves in, and tests his breath.)

HOBBES: I could eat a mint.

(The camera jumps outside to Alex, listening to her cell phone.)

ALEX: Okay, I�ve got it.

(Alex hangs up and moves to "Wadja�s Eats", where some MPs are eating. She moves past them and enters the building. She shows her badge to the man inside.)

ALEX: Where do you keep the mayo?

MAN: Well, what is this? When I paid that guy off, he said you people were going to leave me alone for six months.

(Alex pulls out her gun and spins the man around, jabbing it into his chest.)

ALEX: Well, I�m not with the health department, moron. Show me the mayo.

(Alex cocks the gun. The man nods to the side.)

MAN: Over there. Help yourself.

(Alex grabs the tub of mayonnaise, groans, and leaves. The camera shifts to the microscope viewing area, where new bacteria can be seen. Claire sighs happliy, and looks up at Hobbes.)

CLAIRE: Staphylococcus aureus.

HOBBES: Gesundheit.

CLAIRE: They�re bacteria.

HOBBES: Mmm-hmm.

CLAIRE: They cause highly unpleasant, but non-fatal food poisoning, which is what you have, not a quicksilver bacteria infection.

HOBBES: How does that help the rest of you?

CLAIRE: Okay, watch this.

(Claire holds up a slide.)

CLAIRE: Watch what happens when I take the live quicksilver bacteria and add a little bit of bacteria from the mayonnaise.

(Claire uses a scalpel to scrape the slide from under the microscope, and brushes it onto the slide she is holding. She places the new slide under the microscope and turns it towards Hobbes.)

HOBBES: Hmm!

(Hobbes looks into the microscope while Claire giggles.)

HOBBES: Hmm, pretty.

(Hobbes raises his head from the microscope.)

CLAIRE: Mmm-hmm. See? They become visible because� (grins evilly) they die.

HOBBES: So the toxins from the food poisoning bacteria kill them.

CLAIRE: Yup, and in your case, the toxins actually prevented you from even getting an infection.

HOBBES: Lucky me. So, what�s next?

CLAIRE: Well, those of us that are sick simply need to eat a dollop of this lovely mayonnaise.

(Claire stares at her scalpel, as Alex walks in with the tub of mayonnaise.)

ALEX: Somebody order takeout?

CLAIRE: Ooh�

(Claire rushes up to Alex, and takes the spoon in the mayonnaise, gathering up a spoonful.)

ALEX: Ew, what are you�

(Claire eats a mouthful of the mayonnaise.)

ALEX: �doing?

CLAIRE: Mmm. Oh, my god, that is vile.

(Alex is visibly disgusted.)

ALEX: I would guess so. Why did you just do that?

CLAIRE: Well, in an hour or so, I will feel like hell, but I will actually be on the road to recovery.

(Claire reaches for the spoon again.)

ALEX: Don�t do it again! That�s so gross.

(Claire eats another spoonful of mayonnaise.)

ALEX: Oh, my god.

HOBBES: I always said that place made a mean burger.

(The scene quicksilver fades to the Agency hallway, where Alex and Hobbes lean against opposite walls and stare at each other. Behind them, people in both bathrooms are vomiting.)

HOBBES: So, how was your flight?

ALEX: It was great. Right on time.

HOBBES: Change planes in Wichita, wasn�t it?

ALEX: Salt Lake, this time, actually.

HOBBES: Oh, Salt Lake is a beautiful city, beautiful.

(Flushing sounds are heard, and Darien and the Official emerge from the bathroom behind Hobbes. The Official is leaning on a crutch.)

HOBBES: Hey, Chief. (chuckles) Well, nice to have you back, boys.

(Claire exits the bathroom behind Alex.)

CLAIRE: Just kill me now.

HOBBES: And girls.

OFFICIAL: (groaning) What�s the status on Protocol 34?

ALEX: It�s called off.

(Darien groans, and darts back into the bathroom.)

DARIEN: Ugh� too bad.

(Claire and the Official both start to gag, and rush back into the bathrooms.)

CLAIRE: Oh, god!

(The sounds of vomiting resume. Alex smiles at Hobbes.)

ALEX: You hungry?

HOBBES: Hmm� I could eat.

ALEX: Let�s go.

HOBBES: Shall we?

(Alex and Hobbes join arms and walks towards the doors.)

HOBBES: Do you like lobster?

ALEX: Love lobster.

HOBBES: Oh, yes. Big, juicy two-pounder.

(Hobbes and Alex walk through the doors and leave.)

(Fade to commercial.)

(The scene returns in the Official�s office. Men with bio-hazard symbols on their clothes move through the Office, collecting items and placing them in trash bags. Darien, Hobbes, Claire, and Alex are gathered in front of the Official.)

OFFICIAL: So I need you to understand that it is my job, in fact, my duty, to push for any advancement that furthers the cause.

DARIEN: Even if we all die horrible deaths?

ALEX: If you want to make an omelet�

(The hazmat workers file out of the office.)

DARIEN: So, that�s the last of it, huh?

CLAIRE: Mmm-hmm.

(Claire looks up from her yogurt.)

CLAIRE: I must admit, I�m a bit sorry to see the experiment destroyed. But, we barely know the effects of quicksilver on Darien yet, we�re not ready to play with other species.

HOBBES: Sir, um�

OFFICIAL: Yeah?

HOBBES: Sir, I have a question about the overtime we put in�

OFFICIAL: Overtime?

HOBBES: Yes, sir, there were definitely several hours that were accrued by the�

(Alex and Darien look at each other, then get up and leave the office, followed by Claire.)

OFFICIAL: Ah, Bobby, I think it�s going to turn out to be a wash, what with the destruction of all the lab equipment.

HOBBES: But, sir, I think I speak for everyone when I say that�

(Hobbes looks over at where Claire, Alex, and Darien were in time to see the door close. The Official looks at the door, then at Hobbes. Hobbes looks depressed, then gets up and starts to leave.)

HOBBES: Thank you, sir.

(The Official salutes Bobby slowly as he leaves.)

DARIEN: (voice-over) Celebrity scientist Sir Issac Newton said, "If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."

(The scene changes to a bio-hazard disposal site. The workers walk in and toss their bags into a dumpster.)

DARIEN: (voice-over) Because, in science, every discovery is built on the ones before it. Now, me, I ain�t no scientist, but, uh, here�s my take on progress: Slow down. Take it from me, great new ideas, they ain�t always so great. I mean, when it comes to giants, I think we oughta worry more about a giant boot that could come down and squash us like a bug.

(A bug makes its way out of the bag, and crawls to the center of the screen, then quicksilvers and disappears.)

(Fade to credits.)
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