Submission by **CC

Joe age 85, and Rose age 79 are all excited about their decision to get
married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a
drugstore. Joe suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the
counter:

"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, " Yes. "

Joe: " Do you sell heart medication? "
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Joe: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Joe: " Medicine for rheumatism? "
Pharmacist: " Definitely. "

Joe: " How about Viagra? "
Pharmacist: “ Of course. "

Joe: " Medicine for memory? "
Pharmacist: " Yes, a large variety."

Joe: " What about vitamins and sleeping pills? "
Pharmacist: " Absolutely. "

Joe: " Perfect! “ We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."

The shrink gives a man a booklet on assertiveness training.

He reads it on the way home. When he walks thru the door and his wife comes
to greet him, he tells her, "From now on I'm the man of this home and my word
is law. When I come home from work I want my dinner on the table. Now get
upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed because I'm going out with the
boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub guess who is going
to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The undertaker." she replies

THINKING:

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
cans.

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have
something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you
got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

I've thought about those employment applications and that blank that always
asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write
"Good Doctor"!

I've always wondered why they put pictures of criminals up in the Post
Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these men? Why don't they just
put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them
while they deliver the mail?

I thought about being rich and it don't mean so much …Just look at Henry Ford,
all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!

If you jogged backward, would you gain weight?

I wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?
.

Submission by **newly

A woman goes to the doctor's and says, "Doctor, Doctor, you have to help
me.  Every time I go to the bathroom, DIMES come out!"
  
The doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come
back in a week.
  
A week later the woman returns and says, "Doctor, Doctor, it's gotten
worse!
 
Every time I go to the bathroom, QUARTERS come out!! What's wrong with
me?"
  
Again the doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and
come back in a week.
 
Another week passes and the woman returns and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I'm
still not getting better! Every time I go to the bathroom, HALF-DOLLARS
come out! “ WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME? "
 
The doctor says, "Relax, Relax, you're just going through your change

Submission by **Unifantasy

"Daddy's Day"

 Her hair up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow.

Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go

But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home

Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say

What to tell her classmates, on the Daddy's Day

But still her mommy worried, for her to face this day alone

And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school, eager to tell them all

About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls

There were daddies along the wall in back for everyone to meet

Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called, a student from the class,

to introduce their daddy as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare

Each of them were searching, for a man who wasn't there

"Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out

"She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout

And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say

"Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her, as she smiled at her friends

And looked back at her teacher who told her to begin.

And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak

and out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.

But I know he wishes he could, be with me on this day."

"And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know

All about my Daddy, and how much he loves me so."

"He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike.

He surprised me with pink roses and taught me to fly a kite."

"We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone.

And though you cannot see him, I'm not standing here alone."

"Cause my Daddy's always with me, even though we are far apart.

I know because he told me, he'll forever be here in my heart."

With that her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest

Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears

Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years

For she stood up for the love, of a man not in her life doing what was best for her, doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd

She finished with a voice so soft but its message clear and loud.

" I love my Daddy very much, he's my shining star, and if he could he'd be here but heavens much too far." "But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."

And then she closed her eyes, and she saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement she witnessed with surprise, a room full of Daddies and Children all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside

Perhaps for merely a second they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out

And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt,

Not one in that room could explain it for each of their eyes had been closed,

But there placed on her desk was a beautiful pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only a moment, by the love her shining bright star and given the gift of believing that Heaven is never too far.

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