Season Fourteen

Season Fourteen Season Fourteen

Bodies

It looks like Dumb and Dumber over there were just making a pit stop on their way home.

You know, I'd feel a whole lot more comfortable if we talked somewhere where there weren't any sharp objects.

Bruner: I got an A in citizenship.
Green: And I'm very proud of you.

Bounty

Woman: Jeffrey is in the middle of a novel.
Ed: Jeffrey is about to be in the middle of Rikers.

Rodgers: Last meal -- chili dogs.
Ed: Mustard and relish?

Lennie: He had a manicure.
Ed: Would you stop it with the manicure?

F. Scott Fitz-stupid next door said the music wen on around 9.

Lennie: You know, there's still the manicure angle.
Ed: What angle?

Ed: This Mitch Maas is a piece of work. Ten million dollar trust fund and he's out date-raping ski bunnies.

Lennie: A phone interview with a notorious fugitive has got to add a couple of number to your paycheck. A follow-up interview might even move the decimal point.
Ed: What, Kellogg had a manicure too?

Lennie: Birds of a feather still drink together.
Ed: Especially reporter birds.

Kellogg: That's not my job, is it?
Lennie: You see, that's why you guys are moving to the top of America's "Most Despised" list.
Ed: No, Lennie, it's what's coming next that earns them that honor.

Lennie: So it's "Take a Felon to Dinner" week all year long?
Ed: Yeah, as long a you write about it afterwards.

Patient Zero

Man: Nothing's worth your life.
Ed: Now those are words to live by.

Man: You guys got a warrant?
Lennie: Ed, you hear that?
Ed: Yeah, I think I do.
Man: Hear what?
Lennie: The sound of a woman calling for help.
Man: Aw, this sucks!
Ed: "Female in distress" -- that's exigent circumstances!

Lennie: Anna Hopkins isn't on any FBI or Homeland Security list.
Ed: Oh, I'm gonna sleep easy now.

Shrunk

Lennie: My ex made me see a shrink.
Ed: Well, that was money well spent.
Lennie: Twice a week, I'd get on the couch and tell him how the head of the orphanage used to get a kick out of beating me with his shoe.
Ed: That sounds like Oliver Twist.

Blaze

This dude is just a washed up wannabe who's trying to return to his "rightful" spot at the top of the rock-n-roll food chain.

Identity

I guess the free toasters ain't gonna cut it no more.

Rodgers: No signs of struggle, no drugs, no alcohol.
Lennie: Gee, Rodgers, I'm really glad you called us.
Ed: At least tell us he ate something exotic.

Floater

Damn, I hate floaters. They creep me out.

Rogers: Don't hold your breath.
Ed: That's all I've been doing.

I know, you like the husband.

Anita: The office -- isn't that where most men screw around?
Ed: Why're you looking at us?
Lennie: Hey, Ed, as far as women are concerned, all men are guilty until proven innocent.
Ed: That sounds like gender profiling.

Embedded

Lennie: Always a nickel short and a dime late.
Ed: What the hell does that mean? Ed: I don't see any weapons of mass destruction, do you?
Lennie: Hey, they were there, and you know how I know? 'Cause the daddy of the guy at 1600 sold them to a certain son of a bitch who used to live in Baghdad. That's how I know!
Ed: You're just saying that cause you read some article by some other son of a bitch like Frank Elliot.

I can't wait till the press gets ahold of this.

Compassion

Since when did we become the food police?

Some beliefts are cheaper than others.

I didn't know there were different flavors (of cyanide).

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