Ed: "I want to ask your opinion on Einstein's theory because I'm not sure he was right."
Phile: "Headline: 'Cop Cracks Relativity'."
Ed: "No, not that theory, Phil. His theory on genius. See -- and correct me if I'm wrong -- Einstein argued that genius has no personality. But after talking to you for this short amount of time, I realize that you actually prove the negative. You definitely have personality. And it makes this primate want to whump your ass."
"When I was 22, I read "The Razor's Edge" and didn't eat steak for two months."
"My theory on dreams dying once you wake may have just gone bust."
"The last time I spent this much time in the principal's office, I left with a two day suspension."
Drayson: "It's the last thing I needed today."
Ed: "Well, I'm sure Mrs. Keegan wasn't too happy about it, either."
"You got a crystal ball up in here some place?"
"I had the Mets on the back end of a three team parlay."
"And tonight's special guest star is ..."
Lennie: "Hey, Ed, quick. What was the name of your 9th grade algebra teacher?"
Ed: "Mr. Helminek."
Lennie: "Spanish?"
Ed: "Senor Sanchez."
Ed: "Hey, I told you about Darlene, right? Senior year, girl had legs up to here, body was like pa-dow. What was she doing with a scrub like me?"
Lennie: "Mine was a cheerleader."
Ed: "Anyway, like an idiot, I believed her when the 'I can't live without you' turned into 'No, I'm sorry, I got to study."
"We're part of your fan club, Travis."
Lennie: "Third race -- I gotta go with Ed's Pepper."
Ed: "You gotta be kidding."
Lennie: "She's a gray. I always bet the gray."
Ed: "And you wonder why you always lose."
Lennie: "She's got the inside post."
Ed: "Yeah, man, the first rule of racing is 'from the rail to the jail'."
Lennie: "You look fine. Have a nice time at the prom. You got your cell phone?"
Ed: "Dad, now don't worry. I'll call you if he gets too frisky."
Green: "Why do people waste that much money?"
Briscoe: "This coming from Mr. Rolex."
Green: "Hey, there's a big jump between my Rolex and that ring."
Briscoe: "You just don't get it, do you?"
Green: "What, spending that much money on diamonds? No, I don't."
Briscoe: "You are _so_ single. You know, jewelry isn't just something for a woman to look at, it's a safety net."
Green: "Oh, here we go. Safety net?"
Briscoe: "Yeah. Something to fall back on when the man in her life decides he wants another life."
Green: "Or drown his in a bottle of bourbon?"
Briscoe: "Something like that."
Green: "Lennie, I know a whole lot of women that would kick you in your jewels for a theory like that."
"All these monied elite are starting to bore me."
"The whole point of a throwaway cell phone, Randy, is you're supposed to throw it away."
Lennie: "I got news for you, Ed. This isn't the wild west."
Ed: "Well, you tell that to Amatou Diallo's family. This whole blue wall thing, dinosaur."
Lennie: "Grodie gets me on the stand and starts quistioning me about my extracurricular activities."
Ed: "Oh, you mean the liquid kind."
Lennie: "He had the jury convinced I was running around solving cases in between shots."
Ed: "Hey, man, from what I hear, you were."
"Now you know how I feel on the Upper East Side."
Lawyer: "I went to law school."
Ed: "Well, then that would qualify you to try a murder case."
(to Southerlyn): "Blonde hair, blue eyes -- hell, if you're lukcy they'll put you on a poster."
Lennie: "Now they'll have to put an asterisk next to his name in the record books just like his idol. Makes it harder to believe the Babe hit 60 on hot dogs and beer during a 154-game season."
Ed: "In my book, he deserved an asterisk too."
Lennie: "Babe Ruth?"
Ed: "He never faced Satchell, did he?"
"A dollar earned gambling is better than two earned working. That's the American way."
"Thou shalt not kill -- except for drug dealers?"
"Moses don't sign your paycheck."