"Drugs, booze, condoms? She had the whole James Dean fun pack with her."
"The Macarena wasn't exciting enough for him."
"There's Shuster -- spare parts salesman by day, drunk by night."THPOGLL
"Oh, that's right. Don't smile back. She might bite you."
"No late night heart to hearts over a keg?"
"Gynecology -- that's the business I should've gone into."THPOGLL
"I never heard of pharmacist-patient privilege."
"I've got bandits at 2 o'clock."
Tony: "Dominicans."
Briscoe: "What, they were wearing the national costume?"THPOGLL
Suspect: "I can get all dirty here, man."
Briscoe: "What are you complaining about? We're the ones who have to smell you."
"One of these days, you're going to have to show me how to play solitaire on this thing."
"Is that where you keep your virtual clubhouse?"
"Take a picture and send it to Charlton Heston."
"004? What are you, James Bond minus 3?"
(Checking the body of a man shot in the face while trying to rob an armored truck): "All this body armor... They forgot the bullet-proof ski mask." THPOGLL
Fashion designer: "Have you ever looked into the eyes of a supermodel?"
Lennie: "Not since my fling with Jean Shrimpton."THPOGLL
"Go find an accident or something!"
"You must've been a boy scout."
"He won't try to convert anyone."
(to Munch): "You wear a badge and you avenge the dead. I think I know you."
"Now I KNOW I know you."
"You show me his number and I'll show you mine. I guarantee you'll have more fun with me than I'll have with him."
"She was playing Scarlet O'Hara with Mandingo."
"Say hello to Dr. Curtis."
"I don't mind a little embellishing."
"I just love going through other people's junk."
Felon who skipped bail, being arrested: "I was gonna' come in!"
Lennie: "Yeah, we'll save you the token."THPOGLL
"This guy is good-looking, but not that good-looking."
(Rey finds a match book from a nice London hotel in with some arson evidence): "Yeah, my first wife wanted to stay there one night. I figured out we could afford one hour."THPOGLL
"Until the crime scene unit finishes with this room, one of the Texans can tour the lobby."
"Looks like a geometry test."
Bellhop: "This Egyptian guy, he some kind of terrorist?"
Lennie: "Shhh. He's a professional surfer."THPOGLL
"That's one way to get her to spill her guts."
"Big market for used Jaguars in Russia?"
"You car came back from Russia, Bernie, with love."
"That guy got 12 months at Mount MacGregor."
"It pays to rat out your friends."
Van Buren: "Worley... Didn't he crush his girlfriend against a wall with a car?"
Rey: "Yeah, a '54 Studebaker. Mayer was the hired gun to convince a jury Worley's a mental defect."
Lennie: "I'm convinced. Guy purposely messed up a vintage automobile."THPOGLL
"We're not the pretzel police."
"Only thing missing is the doll with the pins in it."
"We need to check to make sure you're not carrying anything dangerous, like a hat pin."
(The detectives find a possible suspect hiding in his closet clutching a golf club): "You got a permit for that putter?"THPOGLL
"Maybe he banged his head getting into your squad car?"
"Were you sustaining your ignorance around 9, 9:30 Thursday night?"
"Let me guess: You got a dog with emphysema."
"Where you're going, they serve a lot of Jell-O."
"How'd a guy like you luck into a job you didn't have to show up for?"
"Don't worry -- I just bought it for the picture."
"Thank God for the Kennedys. Otherwise, a lot of bad writers would be waiting tables."
(after Rey froze at a suspect's door)
"Once you start thinking you're the pope, it's not much of a stretch to killing people."
"I smell a big fat lawsuit, McGilch, with you as exhibit A."
"So he goes back to tending his flock and we go back to scratching our heads."
Priest: "She also handled the less pleasant end: annulment."
Divorce lawyer, explaining the mental incompetence of his client's wife: "She has to be medicated. She even took a swing at me a year ago during a deposition."
"Divorce lawyers. God's way of telling you to stay single."
(Referring to Jack McCoy, who has just chastised the detectives for a sloppy interrogation): "C'mon, Rey, if she had "given it up," he'd throw his shoulder out tryin' to pat himself on the back."THPOGLL
"It's OK. I've got this problem with my eyes. See, I can't see anything but Twist. I can't even see you."
McCoy: "Why'd you change your mind?"
Briscoe: "We owe this girl something. We called her a liar and we sent her straight into Lowry's arms. Well I don't think she lied, and that's what I said."
Curtis: "I don't like being submarined."
Lawyer: "Last I heard, bad taste isn't a crime."
"So, all we have to do is find the invisible man and see if he's got roof tar on his shoes."
"Oh, good, a Constitutional scholar."
"Baronmuchhumpin.com."
"You probably already know you have the right to remain silent. Why don't you use it?"
"You let your fingers do the stalking."
Judge (to defense attorney): "Do you have anything to back up your charges?"
Van Buren: "You're an inch away from perjury."
"We're not the press corps and you're not the President."
"You couldn't stand sleeping next to a guy who turned your son into a potted plant."
Nightclub D.J.: "Come back tonight. I spin a rave here. Monica usually gets greased in."
Rey: "Someone must've lowered the standards for high school Casanovas."
"You're going to be doing your squatting and thrusting in Rikers."
"It's more private than the Oval Office."
"I don't usually shave in a taxi in the middle of the afternoon."
Van Buren: "Assuming Warren Abbot is that stupid."
Drug lookout: "I can't be talkin' to you."
Faccia a Faccia
(Commenting on a beaten-up murder victim who'd had a lot of plastic surgery): "Guy spends all that dough, winds up lookin' like hamburger."THPOGLL
Briscoe: "Rey. What happened at DeMaio's door?"
Curtis: "What?"
Briscoe: "You starting to pull your punches?"
Curtis: "Nah, it's nothing."
Briscoe: "Nothing? You wanna talk about it?"
Curtis: "Won't happen again."
Briscoe: "I hope not."
Divorce
Rey: "Theft of patient meds. . . "
Lennie: "That's a crime?"
Lennie: "Oh, the Catholic divorce after the real divorce."
Lennie: "I can't imagine why."THPOGLL
Carrier
"Mom's calling her doctor, dad's calling his lawyer."
Stalker
Briscoe: "So I asked them, was it the same old problem? They said yeah, and he wanted to have sex twice a day, and she wanted to have it twice a year."
Profaci: "So what did you do?"
Briscoe: "I wrote him a summons that said `You must have sex once a week and only once a week'."
Curtis: "And they bought it?"
Briscoe: "Yeah, I'm the police."
Briscoe: "You saw the crime scene photos and you have to ask me that? We made a mistake and she paid for it."
Curtis: "And thanks to you Lowry's gonna walk."
Briscoe: "What the hell is that supposed to mean? I stopped him from walking."
Curtis: "What, for a couple of minutes? His lawyer just subpoenaed me to testify at the trial. For the defense."
Briscoe: "Fine. So back me up."
Briscoe: "I got a right to my opinion."
Curtis: "No, what you've got is a lot of nerve, Lennie, making it sound like I agree with you, Partner."
Briscoe: "It never occurred to me that you wouldn't, Partner. What, you wanna see this scum bounce?"
Lennie: "If it was, Louie here would be in for life."THPOGLL
Briscoe: "Yeah, his opinion."
Briscoe: "More like a foot, foot and a half."
Disappeared
Coffee house guy: "Cappuccino on the house, detective?"
Lennie: "Maybe for the kid here." (Nods to Rey.) "I'll have a regular coffee."
Guy: "How'd you like that?"
Lennie: "Eh... regular."THPOGLL
Burden
(To a man explaining how he knew the exact time a woman left him after they made love): "She checked her watch, huh? Guess you couldn't've been all that good."THPOGLL
Bad Girl
(Looking for a guy who illegally remixes music tapes)
Lennie (to stage hand): "D.J. Freaky?"
Stage hand: "Over there."
Lennie: "Him?" (To identified guy) "Mr. Freaky... "THPOGLL
Lennie (to Rey): "I take it you got all that?"THPOGLL
Damaged
"That's right, keep on lying. You're going to be somebody's girlfriend in Attica."
Lennie: "Maybe they talk a good game. You know the way to a woman's heart is through her ear."THPOGLL
Tabloid
"Looks like she just ran out of appeals."
Jamie: "Or that angry."
Lennie (reading a report): "Whoa. Check the box next to stupid."THPOGLL
Monster
"I don't trust what anybody says after they've been with a lawyer."
Lennie (grabbing him by the shirt & shoving him against the wall): "Hey Calvin, come into my office."THPOGLL