Bitter Fruit

Rey: "I don't remember things being so rosy when I was a kid."
Lennie: "When was that, last week?"

Rey: "Hey, that's 75th."
Lennie: "Very good. Now try reading that sign that says lunch special."

"Pay attention, genius, because now we ARE interrogating you!"

"The last time Capetti had an original idea, he left it swirling in the bowl."

"I guess killing her was traumatic enough."

Rebels

"I left my Berlitz dictionary in my other suit."

Tech: "The blood trail to the front door was your victim's. The other trail is an unknown."
Lennie: "Proving once again that you can't be in two places at the same time."

"I see they don't teach tact at the academy anymore. They must have replaced it with multicultural studies."

Axel: "I was supposed to go to the opera too, but how many times can you see Tristan?"
Lennie: "Yeah, I'm waiting for the movie to come out."

Rey: "You think there's a secret knock?"
Lennie: "Yeah. Hard."

"You're gonna love the secret handshake."

"I used a computer once. Lost 27 straight games of solitaire."

"I'll just...freshen up."

"You get the yagi, I'll get the donuts."

Curtis: "Well, I know you don't get any respect unless you kick a little ass."
Briscoe: "Oh, I woulda respected the hell outta them if they'da kicked our asses. Which they almost did."
Curtis: "Think you can talk your way out of any jam?"
Briscoe: "There was no jam until he called you a spic and you pulled your gun. My goal: no jams."

Savages

Rey: "Bad time to kill a cop."
Lennie: "There's a good time?"

"I don't know a hell of a lot about Queen Anne chairs, but I know how to add one and one."

"I see numbers like this, I want to reach for a tall glass of Bromo."

Anita: "How're we doing?"
Lennie: "Great. I'm all the way through January."

Man: "We've done nothing wrong."
Briscoe: "Aiding and abetting a money laundering scheme--you're kidding, right?"

"Now he's one of New York's deadest."

Rey: "You listen to me you piece of crap. That body in the morgue could be me. So when I see you sitting there with that smirk on your face I don't feel like waiting for the state to put that needle in your arm."
Van Buren: "This is getting out of hand."
Lennie: "I don't see anything."

Jeopardy

"Better make that Generation X-ed out."

Man: "Thrasher is action-thriller, music video adventure experience."
Briscoe: "I get that riding the subway."THPOGLL

(on the deposition tape): "Remind me to borrow this next time I can't sleep."THPOGLL

Hot Pursuit

"You know, Rey, if you ever get laid off, you might consider a career as an egg timer."THPOGLL

Paranoia

Rey: "At OCCB, we call that a bribe."
Lennie: "I call it a grateful citizen's way of saying 'thank you.'"

(To Rey): "You like to pull the wings off flies, too?"

Teacher: "I thought the morality police wore three-piece suits and ran for Congress."
Briscoe: "They beep us when someone ends up dead."

Anita (reading): "The more I stab you, the more I want you."
Lennie: "Sounds like Gershwin."

"I never met anybody yet who got killed by a 35-inch Sony."

(To Rey): "You know, he's right about keeping your pants on."

Briscoe: "I'm sorry about my partner. He's kind of inexperienced."
Grupp: "He's a thug."
Briscoe: "I agree."

"Sending little ditties out into cyberspace while he's smelling her undies and bopping his banana's got to get boring after a while."

Claire: "Boy, a confession, a murder weapon--I owe you a drink."
Lennie: "Club soda. I'm a cheap date."
Claire: "Ok, what about your partner"
Lennie: "You want to make him happy, buy him a couple floppy disks."

Humiliation

Roscoe: "I don't know nothing."
Briscoe: "Oh, that's too bad because there's 64 grand riding on the question."

Roscoe: "But no mutts--I'm allergic."
Briscoe: "So was Gwyn--to lead."

"No matter how many brains a guy's got, they're still mostly centered somewhere south of the border."THPOGLL

(to Claire): "You know him? You mean those aren't real?"

Woman: "The doctor's in consultation!"
Briscoe: "The doctor's in trouble."

"Should we go shopping?"

Briscoe: "_Detective_ Curtis? Couldn't you give that guy a break?"
Curtis: "Guy like that deserves to squirm."
Briscoe: "Hey, most guys _are_ guys like that. Face it, if a guy thinks he's gonna get away with it, he'll do it every time."

Angel

"I'm too young to get married--and I'm a grandfather."THPOGLL

"I'm so glad we're finally done with O.J."

Blood Libel

Rey: "An art teacher, who'd she ever hurt?"
Lennie: "Yeah, an algebra teacher I could understand."THPOGLL

Halstead: "Sarah was not the type to have an affair."
Briscoe: "My experience is it's an equal opportunity character flaw."

"Maybe we get Vanna White in here."

"'Kill all kikes'--I guess you meant that in a nice way."

Forensic tech: "My mother always warned me one day the sugar police would show up."
Briscoe: "Well, we finally got here."

"Just outta curiosity, when can I expect the cavalry?"

"Being accused of planting evidence? No, after 25 years on the job, THAT I'm used to."

"Oh by the way. This whole Jewish Conspiracy? Yes, my father was. My mother isn't, and I was raised Catholic. But like you say, it's not about me."

Remand

Suspect, who works in a meat plant: "Today's my birthday. Half a century, I'm pushin' carcasses for a living."
Lennie: "Yeah, I know just how you feel, Bobby. Half a century, and I'm still talking to scum like you." THPOGLL

Corpus Delicti

"He probably jaywalked a couple of times, too."

Nichols: "Trust me, sir, the horses don't feel a thing."
Briscoe: "I'd like to shoot 120 volts through his rectum and see what he says then."

Bartender: "You know how many bars won't let you smoke cigars anymore?"
Lennie: "Yeah, not enough." THPOGLL

Trophy

Rey: "Hey, Lennie, 'They must be destroyed.'"
Lennie: "Yeah, yeah, we got the message the first time."

"So we look for vampires and members of the clergy."

Kid: "We wasn't doing nothing."
Lennie: "Really? And where wasn't you doing it?"THPOGLL

"I guess I'm lucky. All I have to carry around is Junior here."

Charm City (HLOTS crossover, Part One)

"Well, if I ever need to make a semiconductor or do some electroplating, now I know where to start."

Briscoe: "Where was it parked?"
Parking Attendant: "Uh. . . 21st, between Third and Lex."
Briscoe: "Land of the one night stands."

"You're not goin' anywhere, Mr. President." THPOGLL

"Mr. President, you're under arrest."

For God & Country (HLOTS Crossover, part two)

"This happens to Kincaid all the time. She gets more prison mail than Marla Maples."

"Here's to wearing a badge, carrying a high-powered sidearm, and hopefully being right more often than we're wrong."THPOGLL

Rey: "I just don't think eight-year-olds should hear about what I do for a living."
Lennie: "Hey, I got news for you. Public school? Those kids already know what you do for a living."

Custody

"Oh, Rey, I don't think Mikey likes it."

Encore

Prostitute (grabbing Rey by the arm): "Now what do we get for bein' so nice?"
Lennie: "Freedom." THPOGLL

Francis: "I didn't do nothing, I don't know nothing, and I don't want to know nothing."
Briscoe: "Part of a zen thing, Francis? Keep your life pure and simple." "All these years I've been using the wrong knife to carve the turkey."

"He's crazy about the kids. It's just the wives he has a problem with."

Curtis: "What about motive?"
Briscoe: "Hey, they were married, weren't they?"

"Why, Rey, you never danced with me."

"If I can't arrest one slimebag, I'll settle for another and I'll still get home in time for dinner."

Savior

"He's a drunk and she handles licenses to sell booze. It's a marriage made in heaven."THPOGLL

Deceit

Tony: "I dress up for work just like you do, Detective."
Briscoe: "Yeah, only I don't have to tuck in so much."THPOGLL

"It's a classic 'he said, he said'."

Van Buren: "Everybody's got his pride."
Briscoe: "Especially a guy who shaves his chest."

"Can I transfer there?"

"If Wells was in the closet, Dixon's in a box on the top shelf."

Curtis: "Myself I couldn't deal with the lifestyle, but I can appreciate what it must be like to be gay, having to hide all the time..."
Briscoe: "Yeah, probably from people who can't deal with the lifestyle."

Atonement

"Rey, I got news for you. All your advice is optional after the day they buy their first bra."

"The PBA ought to make R&R facilities like this an item on the next negotiations."

Man: "This was a model, uh, good-looking?"
Briscoe: "Yeah, not one of those ugly models."THPOGLL

"Oh, you also have the right to have incriminating evidence in your apartment."

Slave

Curtis: "Daddy's little helper."
Briscoe: "Yeah, I used to have one like that."

Tech: "You want to see what we did?"
Briscoe: "I'll give it to Mr. Peabody here."

Briscoe: "He's a white boy, early teens..."
Homeless Man: "This him?"
Briscoe: "No, that's my partner."

"What do you got that looks like it might be a lab report?"

"I got Pat Buchanan for a partner."

"The kid's selling crack, mom's turning tricks--this is one family Norman Rockwell never met."THPOGLL

Van Buren: "Any questions?"
Briscoe: "Yeah. Who's got a deck of cards?"

"Hey, I need somebody around like him. Otherwise, I'd never get out of bed."

Girlfriends

Taggert: "How am I supposed to stay in business?"
Briscoe: "You know what? I don't think you're supposed to."

Rey: "So, Lennie, what do you want to be buried in?"
Lennie: "My 25th century space suit--on one of the moons of Jupiter." THPOGLL

Pro Se

Rey: "Could be a very dissatisfied customer."
Lennie: "Yeah, or he didn't like the return policy."

"We'll check out your chess team next."

"The neighborhood crackhead--everybody's favorite boogeyman."

Sure, he's in Miami with Sly and Madonna. This guy's like my Uncle Harry--five blocks from his bed in any direction, that's as far as he ever went."

"He's a couple of credits short of a degree."

"His world and ours don't revolve around the same sun?"THPOGLL

Smith: "I can't feel my hands! My hands! I've lost my hands!"
Briscoe: "Yeah, yeah, yeah."THPOGLL

Smith: "I am a captain in Jabin's army!"
Briscoe: "Really? I was a corporal in Uncle Sam's."

"I think I need whatever it is he's supposed to be taking."

Homesick

"There's one British nanny who won't be singing Chim-Chimney."

Aftershock

"A club soda on the house? Your boss is a real philanthropist."

Briscoe: "I was a hell of a Daddy."
Cathy: "You were fine."
Briscoe: "When I could stand up."

"Somebody said 'I'd rather be a terrible warning to my children than a good example.'"

Cathy: "What made you stop, anyway? Drinking."
Briscoe: "Ask me who got me started, much better story."
Cathy: "I just assumed it was me."
Briscoe: "Aw, come on."
Cathy: "I was seven years old when you stumbled outta my life. What's a seven-year-old gonna think?"
Briscoe: "I love you kiddo, but do me a favor, will ya? Today's really not the right day."

Cathy: "You know you could call sometime. I have a phone."
Briscoe: "Yeah, right. `Hi kid, I arrested a coupla mooks today, uh, sorry I ruined your life, uh, what are you doing for dinner?'"
Cathy: "OK, you win."
Briscoe: "Look, it's just_ I see dead people all the time, only, they're already dead when I show up; see, then it's my job to go find the bastard who did it. Now this morning, I watched a guy get killed, and I wasn't supposed to do anything about it. I dunno, I guess I'm better when they're already dead."

Briscoe: "It says she isn't coming, whoever she is."
McCoy: "What makes you think-"
Briscoe: "Twenty-five years on the force. . . . At least she's Irish."

"I thought the Constitution provided for the separation of work and play?"

McCoy: "Been a good day, hasn't it, Detective?"
Briscoe: "For who?"
McCoy: "Good guys pulled through, bottom o' the ninth (pause) And to hell with 'er."
Briscoe: "To hell with all of them."

Kincaid: "Jack called me."
Briscoe: "Jack. Jack turned into a pumpkin."

"You know what club soda's good for? Cleaning the grill."

"You know who kills me? The weather lady. The weather lady says, it's 65 at the airport. Who gives a damn? Nobody lives at the airport."

"Never mess with a civil servant, my friend."THPOGLL

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