Bodies

Lennie: I got guys checking all the trash cans. Between you and me, I got my fingers crossed they come up empty.
Ed: Sure, why should our lives be easy?
Lennie: Life's one thing. Telling the girl's parents is another.

I'm guessing he doesn't have the complete works of Germaine Greer on his bookshelf.

Rodgers: How do guys get this sick?
Lennie: I think it has something to do with mom.

Man: Twenty five thousand hacks in this town.
Lennie: How come I can never get a cab?

You sound like a glass-half-empty kind of guy.

Bruner: Twenty third... that waas a Sunday.
Lennie: Good. Now that we've synchronized our calendars, where were you?

(referring to the crowd, screaming for justice for the missing girls): You know, they're not entirely worng.

Bounty

That's why I alwasy get a non-smoking room. (as Ed bags a bloody ashtray)

I have a feeling whoever did this has strict rules against kissing on the mouth.

Lennie (a gun has just been discovered): Don't leave home without it.

Rodgers: Last meal -- chili dogs.
Ed: Mustard and relish?
Rodgers: Tabasco.
Lennie: In that neighborhood, that's fine dining.

A guy checks into a sleazeball hotel on Theth Avenue, pays cash, has chili dogs for dinner.... Doesn't strike me as the type of guy who'd waste 20 bucks on a manicure. Elementary, my dear Rodgers.

Lennie: He had a manicure.
Ed: Would you stop it with the manicure?
Lennie: Hey, I don't get manicures, do you?

Woman: Even after you erase a message, it remains in the system for 48 hours.
Lennie: Nothing like peeking at somebody's privates, huh?

I don't have voice mail.

I got news for you, Cosette. There's no such thing as hooker-client confidentiality.

You know, there's still the manicure angle.

Anita: Tell me something, you come into a strange town, what's the first thing you do?
Lennie: Search the yellow pages for the best rib joint.

A phone interview with a notorious fugitive has got to add a couple of number to your paycheck. A follow-up interview might even move the decimal point.

Birds of a feather still drink together.

A rich rapist claiming frame -- that's original.

Ed: You know what borhers me?
Lennie: Besides the Mets?

Kellogg: That's not my job, is it?
Lennie: You see, that's why you guys are moving to the top of America's "Most Despised" list.

So it's "Take a Felon to Dinner" week all year long?

Stop the presses.

Ed: You're under arrest for aiding and abetting a number of felonies.
Lennie: The good news is, you get to write another exclusive.

Serena: Could be where Kellogg met Maas.
Lennie: Or it could be the golf club where the editors do their "research."

Patient Zero

Man: Nothing's worth your life.
Ed: Now those are words to live by.
Lennie: Or die by.

Anita: When are people gonna learn a car just isn't worth it?
Lennie: It was a Cadillac. Hey, that model is the number one stolen vehicle in America today.

Oh, and all this time I thought the Fourteenth Amendment outlawed separate but equal car theft rings.

Informant: You sure nobody seen you come in here?
Lennie: You mean I shouldn't have given my card to the guys with the broken noses in the corner booth?

Ed: You seen a blue Escalade?
Man: Who's askin'?
Lennie: Ralph Nader.

I'm in the market for a new fender.

Man: You guys got a warrant?
Lennie: Ed, you hear that?
Ed: Yeah, I think I do.
Man: Hear what?
Lennie: The sound of a woman calling for help.

Man: Hey, I thought we had a deal!
Lennie: The deal hasn't started yet. Oh, and I thought I was the only guy who still carried a .38.

You got about an 8 high and you're looking down a barrel of aces full. You better start thinking about folding.

He'll be making license plates now instead of stealing them.

What'd you do [to get the SARS virus], go around the corner to Woolworths?

See, Doc? Some people still make house calls.

Shrunk

(referring to a knife collection): What are these, props for Camelot?

Go, Rudgers.

Rodgers: In college, I played Maggie in Out to Lunch.
Lennie: I know where he got the title -- put it this way, his piano stool's missing a leg.

I'm a sucker for juicy details.

Lennie: My ex made me see a shrink.
Ed: Well, that was money well spent.
Lennie: Twice a week, I'd get on the couch and tell him how the head of the orphanage used to get a kick out of beating me with his shoe.
Ed: That sounds like Oliver Twist.
Lennie: It is.

What the hell, I've been fishing around for a new hobby.

What's this, swing therapy?

Blaze

For ten bucks a ticket, people don't expect to get barbequed.

Hey, I love my brother, but I can barely make it through Thanksgiving dinner.

I knew I should've stuck with the guitar.

Ed: This dude is just a washed up wannabe who's trying to return to his "rightful" spot at the top of the rock-n-roll food chain.
Anita: It would've been a lot safer to write a couple of new songs.
Lennie: You ever listen to any of their music?

That's got a nice beat and you can dance to it.

Identity

I've seen less going on in an amusement park.

Banker: You know, there are bank privacy laws.
Lennie: Did we get off the subway in Switzerland?

Rodgers: No signs of struggle, no drugs, no alcohol.
Lennie: Gee, Rodgers, I'm really glad you called us.

The nice thing about a neighborhood is everybody knows everything about everybody else.

Computer tech: Who says nothing lasts forever?
Lennie: But as you've told us so many times, cyberspace comes close.

We've been trying to figure out what to arrest you for -- harboring a fugitive, obstruction of justice, or just being a general pain in the ass.

Floater

We go any further north, we can call in the Mounties.

Tech: My Latin's a little rusty.
Lennie: Loosely translated, it means tuition starts at 20 grand.

Ed: I know, you like the husband.
Lennie: I always like the husband.

And what rhymes with "amicable?"

Hey, Ed, as far as women are concerned, all men are guilty until proven innocent.

Ed: You noticing a pattern here?
Lennie: Woof.

I checked your horoscope. It's not a good day to travel.

Embedded

Lennie: Ok, a shooter nobody saw, a bullet everybody uses, and a guy half the world wants dead.
Ed: The EMT says he'll probably make it.
Lennie: Yeah, only the good die young.

Hey, he's gonna hurt. A bullet in the back'll do that.

Sounds like somebody in uniform would rather have Elliot entombed than embedded.

Ed: I don't see any weapons of mass destruction, do you?
Lennie: Hey, they were there, and you know how I know? 'Cause the daddy of the guy at 1600 sold them to a certain son of a bitch who used to live in Baghdad. That's how I know!
Ed: You're just saying that cause you read some article by some other son of a bitch like Frank Elliot.
Lennie: Yeah, that's exactly why I used to live in places like this [a bar.] Cause the guys in here only lie about how big and how many.

Compassion

Welcome to the case of the killer shellfish.

Ed: Since when did we become the food police?
CSU: Take a smell.
Lennie: We know what oysters smell like, Cantor.

Woman: He practiced an alternative kind of healing.
Lennie: You mean like acupuncture?

You didn't go to medical school in Haiti, did you?

And what trust fund did you grow up in?

Anita: Your man still a ghost?
Lennie: If he was still alive, I'd hire him to talk to himself.

Ed: You'd think a brain surgeon would know better.
Lennie: I'll see your brain surgeon and raise you two allergists and a pediatrician.

Of all the gin joints in all the world, huh?

I thought people like her moved to India to help the starving orphans.

Ed: Do you believe that story, that she didn't know Mapes was Gideon?
Lennie: Hey, you're talking to a guy who bought the words "till death do us part" twice.

(points to a Pediatric Oncology sign) There's two words that should never go together.

Hospital worker: You're really cops, right?
Lennie: You should see my mom smile.

Dr. Allison: I'm telling you, you're wasting your time.
Lennie: Oh, I've made a career out of that.

I had a flowerpot out on my fire escape but the bugs destroyed anything I put in it.

Ed: Revenge is a meal best served cold?
Lennie: Yeah, especially if you've got the hot sauce to cover up the stink.

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