"Well, we've got a 1680 Amati cello valued at 1.2 million. Lifted from the New York Philharmonic five years ago. Recovered from a 87 year old janitor. I guess he was a music lover on the side."
Reger: "The chord progression here is almost an exact quote from Stravinsky's Rite of Spring."
Lennie: "Yeah, that's just what I was thinking."
Reger: "My lawyer will have your jobs!"
Lennie: "Great, can we have his?"
Ed: "Am I gonna have to conduct a race relations workshop with you?"
Diaz: "No, you just got yourself written up."
Lennie: "Better make it an advanced workshop."
"Oh, yeah, it's not like we're cops or anything."
Curran: "Too much politics in being a detective. I don't know how you guys do it."
Lennie: "Oh, we're different. We're in it for the money."
"DMV can't even spell my name right and they got a twenty year old ticket in the system?"
"Sure, if he gives us his words of honor and promises never to do it again, we'll just forget the whole thing."
"Well, I've never seen the dark side of the moon either, Counselor, but I know it exists."
Lennie: "You ever heard of an outfit called Intelli-Mate?"
Ed: "Yeah, they run background checks for suspicious lovers."
Lennie: "How romantic. You use them?"
Woman: "I didn't realize I was being physically examined."
Lennie: "It's another thing we're famous for."
"Maybe we'll get lucky and he made an entry in his official Dick Tracy notebook."
Jack: "Witnesses getting antsy?"
Lennie: "Nah, I gave them all crayons and coloring books."
Warner: "They must be from the prize patrol."
Lennie: "Go ahead, Ed, tell him what he's won."
Lennie: "The kid played too many angles before he finally came clean."
Jack: "And then he had the presence of mind to blame someone else."
Lennie: "Hey, what are friends for?"
"You have any idea who she might have gone to for help--besides God?"
man: "Who are you?"
Lennie: "The car fairy."
man: "I swear on my father's grave."
Lennie: "How do I know your father's dead?"
"We're from the Nielson ratings."
"This is not show business, this is police business."
"I'll wait for the musical version."
Ed: "They videotape them doing everything except going to the bathroom."
Lennie: 'Oh, why stop there?"
Lawyer: "Is that a threat?"
Ed: "Mm-hmm."
Lennie: "Oh, just consider it the rantings of an overly litigious detective."
"That's a wrap."
"Consider yourself cancelled."
Girl: "Guys, where's your sense of humor?"
Lennie: "We lost that about seven hours ago."
Taz: "Careful with the foot, will you?"
Lennie: "Oh, don't worry. We're not wearing high heels."
"He's the most convincing witness I've heard since Kato Kaelin."
"Women: Can't live without 'em, can't kill 'em, huh, Nate?"
"Don't worry. My partner's an excellent driver."
Dubow: "Edwin Booth, greatest American actor of his day. His brother killed Abraham Lincoln."
Green: "John Wilkes."
Dubow: "Never the actor Edwin was."
Briscoe: "Yeah, but a better shot."
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Doc, but as far as I can tell, Scott Wilder couldn't have been pregnant."
Johanna Wilder: "They want his coat, his shoes...."
Lawyer: "For what purpose?"
Briscoe: "It's not because we're cold, counselor."
"You're a regular Rip Van Winkle."
"This guy had a different girl for every day of the week and two on Sunday."
"I don't know why they're complaining about a little fraud. With Lonegan in the picture, they're lucky they're not burned to the ground and left for dead."
"I guess mayhem and murder lost their appeal."
Ed: "Buddha?"
Lennie: "You got to admit, he does have that enlightened look about him."
"He's a social liability."
[To the FBI]:
Green: "We wouldn't want to compromise our investigation."
Lennie: "You understand."
"If you can't trust a guy named Buddha, who can you trust?"
Lennie: "Hey, Buddha, don't you ever get tired of sitting in the same spot day after day?"
Buddha: "No."
Lennie: "You know, come to think of it, I do get kind of a peaceful feeling being near you. It must be your aura."
Ed: "He'd pick something clean and sensibly priced."
Lennie: "That ought to narrow it down considerably in this city."
Miller: "I want to be in the news business."
Briscoe: "No comment."
Van Buren: "A black kid doing a school shooting like this just doesn't fit the profile. Drugs, sneakers, gangs--that I'll buy. But a black kid shooting up a lunchroom...."
Briscoe: "Maybe we've finally reached full equality."
"I hate when they do that [run]."
Briscoe: "One of my ex-wives called this morning to bust my chops."
Green: "Which one?"
Briscoe: "I forgot."
"My grandmother would swear I was the pope if she thought it would keep me out of trouble."
[to McCoy]: "Anytime you think you can do my job better than me, just let me know."
"Hey, the guy's dead. It's not like he's going to be filing a suppression motion."
"Could have used one of these on prom night."
"A hit man who makes house calls."
"This guy's about as menacing as Jeff Van Gundy."
"Wylie's got more accounts than I've got dollars."
"The guy's an idiot, but he's got real good eyesight."