"Martha Stewart may be the queen of domestic tranquility, but right now I'm not sure I'd want her anywhere near my kitchen."
"That kid is an idiot squant."
"Twenty six years old and still in high school? This girl must have some kind of weird painting hanging in her closet."
"To me, it looks like she took the state of New York for the biggest ride of all and my brain trust offers her a deal I wouldn't give my own granddaughter."
Serena: "We need to deal with Patty Voytek, sir."
Jack: "She's a sort of rock star."
Arthur: "Oh, I have a granddaughter. I know exactly who she is."
"I also know that trying to build a case on an illegal break-in by a writer is like trying to do a kickflip without lifting your front foot off the skateboard. Grandson."
"My prints put my hand in the fridge. It doesn't mean I finished the Cherry Garcia last night."
"Since when does the freedome of the press apply only to the nattering nabobs of negativism?"
Arthur: "You win the kewpie doll. Tossed one pitch, knocked over two bottles."
Serena: "Don't you mean tossed one illegal pitch?"
Arthur: "Bob Gibson made the Hall of Fame throwing a spitball. 'Rules or no rules', he said, 'pitchers are gonna throw spitters. It's a matter of survival.'"
"It seems to me we've got enough evidence for two cases on this one. The only thing we don't have is a busload of nuns as eyewitnesses."
"You don't like being sandbagged. I don't like the race card thrown in my face."
"Twenty years here and still the carpetbagger."
Serena: "Are you saying that all of this was part of Trial Tricks 102?"
Arthur: "That or a big, juicy mea culpa."
Serena: "I just wish that there was a way to prevent all of this from happening again."
Arthur: "There is. Move to Illinois."
Arthur: "You know, this who affair makes you think twice."
Jack: "About the death penalty?"
Arthur: "About where to buy you a steak."
Arthur: "The good news: I hung up on the SOB."
Jack: "What happened to the old Southern hospitality?"
Arthur: "I may look like a poor country lawyer, but I've been in this town for over twenty years."
Serena: "I never knew men could be so insecure."
Jack: "I once followed a girlfriend to a party, just to be sure."
Arthur: "In law school, I ate at the undergrad cafeteria to keep an eye on a certain someone, until she spotted me doing it."
Serena: "What'd you do then?"
Arthur: "I gave her a ring."
Branch: "The Constitution is not a suicide pact."
Jack: "Justice Jackson."
Branch: "Oh, I know you're more of a Brennan man."
Branch: "You know, back in New Haven, there was this fellow, name of Thornhurst."
Jack: "Is he any relation to the -"
Branch: "Yep, that's him. Sitting as Chief Justice in the Fifth Circuit. His old man was Secretary of State under somebody."
Jack: "You ran in the right circles, Arthur."
Branch: "Well, turns out he had a hell of a time with his bankrupcy class. Son of a gun worked hiss butt off and still got an F."
Jack: "It doesn't seem to have hurt him."
Branch: "The thing is, that F was about to keep him from graduating. But one of his good buddies goes up to the professor with a whale of a story. Thorny's old man has heart trouble, he says, and if his firstborn doesn't graduate, then who knows."
Jack: "In other words, he lied."
Branch: "Those would be the precise words. Long story short, the professor found his own heart. He upped the grade to a D. Thorny graduated apple of his old man's eye."
Serena: "If he gets a new trial, I bet he changes gears and argues that Seleeby was beign blackmailed about his sexual preference."
Arthur: "Not a chance."
Serena: "Why, because being a cheater is more sympathetic than being gay?"
Arthur: "I can see you've never been inside of a pro locker room."
Jack: "Arthur was about to suggest we transfer this case to another jurisdiction."
Arthur: "Well, it would prevent a hell of a migrane."
Jack: "Take an aspirin."
Arthur: "I was referring to your head."
"I'm what the kids today call a 'homeboy.' I like to stay home."
Arthur: "The fee comes first. It's the motto of every Wall Street litigator."
Jack: "What are the odds that Pincham will recuse the firm from this case?"
Arthur: "What are the odds that an elf will pop out of my desk and spit cider in my ear?"
"Reasonable is not stupid."
"He'll give us the 'Soft Touch of the Year' award."
"Looks like this guy's going to clear all of our open cases."
Arthur: "My first appellate case, Judge Kornbeck asked me to define strict scrutiny as it pertains to substantive due process."
Serena: "With all due respect, any first year law student could do that."
Arthur: "Now, perhaps, but there I was confronted with the majesty of the Court of Appeals. Nine guys in black robes looking down at me. I froze. Then he repeated the question. 'Counselor, what do you mean by strict scrutiny?' So finally, I loooked him straight in the eye and I said, 'Well, Your Honor, it's like regular scrutiny with a girdle.'"
Jack: "Too bad Judge Kornbeck was born without a sense of humor."
Arthur: "On the contrary. He busted up. And so did his eight brethren. And you knwo what? I won that case. Opposing counsel had 100 years of precedent, but I made the judge laugh."
"Which leaves you sitting in that courtoom, looking like a long-tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs."
"It would've been easier if Warner had taken a chainsaw to a family of four."
Jack: "Now if Clay Warner dies, it's because I wanted him dead."
Aurthur: "It's not you, Jack, it's the law."