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The next few days were tense, as Nicky made no progress with his drugs
counsellor. Cold turkey was hitting him hard, if he was difficuilt before, he
was ten times worse now. His violence was an important factor. He lashed out
at anyone he came into contact with. Shane was fed up of treating him with
kid gloves, he wanted him in a clinic. Everyone sided with Shane, everyone
except Nicky
"I'm not going into a damn clinic! I am not a junkie Shane"
"Oh no? So, it's healthy to live like you is it?" Shane asked
"Don't
pressure him Shane" Tonya smiled "If he doesn't want to
go, you can't make
him"
Nicky smiled smugly at Shane. "I mean, you'll end up falling back off
the
wagon, and going back to your old habits, cheating, lying, stealing, but as
long as your conscience is clear, that's okay" Tonya tried using
regressive
therapy, and it seemed to be doing the trick, as Nicky's smugness left him,
confusion set in as he contemplated his future. Do I even have a future? He
thought
Shane was puzzled as Tonya took his hand and pulled him away "What
was all
that in aid of?"
"Just telling Nicky that he needs to sort his future out"
"I already did that" Shane explained. "No you didn't.
You pressured him
into it, I made him see what it would be like if he didn't shape up"
Shane smiled in realisation "You are good" Almost too
good. He thought.
What is it that you're hiding from me? She smiled at him, yet that smile hid
her secret and she wondered what he'd have to say if he knew how much she
knew about Nicky's situation. She wanted to confide in someone, she wanted
that someone to be Shane.
"What time is Nicky seeing the counsellor?" She asked
"Two. Why?"
"I may go with him" She said quietly "Tonya, you've
done so much for Nicky
already, you don't have to chaperone him, he'll be okay, Caz is going with
him"
"I want to go" The real reason was that she wanted to have a
private word
with the counsellor, but she couldn't tell that to Shane, he'd only become
more worried
"Take a seat dear" Tonya sat down in the plush office, looking
at her
surroundings, it was the first time in a long while that she'd talked to a
professional about her past. She was nervous beyond belief
"There's a reason I asked to talk to you, and it's been eating away at
me"
She told her the long story about Brett, and as she did, she felt an enormous
weight been lifted off her shoulders
I waited outside with Nicky, he was impatient beyond belief, he couldn't sit
still. I reached out to him, and he flinched, recoiling at my touch
"Nicky,
what is it?"
"Don't touch me okay" He whispered, I was puzzled but respected
his wishes
"Do you think I'm a junkie?" His question threw me. The honest
truth was
that he was a junkie, but I couldn't tell him that. I didn't want to make
this even more difficuilt for him. "You do, don't you!"
His anger flared up
at my silence
"No Nicky. I don't think that. But you need help"
"What do you think I'm doing here then? This is all the help I need"
"If that's what you think, then you'll never get well again. Do you want to
go back to been the Nicky I know and love?"
"Just cos my appearance has gone downhill, doesn't change me!"
He spat at
me, I was starting to regret ever getting into this conversation
"Nicky, your appearance is to do with the drugs, your attitude is to do
with
the drugs. Tell me, why did you start them?"
"Why? For some fun that's why!"
"Fun? That's not fun Nicky!" I almost screamed at him, but tried
to stay
calm, as I knew he could lash out at me in rage. What I saw next shocked me,
instead of yelling back at me, his head dropped to his knees, and his body
trembled. Ignoring his previous pleas to be left alone, I wrapped my arms
around him, hating to see him like this. Wishing there was some way to take
his pain.
The door to the counsellors office opened, and Tonya saw Nicky almost on the
floor, crying like a child
"What's happened?" She asked quietly so as not to startle him
"He needs to go home" I released my arms from around him
"And when I say
home, I mean home"
"What? Dublin?" Tonya was horrified, she didn't want that to
happen, Nicky
had to stay in London, where she could take care of him
"Yes, he needs the comfort of his home, been here isn't helping. I'm
packing
his things up and getting the next flight home"
"No!" Tonya yelled "Excuse me?" I asked
"Do you have a problem with him
returning to his home?"
"Well, no, actually yes. Oh god, there's so much I have to tell you, and it
involves the well being of Nicky. Don't leave until you hear me out!"
"I'm taking him back to the hotel. You can tell me there, but I am still
taking him home." I said defiantly, only having Nicky's best
interests at
heart
Shane paced the floor of his hotel room, he had been agitated all day. Tonya
only seemed to have time for Nicky, he was starting to resent that fact, but
he knew deep down that she was just been the friendly soul that he fell in
love with six months ago, he saw determination and strength in her then, she
was the type of girl who didn't need anyone to get by, she was independent,
and he took it upon himself to talk to her, looking back then to that short
holiday romance that started off a new life for them both.
"Shane" Mark popped his head round the door "Are they
back yet?"
"No" Shane replied glumly, kicking the foot of the bed
Mark stepped inside "Problems?"
"You could say that, but I can handle them" Shane smiled weakly,
checking
the bedside clock
"It's Nicky right, it doesn't take a genius to see that you're worried sick
about him"
"I am, but that's not the sole reason, and if I even get into it, I'm an
insensitive jerk"
Mark wanted to help Shane, he knew how close he was to Nicky "Tell me
Shane,
you know me, I won't judge you"
"I know you won't, look it's not as simple as that. I'm putting my own
happiness before my best friend's life, I'm such an uncaring jerk!"
"You're jealous, that's what it is. God Shane, Nicky could die and you're
feeling pushed out in the cold"
Shane glared at him "I thought you wouldn't judge! Get the hell out
of here."
"Shane, I'm not judging, I'm just been honest, you are a jerk to think
that!"
Mark slammed the door as he left
"Now he's asleep, tell me. Why is it so important he stays here?"
I asked
quietly
"I've been through it once before Caz, and I failed badly"
"Drugs? When?" I asked
"It was a long time ago, I thought I put it to the back of my mind, but
Nicky
brought it back. I need to help him, I can help him"
"Tonya, he's my boyfriend, helping him won't erase the past, I need to take
him home, don't you understand?"
"God dammit no! I am not going to let him die, not again!" Tonya
felt the
emotions rush out, as she was once again faced with a vision of Brett, this
scared her beyond belief as the vision spoke to her "Help me
please" She
gripped onto the bed as she recognised the voice, it wasn't her best friend.
It was Nicky, pleading with her, reaching out to her. She suddenly became
stronger "If you take him, then I will have to go with you"
"That's not possible Tonya, you came here to be with Shane"
"Shane will understand" She said softly "This is
something I have to do,
something that must be done, and the more people behind Nicky the better
right?"
I knew she had a valid point "Okay, we're a team" She
hugged me to show her
appreciation.
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