Chapter One
The room around Sidney was spinning as she sat watching the people nervously talk, trying to hide their grieving. Mrs. Feehily, Mrs. Filan and Mrs. Egan rushed about serving the guest the best they could. Not only did Kian, Shane and Mark take upon themselves to comfort Sidney, their mother's took it upon themselves to help Mrs. Kavanagh in her grief. Actually, the women kept busy to hide their pain for their dear friend as they glanced around the room to their own sons, thanking God that it was not them that was grieving. But then suddenly feeling guilty in their prayer. The noise was almost too much to bare as Sidney leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes. The words of the priest still echoed in her mind and the vision of Michael still fresh in her heart. She quickly opened her eyes to the sound of Bailey laughing as Shane tossed him in the air. She cherished his laughter and hoped that this day would not be a permanent memory for him. She closed her eyes again as the lack of sleep in the last three days was finally catching up to her. It wasn't so much that she couldn't sleep, she was exhausted from the crying she had endured but she couldn't handle the silence that came with sleep. In the silence, loneliness was her reality and peace was her enemy. She heard the crying of Evelyn, as her reality of just losing her only child finally overcame her. Sidney slowly opened her eyes to see Evelyn rush to her room in tears as John followed his wife in comfort. A sudden burst of hatred rushed through Sidney, at least Evelyn had her husband to comfort her, at least Evelyn had someone to sleep next to and kiss goodnight. Yes, Evelyn just lost Michael, a loss that Sidney was feeling also but Sidney was completely alone with no one to hold her, comfort her or even love her. Sidney relied on Michael's strength and now she was the strength for her three old son who still asks, "When is Daddy coming home?"
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The traffic from San Diego to Carlsbad was awful as Sidney tried to
weave around the slow cars in the fast lane. "Didn't they know that she had a
very hyper child in the back seat eager to see his daddy?" She thought as she
tried entertaining Bailey. She silently cussed her parents under her breath
for giving Bailey so much candy but that was the benefit of being
grandparents. She finally made it home as a sigh of relief overcame her as
Michael's car wasn't in the driveway. She wanted to look her best and have a
wonderful dinner waiting for him. It had been a trying day for Sidney. She
loved designing homes for people but today, she had the client from hell.
Nothing she did was good enough and their ideas were horrendous. But it kept
her mind off missing Michael. He had been gone longer then usual this time
and she did not sleep when he was gone. Even though Michael has been a pilot
for the last two years with Aer Lingus, she still hadn't got use to sleeping
alone. She loved having Michael next to her and feeling the security that he
gave her. This had been the longest two weeks for her. Phone calls from
Shane, Mark and Kian helped at night and the constant visits of Andrea and
Kelli but nothing could replace the emptiness she felt when Michael was gone
on a trip.
She glanced in the mirror for the last time hoping that Michael wouldn't see the dark circles under her eyes. She picked out her outfit, Michael's favorite and even cleaned up Bailey from his fiasco with the Playdough. She quickly checked her watch, realizing that he was running late. Michael was never late and if he thought he might be, he would call.
"When is daddy going to be home?" Bailey asked for the hundredth time as he tugged at Sidney's arm. He missed the fun times that Michael and he had. Michael was the one who read to him at night, Michael was the one who sat down and helped him build the tallest building in Sligo. Michael and Bailey were inseparable and the time apart from each other was unbearable for the little man who had the same eyes, smile and curly blonde hair as Michael.
"He should be here soon. Let's make daddy a card." She said trying to keep the three year old distracted. She got out his markers, paper for him to draw on and sat him down at the kitchen table. He would have the first view of Michael when he walked through the door. Sidney checked the dinner and her face one more time when the sound of the phone ringing made her jump. Bailey laughed at his mommy as she walked over to the phone trying to calm her heart.
"Kavanagh residence." She said. "Yes, this is Mrs. Kavanagh." Sidney answered as the man on the other line began talking. She listened intently to the voice as the words were spoken. She slowly dropped the paper in her hand as it fell to the floor. Suddenly Sidney felt her world crashing around her as the man explained the accident. All she could hear were, "no survivors"..."plane exploded"..."Michael did what he could to save the plane and passengers"... "I'm sorry Mrs. Kavanagh" and then she pulled the receiver from her ear as he said the words. Bailey began crying because he messed up his card for his dad, the tea pot sounded it's high pitch whistle as Sidney stood numb.
"NO!!!" Sidney yelled as she collapsed on the floor with the phone cord dangling from her fingers. Bailey rushed to her, crying. Sidney grabbed Bailey and held him, tightly. Tears streaming down her face as the man continued to speak, giving her the details of Michael's crash. She went numb, it couldn't be...Michael could not be gone... how would she go on?
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Mark stood across the room, watching Sidney. She looked so exhausted as
she sat with her eyes closed. But even in the exhaustion, Mark still saw the
beauty in Sidney. She still had her light blonde hair that shown around her
like a halo, her eyes still pure green and her face still soft and glowing.
Mark stood silent watching, being thankful that Briana had to stay home and
wait for an important call from London. He didn't want her to ruin this
moment of simply watching...
"Still watching Sid?" Kian asked coming behind Mark as he jumped.
"Egan! Damn it!! Do you have to do that?" Mark yelled trying not to be noticed.
"Give her some time, mate. Michael would want her to be with someone he knew." Kian said as he put his hand on Mark's shoulder.
"I don't know what you are talking about." Mark said brushing Kian's hand off his shoulder. "Sidney is our friend and we are all worried..." "But Shane and I don't want to sleep with her. Well..." Kian paused as Mark slugged him playfully in the stomach. "Hey, mate, you're not the only one with eyes. Sid is hot!" Yelled Kian as Mark tried shutting him up. "You two would be perfect together. You are a lot like Michael..."
"Give it a rest, Kian. Are you forgetting that Briana and I live together?" Mark asked. Briana was persistent about moving in with Mark. They had been dating for only six months at the time and she felt it was the next move. Mark let her move in and soon found all of his favorite things out the door. It didn't even seem like his house anymore. He paid the rent but his favorite chair and pictures were at his parents. But that is what happens in a relationship, at least that what Mark thought.
"I don't see her around here." Kian said looking around room. Mark hit Kian in the stomach again, harder this time and then walked over to Sidney.
Shane continued holding Bailey as he talked to Andrea and Mr. and Mrs. Weston, Sidney's parents. Shane was polite but only half listened to the Weston's, his mind was on Andrea. Even after 4 years, he still got a thrill by Andrea's presence. Her auburn hair still shined in the light and the sparkle that he first noticed in her was still in her eyes. She was a great friend to Sidney as she had traveled from California to be here for her. Shane watched how Bailey responded to Andrea and imagined what their children would have looked. He couldn't deny his feelings for Andrea, she was there next to him, looking so beautiful with the smell that he longed to hold close to him.
"Shane." Andrea said for the third time as she gently touched his arm. "What? I'm sorry." He said realizing that he was totally distracted by her.
"I was saying that Bailey wants some water." She said smiling. She had also missed Shane and seeing him made this trip more bearable. But the lost of her best friends love suddenly rushed over her as she looked away from Shane. How could she want to be happy with a man when Sidney's world was falling all around her.
"Come on, Bailey, let's go retrieve you some water." Shane said as he led Bailey to the kitchen. Andrea stayed behind, watching Shane leave, getting loss in the what was before her. She slowly glanced at Sidney who gave her a shy smile. Andrea knowing what that smile meant, cherishing that Sidney could actually smile again.
"I won't ask the big question." Mark softly said as he sat down on the stool facing Sidney.
"And what is that big question?" Sidney asked as she focused her eyes on the handsome, dark haired man sitting before her. Even in the tears that he had been crying, his eyes were still crystal blue. How she wanted to find comfort in those blue eyes of Mark but she knew that she couldn't.
"How are you holding up." Mark said as he gave her one of his shy smiles. The same shy smile that Michael had.
"Well, this morning I was being held up by six strands of strings. Right now, I am down to one and it is about to break." She tried to smile but that single strand was about to break, right in front of Mark. He gently paced his hand on hers and held it there. She squeezed his soft, warm hand to respond to his comfort. She knew that she was totally alone but she also knew that Mark, Shane and Kian would do everything they could to ease the loneliness.
They earned their title of the four musketeers in primary school. They met, bonded and made a lifetime commitment to each other. Mark and Michael were the silent strong types. They were identical in every way except that Michael had blonde hair and Mark had dark hair. Shane and Kian completed the foursome with their zest for life and adventure. Shane, Kian and Mark each had siblings but Michael was an only child but from the first time they met, Michael instantly had three brothers. They played every sport together, chased after the same girls and lost their virginity in the same year. There were no four boys closer then Shane, Kian, Mark and Michael. When Michael brought Sidney into the mix, they all accepted her with open arms and no questions. Mark was the best man at their wedding with Kian and Shane the groomsman and when Bailey was born, Shane, Kian and Mark were proud Uncles as they watched their friend become a father. Even when life tried to separate them when Michael was forced to move his new family to California because of a job offer, no amount of miles could break the bond. The hardest thing for Sidney to do was to make that call to the guys. It broke her heart when she told John and Evelyn about Michael's death but it devastated her to tell Mark, Shane and Kian. But in that devastation, Sidney found a new support and love from them. She needed them just as much as they needed her.
"Mama, look what Uncle Shane gave me." Bailey said as he ran into Sidney's arms. He held out an old, tarnished medal and gave her a big smile. Shane followed Bailey in the excitement as he sat down next to Mark.
"Is that Michael's medal from Rugby?" She asked as she spied the medal being held tightly in Bailey's tiny hands.
"I just found it in one of Mrs. Kavanagh's kitchen draws." Shane said as he took it from Bailey. "I don't even know where mine is."
"I think my mum has mine in some chest." Mark quickly said as he looked over the medal. "We almost didn't get that medal."
"Wasn't that the day that you got your first speeding ticket?" Sidney asked as Shane leaned back laughing.
"I forgot about that. I just got my license and was driving my Dad's old car. I was only going about 30 in a 25mph zone. My Dad was so mad at me." Shane said smiling.
"So was Michael. After the cop left, he got out of the car screaming at you." Mark said placing his hand on Shane's shoulder. "I thought he was going to kill you."
"He always took his Rugby seriously. But I made up for it when I scored the winning point." Shane said giving the medal back to Bailey.
"I thought Michael got the winning point." Sidney quickly said. "He told you that to impress you." Shane said smiling. He had the most beautiful smile! Shane was beautiful, Kian was hot and Mark was handsome. Sidney thought to herself as she looked at her wonderful friends. They treated her with the same familiarity and respect as Michael and she knew that without them, she would be even more lost.
"What do you say we go and get some real tear chasers." Kian said as he stood behind Shane. "Sounds good, mate." Shane said picking up Bailey from Sidney's lap and placing him on the ground.
"I really should see how Evelyn is doing." Sidney said standing up as Bailey grabbed onto her leg. "I should also stay with Bailey." She began caressing Bailey blonde curls as he hung tight to his mother.
"Hey, Bailey, do you want to stay with Grandma and Grandpa Egan?" Kian asked. "Mommy needs to go for a ride." Bailey quickly shook his head no as he clung tighter.
"I'll watch him." Kelli said as she came up behind Sidney. "Bailey, why don't you and I go color. I heard that you can draw an elephant." Kelli gently took Bailey's hand as she led him to the livingroom. "Don't keep her out too late, guys." Kelli said turning around. "She needs her sleep."
"We won't. Come on, Feehily, you're driving." Kian said as he grabbed Sidney's hand and lead the group to the car on to their next adventure.