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Present "Come on, Filan!" Bryan walked away from Shane in frustration. "I haven't seen Anna or Conor since Monday morning. We have to take a break."
"We will when we get this song right." Shane stood up from the stool that he was sitting on.
"Shane, Bryan is right. I haven't seen Georgina or Shannon, I don't think my own daughter will remember me." Nicky said as he put his hand on Shane's shoulder. "I'm sure Claudia would like to see her husband also."
Shane didn't say a word and just walked away from Nicky. He picked up the papers that were scattered on the sound board. It was the 3 in the afternoon on Wednesday and all of the guys were in need of a break if not some sleep. They had been working nonstop on the new album. Shane had been a slave driver for the last three days. He missed Claudia but he knew that he had to get the album finished before the baby came. They had one more song to do, just one more and it was the one that was stumping them all.
"We all have writers block. Let's just call it a day and leave. Mark and I may not have a wife to welcome us but we do have beds that are calling our names." Kian said walking over to Shane. "And you need to get home to your very pregnant wife."
"Well, we would have gotten this done earlier if Feehily hadn't walked out to get some fresh air." Shane glared at Mark, who turned away from him and began talking to Kian. "Now think of some words for the lyrics." Shane placed the papers on the desk and waited for the first sign of inspiration from the guys.
"I got it!" Bryan yelled as he cleared his throat and hit a musical note. "I want to sleep, I want to see my son, I want to have sex with my wife." Bryan began dancing around the room singing the words over and over.
"McFadden, stop being a deutz, we have to get this done!" Shane yelled as he clocked Bryan in the head, getting more angry with the guys. He wanted the album done so he could go home to Claudia, he already missed her doctor's appointment that morning and he knew that she wasn't feeling well. He should be home taking care of her instead of stressing over his writer's block. He'd never had this problem before, song lyrics always came easy for him. He simply found the inspiration and went with it. But something was hindering his creativity, there was something that was blocking his senses. This had only happened one time to Shane, only one time before did he have problems finding the exact words to express his feelings, the one time that a beautiful blonde filled his thoughts with love and desire....
---Florida, four years earlier---
Shane sat quietly on the beach as he watched the waves roll in and out. The sun was slowly closing the day as he tried to finish his writing. He was deep in thought, trying to think of words that were so difficult coming to him. Bryan had finished his lyrics for the song and Kian was polishing the chords, they were just waiting on him. He could usually write under pressure but this time something or someone was blocking his thought process. He closed his hazel eyes to shut out the world as he tried looking deep into his heart for the perfect words.
But all he could see was her. All he could see was her face as she smiled at him, as she gently tossed back her hair as she took a sip of her morning coffee. Her sun dress gently blew in the wind and the sun created a halo around her blonde head. Mark was sleeping as Claudia and Shane shared a quiet morning watching the sun come up and drinking coffee. Their conversation was light as Shane sat watching her speak, he was getting lost in her in her words and in her mannerisms. He longed to know more but was afraid to change the world they were creating, afraid that it could shatter at any moment. It was in that world, that Shane realized that he was falling in love with Claudia. He couldn't stop or deny it but he had to hide it.
He could hear the soft breeze around him and the squawking of the seagulls as they flew over him. The words heart, fragile, love, and hurt crept into his mind as he could suddenly hear the soft steps in the sand behind him. He slowly opened his eyes and saw her before him. He blinked in amazement. Her beautiful face stared back at him. Her smile lit her whole face as he quickly put his papers to the side.
"I'm really sorry to bother you, Shane." Claudia said softly.
"I needed a break." He brushed the sand off the blanket and then offered her a seat. She sat down gracefully next to him as her scent enveloped him.
"I wanted to talk to you about your letter." She placed her hand on his as a thrill came over him. When Claudia had woken up that morning, she found a note on the kitchen table addressed to her. Claudia opened the letter and found Shane's signature at the bottom:
Claudia,
I wanted to apologize for being so rude to you at the club that night.
You just
took me by surprise when I first saw you. Here I was in Orlando to get
over my
ex-girlfriend and then there you were. I know that you are nothing
like Nicola but until I can get over the hurt, seeing you is just a
reminder of what happened.
Please don't take this personally, I would never want to hurt you.
Please accept my apologies and have patience with me. I am really a
nice guy.
Shane
Claudia folded the letter as she placed it in her memory book that she took everywhere with her. She was glad to know the reason why Shane had acted the way he did. She felt terrible that she could be the source of his hurt. There was so much pain in the words he wrote and she couldn't help but want to take the hurt away. Shane shared something personal with her and that impressed Claudia. Even after spending weeks with Mark, she still didn't know him or his heart. Claudia read Shane's letter several times that morning and each time her heart went out to him a little more.
"I wrote the letter so we wouldn't talk about it." He looked down at the blanket. He couldn't look into her eyes, green at that moment. Someday he wanted to know what caused the change in color.
"I'm a psychologist Shane. We talk about everything." She smiled at him. He was a truly beautiful man, she thought to herself. She had never really looked at him closely, her eyes had always been on Mark. But at that moment, being so close, she...
"I just wanted to apologize for acting the way I did. I didn't mean to hurt you." Shane said, interrupting Claudia's thoughts of him.
"Can I ask what happened?" She asked quietly, hoping to not open any more wounds. Shane didn't answer but just sat staring at the ocean. "I am sorry about your pain with Nicola. I don't know what it is like to love someone so I can't sympathize with you, but I am sorry that you hurt."
"She was my first love." Shane finally said as he thought about the first time he met Nicola and how beautiful she was.
"I've heard first loves are the hardest to get over." Claudia said knowing that she had no clue to what Shane was feeling.
"You never get over your first love. I always thought it would last forever. We were so right for each other. She knew everything about me and she always knew what I was thinking. When I couldn't figure something out, she always could for me." Shane looked down at the sand. He began tracing patterns, trying to fight the oncoming tears.
"Do you really think it is over, I mean, maybe you two just needed time apart..."
"She's getting married in a few months." Shane interrupted her. "I think that pretty much makes it over."
"Maybe you should go back to Ireland and fight for her. If you really love her, Shane, then fight for her." Claudia touched his arm. He turned to look at her.
"It's not that simple, Claudia." Shane could see the last of the sunlight on Claudia's face. He couldn't believe that he was even telling Claudia about Nicola. He couldn't even talk to the guys about his feelings.
"Sometimes we make things more complicated than they seem." She said.
"Have you ever been in love before?" he asked.
"Nope. I guess I have been so involved with my schooling that I haven't. Actually, I haven't found anyone to love me." She looked out at the ocean. She suddenly felt alone and lost as she thought about her life. She was jealous of Nicola and Shane. Sure, they were hurting but at least they knew what it meant to be loved and love someone.
"You have to be kidding me. You haven't had a guy totally fall in love with you? I find that hard to believe." Shane said as he gently placed his hand on her arm. "You're so easy to love." He didn't realize he said it out loud.
"If you count Johnny, then yes I have had someone love me." She smiled. "But I should tell you that Johnny was the first chimp I trained in my lab." They both sat laughing. Shane couldn't help thinking about how attractive she was. Not just on the outside, but as a whole. How could he tell her that someone close to her was loving her? How could he tell her that if she only gave him the chance, she could be loved, deeper then she could ever imagine? Where was this coming from? His mind knew that he couldn't love her, he couldn't be feeling the way he was, it was too soon. But his heart didn't know that logic. Shane had hardly spoken to Claudia in the month he'd been in Orlando. Her time was occupied with Mark, but what he knew about her and in watching her actions, he couldn't help but fall in love with her. It was something that he couldn't fight.
"What made her find someone else?" Claudia asked bluntly.
"You don't waste time getting to the meat of a situation, do you?" Shane asked laughing.
"I told you, I'm a psychologist. We deal with problems all the time." She flipped back her blonde hair as she pulled the sides behind her ear.
"I don't know, I guess she couldn't handle me being on the road." Shane said quickly.
"I can understand that. I mean, I wouldn't have trouble with the distance but it would be hard to see you on the TV."
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"If I couldn't be with you... I mean, if Nicola couldn't be with you, then to see you on TV, singing, laughing and having a good time was probably difficult. Sometimes when you can't be with someone it's better to not even look at them." Claudia spoke with much authority on the matter but she was actually quoting her psych textbook.
"It was difficult being without her. The nights were so lonely. When things were getting so crazy with the fans and the nonstop appearances, it was nice knowing she was there for me. But when I came home the last time and she told me that it was over..." Shane couldn't say anymore, the pain was still too fresh. Claudia didn't ask any more questions, she knew that it hurt Shane too much and she didn't want to hurt him anymore. They both sat in silence.
"What's it like to be in love?" Claudia finally asked breaking the silence. "I mean, I know it's a dumb question but how will I know..."
"You'll know. It's only a feeling that you can have. I can't describe it because it's my feeling. But you will know, trust me. Then you will also get to experience the heartaches that come with it." Shane said without emotion. He couldn't help but be negative about love. The first girl he loved left him for another man. Now Claudia presented herself as someone he could feel that way for. Why did Mark have to be the one spending time with her? He felt angry and cheated. Why couldn't he finally be lucky in love?
Claudia continued staring at Shane as he looked out at the ocean. He was so beautiful and it hurt her to see him in pain. She wanted to reach out to him, to hold him, to kiss away his pain. She quickly looked away, what was she thinking? She was spending time with Mark, she liked Mark, she had feelings for Mark. But there was something about Shane that drew her to him. She felt it the first night they ran into each other but she quickly dismissed it.
Shane slowly looked toward Claudia and their eyes met. He saw the hope in her eyes, hope he hadn't seen in so long. It was then that he realized that Claudia was nothing like Nicola. They may have looked alike but they were so different. Claudia was real, she was pure, she was...
"Is it better to have loved and lost then not have loved at all?" Claudia said as Shane quickly looked away.
"What do you mean?" He said as moved the sand at his feet.
"Am I better off not being loved at all and not experiencing the pain that you have? Or would I be better off knowing what it's like to be loved even though there is also heartache?" Claudia looked directly at him as she spoke, he tried to look away but her eyes kept him from doing so. He didn't speak. He couldn't speak. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how much he wanted to show her what it was like to be loved and that he would never hurt her. If she was with him, she would never know the pain of lost loves. They sat staring into each other's eyes, not aware that their hands were touching. Shane wanted to seize the moment, he was losing himself in her eyes. He leaned toward her until her lips were only a kiss distance away. Claudia could feel her heart beating faster as Shane got near. He placed her hand on his chest and he pulled her closer. Neither of them could look away. But then logic rushed in as Shane gently kissed Claudia's forehead. She melted.
"I probably should get back to my writing." Shane said as he willed himself away from her.
"What are you working on?" She tried to hide the awkward moment.
"A song for our new album. Kian wrote the music.." "Is that the song Kori was telling me about? She said it was beautiful." Claudia interrupted him.
"Yeah. Bry finished his lyrics already, surprisingly, and I am just working on mine." He picked up his paper so he could show her.
"Do you have a title yet?" She asked as she glanced at his words.
"I think Fragile Heart could work, but I don't know if that sounds stupid." Shane looked up at her.
"I think it's great." Shane was amazed that her approval meant so much to him.
"I think this could be one of our hits. It's one of our first attempts at writing and we could..." Shane was interrupted by Mark running behind them and grabbing Claudia.
"Hey, Angelface. Where have you been my whole life?" He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.
"I was just talking ..." Her words were stopped as Mark planted his lips on hers. The two didn't see Shane when he stood up and began walking back to his cabin. Holding the paper tight in his hand, he tried to tune out Claudia and Mark....
Present
"We'll finish this song later." Shane threw the papers at Nicky and ran for the studio door.
"Shane, where the hell are you going?" yelled Kian.
"Taking your advice." Shane hollered back as the door slammed behind him.
"What advice did he take?" asked Kian. "I've given him loads of advice, which bit is he finally taking?"
Shane gunned the engine as he sped out of the parking lot of the studio. He turned up the radio as he weaved through traffic. He wasn't paying attention to the music, just the road as he thought about the words he would say. But then suddenly his hands began to shake "...with all this fire that burns between us,there's so much to lose, yet so much more to gain/ and if I could choose the world around me, the world I'd choose would all revolve around you/ so help me complete the game inside me, and help to mend my fragile heart." It was their song, Claudia must have been listening to it...
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