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*the next morning*
“Mattie! Caitlin’s here!” Mr. O’Shaunessy called upstairs.
Mattie paused in the middle of unpacking her suitcases. “Send her up dad!” she called back. In a minute she heard the sound of footsteps rumbling up the stairs and Caitlin burst into the room.
“Mattie!” she squealed.
“Hey Cait!” Mattie said happily. She stood up and gave her friend a hug. “You’re here pretty early.”
“Well, I couldn’t wait to see you! I’ve missed you so so sooo much, Mat. It’s been so boring here without you around.”
“I’m sure you got along fine,” Mattie said smiling. “After all, you did have Richard here to keep you company,” she teased, referring to the person that Cait had been dating when Mattie last came home on Easter break.
“Oh, him,” Caitlin said waving her hand dismissively. “I broke it off with him a while ago.” She hopped onto Mattie’s bed, facing the ceiling.
Mattie turned around. “What?! But last time we talked you were going on about how you thought he was ‘the one’.”
Caitlin wrinkled her delicate small nose. “Did I say that?” Mattie nodded solemnly. “Well, I was wrong. Richard was such a fuddy duddy.”
Mattie raised her eyebrows. “A fuddy duddy? I’m not even going to ask what you mean by that.” She returned to her spot on the floor and continued to take items out of her suitcase.
Caitlin rolled her eyes. “He was just so…boring and tedious. He wasn’t any fun!” She ran a hand absently through her blonde hair. “Anyway, what are you yelling at me about? I’m still mad at you for letting that cute guy at the University go. What was his name? Peter?”
Mattie nodded absently as she pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
“I can’t believe you just broke it off with him. From what you told me about him, he seemed like he was perfect! And that picture! Mattie, he looked like he could be the Adonis of the twenty-first century.”
Mattie rolled her eyes. Caitlin could be so melodramatic. But that was one of her most endearing and amusing qualities. “I don’t think he was quite so great as you make him seem. After all, you never even met him.”
Caitlin shrugged. “You’re just too picky, Mattie.”
“I’m not picky!” Mattie said defensively. “I just…I have a certain standard of measure.” Both girls paused. They both knew who that standard of measure was.
Suddenly, Caitlin’s expression became serious. She hopped off the bed and knelt down on the floor where Mattie was sitting and regarded her friend carefully. “No luck, huh?” she said sympathetically.
Mattie looked down. “It’s just…I don’t know what I should do.” She began to play with her hands absently. “You know I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard to just get past my feelings for Mark. And I thought I was doing okay, you know? When I broke up with Peter I almost convinced myself that I wasn’t doing it because I was still in love with Mark, and that I was just doing it because we weren’t right for each other. But that was just it! We were right for each other. Peter was practically perfect.” Mattie ran a hand through her dark hair in a frustrated gesture. “He was fun, he was smart, sweet, cute, and we never ran out of things to talk about. But all the while we were going out, I would always be comparing him to Mark, and how he wasn’t anything like Mark.” Mattie sat down and her desk and rested her forehead in her hands. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Caitlin came over to Mattie and put her arms around her sympathetically. She rested her chin on Mattie’s head. “Oh, Mat. There’s nothing wrong with you.” Caitlin paused, remembering the picture that Mattie had sent her of Peter. “Okay, maybe you may have a little something wrong with you, but that’s not your fault.”
“Thanks, Cait,” Mattie mumbled.
“No, I’m serious. Believe it or not, I know how hard it is to get over a guy. Granted, I’ve never been in love with a guy since I was two years old, but that’s beside the point.” Caitlin paused. “Mattie…have you ever considered just…letting him go?”
Mattie raised her head and looked at her friend in disbelief. “You don’t think I’ve tried? What do you think Peter was all about? And every other guy that I’ve ever dated? They were all attempts to try and let go of my feelings for Mark. But, god Cait, it’s so hard. There are times when I wish I could just go to sleep and then wake up and not feel this way about him. I wish with all my heart that it could be that easy.” Mattie bit her lip to keep them from trembling.
Caitlin hugged her friend even tighter. “I know Mattie, I know,” she said comfortingly. “It’s just that I hate seeing you hurt.” She turned Mattie’s head so that they were looking at each other. “But you’ve been in love with him for how long? About all your life? And you two still haven’t got it together. If this were me, I would have went on my merry way a long time ago.”
Mattie smiled at Caitlin knowingly. “But that’s you, Caitlin.”
“That’s very true. I am astounded by your patience. But not quite impressed by it. Come on, Mattie! You’ve got to move on with your life! Meet new people! You can’t go on like this forever. If you’re not planning on telling him soon, then I suggest you go about finding someone else. Preferably someone with a clue.” Caitlin stood back with her arms crossed over her chest in an authoritative stance.
Mattie sighed. Caitlin had always been blunt. She wasn’t very patient in the first place and Mattie knew that her situation with Mark was making Caitlin almost as frustrated as she was herself. “It’s not so easy.”
“Of course it’s not easy! I know that as well as you do.” Caitlin softened her voice. “I know that it’s hard for you, and it’s even worse because you’ve known him all your life. But Mat, really now. It’s been so long and the lad still hasn’t got a clue. But I suppose I can’t totally place the blame on him.” She looked sideways at Mattie, who squirmed sheepishly at the last comment. “Mattie. If you want this to happen, you’ve got to say something, do something. We both know how thick Mark can be when it comes to relationships. And I know that if you would just say something to him, he would just open his eyes and totally fall in love with you and you two would be together and things would be like they should be.”
“I wish I had your confidence,” Mattie said wistfully.
“You do have my confidence! You have never been shy.” Caitlin spotted a small bag of peanuts in Mattie’s bag and pounced on them. “Ooh, honey roasted! Well anyway, I don’t see why you two can’t just get it together. You never seemed to have any trouble in the past with getting guys. Actually, guys are always falling at your feet, you don’t even have to try. I don’t see why Mark is so special. Peanut?”
“That’s okay,” Mattie said as she contemplated Caitlin’s lecture Finally she spoke. “It’s different with Mark, Cait. You know how reserved he is. I know that if I told him, things could never be the same between us. And as much as I might want him, and want to be with him…I don’t think I could take it if I knew he didn’t want me.” Mattie shivered at the thought.
“But you have to at least try. I know you’re scared. But I would rather risk being hurt than living my whole life waiting, and hoping, and never knowing if he might feel the same, or if he would if he was given the chance. I know you as well as I know myself, but this is the only area where I can’t even begin to understand you. Who was it who said, ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’? Shakespeare?”
“Tennyson,” Mattie replied automatically.
“Yes, Tennyson. He knew about these things. If you won’t listen to me, then heed the words of one of the greatest poets of the Romantic era, and quite an authoritative figure on love and romance as well, if I do say so myself.”
Mattie smiled. “Tennyson wasn’t a Romantic writer. He was a Victorian writer.”
Caitlin made a dismissive gesture. “Whatever. What I was going to say was that if he were here right now, I’m sure he would agree with me. And he would probably also agree that if you’re not going to tell him, then you should move on. Who knows how many guys you are missing out on! Like Peter! If I were you-” Caitlin paused, cocking her head to one side. “Is somebody yelling?”
Mattie looked around and listened.. “I hear it too. It sounds like it’s coming from outside.” She got up from her desk and walked to her window, which looked directly into Colin Feehily’s window. Mattie laughed.
“Who is it?” Caitlin asked curiously.
“It’s Bryan and Colin. Hi Bryan! Hi Colin!” Mattie waved. She laughed again as Bryan waved back frantically. Colin disappeared after Mattie waved, but Bryan stayed at the window.
“Hey! Can I come over?” he hollered. “Mark is still sleeping over here and it’s dull as anything! And Colin won’t let me touch his toys! He’s being really selfish! I think it’s cos I broke one of them last night, but I fixed it up fine, and it works beautifully. But he still won’t let me near them.”
“Sure, come on over!”
“Great!” He disappeared from the window. In a few minutes Mattie and Caitlin heard a rumbling up the stairs and Bryan came into the room.
“Hey!” Mattie said giving him a hug. “How’d you sleep last night?”
“Alright,” he shrugged, hugging her back. “I’m sharing a room with Colin until we have to leave, and he snores really loud for a little sprout. But I managed to drop off.” He caught sight of Caitlin. “Hey Caitie. Howya doin’?”
Caitlin gritted her teeth. “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Caitie?”
“Oops, I forgot,” Bryan said leaning down to kiss her on top of her head.
“I’m sure you did,” she replied, swatting his hand away as he tried to ruffle her hair.
“So what’s up for today?” he said, settling down on top of Mattie’s desk. He reached down, discreetly removed a pencil he had sat on and offered it to Mattie.
“That’s okay, you can have it,” she said, waving it away.
“Ah, thanks. Are we going to do anything fun today? I’m bored. I cannot wait till we get back to Dublin. There’s never anything to do here unless you like playing with the sheep.”
“When are you going back?” Caitlin asked.
“Em…two more days. Then it’s four days in Dublin till we’re off again.”
“Where are you going first? Wasn’t it Egypt or something?” Mattie questioned.
“No, we’re going to Israel. The land of Jesus,” he said, raising his arms in a biblical gesture.
Caitlin gave him a funny look. “You are so odd. Where’s Mark?”
“Where else? At home, sleeping. I wonder how long he’s going to be out. I had to share a room with him for the last two weeks so it was my job to wake him up every day.” Bryan shuddered.
“Aw, poor Bry,” Mattie said sympathetically.
“Why poor Bry?” Caitlin asked.
“Have you ever been with Mark early in the morning?” Bryan said incredulously. “The lad is scary. Whenever we have to share together, I start to develop ulcers from fear and nervousness. Trust me, you don’t want to be near him until he’s been awake for at least four hours and starts to act like a decent human being.”
Caitlin laughed. “Is he that bad?”
Bryan nodded solemnly. “It’s come to a point where I will wake up half an hour early and get dressed. Then, when it’s time to wake him up, I just give him a shove and rush madly out the door before he gets the chance to inflict any bodily injury.”
“Hey, that’s pretty smart,” Mattie said, impressed.
Bryan smiled proudly. “Yeah. But it doesn’t really work so well because sometimes the shove doesn’t wake him up. Then I have to go back and do it again, and that is really stressful for me, cos if I stay and wait to see if he’s woken up, then there is the chance that he will get to me in time to beat me for waking him up. So I have another plan that I will use the next time I have to share with him.”
“What’s that?”
“Well, I am still going to wake up early and that, but I have decided to get a really long stick that can reach him in his bed while I am standing at the door. Then, I can poke him until he wakes up, and when he wakes up in a raging fury, then I am able to just drop the stick and run for my life.”
“Ahhh,” Mattie said nodding. “But where are you going to get this big stick? And how are you going to take it places with you?”
“That’s the part I haven’t figured out yet. I’ll think of something though, don’t you worry.”
“Alright Bryan, you do that. Anyway, I have really got to finish packing. You two want to help?” Mattie laughed as Bryan and Caitlin both grimaced. “That’s okay. Well, I’ll finish packing, and Cait, you can take Bryan out and keep him from getting bored. And getting into trouble. And tell Mark that I’ll come over later okay?”
“No problem,” Bryan said, hopping off the desk. “Come on, Caitie. You can show me all the stuff there is to do around here.”
“I told you to stop calling me Caitie!”
“Sorry, Caitie.”
Mattie laughed when Caitlin gave Bryan a pinch as they walked out of the room. But a few seconds later, Caitlin came running back alone.
“Mattie? I want you to think about what I said today, okay? No, I don’t want to hear it,” she said as Mattie began to protest. “Just think about it. I don’t want you to spend your life waiting for someone who might not be there for you.” She gave Mattie a hug and then was gone, leaving her friend alone in the room.
****************************
*that evening*
Mark walked up the steps to his house and let himself in the door. “Mum?” he called? “Dad? Anybody home?”
“I’m in the living room, dear,” he heard a voice call.
Mark made his way to the living room where his mother and father were both sitting on the couch, reading. “Hello darling,” Marie Feehily said as Mark came to give her a kiss. “Did you have a good time? How is everyone?”
“I had a great time. The lads are fine. It was great seeing them all again. Where is everyone? Where’s Bryan? Haven’t seen him at all today.”
“I suppose he’s still out with Caitlin. She’s taking him round to all the sights of Sligo that he hasn’t yet seen. I think she said something about taking him to Yeats’ home.”
“Yikes. Poor Bry.”
“Yes, I got the feeling that he wasn’t a museum type of lad. But I don’t think Caitlin told him it was a museum,” Mrs. Feehily said smiling.
“Do you know if Mattie’s home? I think I’ll go by and have a chat with her. I haven’t seen her all day either.”
“Actually, Mattie came round earlier didn’t she?” Oliver Feehily said.
“As a matter of fact she did,” Mrs. Feehily replied. “She came to see if you were home, but since you weren’t she told us to tell you she’d be on Benbulben.”
Mark smiled. “Same old Mattie. Off on another Yeats inspiration trip?”
“That’s what I would guess. She’s probably still there, if you want to run up and see her.”
“Yeah, I think I’ll do that,” Mark said. He gave his mother another kiss and turned to leave.
Mrs. Feehily watched him go with a knowing smile on her face. She knew how Mark treasured his friendship with Mattie. It had always been one of the stable, constant things in his life, along with his family and his close friends. Ever since they were children, they had always shared a special bond, even though they were as different as night and day. Where Mark was shy and quiet, Mattie was talkative and outspoken. Mattie had always been the one open to adventure and new experiences and Mark had always been reserved and hesitant. But despite their differences, they were the best of friends, and understood each other better than anyone else. Their friendship was a beautiful and cherished thing, but someday…Mrs. Feehily could only hope what she and Margaret O’Shaunessy, Mattie’s mother, had hoped since both their children were born-that perhaps someday their friendship would turn into something even more sweet and precious and enduring…Mrs. Feehily sighed and smiled. Time would tell.
******
Mark walked up the usual path on Benbulben. As he walked, he took in the familiar sights fondly. He remembered how much fun he and Mattie had always had on this mountain, and in the woods when they were children. Even though she was a girl, she was always game for outdoor adventure and activity. In fact, she could always beat out any of the boys when it came to outdoor activity and adventure.
At last, Mark arrived at Mattie’s usual spot. He smiled when he saw her, sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest, with her chin resting on them, gazing out at the setting sun. She made such a serene, familiar picture that he couldn’t help just looking at her for a while. But he made his way over to her and sat down silently. Mattie smiled at him.
“Did your mum tell you I was here?”
“Yeah, but I knew you’d be here anyway,” Mark replied, grinning. Mattie turned her head back to the horizon. Mark watched her as she gazed at the scenery in front of her. She had changed so little since he had been gone, yet she did seem different. He supposed he had changed too. After all, you couldn’t expect everything to remain exactly the same. Going to school in a big city could really affect a person’s lifestyle, not to mention touring the world as a member of one of the fastest rising pop groups out there. But through the changes, the relationship between the two was essentially the same. They could still sit next to each other in complete silence yet know exactly what the other was thinking. No words needed to pass between them to understand each other completely. Since they were little, all Mark needed to do to know what Mattie was thinking was to look at her face, to look into her eyes, and it was the same the other way around. Their friendship was one of the things that Mark cherished the most. There wasn’t anyone else like her in the world, and he felt so lucky every day to have someone like her, someone who could understand him so well. There wasn’t anything that she didn’t know about him, and he was sure there wasn’t anything he didn’t know about her.
Mattie shifted beside him. “You know, being here at this time of day always reminds me of that poem by Wordsworth.”
“Which one?”
“ ‘It Is a Beauteous Evening, Calm and Free.’”
Mark furrowed his brow and thought. “How does that one go?”
Mark shook his head. “I can’t believe you still know these poems. I hardly remember anything from that class.”
“That’s because you were sleeping half the time. Remember when we were supposed to memorize that passage from the Canterbury Tales and Mr. Bradley called you up for the recitation? I don’t think I’ve ever felt sorrier for anyone in my life. You looked like a sheep about to be run over by a cart.” Mattie and Mark both laughed, remembering.
“I really miss this place,” Mark said, looking around. “Remember how much fun we used to have up here?”
Mattie smiled. “Yeah. Every time I come home, I try to get here as soon as I can. It never ceases to amaze me that I might be sitting on the very same spot that Yeats might have sat on as he composed his greatest masterpieces. We could be walking up the same paths that inspired him to write The Wanderings of Oisin.”
Mark looked at Mattie fondly. "You have not changed. That's what I love about you. No matter what happens or how much time passes by, you will always be the same." He noticed a wisp of hair that had escaped from her dark ponytail and tucked it behind her ear. Mattie blushed at the gentle gesture and looked down. She expected him to continue speaking, but instead, his fingers remained on her hair, caressing the smoothness lightly. His hand moved down to her soft cheek, and he cupped her face gently. Mattie's breath caught in her throat, and she sat still, afraid to move, afraid to breathe, afraid to break the moment. At last she looked up. She was met with the blueness of his expressive eyes. Mattie attempted to look away but found that she could not take her eyes away from his face. Mark's gaze was trained steadily upon her face, and his thumb was lightly stroking her cheek. For a moment, they only looked at each other, both unspeaking, unmoving. At last, Mark removed his hand from her face. Mattie let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She looked away, disappointed.
After a silence Mark spoke. “What are you going to be doing this summer? Going anywhere?”
“Probably not. I think I’m just going to stay here and hang around. Maybe Cait and the girls and I will take a trip down to London together. Probably not as exciting as your summer will be,” Mattie teased goodnaturedly.
“Yeah,” Mark said absently.
Mattie looked at him. “Is something wrong? You don’t sound too enthusiastic.”
“No, I’m actually pretty excited about leaving for the States. It’s really fun there. What I’m not liking is the prospect of shuttling back and forth to three different cities in one day, starting over with the same interview questions again and again, not being able to play at big crowds like we have here. But we all really want to make it over there. And if we do make it, then it will all be worth it. But I have a feeling it’s going to be a long trip. I wish I had more time to spend here. I mean, I just got back yesterday and already we’re going to be leaving for Dublin in two days. I’ve hardly spent any time with my family, or you either. I wish I could just take you guys back with –” Mark stopped suddenly.
Mattie gave him a funny look. “You okay, Mark?
“Actually,” he said slowly. “I think I’ve just got an idea.”
“What?” Mattie asked suspiciously.
“Why don’t you…come with us?”
“Excuse me?”
“Come with us. On the promotional tour.”
Mattie stared at Mark incredulously. “Come with you guys.”
Mark nodded.
“On your promotional tour.”
Mark nodded again.
“To the States.”
“Yes.”
“Are you insane?”
“No! I’m not insane. Come on, Mattie! It’ll be so much fun. I know you’ve always wanted to go to the States, and now here’s your chance! Please come with us Mat, I know you’ll love it.” He took both of her hands in his. “Please. Just think of how much fun it would be if you were there with me. The guys would love it! They all love you! It’ll give us a chance to catch up with each other.”
“Catch up with each other? I don’t think we’ve ever gone more than three days without talking to each other, Mark, and that didn’t change when you joined the group either.”
“But that’s not the same, Mat. I’ve missed you so much this past year. We never came home at the same times. Just think of what it would be like if we got to see each other every day again! It’ll be just like it used to be. Please, Mattie. I really want you to come.”
“Well, even if I said yes…I said if,” Mattie said, raising her finger as Mark’s face lighted up. “What makes you think that your managers would let me come anyway?”
“Of course they’d let you come!” Mark insisted. “It wouldn’t be a problem at all. Georgina’s coming on this tour too, so if they let her go, they’ll let you go.”
“Georgina? As in Georgina Aherne? The Prime Minister’s daughter is going?! Forget it. How am I supposed to act around the Prime Minister’s daughter?”
“Just the way you act around everyone else. Quit making excuses, Mattie! Please please please? It would mean more than anything in the world if you came with us.” His expression became serious. “Mattie, I really want you to be with me. Please say yes.”
Mattie looked at Mark’s face carefully. He wanted to be with her. He wasn’t saying it in the context that she wanted him to, but it was enough. Mattie could feel her resistance cracking. “Caitlin’s going to kill me,” she said out loud.
Mark’s eyes widened. “That a yes, isn’t it? That’s a yes!” He jumped up excitedly, pulling Mattie along with him. Mark drew her close to him in a crushing hug. “This’ll be so great, you’ll see. I promise you you won’t regret it. Just think of it, you and me together again, wreaking havoc across the United States! This is going to be so much fun. The guys are going to love it!”
Mattie laughed at Mark’s enthusiastic rambling. “Calm down, Mark. I still have to ask my dad, you know.”
“Oh, he’ll let you go, I know it. God, Mattie, I’m so excited already. Now I can’t wait for the tour to start. I know you’ll love being on the road with us.”
Mattie smiled dubiously. “I’m sure I’ll have my hands full with you five. I know how you can be when you’re together. Which reminds me, I’ll be sure to bring a case of Advil.”
Mark laughed as he put his arm around her and they headed back toward their homes. “Well, we’re not that bad.” Mattie gave him a look. “Okay, we are that bad, but we’ll try to keep it under control.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
Chapter 6
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