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Shane looked concernedly at Mark, who at that moment was looking like he had just seen a ghost. �Hey, Mark? Are you okay, mate?� There wasn�t any answer so Shane tried again. �Mark?� He snapped his fingers in front of Mark�s face. �Hey!� Shane took him by the shoulder and shook him a little. That seemed to get Mark out of his daze. �What�s the matter with you, man?� Shane said. �I thought I was the only one who could space out like that.� Mark stared at him for several seconds in silence, and Shane began to fidget uncomfortably. �Okay Mark, you�re beginning to scare me.�
�Shane�� Mark began slowly.
�Yeah?�
Mark hesitated a moment before speaking. �Can I � can I talk to you about something?�
Shane raised an eyebrow. �Since when do you have to ask me?�
�Right,� Mark said, embarrassed. �Yeah, well then, anyways�� He trailed off absentmindedly, his brow furrowed as if he were confused. Mark didn�t say anything else for a long while, seemingly lost in his own little world.
�Erm, Mark?�
�Huh?� He looked surprised that Shane had spoken to him.
�Did you want to talk about something?�
�Talk about what?�
At that Shane threw his hands up in exasperation. �I don�t know! You tell me!�
�Oh yeah! Right.� Mark still looked a bit out of sorts.
Shane looked at his friend expectantly. �Well?�
Mark twisted his hands together anxiously. �Shane, I want you to tell me something. And � and I want you to be as honest and candid as you can, okay mate?�
Shane looked a bit surprised. �I�ll try my best.�
Mark took a deep breath before continuing. �Do you � I mean, have you � I mean, I � � Mark stuttered, desperately groping for the right words. �Crap!� he exclaimed in frustration. Mark put his elbows on the table and fisted his hands in his hair.
�Mark, are you sure you�re okay?� Shane asked. �Maybe that roller coaster affected you too.�
Mark shook his head. �No�no, it�s not that,� he said. �It�s � I just � I�m not sure how to say this.�
�Just spit it out,� Shane advised. �You�re kinda freaking me out here, mate.�
Mark took another deep breath, keeping his eyes on the table. �I want you to tell me�if you�ve noticed something different about me��
�Different about you? What�s different?� Shane asked confusedly.
�No, not just me.� Mark raised his head and looked at Shane. �I want you to tell me if you�ve noticed anything different�between me and � and Mattie.� There, he had said it. Mark sat back, relieved that he had managed to get it out. He bit his lower lip nervously as he waited for Shane�s reaction.
At this, Shane�s eyes widened and sat back in his chair, studying his friend carefully. �Different how?� he said finally.
Mark exhaled loudly and rubbed his forehead. �I don�t know! I don�t know, Shane!� he burst out. �This was never supposed to change � WE were never supposed to change. She isn�t supposed to make me feel � but for God�s sake man, I�m tingly. TINGLY!� He held his hands up in front of Shane�s bewildered face as evidence. When Shane didn�t say anything, he went on. �Am I making any sense? I�m probably not, am I? It�s just - I never thought things could change, do ya know what I�m saying? Shit, what am I saying?� Mark rested his forehead against his clenched fists, his expression one of utter confusion and frustration.
�Wait, wait wait, let me see if I�m understanding this rightly�� Shane began. He was trying as hard as he possibly could to keep the excitement out of his voice. This was a golden opportunity and now was not the time to lose his head. He had to go about this as cautiously and as prudently as humanly possible. �Are you trying to tell me�that you�re beginning to think of Mattie as more than just � a friend?�
Mark just stared back at Shane. He was too afraid to answer, too afraid of what his response would be. He felt like his whole world was teetering on a precarious edge and he could send it all crashing down with just one word. Suddenly, everything that seemed familiar to him now seemed clouded over with a sheen of uncertainty. Mark looked helplessly at Shane and sighed heavily. �She�s never been just a friend, Shane. You know that.�
�That�s not answering my question, mate,� Shane answered. Mark remained silent, his expression hopelessly forlorn and confused.
�What�s happening, Shane?� he said finally, in a lost whisper. �What�s happening to us?�
Shane stared at Mark incredulously. �You honestly don�t see? You can�t see for yourself what�s happening? God almightly, you ARE thick. Or maybe you do see, but you�re just to afraid to admit it. Is that it?� He took in Mark�s blank�s face and shook his head in exasperation. �Well, allow me to lay it out for you. It�s a story as old as time but never does seem to lose its magic, does it? How does it begin again?� Shane rested his elbows on the table and contemplated for a minute before beginning.
�A little boy and a little girl grow up in a little Irish hamlet together. They were different in every way you could possibly imagine. Where he was shy, she was endlessly gregarious. Where he was cautious, she was imprudent and mischievous. Where he was uncertain, she was the one to lead him through the doubt. If you had known them apart, you�d have never guessed that this little boy and this little girl would have ever had anything to do each other. But you couldn�t possibly know them apart because for sixteen years, they were never not together. Neither of them have ever known a single moment in their lives when they weren�t a part of each other. And as different as they were, the one thing that they did share were their dreams. This boy dreamed extraordinary dreams and his dreams were her dreams. Why? Because she adored him. She adored him like he adored her, and would have given the world to him had he just asked for it.
And then one day it was time for this boy to leave this girl behind to follow the dreams that she had helped him create. He went, and those dreams were fulfilled beyond anything he could have ever imagined. And then�and then, he came back.� Shane leaned forward on the table to emphasize his words. �He came back, and he didn�t find the same girl that he left at seventeen to follow a dream. On the surface, she was the same�but there was something different about her, wasn�t there? Wasn�t there, Mark?� Shane looked expectantly at Mark, who was staring back at him, speechless.
�Am I going to have to spell this out, too?� Shane sighed. �You know there�s something different about her, mate. You said it yourself. And what was different in her started to make a difference in you. Because suddenly, you see a different light in her eyes. You feel a difference in her touch. You feel a difference when you touch her. It�s not the same anymore, and you wonder why, but deep inside, you know, don�t you? Because suddenly, you want to be around her all the time and you love to hear her say your name and you try your hardest to make her laugh because suddenly, those are the sweetest sounds you�ve ever heard. You feel a shiver when she looks into your eyes, and a tingle runs through you when you think of her.� Mark�s eyes fell down to his hands and he clenched them tightly.
�How did you know?� he whispered in astonishment.
Shane gave him an understanding smile. �Who doesn�t?�
Mark gave him a confused look. �What do you mean by that?�
�Come on now, Mark,� Shane said. �We all knew this was coming someday. It was all just a matter of time.�
�What was a matter of time?�
�Heaven grant me patience,� Shane muttered under his breath. �Jesus, Mark! I knew you were thick, but I never thought you were this dense. Now I know how your mother must have felt when she was trying to get you toilet trained. You and Mattie! Together! It was bound to happen sometime, eh?�
�Wait wait wait, hold on a minute,� Mark said, his eyes widening. �Shane, I think you�re jumping ahead of yourself here.�
�Am I really?� Shane demanded. �Did you or did you not just tell me a few minutes ago that you are having feelings for Mattie?� Mark sat in a stony silence, refusing to answer. �What does she mean to you?� Shane asked suddenly.
�What?� Mark looked surprised.
�Mattie. I want you to tell me what she means to you. EXACTLY what she means to you. It�s a simple question. Shouldn�t be too hard to answer.� Shane sat back and folded his arms across his chest. �Well?�
Mark stared down hard at the white table top. �She�s � she�s everything to me. Mattie is the only reason I�m even here. I couldn�t ever say in words what she is to me, because there aren�t any that I could ever find that would be enough. She�s�she�s a part of me.�
�But how does she make you feel?� Shane questioned further. He sighed again when Mark didn�t answer. �That�s what�s wrong, Mark. You can�t see past all these years that you and Mattie have spent together, you can�t see that what you have could be something more than what you�ve always known. But�I can�t say that I blame you. What you two have right now is priceless, and remarkable, and amazing. It�s really extraordinary what you two have got through together. These years, these two years that you�ve been apart from each other, most people would have guessed that you�d have grown apart. But you haven�t, have you?� Mark shook his head slowly. �And do you know why? Because what you and Mattie have together is so strong and so deep that it can�t possibly be pulled apart. There�s something there that runs deeper than friendship and that could never be explained. Do you realize how little friendships there are in the world that start practically from the womb? That�s why what you and Mattie have is so precious. You can�t let go of it because it�s damn near impossible. How easy can it be to take away a part of your soul? It�s not.�
�Shane, what�s the point? I know all this,� Mark said, confused.
�No, you think you know,� Shane countered. �But you don�t know the half of it. You can�t see what�s right before your face because you can�t get yourself to see through the cloud that�s in front of it. And you don�t know that cloud is easier to push away than you think.�
�So what are you saying, you think I should take what Mattie and I have and bring it a step further?� Mark gave him an incredulous look.
�Finally, you get it!� Shane leaned forward and clapped Mark on the back, while Mark tried to digest what was happening.
�Shane are you joking?! No. No! You don�t have any idea what you�re about. This is NOT how it�s supposed to be.� Mark shook his head vigorously as he spoke. �You don�t � you don�t � you can�t be serious. Me and Mattie? No, that�s not supposed to happen. No way.�
�Why not?� Shane demanded. �Why is that so impossible to imagine? Maybe it IS supposed to happen, but you�re just too blind to see it. Maybe you�re too scared to realize that maybe, just maybe, she�s starting to be more than just the girl that you grew up with, the girl you used to make mudpies with in the back yard, the girl who pulled your trousers down in primary school and everyone laughed because you were still wearing nappies.�
Mark gasped. �She told you that?�
�Yeah, but that�s not my point here, mate. What I was trying to say is that you�re not letting yourself see that what you two have together could be even more precious and more beautiful than either of you could have ever imagined. You and I both know that you wouldn�t be who you are without her. Mattie is one half of your strength and your hopes and your dreams and your entire world. You know that already, but what you can�t see is what it could mean if you would give it a chance.�
Mark stared at his friend in bewilderment. �Shane! Where the hell is all this coming from? Have you always thought this? What, did you just ASSUME that we would end up together just because she�s my best friend? My god, I hate that �girl-boy best friend clich�.� Yes, she is all those things that you say she is, and I know it better than anyone else. Mattie is one of the most important people in the world to me, and I would do anything for that girl, and all she would have to do is ask. But for chrissake Shane, you�re reading too much into that. I don�t know if I appreciate you going around just assuming something like that. And I don�t think Mattie would take too well with it either.�
�You�d be surprised,� Shane said under his breath.
�Huh?� Mark looked confused.
�Oh nothing, nothing,� Shane said hastily. He mentally kicked himself for being so imprudent. �I just want to tell you that sometimes, things aren�t what they seem to be. And sometimes, there are signs for you to follow. You say that your feelings are changing, and that things aren�t the same between you two. Those feelings are there for a reason, Mark. They�ve changed for a reason. And now it�s time for you to figure out why they�ve changed, and why you feel the way you do. Why suddenly there�s a different light around her when you look at her. And why a tingle runs through you when you think of her.�
Mark stared at his hands, not answering. He seemed to be thinking very hard. Slowly, he began shaking his head. �No Shane. These feelings�they�re not what you think they are. We�ve spent so much time apart these past few years, that there were bound to be differences. As much as I don�t like to admit it, we were bound to change. But we haven�t changed in the way you think, Shane. Deep down, we�re still the same people and it�s the same bond and nothing�s going to change that. You�re jumping to conclusions. And even if these feelings do mean what you say they mean, do you honestly think that I would risk everything that Mattie and I have together, a friendship that�s spanned all our lives, just because my feelings are changing and I�m confused about them? No. This is going to pass, Shane. Once I get used to being around her again, everything�s going to go back to the way it was before.� Mark bit his lip anxiously. �It has to,� he whispered.
Shane shook his head at Mark. It was clear that he was beginning to realize these new feelings had the power to change his life drastically � and it was also clear that Mark was terrified because of that. It was on the tip of Shane�s tongue to just blurt out how Mattie had felt about him all this time, in hopes that it would relieve Mark of some of the pressure and confusion, but it wasn�t his place. It wasn�t his right, and he knew that Mattie would never forgive him for it, either. Now they would all just have to wait and trust that Mark would be able to figure this out. Today had been a huge step. He had finally admitted to the feelings that everyone else was already aware of by now, and now it was up to him to decide what to do with them. But there was one thing left that Shane needed to say.
�Mark,� he began.
�Yeah?� Mark said, looking up.
�I want you to promise me something.�
�Promise what?�
�I want you to promise me that you will talk to Mattie about this. You two need to figure this one out together. Don�t do it alone, Mark.�
Mark�s eyes widened. �What?! You can�t be serious. Why do I have to drag Mattie into this mess? What if she freaks out?�
Shane smiled knowingly. �Trust me, mate. I don�t think she�s going to freak out. In fact, you might even be surprised.�
Mark looked uncertain. �I don�t know, Shane.�
�Just trust me, Mark. You�ve gotta do this together. Unless you can tell me that you�re sure that her feelings for you haven�t changed either, then you�ve got to work this out, the both of you, together.�
Mark stiffened. Shane was right. It wasn�t just his feelings in this jumble, it was Mattie�s too. And he couldn�t entirely be sure that she wasn�t going through exactly what he was going through himself. Mark�s mind traveled to earlier that afternoon in the hotel room when they had almost�and it hadn�t been the first time they had come that close, either. It was the both of them in this. �Okay Shane,� Mark agreed finally. �I�ll talk to her about it.�
Shane sat back with a satisfied smile. It looked like his work was done for the time being. The others better get down on their knees and thank me for this one, he thought to himself. As if on cue, Shane suddenly spotted them all on their way back. He waved to them and Mark turned around, and then turned back to Shane with a wild expression.
�Oh god, what do I do? What do I do?� he asked anxiously.
�Will you quit being a deutz?� Shane said. �Just act normal. You don�t have to figure this all out now. Just relax.�
�Right. Relax.� Mark took a deep breath to calm his nerves.
�Hey, you�re back sooner than I thought,� he greeted them all when they had reached the table. �Which ride did you go on?�
�We didn�t go on a ride,� Mattie said pointedly as she sat down next to Shane. �We were on our way to look for one to go on, but then Bryan spotted Mickey Mouse signing autographs and posing for pictures and went berserk.�
�I did not go berserk!� Bryan protested.
�Uh, Bry, do you or do you not remember practically sending a kid flying when he cut in front of you for an autograph?� Georgina demanded.
�He was asking for it!� Bryan returned indignantly. �I was there first! Maybe his parents should have taught him a little something about manners before he decided to cut in front of me.�
�Bryan, he was four years old!� Kian exclaimed.
�You�re never too young to adhere to the standards of proper etiquette,� Bryan responded haughtily.
Anto sighed and shook his head. �You lads are a publicity nightmare.�
�So what do you guys want to do now?� Nicky asked.
Shane grinned. �How about we try that roller coaster again?� he asked hopefully.
Anto gave him a look. �Are you sure you won�t keel over this time?�
�I�m sure.� Shane pounded his chest in a demonstration of his masculinity. �I�m ready for it, this time! So help me god, I will not pass out!�
Everyone laughed as they got up and headed again towards the Rock n Roller Coaster. As they walked, Mattie noticed that Mark was lagging behind and slowed down to join him. He was frowning and seemed to be deep in thought.
�Mark?� she said gently. A the sound of her voice, he looked up. �Are you alright? You seem a bit�distracted.�
�Do I?� She nodded. �Oh. Well�I guess I am, a little.�
�Anything you want to talk about?�
Mark stared at Mattie face, searching for a sign, for a clue that maybe she was going through the same confusion he was. But the only expression on her face was one of care and concern. He shook his head. �Maybe later.�
Mattie nodded again. �Okay. As long as you know I�m here.�
Instinctively, Mark reached for her hand and squeezed it. �I know.� Suddenly, Mark froze. The minute that he touched Mattie�s hand, Mark felt like he was totally and completely connected to her, like he could see into her soul. It felt as if he had been struck by a bolt of lightening that allowed him to see through the fog that had been clouding his mind. In that instant, he knew that he could never live his life without her. Everything suddenly seemed so clear, and now�now he knew what he had to do.
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