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Mattie stared up into Mark’s face, hardly daring to breathe. She could feel her hands trembling so she clasped them tighter around Mark’s neck, to stop the nervous shaking. Mattie watched as Mark’s eyes fixed on her face, his blue eyes burning into hers. She could see that he was uncertain – but she could also see that he wanted…he wanted what she wanted herself. Mattie just prayed that he would get up the courage to do it. Just do it, she pleaded silently in her mind. Please, just kiss me before I lose my nerve…before we both lose our nerve. The intensity of his blue eyes made her want to look away but Mattie forced herself not to. Now wasn’t the time to back out, she wouldn’t let herself do it, even though this fear and this waiting made her want to scream.
What Mattie couldn’t see were the thoughts that were running through Mark’s head. He was scared out of his mind as he looked into her eyes, glowing a brilliant turquoise in the dim light. Mattie’s eyes, those familiar eyes that he had always known, and could always read so well, now held a new look, different look, and his mind struggled to comprehend it. Mark didn’t know what her feelings were at that moment, but his own were certainly making themselves known in his head. In fact, they were screaming at him, and not only were they screaming at him, but they were fighting each other furiously. He clenched his hands together behind Mattie’s back, trying desperately to sort out the voices that were filling his conscious. Kiss her. His eyes widened and he could have sworn his heart stopped beating. Where in the hell did THAT come from? Mark wondered in a panic. Are you insane? You can’t kiss her. This is not just any girl, Feehily. This is your BEST FRIEND. His face took on a confused look as he tried anxiously tried to figure out what he should do. Mark looked at Mattie’s face again, trying desperately to look for answers there. But what he saw frustrated him even more. God! he cursed in anxiety. Why does she have to look so goddamn beautiful? Why tonight? Mark gave Mattie a helpless, confused look before shutting his eyes tightly, as if doing that would stop all the voices, all the confusion.
“Mark,” Mattie whispered in a soft voice, a longing expression in her blue-green eyes.
At the sound of her voice speaking his name, Mark opened his eyes again. As if by magic, his mind cleared, and all the conflicting thoughts faded away from his conscious. Now, as he gazed at her, into her eyes, all he could see was their blue oceanic brilliance, drawing him in until he felt as if he were lost. He couldn’t speak, but it didn’t matter because he didn’t have anything to say. They didn’t need to say anything. Mark pulled Mattie closer and she removed her arms from around his neck and slipped them instead around his waist, never taking her gaze from his face. My God,Mark marveled silently. Why haven’t I ever noticed that she was this beautiful? His eyes roamed over her lovely features, as if he were taking them in for the first time. And in a way, he was. The way her dark lashes curled up so adorably, the way her face glowed softly in the evening light, the way her eyes shined so irresistibly as they locked with his…the way her lips were parted so invitingly…she took his breath away. Mark’s hands traveled lightly up her arms, touching her shoulders, and caressing her slender neck before they finally reached her face. He pushed some errant strands of hair behind her shoulders before gently cupping either side of her face with his warm hands. Slowly, painstakingly, he leaned his head down until his forehead was touching hers. The agonizing slowness of his actions caused Mattie to bite her lip in frustration. But she knew she had to wait. Her breathing slowed down as she gazed into his eyes, letting herself get lost in the depths of their blueness. Mark pulled her even closer, until he could feel every part of her body against his. His fingers caressed her face tenderly, and the way he looked at her…Mattie wanted to cry with happiness. That look in his eyes was one that she had been waiting for so long to see. And now that he was looking at her this way, it almost seemed too wonderful to believe. Her arms tightened around her waist and she closed her eyes, waiting for the moment when his lips would finally touch hers…
Suddenly, Mattie got slammed into by someone from behind, and she barreled into Mark, nearly knocking him over. He held onto her so she wouldn’t fall, although he was having some trouble staying up himself. Finally, they righted themselves and looked around in shock to see what had happened. “With or Without You” had ended and the dance music had started up again, although neither of them had noticed. Everyone was dancing enthusiastically around them. Mattie couldn’t seem to figure out who had knocked into her, but at that moment she didn’t give a damn. She was too frustrated. Mattie looked helplessly up at Mark’s bewildered face. They stood there for several moments, just looking at each other. Mark sighed in defeat.
“You – you want to go back to the others?” he asked in a confused tone. Mark was still having trouble trying to get his bearings, trying to figure out what had just happened, or almost happened, anyway.
“Yeah,” Mattie managed to say. She bit her lip and looked away, disappointed, as the two of them slowly made their way across the dance floor.
“Hooooooly shit! Did you see that?!” Kian exclaimed as they watched Mark and Mattie trudge back towards the bar.
“Man, I think I’m going to have to go out on that dance floor and do some regulating on the total MORON that did that,” Bryan said, standing up. “It was a guy right? The guy in the tan shirt? I hope he doesn’t like that shirt because it’s not going to look so pretty once I’m through with him.”
“Bryan, for heaven’s sake, sit back down,” Georgina ordered in a commanding tone. Obediently but reluctantly, Bryan sat back down on his stool in a huff.
“We were SO CLOSE!” Nicky groaned. “I can’t believe this. I really can’t. Someone doesn’t like us up there.”
Shane sighed heavily. “It does seem like there are some higher powers working against us,” he agreed. “It looks like we’ll have to be a little more patient, lads. And Georgina.”
She smiled at him. “I think a little patience and just a little more time are all we need,” she concurred. “And after tonight, I don’t think we’re going to have to wait long. You were all here, you saw what happened as well as I did. If they had just had a little more time…I think we all know what would have happened.”
“I’m sick of all this waiting!” Kian complained. “Why can’t they just do it? It’s driving me mad.”
“You’ve got to understand Kian,” Shane began. “This is twenty years of a friendship from the womb that they’re up against. It’s hard and it’s scary to let go of that. We’ve got to give them all the time they need.”
“Well, it sure as hell better not take another twenty years,” Bryan grumbled.
“Hush now lads, they’re coming,” Georgina admonished them. All five of them plastered fake smiles on their faces as Mark and Mattie came up to them.
“Hey guys, what’s the craic?” Nicky asked them brightly.
“Erm…Mat and I were talking and we wondered if we could just call it a night,” Mark said. “We’re both pretty…knackered.”
“Of course,” Georgina replied understandingly. “I think we should all go back to the hotel and get some rest.”
“What?!” Bryan said. “There’s a club full of girls waiting for me! I haven’t even got a chance to get my party on yet!”
Shane, still smiling brightly, reached over and gave a twisting pinch to Bryan’s arm. He yelped in pain and gave Shane a dirty look, but he didn’t say anything more.
“Well, come on everyone, let’s get back already,” Nicky said as he stood up. The others stood up as well and went to leave. Bryan gave a forlorn glance around the club before his eyes fell on Nicky’s half full drink. He looked around innocently and he reached for it, but suddenly a hand darted out. Grinning evilly, Nicky picked up his drink and downed it as Bryan gave him dirty looks. When he finished, he put the glass back down on the bar and smacked his lips. Nicky reached out and patted his friend on the back.
“Ah don’t worry about it mate,” he said benevolently. “It’s only one more year.” Bryan sighed heavily and everyone else laughed as they headed for the exit.
The car ride back to the hotel was rather tense. Everyone’s attention was focused on Mark and Mattie. Mattie was sitting by the window, staring out uninterestedly and Mark, who was sitting beside her, just looked very, very uncomfortable. It didn’t help that everyone in the car was staring at the two of them. Mattie didn’t notice because she was too busy looking out the window, but Mark was well aware of them, and kept giving them strange looks.
“Hey, Anto, what are we doing tomorrow?” Shane called to the front of the car. He already knew what they were doing but he just wanted to say something to break the uncomfortable silence.
“You all are scheduled to spend the day at Disney World and you’ve got a performance as well,” he called back.
Mattie looked up at that. “Disney World? That sounds like fun.”
Mark looked relieved that she had finally spoken. “Yeah, it does,” he agreed.
“Thank God,” Bryan said. “This’ll be a cool change of pace. It seems like all work and no play lately,” he added under his breath.
Mattie looked at him concernedly. “Are you doing all right, Bry?” she asked. She had noticed that he was looking a bit tired these days but she had figured that was normal. None of the other lads had said anything or complained so she had left it alone. “You’re feeling a bit weary, are you?”
He shrugged indifferently. “I’ve been feeling a little more tired than usual,” Bryan admitted. “Sometimes I wish we hadn’t booked so many dates here in the States.”
“Ah, it’s our job man,” Kian said, giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
“No, I know that,” Bryan said hurriedly. “Didn’t mean to complain.”
“Just try to get some more rest, alright love?” Mattie said in a concerned tone.
“Yeah, I will,” he said. “Don’t have to worry about it, I’m fine.” Just then, the car pulled up in front of the hotel.
“Here we are everyone!” Anto announced. “Everybody out!” Obediently, they all piled out of the car and went into the hotel, all ready for a night of good sleep in anticipation for the next day.
Mattie drew her knees up and rested her chin on them, her confused eyes a clouded grey color. A small smile appeared on her lips when she remembered the way Mark had looked at her tonight…Mattie rubbed her arms rapidly when the shivers ran through her body and produced goosebumps. Mattie closed her eyes again, unable to resist reliving the moment. A dreamy sigh escaped her lips and she leaned her head back against the sill, imagining again the feel of Mark’s arms around her, wrapping her in their warm embrace. Suddenly she sat straight up and shook her head.
“Madeline Rose!” she admonished herself. “Now is NOT the time to start acting like a lovesick teenager. You are a mature, sensible woman of the world. Now. You put your mind in gear and THINK about what happened and what you’re going to do.” Mattie gave a brisk nod to herself and went about her thinking. She chewed on a fingernail as she went over the events of that night. First, there was Ben. Mattie smiled as she recalled him. He had been genuinely sweet and friendly. And he had been so caring when…but there, she wasn’t going to think about that just yet. Things had to go in order. Mattie stopped chewing on her nail long enough to look at the number written on her hand. As nice as he was, she didn’t think she was ever going to call him. What would be the point? There wasn’t any, when you thought about it. It wasn’t like they were ever going to see each other again.
“Next point of the evening,” Mattie said to herself, impatient to be moving on. Mark. And the argument they’d had. Mattie’s eyes clouded over as she recalled what they had said to each other. She didn’t think she’d ever been so angry at him in her entire life. Well, there was that one time when they were fifteen…but then he’d had good intentions. Not like tonight. It seemed like he had only been out to make her angry, and he had succeeded. When Mattie thought about what he had said to her…it was all she could do not to jump up and rush madly down to his room to beat the crap out of him for being such a crass, insensitive asshole. But Mattie forced herself to look past the anger and instead attempt to muse over the reasons why he had acted the way he did tonight. One that she came up with was that Mark was an incredibly sharp judge of character and Ben actually was some kind of human scum rapist. The other was that he had been driven by jealousy to make Ben seem less…appealing. Mattie much preferred the second option. Jealousy was something that could give her hope. She hadn’t realized while it was all happening that jealousy could have been a motivation for his remarks because she had been so blindly angry, but now that she thought back on it, it seemed to make sense. But jealous or not, that was still not good enough of an excuse for the way he had acted. With just a few words, Mark had hurt her more than she ever imagined that he could. Just thinking about it made her boil and hurt inside at the same time. “Argh!” Mattie groaned in frustration. “Why do men have to be SO STUPID?”
Suddenly, Mattie heard a knock at the door. She looked up in surprise. “Who is it?” she called.
“It’s Shane. Can I come in?”
“Yeah, come on in.” Shane opened the door, which was already ajar and entered the room. He sat across from Mattie on the window seat. “Hey, Peanut.”
“Hi Shane. What’s up?” Mattie looked at him expectantly.
He shrugged. “Not much. Just wanted to talk.” Shane looked around the room. “Is somebody in here with you?”
“No,” Mattie replied. “I’m the only one. Why?”
“I thought I heard you talking to someone.”
Mattie blushed. “Oh, I was just um…” Her eyes darted frantically down the room, thinking of excuses as to why he would be hearing voices in the room when no one was in there with her but she gave up. “Okay, okay so I was talking to myself. Is that so wrong? Besides, isn’t talking to yourself a sign of intelligence?”
“I always thought it was associated with insanity.”
Mattie scratched her head. “Really? Well, whatever.” She cleared her throat and quickly changed the subject. “So what did you want to talk about, love?” Mattie reached out and ruffled his hair playfully.
He shrugged again. “I dunno.”
Mattie gave him a skeptical look. “Didn’t you say you wanted to talk?”
“Did I?” Mattie nodded. “Oh. Well, I forget”
She smiled at him, then turned her head to look out the window again. Within seconds she was lost in her own thoughts, staring out at the sky. Shane studied her carefully. He figured that after tonight, now was a ripe time to talk to Mattie about Mark, and her feelings for him. She couldn’t possibly deny them now. Not after what had happened. He just had to be inordinately careful. The last time they had discussed this, it hadn’t gone very well. Shane was determined that now Mattie wouldn’t have the chance to worm her way out of it. Although he was dying to just get it out in the open, the necessity to be cautious overtook his eagerness. Several times he tried to say something before he decided it was the wrong thing to say and closed his mouth again. Finally, when Shane thought he had worked out a pretty good strategy, he tried again.
“Mattie?” he asked tentatively.
Mattie turned her head away from the window to look at him. “Yeah, Shane?”
“I remember what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh, alright then.” She turned her full attention on him, her expression expectant.
“Well, I – erm…this has been some trip, hasn’t it?”
Mattie raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s been fun.”
“Yeah, fun.” Shane rubbed a finger across his nose and contemplated on what to say next. This had seemed a lot simpler when it was in his head. “Well, I was just wondering…erm, well – ah…shit,” he cursed in frustration.
Mattie started to laugh. “Shane are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said, frowining. “I’m just not sure exactly how to ask you this…”
“Come on, Shane, just spit it out,” Mattie demanded. “You’re driving me crazy!”
“It’s about you…” he began slowly.
“Me…?” she prodded.
“You…and Mark.” Shane looked at Mattie nervously.
“Ohhh.” Mattie leaned her head back until it was resting back against the sill. She let out a little laugh. “Of course,” she said, almost to herself. “How could I think you wouldn’t notice?” Mattie smiled at him weatkly. “You always were one of the people who could read me like a book.”
“Well…is there anything to read?” he asked hopefully, encouraged by her reaction.
Mattie rubbed her face tiredly. “I don’t know Shane. I honestly…I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
She bit her lip. “Everything’s just so confusing. I don’t know what to think or what to do. But Shane…I – I’m not sure I want to do this again. I’m not sure if I want to do this to myself. Shane…I don’t want to set myself up for something that – that will make my world come crashing down.” She turned away from him then, unable to say anything else.
Shane looked at her carefully for several moments before speaking again. “Mattie?” he asked hesistantly.
She turned her face to look at him again. “Yes?”
“Do you – do you still…love him?”
Mattie froze at that, and a chill ran through her body. She drew in a shaky breath and closed her eyes. “Please Shane,” she said softly, willing her voice not to break. “Don’t make me do this now.” Mattie shook her head slowly. “Don’t make me do this now.” Mattie opened her eyes again and looked at Shane helplessly, a lost expression in her eyes. That look broke Shane’s heart and almost made him wish he hadn’t said anything about it to her in the first place.
“Come here, love,” he said softly, holding out his arms. Mattie willingly scooted over to his side of the window seat and settled herself in Shane’s arms, her back against his chest, and her body resting between his legs. She leaned back against him and sighed as his arms went around her and he hugged her comfortingly. Mattie was relieved; it felt good to finally be able to talk about how she was feeling with someone, like a part of the weight that had been pressing on her heart was suddenly taken off.
“Shane?” she murmured as she absently played with his fingers.
“Yeah?”
“What should I do?”
His heart broke even further at the innocence of her question. Shane rested his chin on top of her head and thought. “Mattie, if you care about him…then maybe, maybe it’s time to tell him.” He could feel her stiffen against him.
Mattie laughed cynically. “You make it sound so easy and quick and painless.”
“Maybe that’s how it will be,” Shane suggested. “Maybe you’ll tell him, and he’ll suddenly see the light and he’ll take you in his arms and he’ll kiss you like he should have kissed you long ago.”
A shiver ran through Mattie’s body when she thought of Mark kissing her…but she shook her head. “That’s a lovely picture, Shane. If it were anyone else…but it isn’t anyone else. This is us Shane. This is me. The girl he used to make mudpies with in the back yard. The girl who made him dress up as a sheep for Halloween when we were eight so he could go with my Little Bo Peep costume. The girl who pulled his trousers down in kindergarten and everyone laughed at him because he was still wearing diapers.”
Shane laughed. “You did that?”
Mattie smiled and nodded. “He got reeeeally mad at me for that one. But come on! Mark was five years old. He should have been off those things by then.” She laughed a little at the memories but her smile soon faded. “Don’t you see Shane? If I tell him and – and he doesn’t want me…then things could never be the same. Those memories will never be the same. Oh god, it scares me so much to think of what could happen…” Mattie’s voice broke off as she fought desperately to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Shane’s arms tightened around her sympathetically and her kissed her head softly.
“I know, I know,” he murmured soothingly. “But Mattie – is living your life wondering better than living your life knowing? If you could just tell him…” Shane tried a different tactic. “He feels something for you Mattie, I know it. And I think you know it too. Mark’s not dumb…not entirely, anyway. He knows that something’s different between you two, and I know he’s desperate to figure out what it is. He’s getting close, Mat. Maybe all he needs is a little nudge…just to make him see.”
Mattie shook her head vigorously. “That push can’t come from me Shane. You have to understand, I can’t be the one who takes the first step. It’s got to be Mark.”
“But why?” Shane asked, confused. “If he feels the same-”
“No, Shane you don’t understand,” Mattie interrupted. “If it’s me, if I’m the one who makes the first move…then there’s the possibility that I could lose everything. If it’s Mark who does it – then some of the pressure is taken off my shoulders. We could both work through that. The other way around…he’ll turn away from me if he doesn’t feel the same. I can’t risk my heart that way. I won’t. It’s been too hard-” Mattie broke off again to collect herself. She took a deep breath. “Do you understand now Shane? Do you understand why it can’t be me who takes the first step?”
Shane nodded slowly. “I understand. I can’t say I agree with it, but I understand.”
Mattie squeezed both of Shane’s hands gratefully. “Thank you Shane.” Just then, they heard a noise out in the hallway. A second later, Mark poked his head into the room.
“Mattie? Oh, Shane – I didn’t know you were in here, mate.”
Mattie got up out of Shane’s lap so that he could get up. “Yeah, we were just having a little talk.”
“Oh.” Mark looked awkwardly back and forth between Mattie and Shane, who grinned and winked at Mattie.
“Okay, okay, I can take a hint.” He bent down to give Mattie a hug, and she kissed him on the cheek. “Goodnight, Peanut. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“Good night Shane,” she said as he headed out the door. Now it was only her and Mark in the room. She smiled at him.
“Erm…I just wanted to come in and say goodnight.”
“Oh. Well, good night then, Mark.” Se reached up and hugged him around the neck. “Sleep well.” Mark hugged her back, and when she pulled away he bent and kissed her cheek lightly.
“Goodnight, Mattie.” He reached a hand up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and caressed her face affectionately with his thumb before turning to leave. At the door he stopped and turned around, hesitating. “Mattie…”
“Yes?”
“I just wanted to say that – that you looked really beautiful tonight. Honestly, Mattie. You were absolutely stunning.”
“Thank you,” she said softly. He looked at her a moment more before finally turning to leave. Mattie closed the door behind him, and then leaned against it, closing her eyes. “Heaven grant me patience,” she whispered to the ceiling.
1995
Mark studied his reflection in the mirror and ran his fingers over the white bandage covering his nose carefully, wincing when he touched a sensitive spot. He still couldn’t believe Mattie had actually gone and broken his nose. He’s thought she’d be angry, and even violent when he told her, because that was just Mattie, but he never thought she actually had it in her to break his nose. She sure did have one hell of a right hook. His parents had almost laughed when he had come home with a broken nose and told them that Mattie had done it, but he didn’t see what was so funny. It hurt like all hell, and who knew what his nose was going to look like after it had healed.
Mark sighed and narrowed his eyes. Well this was the last straw for him. He had only been looking out for her, had just been trying to take care of her, but obviously she didn’t need him at all. Well, that was just fine and dandy! See if he cared! He’d show her. He wouldn’t speak to her in school tomorrow, or the day after that either. He’d see what she’d do once she figured out he wouldn’t be there for her anymore. No siree. She was on her own.
Just then the doorbell rang. Mark cursed under his breath. His mum and dad were still at work and Barry and Colin had gone to friends’ houses, so he was home alone. Mark didn’t really feel like getting it. He didn’t want anyone to see him with this thing on his nose. But the doorbell kept ringing, and finally he trudged downstairs to get it. He threw open the door with a sullen look on his face, but that look faded quickly when he saw who it was. There, on his doorstep, was Mattie, and she was crying hysterically. His heart melted immediately when he realized that she knew. She must have found out on her own from somewhere. All thoughts of never speaking to her again and making her get on without him faded from his mind when he saw her crying.
“Come here,” he said, holding out his arms. Mattie, still sobbing, stepped into them and he led her over to the couch and sat her down. She clung to him desperately and cried uncontrollably into his shoulder, her tears completely soaking his shirt. Mark stroked Mattie’s hair soothingly and murmured comforting words to her. She hadn’t said anything yet, she was still crying too hard. But gradually, her sobs subsided, and the tears were now running silently down her cheeks.
“Tell me what happened,” Mark urged her gently.
Mattie squeezed her eyes shut and wiped away some more tears before answering him. “You – you were right Mark. You were right all along.” she sobbed shakily. “Daniel has been cheating on me – probably cheating on me the entire time.”
“How did you find out?”
“I caught him snogging some girl in front of the school. At the GATE, Mark! He couldn’t even be bothered to hide it.” Mark’s eyes blazed with anger when he heard that. The nerve of that little…but there, that wasn’t what Mattie needed now. She needed someone to comfort her.
“You stay right here,” he instructed her. “I’m going to make you some tea.” Mattie nodded silently while Mark headed off to the kitchen and prepared the stove. He was back quickly with a warm cup of tea in his hands and gave it to Mattie, who drank it gratefully. By now, Mattie was avoiding looking at Mark. She felt so ashamed, after how she’d acted towards him. And he had been right all this time. She had just been too blind to see it. She’d been completely infatuated with Daniel and couldn’t see anything else behind that charming smile or those sparkling green eyes. But she knew better now.
“I’m so sorry, Mark,” she whispered guiltily. “I should have believed you. I can’t tell you how badly I feel.”
“Shh,” he said. “Let’s not talk about that now. It’s forgotten.” He put his arm around her and hugged her to him gently. Mattie looked up at his face with a thankful smile. That smile faded a little when she finally noticed the bandage on his face. She reached up and touched it gingerly, drawing her hand back when he winced a little.
“I’ve been so stupid,” she said, the tears starting again. “Oh Mark, I should have believed you. I’m so sorry.” Mattie stared into her cup of tea and shook her head. “I don’t deserve this. After the way I’ve acted…you have every right to hate me.”
“Don’t think that, I couldn’t ever,” Mark swore, remembering with regret his promise made only a few minutes earlier to never speak to Mattie again and see how she could get on “on her own.” He held her trembling hands tightly in his, reproaching himself for being so selfish and vindictive. Here she was, sitting on his couch, crying as though her heart would break, and it had. And not half an hour ago he had been complaining to himself, and thinking of ways he would get her back for breaking his nose. His broken nose now seemed so much more trivial than her broken soul. Mark held Mattie’s head against his chest and continued to stroke her hair. He kissed her gently on top of her head.
Mattie’s crying was now reduced to quiet sobs and sniffling. She looked up at Mark’s face, his eyes only full of concern and sympathy. Mattie reached up and touched his cheek gratefully. She honestly didn’t deserve him. No one else was so lucky as she was to have such a wonderful person as a best friend, Mattie was sure. She felt so terrible, after everything she had said to him…she’d called him a depraved type of worthless pig as well as the lowest, most degenerate form of humanity in existence. When Mattie was in an argument, she tended to use phrases like that as to leave her opposing party completely bewildered. She bit her lip guiltily when she remembered all the things she had called Mark, when it was really Daniel that had deserved those harsh words. It was Daniel’s nose she should have broken. “How could he do this to me?” she whispered as the tears continued to run down her face. “How could I have been so stupid?”
Mark’s heart broke when he heard her helpless whisper. Gently, he wiped her tears away with his hand, caressing her damp cheeks tenderly. “Just forget about him, Mattie,” Mark advised. “He’s not good enough for anyone. Certainly not good enough for you.” Mattie sniffled and leaned her head against Mark’s chest. How could it that he could be so good to her after everything she had put him through?
“Mark - Mark I’m so sorry,” she said again.
“Shh, it’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I understand.”
“But – but – ” Mattie sniffled. “I – broke your – your nose…” Her words could hardly be discerned as she started to cry again.
“It’s okay, Mattie,” Mark said in a soothing voice. “Just don’t think about it anymore. You should get some rest. We can talk more later.” Mattie nodded wordlessly, her eyes already starting to close. .She was so tired, tired of crying. She did need to rest, just for a little while. Mark saw that she was falling asleep and laid her gently down on the couch. He got up and put her legs up, then grabbed the afghan and put it around her, tucking it in securely. He got down on his knees next to her and watched Mattie as she drifted off to sleep. Mattie opened her eyes a little bit and smiled when she saw Mark there.
“Why couldn’t he be like you?” she murmured sleepily. “Why couldn’t he…be…you…?” She yawned, then finally closed her eyes and slept.
*********************************************************************
Mark lay in his bed, staring at the celing, remembering that day. He remembered how heartbrokenly she had cried, and how he’d been the first person that she had thought of to come to. She had needed him then. As strong of a person that Mattie was, there were times where she couldn’t handle things on her own. Mattie was always so strong, and so independent, and while he loved that about her…he also treasured the few precious times that she allowed him to take care of her. For Mark, it was like paying her back for all the times she had been strong for him, for all the times she had helped him through all his crises. God knows there had been many. And she was always there for him, unfailingly. That was why he jumped at every opportunity to protect her. And while it didn’t always come out the way he planned it, it seemed like she always understood. She would always be there for him, and he promised himself that he would always be there for her. With that last thought, Mark turned over on his side and finally went to bed.
*******************************************************************
*the next morning*
After a few minutes of watching, Mattie decided something was missing. She made her way over to the bed and pulled out her suitcase. Checking around to see if anyone else was in the room, she cautiously opened it and pulled out a bag. Mattie shoved her valise back under the bed and plopped back onto the couch. She chuckled at the secrecy, but if the boys found out that she had them, she knew they would eat her alive, especially Bryan. Mattie plopped back onto the couch, occasionally reaching into the bag and putting the contents in her mouth. Suddenly, a loud knock sounded at the door.
“Yes?” Mattie called, still engrossed in the show.
Mark stuck his head in the door. “Hey, Mat, time to head downstairs,” he said. He noticed the package in her lap. “Hey, what’s that?”
“What?” Mattie said. She noticed the direction of his gaze and quickly shoved the bag behind her back. “Um, oh…that’s-that’s nothing. Nothing at all,” she said airily. “Okay, I’m ready to go!”
“Not so fast,” Mark said suspiciously. “Were those what I thought they were?”
Mattie looked extremely guilty. “They weren’t anything.”
Mark raised an eyebrow. “If they aren’t anything, then why do you look so guilty? And why are you trying to hide them?”
“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Mattie said, clutching the bag behind her back. She started backing away as Mark walked toward her.
“Mattie, if those are what I think they are, you know what I’m going to have to do, right?”
Mattie bit her lip, trying to fight back a smile. “I honestly do not know what you are talking about.”
“You’ve got Taytos, haven’t you!” Mark accused.
Mattie ducked her head and avoided his eyes so he couldn’t see her smiling. “Taytos? Pshaw, how could I have Taytos?” she scoffed.
“ ‘Pshaw’?” Mark said incredulously? “Who says ‘pshaw’? Now, I know something’s up. Come on Mattie, let me have it. I know you’ve got them and you know you’ve got them. Just admit it!”
“I haven’t got any,” Mattie said, her head still down.
“You look me in the eye and say that, and maybe I’ll believe you,” Mark dared her.
Mattie looked him straight in the eye, still smiling. “I haven’t got any Taytos.”
“You’re lying!”
“What?! But I looked you in the eye!” “That doesn’t mean anything,” Mark declared, waving his hand dismissively.
“Why not?!”
“Everyone knows that when it comes to their food, girls can lie through their teeth and not blink an eye.”
“Mark Feehily! That is a chauvinistic and sexist remark if I ever heard one.”
“Don’t change the subject. And give me some Taytos!”
“No way! This is my last bag!” Mattie’s eyes widened as she realized her slip. “Uh oh.” Mark gasped. “You’ve had more than one?! I can’t believe you, you selfish, selfish person!” With that statement he jumped at her, trying at the same to grab the bag still hidden behind Mattie’s back. She dodged him, laughing and shrieked as he started to chase her around the room.
“Will you give me one, just one! Pleeeease?” Mark begged as he hopped over an armchair.
“No! I haven’t got much more left, and I can’t eat American potato crisps! I’ve tried them! They’re disgusting!”
“C’mon Mattie, I’m dying here! Do you know how long it has been since I’ve had a Tayto? Please, have mercy on me!”
“No!” Mattie shook her head vigorously. She hopped onto Georgina’s bed, and would have made a dash for the door, but Mark threw himself on the bed and grabbed Mattie’s ankle. They both fell squirming on the bed in a tangled heap. In the process, Mattie’s hand involuntarily released the bag of Taytos and they spilled onto the carpet.
“Now look what you’ve done,” Mattie said, observing the mess on the floor. “Maybe if you had been nice about it I would have-” her sentence trailed off as she turned to look at Mark. For the first time, she became aware of how close they actually were at that moment. In fact, they were so close that had Mattie lifted her chin just an inch or two more, their lips would have been touching. Mattie’s breathing picked up. Is this it? she thought silently. Will he kiss me? They were so close…Mark stared into Mattie’s eyes, lost in the depth of their sapphire-colored brilliance. He marveled at how beautifully and irresistibly they sparkled as she looked at him. He slipped his fingers into her silky hair, rubbing it between his fingers. The feel of it, coupled with the intensity of her blue eyes as they locked with his, was intoxicating. Almost involuntarily, he began to lean his head down. Mattie closed her eyes, feeling the heat of his body against hers, feeling her heart begin to race, anticipating what was about to happen – what she had wanted and dreamed of for so long. Just a little…bit… closer…
“Hey, MARK!”
Startled, Mattie sat bolt upright, causing Mark to fall off the bed in the process. She and Mark both looked up at the door to see Bryan, Nicky and Georgina appear and poke their heads in curiously.
“Mark? Mattie? You guys in here…?” Georgina began, but trailed off when she saw the two of them, Mark sitting on the floor and blushing a bright red and Mattie sitting on the bed, also blushing a bright red. The three uninvited guests took in the scene and glanced at one another knowingly, small grins on their faces.
“And just what is going on in here?” Bryan demanded authoritatively.
“Mattie has Taytos,” Mark said innocently, rubbing at the newly acquired sore spot on his bum. Bryan gasped. The previous scene was forgotten and the mischievous look disappeared from his face, replaced instead by a hungry expression, familiar with all who knew him. “Where? Where?” he questioned eagerly.
Mattie smiled and gestured to the mess on the carpet. “That would be Mark’s handiwork.”
Bryan surveyed the pile of potato crisps. “No problem,” he said affably, and with that he sat himself on the floor and began to eat happily.
“Bryan, that’s disgusting,” Mattie said, wrinkling her nose.
“No it’s not!” Bryan said defensively. “I’m sure the proper sterilization steps have been taken in cleaning the room. It’s perfectly fine.” He stuck another crisp in his mouth and rolled his eyes to the ceiling, a hand placed over his heart in a dramatic gesture. “Oh my…god! I forgot how incredibly amazing Taytos are. I think I’ll have me mum send over a shipment. Mark? Nicky? Georgina? Care to join in my refined dining experience?”
Georgina gave him a funny look. “Erm…that’s very generous of you Bry, but no thanks.” However, Nicky and Mark enthusiastically joined Bryan in his mini feeding frenzy, making odd noises of satisfaction and contentment as they ate. Georgina and Mattie looked at each other, and shook their heads sadly. “What has the world come to?” Georgina wondered aloud. “When three of the members of one of the most successful, record breaking musical groups in history are eating dirty Irish potato chips off of a hotel floor? By the way, I think you’re eating off the spot where I threw up last night after I ordered up some fried squid and raided the liquor cabinet with Mattie.” The boys continued eating, unaffected by Georgina’s false revelation.
“Hey, these aren’t just any crisps, you know,” Nicky insisted, his mouth full. “These are Taytos.”
“Right. Are you lads finished yet? Shane and Kian are still downstairs waiting for all of us. And when they find out that you’ve been upstairs eating Taytos without them, they’re going to go hopping mad.”
“It’s okay, I’ve saved them each a chip,” Bryan said, patting the pocket of his denim jacket benevolently. Georgina grimaced.
“Come on Mattie, let’s get ourselves downstairs before we absorb any more of this male barbarism.”
“Only too glad, George,” Mattie said, getting up from the bed. They both gave the boys another deprecating look before they stepped outside.
Back in Mattie and Georgina’s hotel room, the three boys were just finishing up their little afternoon morsel. Bryan leaned back against the bed, contentedly patting his stomach.
“Ahh, there’s nothin in the world like Taytos.”
“Quite,” Nicky agreed, popping the last crumb into his mouth. Bryan and Nicky looked over at Mark, who seemed to be preoccupied with picking lint out of the carpet. They exchanged knowing glances.
Mark, oblivious to the looks that Nicky and Bryan were giving each other, was far from musing over the greatness of Taytos. He was thinking about what had just happened in that room with Mattie before they had been interrupted. What had just happened? he wondered. The answer seemed obvious – he was about to kiss her. And it hadn’t been the first time. He had to admit it. They had come so close, more than once. His lips were still reeling from the near-contact and his fingers were still tingling where they had touched her. Mark shook his head to clear it. Why was he feeling this way? This was Mattie. His best friend. The girl he had grown up with. She wasn’t supposed to make him feel this way. But…he did feel that way. He could still smell the scent of her hair, feel the softness of her skin, almost taste what it would be like to kiss her…
Mark hit himself on the head. “Stop it Feehily,” he admonished himself silently. Nicky and Bryan, who had seen the gesture, gave each other funny looks.
“Hey, Mark? You okay there, mate?” Nicky asked curiously.
“Fine,” Mark answered curtly.
There was a silence.
“Soo…” Bryan said. “What was going on with you and Mattie?”
Mark’s head jerked up at that. “What are you talking about?” Nicky discreetly gave Bryan a pinch, which Bryan ignored.
“Well, you two seemed a little…close when we came in the room,” Bryan said mischievously. He saw Nicky move to pinch him again and swatted his hand away.
“Don’t be a deutz Bryan, I don’t know what you’re talking about. There was nothing going on okay?” With that Mark got up and left the room.
“What was that all about?” Bryan asked innocently.
Nicky shook his head as he got up. “You’re such an eejit Bry. Now let’s go, we’re nearly ten minutes late, and I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see Disney World.”
“Will you take my picture with Mickey?” Bryan hollered as he followed Nicky out the door.
******************************************************
Shane slowly opened his eyes and blinked when the harsh sunlight hit his pupils. He made out the faces of seven concerned people: Mattie, Nicky, Mark, Georgina, Kian, Bryan, and Anto. His disoriented expression was the cause of the concern written across their features.
“Oh god, is he alright?” Mattie asked anxiously. She waved a hand in front of his face. “Shane?”
“I told you we shouldn’t have tricked him into going on this ride!” Georgina admonished the lads, who all looked extremely guilty.
“We honestly didn’t think he would take it this bad,” Nicky admitted. “He seemed okay in the beginning.”
“Okay?” Mattie stared at him incredulously. “Nicky, he shrieked every obscene word under the sun before practically passing out!” Nicky gave her a sheepish look then they both turned their attention back to Shane.
“Shane, you alright lad?” Anto asked, snapping his fingers in front of Shane’s face.
“Where – where am I?” he asked faintly.
“You’re at Disney World, mate,” Kian said. “On the Rock n Roller Coaster Ride.”
“Roller coasters? I’ve never been on a roller coaster. Is this a roller coaster?” He looked around confusedly.
“Uh oh…” Bryan said guiltily.
“Crap,” Mark said. “What have we done to him?”
Anto sighed. “Come on, let’s get him out of there.” They unstrapped him and helped him out of the roller coaster seat, holding on to him to make sure he wouldn’t fall over.
Shane blinked several times and stared at the monstrosity of a ride he had just went on. Slowly, a smile formed across his face, much to the bewilderment of everyone else.
“That was great!” he exclaimed. Everyone looked at each other, completely shocked. “Wow, what an incredible ride!”
“Shane?” Georgina said hesitantly. “Are – are you sure?”
“Yeah! That was totally amazing!”
“Really?” Mark asked him warily.
“Yeah!”
“You wanna go on it again?” Bryan asked eagerly.
At that, Shane turned a pale shade of green and looked up again the the huge roller coaster. “You know what? I do actually, but I think I’m gonna need some more time.”
Anto nodded. “That’s fine. Why don’t we just sit over here?” They led Shane over to a table at one of the outdoor restaurants nearby so he could sit down. He insisted on walking by himself and managed it successfully, much to everyone’s relief. Shane sat down gingerly on the seat. He wobbled back and forth unsteadily and Mattie immediately sat down beside him. She held his hand and rubbed his back concernedly.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Shane?” Mattie asked anxiously.
He waved his hand dismissively. “Ah, I’m fine don’t worry about me.”
“So you ready to go on another ride?” Kian asked.
Shane grimaced. “You know what guys? Why don’t you all go on another ride and then come back and get me when you’re done? I think I’ll be okay by then.”
“Are you sure, Shane?” Georgina asked. “We can stay here with you if you want.”
“No, you don’t have to do that,” he said. “Just go on and come back for me in half an hour or so. I’ll be fine then.”
“Okay then, lad,” Anto said, nodding understandingly. “You just sit here and rest and we’ll be back soon, alright?”
As the rest of the group turned away, Mark hung back. “Em, I think I’ll stay here with Shane. Is that okay?”
Shane looked up at Mark. “Ah, you don’t have to do that, mate. I’m fine.”
“No, I actually just wanted to rest a little too,” Mark said.
“Oh. Well, in that case, it’s fine with me,” Shane shrugged. “I’ll be glad for the company.”
“Okay then lads,” Nicky said. “We’ll see you soon, alright?” The five of them turned around to leave, Mattie blowing Shane and Mark a kiss before running off to join the others. Mark and Shane laughed as Bryan caught her gesture then turned around to blow them a kiss of his own. They laughed harder when that was checked by a sharp blow to the back of the head from Mattie.
Mark watched her go, an affectionate look in his eyes. He smiled a little when Mattie jumped on Bryan’s back and he pretended to stagger under her weight. She put her hands over his eyes, causing him to stumble into Anto, who gave them both a fake dirty look before smiling and laughing along with them. Mark laughed also when shifting Mattie up a little more, one of Bryan’s hands went someplace it wasn’t supposed to be. Even from that distance, Mark could see that Mattie had tightened her arm around Bryan’s neck and was no doubt inflicting on him due punishment for his roving hands. Mattie hopped off of his back and gave him one last shove for good measure and he grinned at her cheekily before pulling her in for a hug. Mattie pretended to be offended still, but she finally gave in a hugged him back, and they looked at each other and laughed. Mark smiled again. Even though she was a good distance off, he could hear her laughter in his mind, like she was right next to him. Mattie’s laugh was one of the sounds that had been ingrained into his brain since childhood, like a mother’s voice or a mother’s touch. Mark imagined in his head the way her nose crinkled up so adorably when she laughed, a laugh so clear and silvery it was like a bell. As he watched her from a distance, Mark began to get kind of a funny feeling inside…
Suddenly, Mark stiffened, remembering something. Remembering a starlit night back in Dublin, with Mattie in Georgina’s back yard. Remembering what she had said to him that night…
“That funny feeling… You know that feeling you get right kind of above your tummy,” she demonstrated, placing her hand on Mark’s abdomen, “It starts right there, right at your tummy, then somehow just begins to radiate out throughout your whole body, until you can feel it to the very tips of your fingers. The feeling you get when you know you’re with someone special, when you’re with someone who you know is going to change your world in a wonderful new way. The feeling you get…right before you’re about to kiss someone you want for the first time.”
Mark’s eyes widened as he recalled those words. Slowly, he spread his fingers out and stared intently at them. They felt tingly…they definitely did feel a bit funny. And they had started feeling this way while he was thinking about –
Mattie.
Slowly, Mark brought his shocked eyes up. “Oh my God,” he whispered.
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