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August
1998
“MATTIE!!!”
Startled, her head jerked up as someone called her name.
She instantly knew who it was, of course.
Mattie smiled as Mark came running towards her, at full speed.
He was obviously excited about something, and Mattie was curious to know
what it was. Mark was usually quiet
and introverted and it took something big to get him riled up like he obviously
was at that moment.
When he finally reached her, he grabbed her up in a
huge hug and swung her around. Mattie immediately started laughing, taken aback by
exhuberance. “What on earth is
going on?” she questioned through her laughter.
“Have you gone mad?”
Mark laughed giddily.
Mattie rolled her eyes. He
had obviously just come back from a visit to the pub and by now she could tell
that he was already slightly “tipsy.”
“Great, you’ve gone and got drunk,” she
chided him. “Now what is so
important that you must come round half-cocked, shrieking at me like a
banshee?”
“You'll never believe it,” Mark gasped, trying
to catch his breath.
“Try me,” Mattie returned with a suspicious look.
“Guess who our new manager is going to be?” he said excitedly.
“Your new manager?” Mattie replied, surprised. “What happened to
Louis?" It had been a few months since Shane Filan’s mum had got into
contact with Louis Walsh, Boyzone's manager. It had been an incredible twist of
fate and luck but amazingly, Louis had agreed to take on managing the music
group that Mark was a part of, along with Shane and Kian Egan, who were also
childhood friends of Mattie's and Mark's. “Has he got sick of you boys
already? I knew he wouldn't be able to hold out, poor man,” she said, shaking
her head regretfully. Mark laughed at her sorrowful expression.
“Well, Louis is still going to be our manager, but remember when I told you
that he would try to find someone else to help us out also?” Mattie nodded.
“Well, he's got one for us!” Mark was practically jumping up and down with
excitement. “Guess who it is!”
“Mark, there is no way I am going to be able to guess. You know I don’t know
any big shot managers in the music business. Just tell me,” Mattie said.
“No! You’ll know this person, I swear you will!”
“Why, who is it?” She was curious now.
“I want you to guess! Come on! Guess! You'll never be able to guess!”
“Well if I’ll never be able to guess, what’s the point in guessing? And
why would you be telling me to guess if you don’t think I will?
What would be the point? We’d
just stand here forever waiting for me to guess and I never will.
And do you not have faith in me that maybe by some wild chance I could
guess, and guess right?” Mattie tried to hide a smile as Mark’s expression
became more and more befuddled.
Finally, he shook his head, as if to clear it. “Mattie!
Stop trying to get me all kerfluffled!”
Mattie looked at him strangely. “Did you just say kerfluffled? WHAT is a
kerfluff? Is that even a word?”
“Of course it’s a word! I read
it in a book once.”
“What book?”
“Anne of Green Gables.”
There was a silence. “You…you've
read Anne of Green Gables?”
“I did,” Mark said defiantly. “So
what?”
“Nothing…” Mattie said, trying to hide a smile.
“It’s a good book.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Mark agreed enthusiastically.
“Poor Gilbert, though. That
bloke obviously wants a piece, but Anne won’t give him any.”
He shook his head sorrowfully. “Don’t
know what’s up with that bird.”
“Mark!!” Mattie screeched. “You
just totally ruined that book for me! You
don’t go around saying that ‘Gilbert wants a piece’!
That is such a crass thing to say! Besides.
He does get a piece eventually.”
“He DOES? When?” Mark asked,
shocked. “You mean she finally
gave him some?”
“Will you stop talking about them like that??” Mattie demanded.
“And yes, they do eventually get married.
Haven’t you read the rest of the series?
There’s more than one book.”
“There are? Why didn’t you tell me!”
“Well, Mark,” Mattie said. “I wasn’t aware that you were a fan of
Canadian novels that are written for pre-adolescent girls.”
Mark scoffed. “I don’t pay attention to that male-female typecast.
Besides, the writings of Lucy Maud Montgomery are genderless.
Ah, sod it, we’re getting off the important topic. Now come on, just
guess! You’ll never believe it, I can’t even believe it, none of us
can believe it, I’m absolutely over the moon!
You’re going to wee in your pants when I tell you! Guess Mattie!
Guess guess guess guess guess!” He started to dance in crazy circles
around the exasperated girl. Mattie stared in astonishment at Mark, who at that
moment was hopping madly around in front of her.
“Will you get a hold of yourself?!” she exclaimed. Mattie grabbed hold of
Mark's collar and gave him a smack upside the head. “Remind me never to let
you go drinking without my supervision.” Mark just stood there and grinned at
her. “Mark, will you just tell me who your manager is going to be? You’re
such an insufferable deutz! If you don't tell me right this instant I will give
you the kind of thrashing your mother forgot.”
“Okay, okay, I'll tell you,” Mark said. “You’re really no fun at all.”
He dodged as she attempted to give him another smack. Mark caught her hand and
grabbed the other so as not to risk another attack on his head.
“Let me go!” Mattie exclaimed.
“No, you're going to hit me again.”
“You deserve it!”
“Will you shut your hole so I can give you the blimin’ news?!”
“Hey, don’t give me any attitude! Don't forget you were the one acting like
a bumbling idiot just a moment ago. You know, sometimes you can really be
absolutely infuriating!”
“Okay, I'm sorry!” Mark grinned. “I’m ready to tell you now.”
“I can hardly wait,” Mattie replied sarcastically.
“Alright...well. I guess you’re pretty curious by now, aren’t you,” Mark
grinned mischievously.
“Mark Michael Patrick Feehily!”
“Okay, okay, I’ll tell! Wow, you even whipped out the middle names for that
one. Alright. Are you ready for this? Our new manager is THE one, THE only…”
Mark paused for effect. “…Mister Ronan Keating!” He stopped, grinning
widely, and waited for her reaction. He was met with absolute silence. At last
Mattie spoke, in a calm, demure tone.
“Ronan Keating.”
“Yes.”
“Ronan Keating like Ronan Boyzone Keating.”
“Yes.”
“Mark!!!” Mattie exclaimed, exasperated.
“What?!”
“You're having me on. You really expect me to believe that?”
“It's true! When have I ever lied to you?”
“Well, there was the time you killed my fish when you left him under the lamp
and then flushed him down the toilet and then told me that it had hopped out of
the bowl and ran away to go live in the lake, and that maybe if I had been more
attentive to him then he wouldn’t have felt the need to go to a lake in order
to seek acceptance and appreciation.”
Mark shifted uncomfortably. "That was just that one time.”
Mattie rolled her eyes. “There was also the time when we were nine and I gave
you the first sweater that I ever knitted for your birthday and you told me that
someone stole it because it was so beautiful when you had really just hid
it under your bed because you didn't want to wear it.”
Mark shifted again and grimaced. “Well…well…that sweater was really ugly,
Mat! It had those really girly looking birds on it! One of them was pink! And
there were these little yarn snags ALL over the sweater.
Besides, I wore it every day for the next week after you found it under
the bed didn't I?”
“That was only because I cried about it!” she accused. “Otherwise you
probably would have stuck it in the dustbin.”
“I tried that but Mum found it and fished it out and –” Mark stopped when
he noticed Mattie giving him the evil eye. “Never mind. I didn't say anything.
Anyway, it was just those two times.” Mattie gave him another look and opened
her mouth to say something else. Quickly, Mark released one of his hands from
Mattie’s, which he was still holding on to, and placed it over her mouth.
“Okay! So I may have fibbed a little here and there but only when I knew you
would get mad at me and beat me senseless. But I’m telling the truth this
time, I swear! You thought I was lying when I told you Louis Walsh was going to
be our manager, remember? And that turned out to be true.”
Mattie studied him for a minute. He seemed to be in earnest. And Mark was
usually serious when he was talking about the group. “Yerapshlytullnthtrufarnyu?”
she mumbled, her eyes wide.
“What?” Mark looked confused until a realization dawned on his face and he
took his hand off Mattie’s mouth. “Alright,
what was that you said?”
“You’re actually telling the truth, aren’t you?” Mattie squeaked.
Mark threw up his hands in exasperation. “YES!”
Mattie stared at him disbelievingly for a moment before she shrieked and threw
herself into his arms.
“OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE RONAN KEATING IS GOING TO BE YOUR MANAGER!!!!!”
Mark hugged her back tightly and rubbed his ear. “Ow. Didn't I tell you?”
“Oh, Mark, this is brilliant news! Ronan Keating! THE Ronan Keating! Oh,
he’s SUCH a dreamboat!”
Mark raised an eyebrow. “Teenybop
much, Mattie?”
Mattie ignored him clapped her hands together a few times before bringing them
to her face, still in shock.
“Wait, there’s more,” Mark said grinning.
“What?”
“We’ve already got our first professional gig!”
“Have you really?” Mattie asked, her eyes wide. “Where?”
“The Point.”
“Hrm?”
“The Point. You know, like in Dublin. That place where bands play.”
Mattie raised her eyebrow again. Then she gave Mark another smack upside the
head.
“OW! What was that one for?!” Mark exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head.
“Now you’re really having me on," Mattie accused. “You can’t
seriously expect me to believe that YOU and your dinky little group are
performing at the Point. I’m not that daft!”
“What are you talking about? Nobody's having anyone on! And what do you mean,
my dinky little group? We’re not dinky! I’m gonna tell Shane you said that.
He’s going to be flippin' mad!”
“Mark, groups like Boyzone perform at the Point. Groups like U2 perform at the
Point. Little boybands from Sligo named IOU do not perform at the Point.”
“They do if their manager is Ronan Keating,” Mark grinned.
Mattie eyed him skeptically. "Well, even if you are telling the
truth, and somehow you convinced that place to let you perform there, you expect
me to believe that you sold enough tickets to sell out the first two rows?
People in Dublin have never even heard of you! And I don't think Ronan would be
willing to pay 10,000 people to attend one of your shows.”
“Well, I'll have you know missy, that the show is completely sold out,” Mark
replied haughtily. Mattie eyed him skeptically. “It is!” he insisted.
“And just how did you manage to pull that one off?”
“Well, it isn’t so hard to sell out the Point when you are one of the
biggest musical acts in all of Europe.”
Mattie stared at him and then broke into a grin. “Has your head got this big
already?” she laughed. “Mark, you know I love and support you lads, but IOU
isn't even one of the biggest musical acts in Sligo let alone Europe. I don’t
know exactly what you drank earlier but you are really starting to worry me.
What did you drink anyway? Did someone slip a little something into your
Guinness? Have you been smoking crack? Are you hiiiiigh like a kiiiite?”
Mattie started bobbing her head back and forth in a rather sad attempt to look
like someone on drugs, if that were possible to do.
Mark cocked his head to the side. “If
I’m smoking crack, I don’t even want to know what you’re smoking.”
Mattie merely responded by continuing to bob her head from side to side.
“Stop it!” He took her
by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. “You’re insane! I wasn’t
talking about us really! I was talking about a certain band that will be playing
at the Point, a show which I actually have tickets to go to. I guess I'll have
to find someone now to take my ticket off my hands since it seems that I won’t
be needing it.” He grinned as Mattie's eyes widened in understanding.
“Wait a minute…you're not…are you…you can't be…” her voice trailed
off.
“We’re going to be opening up for the Backstreet Boys!!!” Mark shouted
triumphantly. He grabbed Mattie around her waist and swung her around and
around. “Can you even believe it? A month ago we were in line buying tickets
for this show, and now IOU is going to be the opening act!”
“It's unbelievable!" Mattie said excitedly when Mark finally put her
down. “The Backstreet Boys! It's fantastic! Not so fantastic as opening for
NSync, but it’s still pretty good,” she said cheekily.
“What are you talking about? Backstreet Boys are way better than Nsync.”
“Oh, no they are not.”
“Are too.”
“Are not.”
“Mark, why do you even bother arguing with me? I’m always right.”
“Whatever.” They looked at each other and laughed.
“So does this mean you’re giving me your Backstreet Boys tickets?” Mattie
asked.
“Do you want em?”
“Not really.”
“Why not?”
Mattie wrinkled her nose. “Backstreet
Boys suck.”
Mark reeled at her words. “What?
Backstreet Boys are the best band in the world! Take that back!” he demanded
in mock indignance.
Mattie pressed her lips together firmly in reply.
“Iwunt,” she mumbled through her pursed lips.
“Oh yes you will!” In one quick movement, Mark had turned her around and wrapped
an arm firmly around her waist, pinning her arms to her side, and his other hand
was squeezing her cheeks together into a fish face. “Oh, I love the Backstreet Boys so much!” Mark squealed
in a high pitched voice, making Mattie’s lips move in synchronization to his
voice. “They are the best band in
the world! Nick Carter is soooo
sexy! I’m going to marry him!
Justin Timberlake looks like a rat!”
Mattie shrieked, as well as a person could shriek when her face is squished into
a fish face. “Dunt shey dat abut Jushtin!” she ordered.
“Tekkit back! Tekkit back!”
Mark was having too much fun. “And
Lance is an albino woman! You look
me in the face and tell me that he doesn’t pluck his eyebrows!”
“Noooooo!” Mattie wailed. “Nut
my beby, nut Lanshe! Dunnit messh wif de Lanshe!”
Mark’s deprecating comments about Lance, her favorite Nsyncer, pushed
her over the edge. Like a woman
possessed, Mattie wriggled out of Mark’s grip and before he knew it, she had
wrestled him to the ground and was sitting on his back, squeezing the back of
his neck with her fingers, something she knew he couldn’t stand.
“Do you give up? Do you take it back?” she asked.
“Neverrrrrr!” came the reply. Mattie
shrugged and applied more pressure to his neck. “Ow ow OW!! Okay!
You win! I give up!” Mark yelled as he tried to wiggle out from under
her.
“Before I let you go, you have apologise.”
Mark sighed. “I’m sorry that I
insulted your precious boyband Mattie.”
“Thank you,” she said. “But
now you have to apologise to Justin and Lance.”
“What?!” Mark twisted his head
up to look at her. “Are ye mad?”
“I am of sound mind and judgment,” Mattie stated solemnly.
“Sometimes I wonder,” Mark grumbled. “Alright. How do you suppose I am to
apologise to them?”
Mattie thought for a moment. “Turn
your head that way,” she instructed, pointing.
“That direction is south west. That
is where the States are.” Her
expression turned wistful. “That’s
where my boys are,” she said dreamily.
“You have GOT to be joking me.” She
shot Mark a warning glance. “Ok, ok,” he said meekly.
“I’ll apologise.” He cleared his throat and turn his head south
west. “Justin, I am sorry that I called you a rat,” Mark said
solemnly. “I think you’re a
good looking lad. You work out and
take pride in your body, and it shows.” Mattie
eyed him humourously, but let him continue.
“Lance, I am sorry that I called you an albino woman.
I forgot that you are Mattie’s hunka hunka burnin’ love. Why? I have
no clue. But you are. I suppose
it’s because you seem so sweet and sensitive and the birds like that.”
He looked up at Mattie, who was trying desperately and failing miserably
at hiding a grin. “How was
that?”
“Lovely. I forgive you now. So do
Justin and Lance.” She leaned
down and gave Mark a smacking kiss on the back of his head before sliding off
his back and sitting beside him on the grass Indian style.
Mark rolled over until his head was in her lap.
The both of them sat there for several moments, content just to observe
their surroundings. Mark stared off
into the distance as Mattie absently played with Mark’s hair, running her
fingers through the thickness as her mind wandered elsewhere.
“So have you told everyone yet?” Mattie asked after a long silence.
“About Ronan and the Point and all?”
“I've told me parents and Barry and Colin know too. Mum said you were out here
so I came to find you.” Mark paused a bit before continuing. “You know,
there's more...”
“More what?”
“News.”
“More? What else could there possibly be?” Mattie questioned curiously.
“We’re going to start touring. With Boyzone. In October. Mat, we're going to
be playing to thousands of people all over Europe!”
Mattie stopped and looked at him when she heard that. “Touring…? You’ll be
leaving?”
“That’s generally what happens when people tour, yes,” Mark joked. “Can
you even believe it? Touring! Europe!” He
shook his head in wonderment. “How
did this happen? How does a country
lad from Sligo get managed by Ronan Keating, and tour with Boyzone, and open up
for the biggest band in pop music? It’s all a bit mad.”
“It’s…wonderful,” Mattie replied softly.
She was quiet for a moment more before she asked him a question.
“How long? How long will you be gone?” She waited, almost holding her
breath as she waited for his reply.
For a long while, Mark was silent. Slowly,
he lifted his head off her lap and then sat upright, his back to her.
She watched him as he sat quietly, and a heavy feeling began to settle
deep within her heart. Mattie
shifted position until she was sitting next to him, watching him as he sat
silently, watching his blue eyes as they scanned the green expanse of hillside.
Mark was a quiet person, a thinker more than anything else.
As a result, he had many silences…and she knew them all.
Silences when he was deep in thought, silences when he was merely
observing the world around him, silences when he was frustrated, silences when
he was content…silences when there was something he didn’t want to tell her.
Mattie knew this was one of those silences…but she wanted to know. She
needed to know. Gingerly, she reached out and touched his shoulder.
“Mark?” she asked softly. “How
long?”
He lowered his head so that he was focusing on the green grass beneath him.
Louis had sat down with him and the lads a few days before and laid it
straight out for them what would be happening, how their lives would be from
that moment on. He had been
brutally honest and straightforward and with each word that Louis had spoken,
Mark’s heart had sunk faster and faster, and although it didn’t diminish his
passion for music and his drive to succeed, it made him ache inside…an ache
that he knew would be felt just as deeply by the girl sitting next to him.
He wanted so badly to lie…to tell her that he would be back soon, to tell her
that following his dreams wouldn’t mean leaving her behind.
It was on the tip of his tongue to bombard her with false reassurances
and empty promises, but it would be no use.
She would see right through them, she always could.
They had promised each other once, no secrets and no demands…the best
of friends, always. But how could
he look her in the eye and tell her that their world, this life that they had
shared for eighteen years, would never again be the same?
That after a lifetime of sharing every day together, now months would
pass before he even set foot in Ireland again, let alone be able to see her?
Mark closed his eyes, his head still bowed, trying to find the words he needed,
and the strength to say them out loud. He
was lost in thought when he felt a small hand close around his.
He opened his eyes to see her now in front of him, looking at him
intently. “Mark, tell me how
long,” Mattie asked gently.
His took his other hand and closed it over hers.
“A long time,” Mark answered quietly.
He had seen in her eyes that she already knew…she just needed to hear
it from him. “We’ll open for the Backstreet Boys…and then we’ll be
living in Dublin, recording, performing, trying to get ourselves signed.
We’ll be on the Boyzone tour in October, and the Smash Hits tour.
Once we get signed we’ll have to travel anywhere they tell us to go. London, Sweden, anywhere.
We’ll be living in hotels, out of suitcases every day of our lives.
We’ll be working sixteen, twenty hour days, every day.
Sometimes we’ll be in two or three countries in the same day.
If we get bigger, then we take on Asia.
If we get famous it’ll be the same routine, just more of it.
Ireland’s a small market. We
won’t be spending much time here. When
we do come back, we’ll be in Dublin for a day, two days, maybe even a few
hours before we’ll have to leave again to do work in bigger, more profitable
countries. If we get lucky, we’ll
get to spend Christmas Day in our own homes.
If we’re not lucky, God knows where we’ll be.”
Mark stopped then, unable to go on.
Hearing it from Louis had been one thing, and had been difficult enough.
But hearing it come from his own mouth and having to see her expression
fall with each bleak sentence was almost unbearable.
Slowly, Mattie withdrew her hand from Mark’s hands.
She felt numb all over. Somehow
she had known in the back of her mind that it would be like this, but hearing it
from him broke her heart. He was
leaving her. Never had they been
apart for more than a day of their lives, but now she could see that the road
they had traveled together for as long as she could remember was about to
diverge. And she didn’t know what
to do about it. She, Mattie, always
in control and always knowing what to do…had no idea what to do now. Slowly, she lifted her eyes to meet Mark’s, and their gazes
locked but they said nothing. Mattie
studied his face, his eyes. Would
they still be the same? After
everything that he said would happen, and after all the time apart, would his
eyes still be the same eyes? Would
he still be the same? Would
she…still mean as much to him? Mattie
tried to force herself to think the unthinkable.
She knew not all friendships lasted.
Could theirs? What if he
came back…as someone she didn’t know anymore?
People change, she knew that well. But
would he?
Mark watched her as she sat quietly, a panic beginning to rise in him as he
watched her expression slowly begin to dim. “Mattie,” Mark said
hoarsely. “Don’t – don’t
look at me like that.”
“Like what?” she asked numbly.
“Don’t look at me like I’m a stranger.”
She closed her eyes. “It would be
easier if you were a stranger,” she replied softly, the words catching in her
throat.
“Don’t say that!” Mark responded fiercely. Mattie’s eyes flew wide open
at the forcefulness in his voice and her heart contracted when she took in his
angry expression…because she knew it was the kind of angry he became when he
was hurt.
“But it’s true,” she responded quietly.
Mattie drew her knees up to her chest and hugged herself, suddenly
feeling very cold. She watched Mark
as he stood up slowly and walked away from her.
He came upon a large rock and sat down heavily on it, his eyes looking
out at nothing in particular. Suddenly,
a wave of guilt washed over Mattie, and hot tears sprang suddenly to her eyes. She wiped them away angrily.
What was wrong with her? He
had come to her, so excited and so eager to tell her that all his dreams were
about to come true, and she had done nothing except bring him down.
God, what kind of person am I? she wondered.
She was his best friend. She
was supposed to encourage and support him, like she had always done for eighteen
years. She was supposed to be the one he came to to comfort his
sorrow and share in his joy.
She was supposed to put aside her own feelings for his happiness.
It was role she knew well by now. Mattie
bit her lip tightly as she stared at the back of his figure. Always so many things to say to him, but could never be said.
“When will this end?” she whispered hopelessly.
When would her heart twisting every time she looked at him?
Abruptly, she shook herself out of her thoughts.
“You’re a sad sap,” Mattie muttered to herself. “Pull
yourself together.” Slowly, she
got up and walked over to where Mark was, sitting herself carefully down at the
grass by his feet. When she was
settled, Mattie looked up at his face to see him already gazing intently at her.
She tried to smile at him. “What
are you thinking about?” she asked gently.
He looked back out at the horizon. “Thinking….about
how I’m going to leave here. Leave
my family…my friends…” Mark
dropped his gaze back down to her. “My
Mattie.”
Oh no. No.
NO. Don’t say things like that,
don’t look at me like that, Mattie begged in her mind.
“I – it…it probably won’t be as bad as it seems to us right
now,” she said quickly.
He shook his head. “Everything’s going to be different now.
Everything’s going to change. Nothing’s
going to be the same.” Mark’s
voice dropped. “I’m scared,
Mattie.”
His tone was so low, she had to strain to hear it, but it tugged at her heart
just the same. “So am I,” she said softly.
Mattie slipped her hand into Mark’s and squeezed it comfortingly.
“But we’re going to get through this together, right? You and me.
Like always.”
“Like always,” Mark echoed. He slid off the rock so that they were sitting next to each other and put his arm around her shoulders as she leaned against him. “Thank God for you, Mattie. I know you’ll never change. It’ll always be like this, right?"
Mattie closed her eyes and let out a silent sigh. "Always,
Mark."
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