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Mattie leaned out of the window and breathed in deeply. She closed her eyes as the warm, sweet scent of the ocean breeze filled her senses. It was late, they had got back from the beach hours ago, but she didn�t feel like sleeping just then. It seemed like too beautiful a night to waste in sleep. If she leaned out far enough from the window seat, she could catch a glimpse of the moon glowing off the waters of the Atlantic. Mattie sighed happily and reached out a finger, imagining just for a moment that she was touching the stars that shined so steadily in the heavens overhead. She got up on her knees from where she was sitting on the window seat and rested her elbows on the sill, leaning her head out the window so she could get a good look of the city. Not far in the distance, she could see the glittering lights of downtown Miami, which contrasted brilliantly with the dark night sky. Mattie was busily admiring the view when from out of nowhere something hit her on the side of her head.
Surprised, she looked down to see what looked like a paper airplane falling down to the sidewalk below. Mattie looked to her right and rolled her eyes when she saw all five guys with their heads out the window and giggling crazily.
�Hey, McFadden, that�s a fiver,� Nicky said to Bryan with his hand outstretched. Bryan groaned and pulled a bill out of his pocket and gave it to Nicky who kissed it with a flourish.
�Wow, I didn�t think you�d actually hit her, Nix,� Shane said, impressed. �Good work, my man.� He shook Nicky�s hand enthusiastically as Mattie laughed.
�Oh, that�s real lovely and mature, lads,� she commented.
�Thanks!� they responded brightly. Mattie smiled and shook her head.
�What are you guys doing up? It�s past one. You�ve got an early day tomorrow, haven�t you? Go to sleep!� she said sternly. �If Anto knew you were all fooling around in Shane�s room at this hour, he�d have your heads.�
�We�ll all go to our own rooms in a minute,� Bryan promised. �We just wanted to say goodnight.�
�Well, there�s not a more charming way to do it than chucking a paper airplane at a girl�s head. Where�d you get the paper for it? From the Bible inside the nightstand I�ll bet.�
�Of course not,� Kian scoffed. �I think it was made from Mark�s airline ticket, actually. Thicker than paper, you know. Much more suitable for hitting an exact target.�
�That better be a joke, Egan,� Mark warned him.
�Of course it�s a joke, ya deutz,� Kian smacked Mark on the head and rolled his eyes. �Well, I�m going to sleep now. Bye, Mattie. See you tomorrow.�
�Night, Kian,� Mattie said before he disappeared back inside Shane�s room.
�Hey, Mat, is Georgina awake?� Nicky asked.
�Sorry, Nix,� Mattie said as her gaze fell on Georgina who was sleeping peacefully on her bed. �G�s not here. She left about two hours ago dressed in a tight black miniskirt and stiletto heels, saying something about a night club�hot Miami guys�I don�t know, I wasn�t really paying attention. Told me not to expect her back until dawn.�
�Funny, Mattie.�
�Aren�t I?� Mattie laughed. �Actually, she�s already asleep Nicky.�
�Oh, okay then. Well I�ll see you both tomorrow. Good night!�
�Good night, Nix.� Mattie waved at him before he also disappeared from the window.
�I�m gonna turn in too, Mat,� Bryan said as a yawn hit him. �Sleep well tonight. I know you will because you�ll be dreaming sweet dreams of me.� He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.
�Oh, spare me,� Mattie said, wrinkling her nose. �Now I know why you�re single, Bry.�
�Just saving myself for you, babe.�
�Will you get out of here?!� Shane said, disgusted, as he grabbed Bryan by the collar and pulled him away from the window. �Extremely sorry about that, Mattie,� Shane apologized.
�Ah, don�t worry about it, I�m used to it by now,� she assured him, laughing. Shane grinned.
�I�m gonna go to bed now, too. I�ll see you tomorrow Mattie.� He blew her a kiss, which Mattie returned, smiling, before he too disappeared from the window. Now only Mark was left. He leaned his elbows on the windowsill. He didn�t say anything, just looked at her, smiling. Mattie gave him an amused look.
�Did you want something, Mark?� she asked him.
�Huh? What? Oh! No�� he responded, the sound of her voice seeming to shake him out of his abstract state. �I suppose not�� he trailed off.
�You really should get some sleep, Mark,� Mattie advised him.
He shrugged. �I�m not that sleepy, actually,� he said. �I�d much rather talk to you.�
�Not from my room you aren�t,� came Shane�s voice from inside. Mattie laughed.
�It�s a bit hard to have a conversation when the person you�re talking to is a window away,� she remarked. �I�d invite you over here to talk, but Georgina�s asleep��
�Do you wanna go somewhere else, then?� he suggested. �I don�t feel like sleeping yet. Bryan�s already in our room, but we could go for a walk, or something. Wherever you like.�
�A walk sounds lovely,� Mattie agreed.
�Great then! I�ll meet you in the hall in a second.� He disappeared from the window. Mattie went about the room, changing from her pajamas into a pair of jeans and a lightweight pink sweater.
Back inside Shane�s room, Mark headed for the door.
�Going out with Mattie?� Shane asked.
�Yeah. Just for a walk or something. So we can talk. If Anto notices I�m gone, tell him I�ll be back soon, okay?�
Shane nodded. �Don�t worry about it. It�s one in the morning, I�m sure he�s out like a light.�
�Alright.� Mark opened the door.
�You two have fun now!� Shane called behind him as the door shut. He looked around the room restlessly. �Mattie and Mark, alone on a starlit night in Miami�man! I really need someone to hi five right now.�
Mark smiled down at her as Mattie chattered about her life and school and friends. For some reason he wasn�t paying too much attention to what she said. It was enough just to hear the sound of her voice. It was like a soothing, familiar wave, and he just felt it satisfying only to listen to her. Unfortunately, it seemed that Mattie noticed that he didn�t seem to be paying too much attention.
�Mark, am I boring you? I�m sorry. I�ve been talking too much, haven�t I?� she asked him sheepishly.
�What? Oh, no! No. Not at all. We came out here to talk, remember?� Mark smiled and squeezed her hand gently. �And we�re talking.� Mattie gave him a skeptical look and he changed the subject. �You know, we�ve been walking for a while. Why don�t we sit down?� he suggested. He looked around. They had arrived at some kind bay within the hotel grounds. At the moment, they were standing on a small dock where several boats were parked. The bay was rather large, and extended into the ocean in the distance. Mark�s eyes fell on a small wooden bench. �How about there?� They walked over and settled themselves on the bench. Mattie folded her legs up on the seat and snuggled against the warmth of Mark�s body. Automatically, his arm went around her shoulders, drawing her closer to him, and Mattie�s arms slipped around his waist. She sighed contentedly and nestled her head against Mark�s chest. He placed his cheek against her hair and they sat in silence for a moment, listening to the water lap against the sides of the boats. Slowly, Mattie�s eyes began to close, but Mark�s voice kept her from drifting off into sleep.
�Mattie?�
�Hmm�?� she murmured sleepily.
�When you were in Dublin�� Mark paused, wondering how to go about this. �When you were in Dublin�was there anyone else?�
�What do you mean?�
�I mean�was there anyone�besides Peter?�
At the mention of that name, Mattie�s eyes flew open. She leaned back away from Mark so that she was looking him in the face. �What? Why? Why do you want to know?�
Mark shrugged. �I don�t know. Well, just now you were going on about how things were going on in Dublin and all that�but I don�t think I�ve ever heard a mention of you with anyone else besides Peter. I mean, with someone, you know?�
�Oh.� Mattie looked down. �Well, why do you want to know that?�
�Just curious.� He smiled at her. �I�d have gathered that a girl like you doesn�t stay single for long, eh?�
Mattie raised her eyebrow. �And what makes you think that?�
Mark stared at her. �Are you kidding me? You must be. Just look at yourself, Mattie! You�re smart, caring, funny, talented�the perfect girl.�
�I�m not so perfect as you think I am,� Mattie said quietly. �I�m only a person, Mark.�
�You still haven�t answered my question,� he reminded her. �Was there ever anyone else?�
Mattie looked up into his face. �No. There was never anyone else.�
�Oh.� For reasons he couldn�t explain, Mark felt a wave of relief wash over him when she answered his question. But that feeling soon disappeared as he looked back into her eyes. What he saw there surprised him. In her eyes, there seemed to be a mixture of pain, regret, loneliness�and something else he wasn�t sure of. Instinctively, Mark drew Mattie closer to him in a gentle hug.
�I�m sorry,� he said softly. �I guess you must not be over it yet.� He felt Mattie�s body stiffen against him and she pulled away.
�What � what do you mean? Over what? Over who?� Her eyes now held what seemed like panic, or even fear.
�I � I meant you weren�t over Peter yet,� Mark said. �What did you think I meant?�
Mattie�s shoulders dropped with relief. �Oh, nothing�nothing.� She settled back in her position against Mark and rested her cheek against the softness of his sweater.
�I�m sorry if I�ve upset you,� Mark apologized. �I really had no right.�
�No, it�s fine Mark, really,� Mattie said. �I�ve just haven�t had much time this past year. New city, new school. I�ve been busy.� Busy forcing myself to fall out of love with you her mind added silently before she could stop it. Mattie squeezed her eyes shut. This is not the time, Mattie she told herself. Not here, not now�not ever. Ever again. You promised yourself you wouldn�t fall again. Mattie sighed deeply.
�Is something wrong, Mat?� Mark asked her. She shook her head against his chest and bit her lip. Mark lifted his hand and gently turned Mattie�s chin up so that she was looking at him again. Mark stared into her troubled eyes for a minute before speaking.
�You know,� he began. �I don�t know the whole story of you and Peter. But I do know is that if I were him�I wouldn�t have let you go so easily.� Mattie�s face took on a detached expression and she turned away from him to look out at the bay.
�You�re right,� she said. �You don�t know the whole story. It was a choice that I made, Mark. Peter didn�t really have much of an option other than to let me go.�
�I know, but-�
�Mark, can we please stop talking about this?� Mattie interrupted him. �This is really the last thing I need.� She took her arms from around his waist and stood up, walking over to the wooden railing and leaving a shocked Mark on the bench. He took a moment to collect himself before he walked over to the railing to join her. Mattie turned her face away from him, looking at the water, at the boats, at the sky�anything to avoid looking at Mark. He reached out and touched her cheek and turned her face to him. Mattie looked down, refusing to meet his eyes.
�I�m sorry,� Mark said again. �I didn�t know that this was still a bit of a touchy subject.� Mattie let out an exasperated noise and pushed Mark�s hand away impatiently. She moved away, leaving Mark standing there, a stunned expression on his face.
�That�s not it!� she cried irritably. �You don�t know-� Mattie passed a hand across her forehead in a frustrated gesture, willing herself to keep her temper down�and also her tears. �Why are you asking me this now, Mark? Why? How come you�re suddenly so interested in who�s in my life and why they�re in my life? Or why they�re not in it? I don�t understand � what do you want me to say?� Mattie looked at him helplessly, confusion written across her features. Mark went over to Mattie and put his arms around her. �I�m sorry, I�m sorry, I didn�t mean anything by it, Mattie. Have I hurt you? I�m so sorry.� Mattie wrapped her arms tightly around Mark�s waist and she buried her face in his sweater.
�You don�t know, you don�t know�� she whispered. A few tears managed to escape from her eyes, disappearing in the fabric of Mark�s sweater.
�What? What is it? What is it that I don�t know?� Mark murmured softly, stroking Mattie�s hair with a gentle hand. What was she talking about? Mark was thoroughly confused. It had just been a simple question�he had never dreamed she would react this way, and he wondered why. What was it he didn�t know? She was hardly making sense now.
Mattie shut her eyes tightly as Mark continued to stroke her hair and murmur comforting words. She knew he was confused, and she didn�t blame him. Mattie cursed herself for reacting this way to his questions. Mark must think that she was crazy. But what could she tell him? What reason could she give him for why there wasn�t anyone special in her life? Because she was scared of falling in love? He would want to know why�and she couldn�t tell him that. Because she was still in love�? Stop it! her mind screamed at her. You�re NOT in love! Mattie�s hands went back up and she covered her face in frustration.
�Mattie? Mattie, what�s wrong?� Mark�s anxious voice pierced her conscious and she forced herself to lift her head up and look him in the face. Mark took her hands and brought them back down, keeping them in his firm grasp. Mattie looked up at him, tears shining in her eyes. Mark�s own eyes were filled with concern and worry. He released one of her hands and lifted it up to brush her hair away from her face. Mattie closed her eyes again as Mark began to caress her cheek with the back of his hand. She let out a shaky breath and leaned against him for support.
�I�m sorry,� she whispered.
�It�s okay, it�s okay, you don�t have to say anything,� Mark answered in a low voice. �I�m the one who�s sorry. I shouldn�t have asked. It�s really none of my business.�
Mattie sighed tiredly. �I need to sit down.�
Without speaking, Mark gently led Mattie back over to the bench and they sat down together. Mattie leaned against him and closed her eyes. Mark pulled her closer and began to stroke her hair again. The softness of her hair felt featherdown against his fingers. As they sat together, the uneasiness began to fade away and all thoughts were forgotten. Mark looked down at the girl in his arms and smiled. Mattie seemed to have fallen asleep. He couldn�t take her eyes off her as the moonlight fell across her face. She looked so peaceful and angelic. He couldn�t resist leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her forehead. At the light touch, Mattie opened her eyes. Mark pulled back slightly, surprised and embarrassed. He�d thought she was asleep. But Mattie didn�t say anything, just looked up at him, a tender expression gracing her features. Mark ran his hand through Mattie�s hair one more time before cupping it against her cheek. His thumb moved lightly back and forth across her skin and Mattie shivered at his touch. She reached a hand up and gently grasped the wrist of the hand that was touching her cheek, not taking her gaze from his face. The brilliant blueness of his eyes pierced into her own as Mark leaned down and touched his forehead to hers.
�Mark,� Mattie breathed.
Mark shook his head. �Don�t talk,� he said softly. Mattie nodded wordlessly as Mark continued to look into her eyes. It seemed like he was searching for something, but she wasn�t sure what, exactly. His intense gaze made her want to look away, but she found that she couldn�t, no matter how hard she tried. Mattie watched as Mark�s eyes traveled across her face, taking in every feature before finally settling on her lips. Mattie drew in a shaky breath and her heart started to pound, so much so that she wondered if he could feel it. Mark tightened his arm around her waist, pulling her even closer than she already was. Mattie reached her hand up and touched his cheek lightly. Mark closed his eyes and began to lean his head down.
Suddenly, the sound of a vehicle coming by jolted them both back to reality. Both Mattie and Mark looked up as a hotel employee came riding by on a golf cart. The loosened their hold on each other and Mark sighed as the cart stopped in front of them. The employee gave them a mischievous grin.
�Sorry if I interrupted you two,� he apologized.
�No�that�s alright,� Mattie said. �We should probably get back anyways.� Mark looked slightly surprised. �Do you know what time it is?� she asked the man, not looking at Mark.
He checked his watch. �Almost three in the morning, ma�am,� he answered.
�Thank you,� she told him. He nodded at her and then sped off on the cart. Mattie let out a breath and then stood up. �Come on, Mark,� she said. �It�s time to get back. You�ve got performances tomorrow and it�s three in the morning. Anto�s going to bite your head off.�
Mark looked at her wordlessly for a few moments. �Can we talk?� he said finally.
Mattie bit her lip. �About what?�
�About us. About what�s going on. About what�s been going on the past couple of days. You know what I�m talking about.�
Mattie looked away from him. �I don�t think we should-�
�No, we have to,� Mark interrupted her. Mattie looked back at him in surprise. Mark rose from the bench to face her and he took her hands in his. �Mattie,� he began. �I�m not really sure what�s going on here but I do know that � that some things aren�t the same.� He looked into her eyes searchingly. �And I know that you know it too.�
Mattie looked lost. �Please, Mark, I don�t want to talk about this now. It isn�t a good time-�
�If not now, then when?� Mark asked her. He took Mattie�s face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes. �We can�t deny that things are different. And we need to talk about it. Figure out what�s happening.�
Mattie took a deep breath and took his hands away from her face. �Mark, please. I don�t want you to say anything you don�t mean�� She took a deep breath. When she saw that he was about to say something, she cut him off. �Don�t, Mark. I � I � we � � Not finding any sufficient words, she gave up, turning suddenly, and began to walk away.
It took Mark a minute to collect himself before running after her. When he caught up, Mark grabbed her by the arm to stop her. �Wait, Mattie, where are you going?�
�Going back to the hotel,� she answered, not looking at him. �It�s late, Mark. Let me go. We�ve both got to get some sleep.� Mattie saw that he wasn�t buying it, but she freed herself from his grasp and began walking again. Mark fell in step beside her and they walked all the way back in silence.
When they reached Mattie and Georgina�s room, Mattie pulled her card key out of her pocket and was about to slide it in the slot when Mark�s hand stopped her. She looked up at him in surprise.
�Mattie,� he said softly. His face was very close.
�Yes?� she whispered.
He leaned down and slowly brushed his lips against her cheek in a gentle kiss. Mattie closed her eyes and shivered when his lips touched her skin. Mark pulled back and touched her face tenderly. �Good night.� He put his hands in his pockets and made his way down the hall to his and Bryan�s room. Pulling his own key out of his pocket, he pushed the card in the slot and opened the door. Mark looked to where Mattie was still standing by her door, card in hand, staring at him wordlessly. He gave her a little smile before finally disappearing inside the room.
Mattie stood out in the hallway for a moment, collecting herself before she opened the door and went in. She tossed her key onto a table and quickly changed back into her pajamas. Mattie got into bed as quietly as she could, so as not to disturb Georgina. She lay in bed for a while, just staring at the ceiling, thinking about what had happened that night. What was happening to them? As much as she tried to fight it, a thought forced its way into her mind. Was Mark finally beginning to feel for her�what she had felt for him for so long? Mattie clenched her fists. This kind of wishful thinking wasn�t going to get her anywhere. But the way he had touched her tonight, the way he had looked into her eyes�surely there must be something there. A million thoughts crowded Mattie�s mind, all fighting each other furiously. You�re imagining it, you�re getting your hopes up, he doesn�t want you�he DOES want you, you can see it in his eyes, you can hear it in his voice, you can feel it in his touch� Mattie squeezed her eyes shut. Automatically, her fingers went up to her neck and her hand clasped around the cross her father had given her�her mother�s necklace�a symbol of love, sacrifice, faith, guidance. Guidance. She needed it now, needed it desperately. �Please,� she whispered. �What do I do now? Where do I go from here?�
Suddenly, all at once, her mind cleared. The questions, the doubts�they had faded away, as if by magic. Mattie opened her eyes, shocked when a voice pierced her conscious. It was light and gentle, like a breeze. Follow your heart. �Follow my heart,� Mattie repeated. She made a face. �What the heck it that supposed to mean? Great, now you�re talking to yourself. That�s just lovely.� Mattie sighed and rubbed a hand across her eyes. �You�re losing it, Madeline,� she said to herself. �Go to bed already.� She closed her eyes again. Then opened them again. Mattie fingered her necklace delicately.
�Follow my heart,� she said again, softly. She hadn�t listened to her heart for so long, letting her mind take over every action and every feeling concerning Mark. She just couldn�t bear the thought of being hurt, of losing the one person she cared about most in the world. But maybe Bryan had been right, earlier. Maybe things had changed. Maybe she had been fighting this for too long. Maybe, just maybe�it was time for her heart to do the thinking. Mattie closed her eyes again and this time she drifted off into a peaceful slumber, a slight smile gracing her lips.
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