Nicky awoke the next morning with a pounding headache. "Fucking whiskey," he muttered. Then he looked beside him and it hit him what had happened. He'd slept with Kristen. "Agh," he moaned and lay back against the pillows.
Kristen lied with her back to Nicky, facing the wall. She didn't even want to look at him. She couldn't believe that she had sex with him. 'I'm so stupid,' she thought to herself. 'Now he'll think I'm nothing but a slut.' Then she heard him mumble something. She held a sheet tightly to her as she rolled over to make sure he was ok. Despite everything, she still felt bad for him. "You ok Nicky?" she asked
He still has his eyes closed as he said, "Please tell me we didn't do what I think we did last night."
That was like a slap in the face to Kristen. "We did Nicky."
He was almost afraid to ask the next question. "I didn't force myself on you, did I?"
"You were drunk Nicky." Kristen didn't know what else to say to him. She didn't want to say he forced her to have sex with him, because she had wanted it, but he had been forceful with her.
"Shit," he said under his breath. "I'm so sorry Krissy, I shouldn't have done that."
"I could have stopped you if I want to Nicky." For some reason, Kristen couldn't let him take all the blame for what had happened. After all, she had been the sober one, so somehow it must have been her fault.
"I didn't want it to happen this way Krissy, I swear. If I could change what happened, I would."
"Too late now Nicky," she said as she stared out the window. At least the weather fit her mood, grey and rainy.
"I probably said some things I shouldn't have too. I usually do when I am drunk." Nicky could tell she was upset about what had happened. If only he knew the real reason why.
"So you didn't mean anything then?" Kristen wanted to cry, but she fought the tears. No way she was going to let him see how he was hurting her.
"I don't remember what I said Krissy. I'm just afraid I said things I might not have meant. I never meant to hurt you Kristen."
"Whatever Nicky. Look, I need to go. If I leave now, I can make it to Sligo before noon." She got out of the bed and dressed as quickly as she could.
Nicky just sat in the bed watching her. "Please don't go Krissy, I need you."
Kristen shook her head. "No Nicky, you don't need me because right now, all I could do is make you feel worse than you already do. I need to leave."
"Yeah, run off to Shane, your knight in shining armour." Nicky, even while he was still happily with Georgina, had always been jealous of Shane's relationship with Kristen.
"Shane was the best replacement I could find considering the man I wanted didn't want me." Then she walked away, without looking back. If she had, he would have seen the tears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She caught a cab back to her flat so she could shower. She had to get the dirty feeling off of her body. As hard as she scrubbed with the soap, the feeling was still there. Finally she gave up, got changed and flew in her car to Sligo. She needed Shane, needed his comfort. Kristen's face was still wet with tears when she knocked on the door to the Filan house.
Mae, Shane's mum, opened the door. "Kristen, sweetheart, what's wrong?"
"Is Shane here?" Kristen said. She couldn't tell Mae what had happened.
"Yes he is. Shane!" she yelled up the stairs.
Shane came running down. "What's...Kris! What happened?" He pulled her into his arms and she just cried. "Let's go upstairs ok." He had a feeling this was something she didn't want to discuss in front of his mum. Shane led Kristen up to his room. He'd left his radio on when he ran down. An old Jessica Simpson song came on as he tried to calm Kristen.
Did you ever love somebody
So much that the earth moved
Did you ever love
somebody
Even though it hurt too
Kristen knew she had to tell Shane the truth. And there was no easy way to say it, so she simply said, "Shane, I slept with Nicky last night."
Shane just sat silent on the bed, looking at Kristen in shock. "Why?"
"I dunno. Because he was drunk and I'd wanted him for so long. Because I was stupid."
Did you ever love somebody
Nothing else your heart could do
Did you
ever love somebody
Who never knew
Shane hugged her and gently stroked her long blonde hair. "You're not stupid Kris. Everybody makes mistakes."
"My mind told me not to believe a thing he said to me last night, but my heart took him at his word. I thought he actually cared about me, but he was just using me last night," Kristen sobbed. "How could I have been so foolish?"
Did you ever lay your head down
On the shoulder of a good friend
And then
have to look away somehow
Had to hide the way you felt for them
"Sometimes when we want something so badly we do things we regret Kris."
Kristen moved away from him and looked him in the eyes. "If you were in my position, would you have done the same thing?"
'I have been in that position,' Shane thought to himself, but he couldn't tell her that he had stopped himself before he had gone too far, with her. "I don't know Kristen, it depends on the circumstances."
Have you ever prayed the day would come
You'd hear them say they
feel it too
Did you ever love somebody
Who never knew
"Why did he do this to me Shane?" Kristen asked, knowing Shane wouldn't have any answers.
"I don't know Kris, but if I could, I'd hurt him as much, if not worse, then he's just hurt you." Kristen just stared blankly at Shane. Where did the fiery passion in his voice come from? It almost sounded as if...no, couldn't be.
And if you did
Well, you know I'd understand
I could I
would
More than anybody can
"I would give my life to protect you Kristen. I never want to see you hurt, ever. No man should ever make you cry." Shane knew he shouldn't be saying this, but he'd held it in for too long. He had to let Kristen know how he felt about her.
Did you ever love somebody
So much that the earth moves
Did you ever love
somebody
Even though it hurt too
"Shane, what are you trying to say?" Kristen was beginning to see the light. He was in love with her.
Did you ever love somebody
Nothing else your heart could do<
Did you ever love somebody
Like I love you
Like I love you
Like I love you
Shane could see the terror in her eyes. She knew. He bit his tongue, he couldn't tell her now. She'd had too much trauma already today. "I'm just saying that I care about you Kris, more than anything in the world. You're my best friend, and you always will be."
'Ok, so maybe I was wrong,' Kristen thought. Then she hugged Shane. "Thank you Shane. You know I love you."
Shane sighed. If only she meant it the way he wanted her too. "I love you too Kristen." 'More than you will ever know,' he thought.