Knew the signs Wasn�t right I was stupid for
a while Swept away by
you And now I feel like the fool The girls sat around the pool drinking
their own �specialty� drink, feet splashing in the water and the music
trying to calm the mood. Caz brought everyone up to date on her schooling, Tonya
and Ann shared their break up woes while Erica and Megan sat quietly by. �I
have to ask because I am wondering myself.� Ann said standing up. She wrapped
a towel around her waist and walked over to a lounger. �Are we all happy that
the guys are coming?� The girls looked at each other waiting for someone to
speak. �I�m
sure that Megan and Erica are happy.� Tonya said trying to connect with the
whites of Erica who continued looking down. Tonya then gently nudged Megan who
stood up, walked to the bar and poured herself a drink. �Or maybe not.� So confused, my
hearts bruised. Was I ever loved
by you? �Well, I for one, am looking forward to
seeing Nicky, we need to talk.� Caz said sipping her wine. �I need to give
him his what for.� �Keep
drinking Caz, you�ll need the courage.� Tonya said laughing. �What about
you, Ann. Happy to see the hunkiness of Kian?� �Um��
Ann said shifting in her seat. Tonya
had a puzzled look on her face. �Let me get this straight. None of you are
happy that they are coming except for Caz who simply wants to scream at
Nicky?� Tonya said looking around the girls. �And
you?� Erica said staring at Tonya. �I
think I need a damn drink.� Tonya stood, joining Megan at the bar. Out of reach, so
far I never had your
heart Out of reach,
couldn�t see �Nicky lied.� Caz finally said downing
her third glass of wine. �We had sex for the first time, he was wonderful,
thought he was a virgin like me, comes to find out the bastard lied. He had sex
with Georgina when they dated.� Caz took a gulp of her wine, stood up and
walked to the bar. She tried to forget and forgive Nicky. But it was so special
to Caz, thinking that she and Nicky saved themselves for each other. She
remembered how gentle Nicky was in the experience, how loving he made the night.
And then weeks later for him to say the words. Caz closed her eyes, his words
echoing in her mind, how she felt so cheapened. �He
lied! Just to get you in bed?� Ann said. �Dump his ass.� �I
love him.� Caz said quickly. �We
are just suckers.� Megan said leaning back in the lounger, her eyes fixed on
Tonya. �Well,
you have to tell him how wrong he was and how hurt you are.� Erica finally
spoke. �You can�t let him live in the lie.� �That
only makes it worse.� Megan closed her eyes. �For you.� �Speaking
from experience?� Tonya asked hoping Megan would finally open up. �It
wasn�t like he cheated on you, Caz, you two can work this out.� Ann walked
over to the bar pouring herself an �Ann Hammer�, filled with anything hard.
At least Nicky was honest; it took Lance months before he told her. � God,
when will this feeling go away?� Ann thought. Catch myself
from despair I could drown if
I stay here Keeping busy
every day I know I will be okay �I don�t know if I want to marry
Bryan.� Erica said still looking down finally saying the words. �Career
over love, very lonely.� Ann said. �Not
career, I just don�t know�� �Dan
is a wonderful guy, Erica.� Tonya said sitting down next to her, Erica slowly
looked at Tonya. �Mike Cronin told me about Germany. He saw you two kissing in
the studio.� �What!�
Megan yelled. �You and Dan kissed?� �Way
to go, Erica. Was he any good?� Ann asked smiling. �Who
cares! Erica how could you, what about Bryan?� Megan said expressing her
disappointment. �It
just happened. Blame it on Germany.� Erica stood up, wiping her damp legs. It
was a stolen moment; time together, their lips so close. It just happened but
neither one stopped. Erica found so much pleasure in Dan�s lips; she felt so
much in the simple gesture. It was Dan who finally broke away, looking into
Erica�s eyes and saying the words. �I know you love me. I can feel it in
your lips.� Erica didn�t say a word but walked away, unable to look at him,
trying not to show how right he was. Why couldn�t she admit her feelings for
Dan? Were they just feelings of loneliness? Feelings of neglect? Feelings that
could possibly last forever? Only Erica knew the answers, if she would only
admit her feelings. �I
see how you two look at each other. Both excited to be close but miserable
because you can�t touch.� Tonya looked at up at Erica. She wanted to share
with Erica, tell her that she understood her feelings, her wants for a man that
she felt she couldn�t have. Tonya first experienced those feelings when she
met Shane. She had never wanted someone as much as she wanted Shane. Years of
burying, hiding and denying can finally take its toll. Takes its toll and then
the only thing left to do is deal with the feelings. �What are you feeling for
him?� �I
didn�t know, T� Dan is�� �Erica,
you are with Bryan.� Megan said sitting up. She was angry with Erica, why
can�t anyone stay with one person? �He
hasn�t asked her yet, Megan. She has to follow her heart.� Tonya glared at
Megan, once again hoping she would speak. �Did
I miss something?� Ann asked. �Erica has feelings for Dan? Where have I
been?� �Living
in your own misery.� Megan said quickly shutting Tonya out. �Well,
I got rid of my misery, when are you getting rid of your?� Ann walked over to
the lounger next to Megan. �How long will you live in your misery.� �Ok,
now I am the one lost.� Erica said throwing up her hands. �So
am I.� Caz said jumping into the hot tub. Megan stared at the girls, words
beginning to finally form. So confused, my
heart bruised. Was I ever loved by you? �You
want me say it? Fine! I will.� Megan stood up, her hands on her hip, making no
eye contact. �Mark had an affair!� Megan yelled, Erica and Caz gasped. �It�s
about time you said it.� Tonya said smiling relieved that Megan finally spoke. �Feel
better?� Ann asked. �You
knew?� Megan asked staring at Tonya. �Mark
told me when I was in London.� Tonya said softly. �What!
He just told you. That ass�� �I
went to him feeling guilty about what happened between Shane and I. He only told
me so he could help me out.� Tonya shot a look at Caz for support. She was the
only one who knew. �Wait!
Wait a damn minute! Mark had an affair? When? With Who?� Erica asked, her arms
waving in the air. �What
happened between you and Shane?� Megan asked not believing that Shane would
keep something from her. She understood Tonya�s reasoning; she was always
closed off and only shared when the time was absolutely right. But Shane? Tonya
sat quietly, just saying the words made it real for her. It wasn�t so much the
act that was unspeakable it was the judgment that would follow. �They
had sex.� Caz said knowing that Tonya would not speak. �I�m sorry, T. But
it�s time for you to share.� �I
want to know about the affair. How did you find out�what the hell! You had sex
with Shane? When you were engaged to Brad?� Erica yelled staring at Tonya
angry with her. Tonya leaves Orlando, putting all the responsibility and work on
Erica to find herself. And now to hear that Tonya had sex, cheated on Brad�how
is that finding yourself? �How
was your first time?� Ann asked knowing how important Tonya�s virginity was
to her, knowing how much she loved Shane. Tonya may have cheated on Brad but she
didn�t cheat her heart. Shane was the one who deserved her virginity, he was
the one who loved Tonya and the only man who has and will ever have Tonya�s
heart. �You
lost your virginity to Shane and didn�t tell me?� Megan asked hurt. �I
can�t believe this.� �You
didn�t tell me about Mark!� Tonya yelled. �I know you found out the night
I got engaged to Brad. Thanks for letting me have my night but you should have
told me.� �What
really pisses me off is that you knew exactly how I felt with Lance!� Ann
yelled. �You knew I felt so inadequate with Lance. You knew how I felt but you
kept it all inside. Damn it, Megan. You could have helped me.� �Ann,
I couldn�t help myself.� Megan said softly. Megan tried denying the affair.
She never spoke to Mark about it again. She kept all her feelings inside, all
the hurt, the fears, the pain and the anger. It had been eating Megan up inside,
slowly destroying her heart. Just saying the words gave Megan freedom. �This
is just too much shit, ladies.� Erica said sitting on a lounger. �Please
tell me it�s the alcohol.� Out of reach, so
far. I never had your
heart, Out of reach,
couldn�t see We were never meant to be. �Tell me, Ann. why did you stop with
Kian?� Megan asked Ann turning to look at her. �Stop
what?� Ann asked knowing what the content of the question was. �You
had him there, almost naked and you stopped.� Megan knew the words were harsh
but if everyone else was confessing their sins, then Ann was next. �What
the��Tonya said staring at Ann. �I
felt inadequate because of Lance. I don�t know, maybe I wanted to get him
back. Kian was�� Ann stopped, her words seized in the action of the night.
Kian was wonderful and understanding. He made Ann feel special only because to
him, she was. He wanted to share his heart with her, he wanted to tell her how
much he loved her but as they laid on the bed, ready for the action, ready to
become one; Ann softly stood up, dressed and walked out. Kian was hurt and
confused but he knew Ann�s reasoning. It made him love her anymore. �But
you stopped?� Caz asked. �I
couldn�t go through with it. I wanted my first time�� �Be
special.� Tonya said smiling thinking of Shane. It had just happened. Shane
and Tonya had just enjoyed a day of swimming in the clearest ocean, dancing to
the Island music and then walking along the beach, holding hands, the moonlight
hitting them perfectly. Tonya found herself going to Shane's room, softly
knocking on his door and asking to come in. Shane was gentle, wonderful and
everything that Tonya had hoped and imagined. It was then that Shane confessed
his love for Tonya but not only confessed his love but also asked Tonya to marry
him. Tonya looked at him in amazement; she was already engaged. Shane was
serious as he pulled out the ring he had bought her years earlier. Shane always
knew he would marry Tonya they were soul mates. Brad wasn�t an issue, he knew
Tonya and he knew her heart. �I
knew it would be special but I wanted it to be for the right reasons. I wanted
to have sex with Kian because I loved him. Not because I wanted to hurt
Lance.� Ann said. �It
should be for the right reasons.� Caz said thinking of Nicky. Their first time
was special, she did love Nicky and she knew that Nicky did love her. It was
just the circumstances afterwards. So much hurt, so
much fun Takes awhile to
regain what is lost inside And I hope that
in time, you�ll be out of my mind I�ll be over
you. �Ladies, we have some serious issues.�
Erica said her arm around Tonya. �Yes
we do.� Megan said taking Ann�s hand. �There
is only one thing to do.� Caz said sitting next to Tonya taking her hand. �Drink
more until we are numb?� Erica said, the laughter freeing the girls from their
silence. Out of reach, so
far You never gave
your heart In my reach, I
see There�s a life
out there for me. �Erica, who do you want to be with?�
Megan asked. �Why
are you still with Mark, Megan?� Erica asked. �Do
you love Shane, Tonya?� Ann asked. �Can
you forgive Nicky, Caz?� Tonya asked. �Now
that you are free from Lance, Ann, can you be with Kian?� Caz asked. All
good questions but no answers. The girls sat quietly, thinking, pondering for
soon the Westlife plane would be touching down. But now I am� So confused, my
heart bruised. Was I ever loved by you? We were never meant to be
But I was