I stared blankly at the computer screen not really watching much of anything. The clock on the right read 2am and I knew that this was going to be a long night. He still wasn�t home, which led me to believe that he was out drinking. Harsh accusations for any normal relationship, but for Devin and I, it was a reality. I knew I should just go to bed but I failed to see the point. I went on a search for a Backstreet fan fiction site and lost myself in the world of the web.

I was shocked when I heard the familiar sound of an Instant Message. I knew none of my friends were on and figured that it was just another horny teenage male. Maybe out of boredom, I read the message. shysinger: Hello.

Chuckling to myself, I thought, �Now there�s a good opening line.� Since I had nothing better to do, I played along.

FaithInLove: Hey. How are ya?

shysinger: not bad. Just kinda bored, ya know? Decided to have me a random chat. LOL If you�re busy, I understand.

FaithInLove: Nope, not busy at all. In fact I�m pretty damn bored. So, let me guess, you�re shy and you�re a singer?

The conversation continued. He told me that he was a singer, and said he was in a group. I sensed that he really didn�t want to talk about that so I didn�t push. I told him about my passion for dancing. I also told him the one thing that I usually was hesitant to tell right off the bat. I told him about Kylie. I�m not sure why I told him, maybe its because I knew that we would never meet face to face. I would never have to see the look of disapproval I had gotten from so many people. People who thought I was too young to have a daughter.

Don�t think for a second that I�m ashamed of Kylie. I love her more than I love myself. Her bright blue eyes and mop of black curls brought out the best features of Devin and myself. She�s such an inquisitive little four year old, always needing to know this and that. I wish I had all the answers for her. Maybe someday I will. The reason that I do refrain from telling people that I first meet is only for the fact that I was so young when I had her. I was seventeen and everyone I knew told me it was the biggest mistake of my life. Four years later, I feel that I have proven them wrong.

Towards the end of my conversation with Mr. Mystery, I heard our front door open. I closed my eyes for a second and felt myself tighten up. Devin was home, and by his loudness, I knew that he was drunk. Just ignore him, was what I always told myself. I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the screen again.

shysinger: Kylie must be a beautiful child. You know, I know your daughters name. I failed to get yours. Mine�s Mark.

FaithInLove: LOL Well, hello there Mark. My name is Jennifer. Call me Jenn, though.

shysinger: Hello Jenn. Um, now what do we talk about? Lol

I couldn�t help but laugh. During this whole conversation, I felt so at ease. I felt like I could tell Mark anything and not worry about being judged. I liked that feeling a lot. We started talking again and for that small amount of time I forgot that Devin had come home. No more than five minutes later, Kylie came running into the room and hopped up onto my lap. �Mommy, daddy was making a lot of noise and�and�and�� With that she burst into tears and hid her face on my shoulder. I tried my best to comfort her when I heard another IM come through.

shysinger: You were quiet for a few minutes. Was it because I insulted Nick Carter? LOL

I smiled at the screen but my smile faded just as quickly as Devin entered the bedroom. �Dammit Jenn. Is that all you know how to do? I�m out there, working to let us have a little�a little spending money and all you do is sit at home on the god damned computer.� If it had been any other situation, I would have laughed. It just sounded so clich� coming from his mouth. One look on his face told me that laughing would be a mistake.

I stood up and laid Kylie down on the bed, glad that she had fallen asleep on my shoulder. As I was placing a kiss on her forehead, I heard Devin begin one of his tirades. �What the hell is going on, Jenn? Who the HELL is Mark?� I watched as he began to type something and before I could reach him to stop him, his finger hit the enter button. Before I knew what was happening, he grabbed my arm with such a force I thought at first he had broken it. Pain shot down my back and I knew this would be bad.

�Dammit Devin, let me go. You�re drunk. Just let me go.� I knew my words would do nothing when he was like this. We had made our way to the living room, which I was grateful for. I didn�t want Kylie to witness this. �Who the fuck is Mark?!?!?� He had moved me so that I was face to face with him and I could smell the thick smell of alcohol on his breath.

�I was just fooling around online and he IM-ed me. I don�t even know him.� That answer must not have suited him much, because the next thing I knew, I was on the ground. I don�t remember too much else after that. His screams and shouts, the pain of his fist coming at all various places, then finally it all stopped.

All track of time had been lost to me when I finally gave in to my surroundings again. I was still too scared to move, but I dared to lift my head up. The scene before me gave proof that the violent storm that had just gone through was real. The coffee table had been overturned, magazines strewn across the carpet. A lamp was broken, as was a picture frame. I searched the rest of the room and saw that Devin was no longer there. I could feel myself shaking and could taste blood in my mouth. Closing my eyes, I cursed myself for allowing this to happen again.

I stood up, as easily as I could and made my way back to the bedroom. Devin was on the bed, passed out. It was then I noticed that Kylie was not on the bed and the panic rose within me. Pain was still running rampant through my body, but that didn�t matter. I ran down to her bedroom and didn�t find her in there. As I made my way back down the hall, I heard a soft whimpering sound coming from the bathroom. It was on the bathroom floor, curled up in a ball, that I found Kylie. She was rocking slowly back and forth and my heart broke to see her like that. I sat down on the floor next to her and opened my arms. She ran to me and looked up into my eyes. �Daddy got mad.� The pain and sadness in her small eyes made up my mind for me. It was time for us to leave.

Present time six months later

�Mommy, mommy, mommy!!!! Uncle Bryan gave me this.�

I couldn�t help but laugh as Kylie ran across the room with a big stuffed animal frog. It was bigger than her and yet somehow, she was carrying it with ease. �And did we ask Uncle Bryan where exactly we were gonna put that?� I flashed Bryan a quick smirk as he stuck his tongue out at me. I had grown to expect things like that from him; it was what he did best. Kylie loved him because he was a big kid like she was. In fact, I think there are times that Kylie was more adult than him.

It had been six months since I left Devin. I left him as he slept that night. I knew that things would be hard, but I couldn�t let Kylie live like that anymore. So after picking up the living room the best I could, and gathering a small suitcase of both Kylie and my things, I left. I knew there was really nowhere I could go, so for most of that night, all I did was drive.

�and she takes another step; slowly she opens the door,
check that he is sleeping
pick up all the broken glass and furniture on the floor
been up half the night screaming; now its time to get away
pack up the kids in the car
another bruise to try and hide, another alibi to write
another ditch in the road, you keep moving
another stop sign, you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
wonder how I ever made it through�

�Earth calling Jenn! You there, sweetie?� I looked up into a pair of sparkling blue eyes and smiled. The past six months had been filled with so many strange things; I still couldn�t believe most of what was happening. After Kylie and I left Devin, we spent a couple of weeks in a cheap motel. Near the end of those weeks, I began to doubt that I could continue supporting us. Then I got the phone call.

Flashback

Kylie was already fast asleep on the bed. I sat down on the small chair and wrote down the money I had spent today. I ran the figures through my head again and again. Tears burned on my eyelashes as I realized we could only survive on the money I had for only a few more days. We were living on mac and cheese and kool-aid as it was and I wasn�t sure what else to do. I couldn�t take a job just yet. I didn�t know anyone who could watch Kylie. Maybe I could�No, I won�t go back to him. I rested my head on my hands and tried to think of a solution.

�and there are children to think of
babies asleep in the backseat
wonder how they�ll ever make it through this living nightmare
but the mind is an amazing thing
full of candy dreams and new toys and another cheap hotel
two beds and a coffee machine
but there are groceries to buy
and she knows she�ll have to go home
another ditch in the road
you keep moving
another stop sign, you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
wonder how I ever made it through�

present time

�Yeah Mark, I�m here. Just thinking.� I told him with a smile. I watched as Bryan lifted Kylie up in the air and the twirled her around. He�s so good with her. They all were. I still couldn�t believe that I was sitting here, in this arena, watching the guys in Westlife rehearse for a show. Well, they were supposed to be rehearsing. They were taking a �Kylie break�. Well, all of them but Mark. I guess you could say he was taking a �Jenn break�, because he came and sat by me.

I had all but given up on hearing from Mark again. In all honesty, I had forgotten about him. Until I received the phone call.

Flashback

The ringing of the phone woke me from my sleep. I had fallen asleep on the chair and when I moved, my body groaned in protest. Again, the shrill sound of the phone made me jump and I picked it up before it could wake Kylie. I answered hesitantly, since I really didn�t know anybody here.

�Hello?� The reply both shocked and intrigued me.

�Um, is Jenn there?�

It was a deep male voice, which held a thick accent that I couldn�t recognize. As I was still curious, I answered. �Who may I ask is calling?�

�Uh, tell her its Mark. You know what? I shouldn�t have called. I�ll try again.�

�Wait�� The name was so familiar to me, but I couldn�t place it. �This is Jenn��

We talked for almost two hours that night. He tracked me down somehow by my AOL profile, to this day I don�t know exactly how. I know it may seem strange, since I really didn�t know him. I felt comfortable talking to him, almost safe. His voice had a hypnotic quality to it that eased my mind. We agreed to talk the next night�and the night after that�and the night after that. It was a week later when I realized that Mark had become a part of my life and yet, I had never even met him. I told him about my relationship with Devin and listened at the anger he got when I told him of the fights. I never asked what Devin had said to him that night, I didn�t want to know.

�Jenn, can I ask you something?� The tone in his voice had become serious, yet I could tell for some reason that he was smiling.

�Of course Mark. What is it?�

�Do you remember when I said I was in a group?� I didn�t know where his question was coming from, and before I could answer he made another statement. �I want you to come with me on tour.�

I stared at the phone in disbelief. First from the fact that his group had their own tour, second from the fact that he wanted me to join them. �I�Mark, I didn�t know what to say. What about Kylie? What would the others think?� My questions just rambled out and I laughed in spite of myself at how quickly he answered them.

�I want Kylie here too. Yes, the other guys know. They don�t care. We�re more brothers than anything, and I�ve told them about you already. I�ve already bought both of you a plane ticket for tomorrow so you can�t say no.� The excitement in his voice was contagious and I began to grow excited. I told him I would go and for the next hour, he told me stories of the other guys. Maybe things would get better now, I thought as we hung up. I went to my bed and drifted off to sleep, filled with a new found feeling of hope.

�another bruise to try and hide
another alibI to write
another lonely highway in the black of night
but there is hope in the darkness
you know your going to make it�

Mark and I sat a few rows back from the stage and watched as Nicky and Bryan attempted to show Kylie an Irish dance. It was actually pretty funny to watch and soon, Mark and I were in hysterics. �Look mommy!! I�m doing it!� The look of happiness on her face made my smile widen. I shook my head and laughed again as Nicky yelled, �Yeah look mommy! I�m doing it too.� A few seconds later, he misstepped and fell over knocking into Bryan. It was something straight out of a sitcom.

I continued to laugh as I felt Mark�s arm slide around me. I turned to him, surprised to see he was no longer laughing. His face had become quite serious. �Mark? What�s wrong?�

The questioning tone of my voice had made him smile, as he said, �Nothing. Nothing at all. There is something I want to talk to you about though.�

He turned to face me and lifted my chin so I was looking into his eyes. �Jenn, I�ve known you for nearly six months and with everything you have been through, you are one of the strongest people I�ve ever met.� He paused and took a deep breath. I could feel his hand guiding my face closer to his and I could feel my heartbeat begin to quicken. I closed my eyes as he began again. �Jenn, I think I�m fall��

�Jenn!!! Jenn!!!!� The moment was gone and I could see the disappointment on Marks face. I looked up to see who was shouting and a wave of dread washed over me when I saw Kian�s face. He was slightly out of breath and wore a mask of anger and horror. He began to speak again, to warn me, but it was too late. I looked to the door by the stage and I saw what he was shouting for.

I stood up when I saw him. I could feel Mark�s hand on my shoulder and was grateful for his touch. It gave me strength. I looked to the stage. It was almost funny how everyone seemed to freeze in their positions, all waiting to see what I would do. As calmly as I could, I spoke. �Bryan, Nicky, do me a favor. Take Kylie back to the dressing room.� I watched as they did what I asked, Shane and Kian following behind. I looked over at Mark. �Mark, you go too. I�ll be alright.�

There was no conviction in my voice and I knew by the look on his face that he wasn�t going anywhere. �I�m not leaving you here alone with him.�

I made my way slowly up to the stage. �Hello Devin.� Standing this close to him, I began to feel afraid again. He always had that power over me. I knew Mark was there with me, but it didn�t help. Devin�s face was hard and his eyes were cold. I knew that he had not come here just to talk.

�Well, well�Hello Jenn. Are you enjoying yourself?�

I played his game and answered him. �Yes I am. So nice of you to come by, but I think it�s time for you to leave.�

He grabbed my arm then and pulled me closer to him. I watched almost in slow motion as Mark made his way to where we stood. �Let her go.� His voice was no more than a growl but it made Devin laugh.

�Or what?� I heard Marks fist connect with Devin�s jaw and his grip on my arm loosened slightly.

I watched helpless as Devin pushed Mark into one of the sound monitors. �Mark�.� I stared in horror at Mark, lying motionless on the ground.

I knew I had to get out of there and soon. With a burst of strength that shocked myself as much as Devin, I broke free from his grip. I had to think quickly and began to run toward the backstage area. If I can just get to one of the security people. The door was no more than two feet away from me when I felt Devin grab me again. I let out a cry as he pushed me up against the side of the stage. �Devin, please. Don�t do this. You need help, Devin. We can get you help.�

�Help? All I want is my daughter back. You�re the one who�s going to need help.� It was then that he let his rage out. I had felt it so many times before, but I thought I would never feel it again. His fist seemed to find every inch of my body until I didn�t even feel it anymore. I closed my eyes and prayed that Kylie would be safe and that Mark was all right. I then surrendered myself to the comforting darkness.

I could hear voices but the one that came through the clearest was Kylie�s. �Mommy! Are you �wake now?� Pain exploded on just about every part of my body, yet I managed to open my eyes. I had to stifle a laugh because it hurt, but it felt like I was Dorothy waking up in the Wizard of Oz. Everyone was standing over me, concern on all of their faces. I tried to sit up a little but decided against it when a jolt of pain shot down my back.

�Hey. Take it easy, ok? There�s an ambulance on its way. No acrobatics till it gets here, ya hear?� I looked up and laughed at Bryan�s corny concern.

As I searched all of their faces, I noticed one was still missing. �Mark�.� It was Kylie who answered my question. �Uncle Markie is over there mommy. He�s ok, but he has a bump bigger than a poke� ball on his head.�

I had to laugh at that, everything was in terms of Pokemon with her lately. Shane explained. �He�s alright. We think he may have a concussion and he can�t stand up yet. But you know how he is. He�ll rest before doing anything else. Typical Markie.�

�Hey! Only Kylie can call me Markie. And are you implying that I�m lazy Filan?� I could tell his voice was strained, but it nothing had sounded better than his voice. Knowing that Mark would be alright, I laid my head back down, wrapped my arms around Kylie and waited for the ambulance. one month later

�Finally, some alone time.� The look on Mark�s face told me he was glad for this little bit of time. It had been a show night and after the show, he had gotten caught in a mob of fans. It was funny watching him, and watching the rest of the guys. I knew that he loved what he was doing, he was so patient with the fans that sometimes seemed to never stop coming. He was happiest when he was singing though. I loved to listen to him and watch him. It was also nice to know that I knew the other side of Mark. The side that was my closest friend. The side that played with Kylie and loved her like she was his own. The side that was a cranky person in the morning and the side that was definitely a great kisser.

I walked up to him and with the most innocent smile, said �Oh My God! Can I have your autograph, Mark Feehily??� I snickered as he lifted me up and spun me around.

�Nope. No autograph for you. How about this? Will that do?� He asked as he lowered his lips to mine.

Teasingly, I said to him, �Hm, well�I don�t know. How about another one?� We moved to the couch and lay down together. My head was resting on his chest and I could hear his heartbeat. I closed my eyes and whispered, �I love you, Mark.� My head was filled with thoughts of everything that had happened. Devin had gone to court and was convicted of attempted murder. It was one of the hardest thing ive ever had to do, to face him in the court room. But through it all, Mark had been there with me.

�I love you too, Jenn.� He moved a strand of my hair away from my face and kissed me softly. Neither of us had heard her wake up, but the next thing we knew, Kylie was on top of us. �I love you mommy and I love you too, Uncle Markie.� I caught Mark�s eye and the three of us laughed. We stayed like that, just being near each other and in each other�s arms, we fell asleep.

�another ditch in the road
keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
silent fortress built to last
wonder how I ever made it�.

Two Beds And A Coffee Machine by Savage Garden