��and there were definitely times that I�d be lookin� around for one of these guys for some sort of advice. But it was something I have wanted to do for so long, and everyone was supportive. Thank all of you for buying the cd.� He gave such a cheesy smile then that I had to laugh. Next to Shane was Nicky, who had the infamous Byrne pout on his face. It was good to see that married life had obviously been treating him well, as he looked great. Of course, the presenter�s first question was about how Nicky felt about becoming a father.

After Nicky�s excited chatter about his daughter, Emily, Bryan�s face was on the screen. He made a comment at the end of Nicky�s answer about his son, Dylan marrying Emily and the two had gotten into a mock fight on camera. �Nope, not gonna happen McFadden. Your son isn�t gonna corrupt my daughter. My sweet baby, my�erm, well�� The camera panned out to show a quick shot of the five of them laughing, and then it zoomed back in on Kian.

�Well Mr. Egan, you�ve been quite busy yourself in the time since we last interviewed the five of you together. Isn�t that right?� Kian was instantly animated, talking about the couple acting jobs he had taken on; talking about his brother Tom�s band, Fiction and how well it was doing; and just talking in general, about his long term relationship with Eva. I smiled at the fact that they were still together. They complimented each other so well, almost as if they were indeed soul mates.

Finally, the camera landed on Mark and without realizing it, I drew in a long breath. Even if I had wanted to, I wouldn�t have been able to tear myself away from the TV screen at that moment. It almost seemed as though he knew I was watching as he turned his eyes directly to the camera. The presenter had asked him some question that was lost on me, for all I could do was study him.

He looked almost the same as when I last saw him. Obviously, a bit older, but still the same Mark, the one that I had fallen in love with so easily. I fought to stay in control of my thoughts, I didn�t want to revisit the past but I knew the more that I watched him on the screen, the harder it would be to keep the hurtful memories of my time with him from coming back to me.

~�flashback�~

I have always believed in love at first sight and all sorts of crazy romantic things like that. My friend, Eva, always razzes me for my ability to be completely gullible when it comes to all things love. In my defense, I just like a bit of romance and magic in my life. So, here I am, in the least romantic place in the world, watching over my very drunk friend. Sometimes I wonder how I get myself into these situations.

I watched her from the bar as she danced with a very handsome young man. It was almost comical, as he seemed to be even further piss-drunk than she was. I could see that it was time for me to step in and be the adult, but I wasn�t fancying the task of getting her to come with me. I stood up and began moving toward her. When I reached her in the middle of the dance floor, she was still clinging to the nice looking young man.

�Eva, come on. It�s time to get you home.� I grabbed a hold of her shoulder and attempted to grab onto one of her hands, but she would not let go of the man. I�m sure my exasperation shone on my face and I wished that I could just will the two of us back to our apartment without all of the struggle. I heard a shout right beside me and it brought me back to the task at hand.

�Come on, mate. You�ve had enough.� I turned and found myself staring into the bluest pair of eyes that I had ever seen. �Looks like your friend has taken a liking to my mate here. What do ya say that the two of us get these two outside?� I just stared at him for a second and watched as he placed a supporting arm underneath his friends and then did the same with Eva. I took my place on the other side of her and together, the four of us left the club.

I knew it had to be a funny sight because Eva and her new found friend were fighting us every step of the way, but in the end, we won out, mainly because of their total lack of motor skills. Eva began to moan as soon as the cool night air hit her. �Cat, I don�t feel so good�� She was leaning heavily on me now and I couldn�t wait to just get back to our apartment.

The parking lot seemed to go on forever as the four of us walked. �Jaysus, Mark! Would ye just let me alone? I can walk on me own, ya know�� I turned to see the drunk young man push away from Mark roughly, take a couple of steps and then stumble, nearly falling. I watched as Mark walked right back up to the young man and pretended as if nothing had just happened. �Kian, we�ve gotta get you back to the hotel. If Anto knew the state of you right now, or Louis for that matter, we�d be in serious trouble.�

I remained quiet for most of the expanse of the parking lot. I wasn�t normally a shy person, but there was something keeping me from talking. Underneath Eva�s weight, I peered out to see the two men, Mark and Kian, struggling with each other. Even in his struggling form, I could see how good-looking he was. I could still see the blueness of his eyes in my mind and, in the dim light; I could see the flush of anger on his cheeks. For a second, our eyes met and I quickly cast my eyes downward, feeling the heat rising up my neck and into my cheeks.

�Cat�I really don�t feel too�uh oh�� I turned just in time to see my friend bent over next to a bunch of bushes near a lamppost. I stood where I was, unsure of exactly what to do next. I let her be for a few minutes and then approached her. She stood unsteadily and I placed my arm around her to hold her up. I spotted our car not far from where we stood and as quickly as I could, I helped Eva over to it and finally got her inside.

�Are you gonna be alright getting home?� Surprised, I looked up to see Mark standing on the other side of the car. In all honestly, I had forgotten about the two men and was shocked that they were still there. A few cars away, I could see Kian�s head resting against the window, his face the same shade of pale that Eva�s was.

I met Mark�s eyes and smiled. �Yup. Better than these two I think.�

He laughed and nodded in agreement. �He�s gonna be Hell in the morning, but then again, he always is.�

It was my turn to laugh as I recalled Eva�s hatred for mornings. �Yeah, but I can�t blame him. I hate mornings to.� Again, Mark laughed. �I�m pure crap in the morning. Useless, I tell ya.� I was trying hard not to stare, but his eyes drew me in. I studied his face without being overly obvious. He had dimples when he smiled and the soft way he spoke stayed in my mind.

We stayed like that for a few more moments, staring each other down. For the second time that night, I could feel the heat rising to my face. �I better be getting him back now. We�ve got another dreaded early morning. And remember what I said about mornings�� He smiled as he took a step away, still looking at me. �Thanks Mark, for the help tonight.� It was all I could think to say in my loss for words.

I watched him walk back to his car, and was glad when he turned back one last time. �No problem, Cat. See ya!� And he did see me, the very next night in fact. Kian had called Eva very late in the afternoon. From Eva�s end of the conversation, I could tell that they both felt like total crap, so when I heard the mention of a night out, I thought she had gone insane. I walked back into the living room to see her smiling from ear to ear.

�We�re going out tonight, Cat.�

I was already prepared to spend the night at home, comfortable, watching TV. �No, we aren�t, Eva. Not a chance.�

Her smile turned to a pout. �Not even if Mark�s coming? Kian said he mentioned you a bit throughout the day�� That was all it took for me to look forward to another night out.

They were still on the television screen, now answering questions from the fans. It was actually good to think back on that part of our time together. Following that first night out together, the four of us built our own tight friendship. Maybe Eva and I were plain ignorant, but we had no idea who Mark and Kian were, other than the two very friendly guys we were getting to know. It wasn�t until the end of our first week together that we found out. While I knew that Eva and Kian had become much more than friends as the months passed, I didn�t see the same happening for Mark and I. I�m not saying that I didn�t have strong feelings for him, but I knew how his life worked. I knew deep in my mind that there was no way he could feel the same about me. I soon found out that I had him all wrong in my mind. I looked back at the screen, where I could see a small smile on his face, almost identical to the one that he wore that night. The night that I found out that my feelings for him weren�t in vain. The night he told me he loved me�

~�flashback�~

Another clap of thunder shook the walls of the apartment and I quickly glanced over everything as the lights dimmed, then flickered back on. That was all I needed, for the electricity to go out on me. I glanced at my watch and laid my head back down on one of the arms of the couch. Eva was working late and I was sitting alone flipping through the channels on the TV, when the storm of the century decided to hit. It may have been an exaggeration, but I hated thunderstorms in the worst way.

A roll of thunder, louder than the one before it echoed through the room and I jumped a mile, suddenly enveloped in total darkness. A flash of lightening illuminated the whole room and I took a deep breath before getting up to find a flashlight. �It�s only the dark, Cat. Nothing bad about the dark�� I laughed at myself for trying to make myself feel better as I made my way into the kitchen.

Yet again, thunder followed by a bright flash of lightening came and I could hear the pounding of the rain outside. I stopped for a few seconds, listening, and then chastised myself for wasting time. I had taken no more than three steps when the loud ring of my mobile phone startled me so much I jumped. I closed my eyes and hit the on button. �Hello?�

�Hey, Cat. What�s up?� I couldn�t help myself from smiling at the sound of his voice, but I recovered quickly and remembered that I was still in the pitch black of my apartment. I listened to him talk as I finally found a flashlight. �Alright, so, I�m talking your ear off. You didn�t tell me how you were doing. Everything alright?� �I�m good, Mark. It�s just that there�s a storm right now and I�ve lost electricity and�� I stopped talking for a second, when I heard what sounded like a knocking at our apartment door. �Mark, I�m sorry. Someone�s here. I�ll be right back.� I heard a soft chuckle as he gave a simple, �no problem.�

I made my way over to the door, tripping on this and hitting my toes on that along the way. By the time I reached the door, I felt like I had been through a small battle. I pulled the door open slightly as I undid the chain. There was darkness in the hallway, but I could see a figure looming in the frame of the door. A flash of lightening lit up the figure in front of me and I almost couldn�t believe it. �Mark? But�you were just�and you�re not��

I could hear his laughter. �Are you gonna let me in?� I noticed then that the chain was still half in locked position and Mark was still standing in the doorway. I undid it the rest of the way and found myself in his arms. It always felt good around him, being in his arms, even if they were only friendship hugs.

The two of us settled down on the couch together as he explained to me that Westlife had a couple of days to themselves before embarking on yet another promotional tour. I found it slightly strange that the he had come here rather than going back to Sligo with his family, but I didn�t question it. I was glad he was here. We talked for quite a while about different things, just catching up. It was funny to think that this was the most time we had actually spent just talking. Usually we were at a club with Eva and Kian, which was never a suitable place for just talking.

The time had passed quickly and it was far into the night when I awoke, only to realize that we had fallen asleep on the couch, nearly on top of one another. I moved out from underneath his sleeping form until I was comfortable. I saw then that the electricity was still out, although the storm had passed. I watched Mark as he slept, the rise and fall of his chest was comforting. I ran a finger softly over his face, letting it linger near his lips.

He stirred than, and his sleepy eyes looked up at me. �Hey love.�

I smiled at him. �Hey.� For some reason I was not able to look him in the eye and I could feel the heat rising to my face.

�Looks like we fell asleep.� A small smile played on his lips and his eyes, although still sleep-ridden, held a playfulness to them. I turned my head up and met his gaze, not noticing the fact that his lips were inches from mine. Seconds later, I felt the softness of his lips on mine, and at that moment I could do nothing else but return his kisses.

It was a few more minutes before we broke apart and as we did, there were so many thoughts running through my head. �Mark?�

Watching him, I could see the happiness and contentment written on his face. �I�ve been wanting to do that for quite a long time.�

I gave him a slightly confused stare as I spoke, carefully choosing my words. �I thought that you didn�t want to��

��get locked into a relationship right now. Yeah, yeah, that is what all the magazines say, isn�t it. I�m 20 years old, Cat. If I fall in love, there�s nothing anyone can do to stop it.�

I nodded my head in agreement as I thought about what he said. It was true, he was just like any other 20-year-old male and if he was to fall in� �Fall in love Mark? But...�

The small smile he wore on his face turned into a full smirk as he slowly nodded his head. �I know that we�re away from each other so often, but I wanted you to know that I love being with you. I want to see if we can make this happen, if you want to.� I could barely believe what I was hearing as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. �I think I�ve fallen in love with you, Cat.� I knew he was waiting for me to speak, but finding the right words seemed almost impossible. I kept it as simple as I could. �I love you, Mark Feehily.� Once again I felt his lips on mine and it had never felt so right.

They were singing on the TV screen now. I almost allowed a batch of tears to fall as the familiar melody hit my ears, bringing back all of our happy times together. He had always told me that this song reminded him so much of us, what the two of us had. Waves of the past flowed through my mind as the lyrics to the song came to me. It was true, looking back now. The song had chronicled every step of our relationship�in the beginning.

�If you wanna know�
Tomorrow morning I have to leave,
But wherever I may be,
Best believe I�m thinking of you,
I can�t believe how much I love you,
All we have is here tonight
We don�t want to waste this time
Give me something to remember,
Baby put your lips on mine
And I�ll love you forever
Anytime that we find ourselves apart�
Just close your eyes
And you�ll be here with me,
Just look to your heart,
And that�s where I�ll be,
If you just close your eyes, til you�re drifting away
You�ll never be too far from me,
If you close your eyes��

I saw him only about every two weeks and that was always in the middle of one of the lad�s marathon, planned out days. It was always fun when I was able to stay with them for a few days, but I had my life and they had their work. Somehow in that time our fondness for each other seemed to grow stronger, making our goodbyes painful every time. I could recall the bear hugs at the airport as they left for yet another flight, or the times he would sneak away to make sure I got on the bus home alright. The many promises of phone calls and I-love-you�s echoed through my memory until another memory settled in.

Once again, I pushed back tears as I thought back to that day and the days that followed. It was the day before Mark�s 22nd birthday and we had been together for over a year. I remember how little I had seen him during the months before his birthday and I thought that I would surprise him. I learned the hard way that sometimes surprises aren�t the best thing in the world, and not all surprises are good.

~�flashback�~

�Oh my god, Cat! You made it!� I couldn�t help the grin that was spreading across my face. Before I knew it, I was twirled around into a Bryan-bear hug, as I had called them. I had sworn him to complete secrecy about my being there and now, the two of us were making our way back to the car Bryan had arranged. �So, how are ya, love? Thing�s good? Ya look well��

I had to laugh at his mile-a-minute questions; it was just the way he was. �Bryan, you deutz, let me get a word in edgewise.�

I was glad to see that there were virtually no fans around. I was always up for talking to them and meeting them, but I was exhausted and all I wanted was to see Mark. The fact that it was half past two in the morning may have been a good reason for not seeing many fans, let alone people in general. As we approached the hotel, I could see that it was a different story. There were easily over a thousand people crowding near the main entrance. It was quite funny as we drove right past them to get to the deserted back entrance. Tinted windows really did come in handy for some things.

Once inside, all I wanted was to see Mark, then to crash on my bed. I had never been one for flying and marveled at how easily Mark and the lads did it so often. A scream rang through the lobby and I looked up at Bryan. �You�ve been spotted.� Confusion was written on his face as I heard the fan once again. �Oh my god!!!!! MAAAAARK!!!!!!!!� I turned just in time to see him step out of the elevator, but to my surprise, he was not alone.

I felt like I was frozen in place as I watched him, my Mark, signing autographs for the small group of fans, with one of his arms surrounding the waist of a pretty redhead. As they moved away from the fans, I watched as he turned to her and placed his lips on hers. Never in my life had I felt so betrayed, so hurt. I could feel Bryan tugging on my arm softly as he led me to my hotel room. Once at my door, I turned to look at him.

�Who was that, Bryan?� He shifted his eyes downward and I could tell he was fighting with himself on what to saym to me. �Bryan?�

When he spoke, his words were nearly inaudible. �He told us that he had stopped seeing her�he swore to us��

He had no way of knowing but his words were like little daggers in my heart, ripping it to pieces. �How long, Bryan. I want to know how long.�

He shook his head and I could see the sadness in his eyes. �Cat, why don�t you��

�DAMMIT BRYAN! I want to know HOW LONG has he been seeing her?� �Almost six months,� was his whispered reply. I closed my eyes to stop the tears but there was no stopping them. As quickly as I could, I opened my hotel room door. �Goodnight Bryan.� I began to shut the door as his hand stopped it. �Do you want me to stay? If you want to talk?� I shook my head. �You knew, Bryan. You knew and you still, you let me come here to make a fool of myself. I need to be alone.� With that, I shut the door.

Morning came and I knew I had to face what the day would bring me. Bryan had called my room already a number of times, to see if I was ok. It made me laugh, only because I wondered when I would feel ok again. It had been the first time I had put so much trust in someone and I gave him my heart, only to have it broken into pieces. As I lay in bed, trying to wake myself up, I wondered if I was being too dramatic about it. Was I over-reacting? Shaking my head sadly, I knew I wasn�t.

I decided it would be best if I tried to leave without anyone else knowing I was there. Once I got back home, I would end it with Mark. For some reason, I didn�t want him to know that I had seen him last night, that I had found out. I gathered up my things and wrote out a quick note to leave at the front desk for Bryan. I made my way quickly down the hall. I was glad it was still early, since the lads had the day off, they would be sleeping in, except for Bryan.

Stepping into the elevator, thoughts continued to whirlwind through my mind. I wondered if I was handling this the way I should, wondered if I should stay. The door opened and someone stepped into the elevator. I looked up and almost cried out when I saw who it was. �Hey Love, what are you doing here?� I could only stare at him, even after what I had seen the night before; all I wanted was to feel his arms around me. It took all my strength not to embrace him.

�I�I�m going home, Mark.� There was a mask of confusion on his face. �Going home? Why are you going home?�

I closed my eyes, maybe in an attempt to block him out of my view. I knew this wasn�t going to be easy. �Mark, I came here to surprise you, for your birthday. I got here last night.� I paused, letting my words take effect on him.

�Alright, now why are you going home?�

I couldn�t believe he was going to make me come out and tell him, but I didn�t see any other way. �I saw you last night, Mark. With her.�

The elevator stopped and the door opened. I began to step out as I felt his hand on my arm, stopping me. His eyes held a sadness, but I could see the truth written in them as well. �She�she�s just a friend, Cat. I don�t love her, not like I love you.� I shook my head and pulled myself away from him.

I walked, looking straight ahead up to the front desk. I knew he was still walking beside me, but he made no attempt to speak to me. �Excuse me, Can you give this to Bryan McFadden, room 317 when he comes down?�

I turned to the front doors and once again, Mark was holding me back. �Don�t leave, please?�

I stopped and faced him. �I have nothing to stay for, Mark. You showed that to me last night.� He winced slightly, physically feeling my words.

�I told you about her. She�s just a��

I stopped him before he could finish. �Bryan told me, Mark. Six months? Did I really mean that little to you?�

He wouldn�t speak for a few moments as I waited for some kind of explanation. �He really told you? I needed�it�s just that�� He wouldn�t look me in the eye and I knew that there was nothing more he could say. �I still love you, Cat.�

I took a few steps away from him. �I love you to, Mark, but not enough. I can�t just let this go. You have your own life and I have mine.� I found his gaze and made sure to lock eyes. �I guess some things are never meant to be.� I couldn�t hide the pain in my voice as I spoke those words to him. While I still had the strength to, I began to walk away.

�Cat? I�m sorry.� I turned back one last time and could see the sadness in his eyes. I tried my best to give him a smile. �I�m sorry, too. Take care, Mark.�

I never saw him after that, aside from the TV appearances I tried to catch when I could. Tabloids had a field day with his string of model-type girlfriends shortly after we broke up. I had kept up with news of the lads for a while, with Bryan keeping in touch with me for a good year before he had his own life to deal with. Nicky and Georgina, Kerry and Bryan, they had managed to make things work throughout the hardships of the road.

�Mommy, I�m home!!!� I smiled as my five-year-old daughter, Cassi ran into the living room. She was such a bundle of energy, especially right after school. Watching her, I knew that I had no regrets about anything that has happened in my life. I believe everything has to happen for a reason and my time with Mark ended for a reason. It was something I knew that I would always keep somewhere in my heart, somewhere for the memories.

�Mommy, isn�t she pretty?� I turned to the TV once again and watched as Samantha Mumba sat on a stool, singing one of her older songs. It�s fitting that she would be singing that song, as it seemed to fit my memories. �Yes she is pretty, Cassi!� We sat back and listened, as I let the song take me back to my time with Mark, one last time.

I remember when I still believed the things you said
Never would have thought that this would come to an
end
How was I to know that you had
Another someone new

I recall the days, loved you in a million ways
Suddenly, you and me
From friends to history
I realized that my trust ain't coming back no more

Cause my love for you
Will always last eternally
You are in my heart
I loved you from the start
Baby it's hard to believe
That you and I were never meant to be

Does anybody know this feeling of despair
When you really love someone
When you really care
it's hard to walk away
When I really wanna stay with you

Does anybody know it tears you up inside
When you try to decide
Between what's wrong and right
Gotta know for sure
My trust ain�t coming back no more

Cause my love for you
Will always last eternally
You are in my heart
I loved you from the start
Baby it's hard to believe
That you and I were never meant to be

Ohhhh Oh

Cause my love for you
Will always last eternally
You are in my heart
I loved you from the start
Baby it's hard to believe
That you and I were never meant to be

Yeah yeah yeah
That you and I were never meant to be
Yeah yeah yeah
That you and I were never meant to be.