Chapter 13

 

Yawning Mel staggered down the landing, tugging her dressing gown undone as she went along.  As usual her Mum had come into her room a few minutes before, pulling off her duvet and opening the curtains in an attempt to wake her up.  Getting up was almost painful – the thought of having to face another day in College made her want to curl up in a ball and cry.

 

She peered into Lucy’s bedroom as she passed, hoping that she wasn’t going to find her sister inside.  She breathed a sigh of relief as her eyes fell on an empty room and creeping in she began to route through her dressing table drawers.

 

“Bloody Lucy!” she muttered as her fingers came into contact with her favourite bracelet that was nestled in the corner of her sister’s drawer.  Untangling it from the other contents her eyes clapped on something small and blue, the light in the room reflecting off its matted back and glistening onto Mel’s face.

 

She knew she shouldn’t touch it – it was always going to lead to trouble, but when presented with something so forbidden and private human nature normally gets the better of you and she picked up the little book and began to leaf through the pages.

 

Every entry was neatly written in Lucy’s perfect looping handwriting, making the unmistakable word “Mel” leap straight off the page and present itself to its reader.  Glancing back up to the beginning of the page Mel began to read.

 

Dear Diary

 

Mel and I had another argument today – not my fault, it was all her.  Why does she have to be such a freak?  I find it so hard to understand her.  Rob was talking about her yesterday, he was saying how lucky he was that he had chosen me over my ugly weirdo sister.  I know I should have been angry that he was slagging Mel off, but I couldn’t help but feel flattered that he had said it.  He is right in a way though, she is never ever going to get herself a boyfriend.

 

Mel dropped the diary back into the drawer and dropped herself down on the dressing table stool, propping her elbows on the wooden surface and leaning close into the mirror to examine herself.  A face blotched red with tears appeared in front of her, wiping them away quickly she rubbed her face dry and took a long hard look at herself.  Was she ugly?  She pulled back her long blonde hair and gazed straight into her blue eyes, before taking in her nose, mouth and chin.  May be that was why she had become such a freak?  No one wanted to be friends with her because not only was she boring but she was ugly as well. 

 

Slamming the drawer shut Mel placed her head into her arms and sobbed quietly into the sleeve of her pyjamas.  Her world was crashing around her, she was spiralling out of control and she didn’t know who she was anymore.  How was she going to learn to like herself when she wasn’t even sure who her real self was. 

 

Struggling to her feet she went back into her bedroom and shut the door firmly behind her.  Her eyes immediately fell on Christian, whose face took up most of the back of her door.  Sitting crossed legged in front of the huge poster she felt herself calm down as she looked into his blue eyes.

 

“What am I going to do?” she whispered to him, closing her eyes and almost believing that she could hear him answer her.

 

“You are the only one who understands me,” she continued, “the only one that listens.”

 

Leaning forward she gently placed her lips onto his, the coolness of the paper forcing her eyes open. 

 

Sighing in frustration she picked up her clothes and began to get dressed, knowing that she would have to go into college before she got even more behind in her coursework than she already was. 

 

A few hours later Mel found herself wandering around the shops, weaving in and out of the CD displays, lost in her own little world, and for once in a state of semi happiness.  The lecturer had phoned in sick and so they had all been sent away to study in the library.  Mel however had decided against spending even more time with her fellow students and was now wandering around Woolworths looking at the new releases for that week.

 

She picked up the latest a1 album and studied its back.  She had bought it the day it had come out yet she could never stop herself from picking it up to have a look whenever she walked passed it.  She traced her fingers down the list of tracks, smiling as she heard snippets from each one playing in her head.

 

“Melissa?”

 

A voice appeared, breaking the silence and causing her to look up.

 

“Melissa Brock?” it repeated.

 

She studied the girl in front of her in confusion, she was tall with short dark hair and a huge friendly smile – she recognised her, but couldn’t quite place her face.

 

“Mel.  Its me Charlie!” she grinned.

 

Mel tapped the CD slightly against her hand, trying to remember who she was talking to … then it clicked.

 

“Charlotte Robinson” she said back at the girl.

 

Charlotte had been in the same year as her at high school, at one time they had been really good friends, until Mel had started to get heavily into pop music and Charlie had discovered clubbing and boys.  She hadn’t seen her for the entire 3 years since they had left, and she looked so different.

 

“Charlie, you look amazing.” Mel smiled shyly back at her, “very different to how I remember you.”

 

“You look just the same,” Charlie let out a little giggle, “well apart from the awful fringe that your Mum used to make you have.”

 

Mel laughed in response, remembering the way her hair used to be bobbed with a thick fringe framing her forehead.

 

“So what have you been up to?” Charlie asked, looking down at the CD that was still clasped in Mel’s hand.

 

Glowing red, Mel reached for the shelf behind her and carefully slotted the CD back onto the shelf.  There would be nothing more embarrassing than being caught with a pop album.

 

“Not a lot,” she replied casually.

 

“Still into your pop music?”

 

“Yes!” Mel admitted, feeling her face burn even hotter.

 

“Really?” Charlie asked, her eyebrows raised in disbelief at her old friend.

 

“What have you been up to then?” Mel asked, quickly changing the subject.

 

“Well I’ve just moved in with my boyfriend Dean and we are getting married this time next year, I love kids so we are hoping to start trying pretty much immediately and then we are going to…”

 

Her voice echoed around in Mel’s head, each of her words sounding more impressive and scary than the last.  How could one of her old school friends be getting married? They were the same age, had gone to the same school and had lived in the same neighbourhood, so how come her friend had turned into a grown up while Mel was still skulking around the CD shop with a1 albums?  It didn’t make sense.  For a brief moment Mel looked back at Charlie and felt pure hate, how come Charlie had grown up to have the perfect life, why could Charlie be normal and she couldn’t?  Life just didn’t seem fair.

 

“Look Charlie, I’m going to have to go!” Mel broke her flurry of words, “I have to get back to college.”

 

“OK, we’ll catch up soon though yeah?” Charlie called out as Mel scurried out of the shop.

 

“Sure,” Mel called back half-heartedly.

 

She broke into a run, her legs not stopping until she had reached her next lesson.