Chapter 12

 

Christian’s head bent closer and closer to hers, she could feel his breath tickling against her face, making her insides tremble in anticipation.

 

“I’ve got something to tell you,” he whispered quietly to her as he brought his lips towards hers.

 

Suddenly everyone around her disappeared, it was only the two of them, no one else mattered, she heard someone calling her name but ignored them, she was too caught up in the moment, too caught up Christian.

 

“It’s something I’ve been meaning to say for a long time.” He continued, smiling at her.

 

“Mel!” the voice echoed away in the background again.

 

She looked back at him, smiling shyly, encouraging him to say what he was going to.  He reached for her, placing his hand gently on her arm and giving her a little shake, she smiled again and he began to shake her arm harder, forcing her whole body to move.

 

She opened her eyes and was met with a pair of blue ones looking into her own.

 

“Mel?”

 

Mel looked up in confusion, beside her sat Emma, the girl she sat next to in English.  She took her arm away and smiled slightly at her before returning her attention to the girl that sat on the other side.

 

Shaking herself awake, Mel focused on the board and then shifted her eyes down to her scrawled notes, none of it made sense.  She wondered how long she’d been daydreaming for this time.  She considered turning to Emma to ask, but she looked engrossed in conversation with her friends.

 

English lessons were always like this; in fact all lessons were like this.  Mel would sit down quietly, get a few smiles off the girls around her and then they would all start talking to each other, blocking her out, until it was like she wasn’t there at all.  She was completely invisible.   Even the lecturers didn’t seem to take much notice her, she could get away with day dreaming the entire lesson away and they wouldn’t notice.

 

College was a complete waste of time, Mel was meant to be here giving A-levels a second bash as she had failed them so dismally the first time round, but for some reason she didn’t feel motivated to work any harder than she had before.  Mel knew that she didn’t want to go to University and wasn’t even that bothered about getting a good job, all that mattered to her was ensuring that she still saw a1.

 

Today had been a day like any other at college, miserable and incredibly lonely.  She had spent the morning in her Sociology class, letting the lecturers words sift gently in one ear and straight out the other.  Then when they were asked to split into groups to work on a presentation she had found herself alone again, sure she had laughed the whole thing off, beamed round the class announcing that she didn’t mind working by herself and that she did in fact prefer it.  But it had been a lie, every time she said it it was a lie.  It hurt to feel everyone ignoring her, forgetting that she was there and not appearing to give a damn about her feelings.

 

When the two hours were up things hadn’t got much better, there was a 3 hour gap between the end of morning lessons and her English lesson in the last period, while everyone else ran off to the common room or to hang out in the pub Mel had spent the 3 hours sitting on a bench outside Somerfields.  The supermarket was the only place that she could sit away from prying eyes, avoid people’s glances as they wondered why she was sat all alone.  Every time she had a free period she would do the same, buy the latest pop magazine and a chocolate bar and sit on the bench, hidden away in her own world.  Sometimes it took a huge effort to make the long walk back to College, knowing that she faced more of the same in the afternoon.

 

She had tried to make friends when she had first started, it wasn’t that she was shy or quiet, she just found herself constantly wanting to talk a1, she could literally take any conversation and it would lead straight back to the same subject.  As the girls around had talked at her, she had found herself itching to bring a1 into the conversation, in the end she had given up, realising that she was never going to be interesting to anyone at College, it was easier to just stay quiet and let them get on with it.

 

There was one only one thing that kept her going at college, Christian, when people were ignoring her, she would think of him and it helped to fill the void, he liked her, he found her interesting and that was all that mattered to her. 

 

It was only a few days until the tour now, a few more days of putting up with College and then she would be back with him.  They had tickets for loads of the shows and had booked to stay in the same hotel as them every night of the tour.  It was an exciting thought, a1’s first ever tour and they were going to be a huge part of it.

 

“What do you think Mel?” Emma suddenly turned and looked at her.

 

“Shit, is she asking me something?” Mel asked herself, almost falling off her chair with shock.

 

“What?” she managed to stammer.

 

“What do you think about the question?” Emma pressed.

 

“Dunno,” Mel grunted back, looking down at the sheet that was sat in-between them on the table.

 

“Come on Mel,” another voice from across the table piped up, “you know you are supposed to join in with the group discussions.”

 

“Yeah, we’ve been told to make sure we let you speak,” Emma agreed.

 

Great! So they weren’t even being friendly because they wanted to, it was all because the lecturer had encouraged them to get her involved, she didn’t want to be included in the group conversation, she hated the way they all looked at her, knowing that her contribution was going to be worthless.

 

“I don’t have an opinion,” Mel grumbled back in response, trying to ignore the looks she got before they all returned to the discussion.

 

Her thoughts returned to the tour, the first date was in Birmingham at the start of next week, Karen had agreed to drive there as she had the biggest car and they would be able to fit more into the boot.  Mel had packed her bag days ago; it was fit to burst with new outfits to wear in the hotel.  She knew that the boys would dominate the bar, and so that was exactly where she planned to be as well.  She had a good feeling about this tour, last time she had seen Christian he had near enough asked her out, this time she would get plenty of alone time with him, he was sure to make a move. 

 

“OK, thanks everyone,” her lecturers voice rang out and everyone around her started bustling to pack up their books.

 

“You doing anything tonight Mel?” Emma turned to her, suddenly remembering she was there.

 

“Just going home,” Mel replied, shoving things in her bag and picking out her bus pass

 

“OK, well have a good one,” Emma replied giving her a quick smile and turning her back on her.

 

Mel grumbled a response and sped out of the room, tearing her way down the stairs and along the twisty corridors.  There was little air in these corridors, the warmth and smell of books filtered through her nose, giving her a headache.  As she continued to move it felt as thought the walls were coming towards her, closing in and trapping her.  She needed air, at the end of the corridor she could see a glimmer of light, a sun beam was streaming through the open door, leaving a large band of light on the carpet, she ran towards it, feeling hope at last as her feet hit the warmth of the light, reaching out her arms she pulled herself through the door.

 

Tears were streaming down her face; at last she had made it through another day.