by Dana
April 1, 2004 - Where will you be in a year, in 5 years? Have you ever stopped to think back and reflect on the past year, 5 years, etc.? I think 5 years ago my answer would have reflected how my life actually turned out. But at this point in my life I have no idea what the future holds. If I don't get beaten down my daily set backs and life in general then anything is possible. I truly believe that (at this point in my life at least).
The other day I was looking at a picture of myself when I was 18. I am not that 18 year old girl anymore, in many ways. And honestly I don't think that I could convince that 18 year old that she will be me one day, nor could that 18 year old convince me that I was ever even really her. If that makes sense? I am so glad spring is here! I want to be outside more. I want to experience more new things. I like to try and imagine what I have missed in my town, my county, my state, the United States, and the world! There is so much to see and do. I just dont' know where to start, I want to do so much that at times I end up doing nothing! There are so many possibilities out there and so much to see and do.....I can't imagine ending my experiences at one part of the world. I want to do it all. All. Now let's see what I have done by my 80th birthday? It's a glorious thought actually....I can't wait!
Quick random thoughts....As I review this site, I see it is all about me really. I will work on getting some more stories on here. I love to write, that is me. I still have a lot of work to do with this site, and I am sure at some point I will stop talking about just me!
I hope that there are times that I have inspired others to do what they enjoy. Maybe someday I will inspire myself enough to actually travel instead of just talk about it! God plays an important part in my life, even on the days that I may not act like it, he does. That brings up another question. Can we truly believe in God and still sin daily? I think so, isn't that being human? (won't get to into that now!)
How do you measure how much you love someone? Or if the love you feel is real....or even how much you don't love someone? I think it's by how much you miss them when they aren't around. Do you wish they were around...do you wish they were gone longer? If you imagine your spouse were to leave for a month, how does that make you feel?...Does your heart race, and you wonder how you could ever live without them? Will every waking moment be spent thinking of them, and writing to them, calling them? Will you feel as if a part of you is gone also? Or do you wish it was longer than a month... are you packing your stuff and hoping you never see them again, leaving for good, before they get back? I think this is a good measure of how much you love or don't love.....if you are hoping your spouse never returns...maybe it's time to think about trying to work things out or moving on.....If you think a part of you will die with out them....then maybe you should tell them this, right now...Maybe for some a better question would be..."Imagine your spouse has died" you can't ever see them again....do you feel a part of you dying at just this mere thought!? What would you say to them that you might not have been able to....or do you feel joy.....(if you feel joy, i think you should be calling a good lawyer now, and moving on with your life!!!! don't waste any more time!)
I'm a wife and lover to my soulmate, daughter, sister, friend, coworker, dreamer, deep thinker (sometimes I think too much!) I think a lot and i think that is the main ingrediant of who I am. I think about the future, the past and of course, right now.
I wonder if I will actually come across in this site. If the real me will actually show through. Is this site (or me for that matter) boring, dull, too cute...Am I dull?! Not inside my head I'm not. I think to some i might even be considered complicated.
I believe in love and romance and family bonds, and that you can do anything you set your mind to, does that make me unrealistic? I am a big dreamer, I dream a lot, I tend to dream more than I do. I am working on that though...Trying to do more than I just dream about!
If i think that others might read this, am I truly being myself? or trying to type things that i think people expect of me? I think the perfect life would be if I could help make everyone else happy. Tall order huh? Who am I asking these questions to, it's not like people are actually stopping by and reading. And if they do stop by, do I really care about the opinions that others form of me? Sure I want to be liked and I care to listen to others, but if they form an opinion before they know me, what can I do about it? And don't we care what others think to a point?
I sometimes find it hard for ME to realize who I am, how can I expect anyone else to?! OR maybe I am so simple to read that this is indeed me. Someone once told me I was classy...I blushed and laughed. Was the blushing from the truth or from the fact that I had fooled someone?? What is classy?...I'm just simple.
One thing that really bugs me is the rush we all seem to be in these days. What happened to taking your time, communication, family values, etc.? Why are we all in such a rush these days? A rush to do what? Get to work, get home, get to the store? I am curious to see if we will ever get to a point to where we can't rush anymore. Will it then slow down? Or will it be too late to slow down? I guess I am pretty simple. I to take the long way to work or home, I like to stroll, not skip, I like to sit down at a table to eat instead of grabbing a burger from a bag while driving, I like to relax on the couch and read, not flip the channels, I like to write my goals down and analyze them. I like to listen and to be heard. Is that being simple, unrealistic or complicated?
Do you think people realize I am listening to white stripes, limp bizkit or Soil when they pass me on the way to work...Or on any given day I could be listening to Ella Fitzgerald, limp bizkit, breaking benjamin, nickelback, jewel, dana glover, stroke 9, or other music that might fit my mood that day? I doubt it. Do people see me as I am? How do I want people to me? Do I act out my true personality? Do I want people to view me in a different way? DO I want to be different? Are we ever truly ourselves? Can we be in todays society?