| Title: Another Day as a Handler From series: Alias Author: hotaru anne Email: [email protected] Date started: 11/8/2002 Date accomplished: 11/9/2002 Genre of fiction: drama/alias Major characters: Michael Vaughn, Sydney Bristow Summary: Vaughn�s thinking about the past week and makes note of what�s going on when guess who walks in on his thoughts� Note: This is my fourth Alias fanfic based on Vaughn (once again) and his own thoughts. This is my fifth Alias fanfic overall, which I am pretty darn proud off. I hope you enjoy it. ^_^ Timeline set on: After the episode �The Indicator� Disclaimer: None of these characters nor the show belongs to me. These last few days have been---well, pretty much utter hell. There was, of course, that plantation house blowing up to kingdom come with Irina Derevko�s (I can�t believe I just thought to her name---oh dear god) operations manual named �The Bible�. It was odd, you know, how Jack switched to infrared at the last minute and picked up an entire wired hot pad of wirings under the house. So yeah, I have my own thoughts in this matter. And, of course, being the sensitive, worried guy that I am, mentioned my concerns of this to his daughter, my agent, Sydney. Just remind me never to be all goody again, will you? She winded up getting all pissed and detached on me. Geez, who ever said being a handler was easy? That person must�ve been drunk on vodka or something because it�s sure as hell not a hike in the woods. She got me thinking, though, after she get all touchy about my opinion on Jack�s involvement. I mean, I guess in some unusually twisted way, I did feel slightly insignificant. After all, Jack became (by Devlin�s all-powerful yet seemingly absent decisions) a consultant in mission ops and technically could take over my job altogether if I pushed his wrong buttons. There would be no use for me to still act as Sydney�s handler and I guess the thought sort of got me a bit pissed. I mean, my god, my livelihood and my career would definitely drop into nothing! It would also mean I�d never see her again. Heh, I know, it�s stupid, but I couldn�t help thinking about it. But at the same time, I felt crushed---like I was the grim reaper bearing the bad news. In my gut, I knew he had a hand in all of this. But when I looked at Sydney, passionately (and angrily) defending her father, I couldn�t help imagining how she�d feel if she knew what I thought (well, a bit jumping into conclusions, but my gut is never wrong---before---). Man, how I prayed that it wasn�t true. I prayed that my gut was wrong for once, just so that my agent wouldn�t get hurt. Of course, my gut just had to be right. I mean, Jack had I have come down a long way---from being held at gun point around the same time last year to conspiring to break Sydney out of FBI detaining, I have to day, we�ve been through a lot. Well, I�ve been though a lot if you include Kendall blackmailing me about busting Sydney out of his hold. And now this. We�re all connected by what this person---if you could call Irina Derevko (dammit, I said her name again!)---did to us but it doesn�t justify what he did. It doesn�t! Placing Sydney�s---and my---lives on the line just to prove a point and send the woman he once loved to a death penalty just isn�t worth it! I believe that there are other ways to get that woman to pay for her crimes, but the stakes he risked was just too much at one time! Yes, Jack Bristow can call me na�ve when it comes to stopping and eliminating evil but I don�t share his way of thinking in eradicating it. Sydney deserves the truth, and as much as it would probably ruin her relationship with her father, she deserves to know. That�s how relationships should be---truthful (though the Bristows� are the strangest, most dysfunctional family I�ve ever seen, but heck, how am I to know that for sure?). And yes, I told him to tell her what he did---or I would. Not that she�d believe me (she�d probably give me the cold shoulder, again) but the threat was pretty darn valid at that moment. I just wondered whether he�d go through with it. And after all of this contemplating, I�m still staring in front of a blank word document on my computer monitor. I lean back on the chair. Staring in front of a computer monitor for a long period of time is bad (I may wind up with glasses at this rate) which is why I hate doing monitoring and paperwork duty (from time to time, that is). But alas, the evil FBI assistant director (and the major pain in my butt these days) Kendall decided to keep me busy and out of his hair (hah hah, I really crack myself up) by putting me there. I don�t know who was the bigger pain in my ass, Kendall or Steven Haladki (who mysteriously disappeared around the time Sydney and I went to Taipei). Okay, yeah, so I�m just sitting here, minding my own business�swinging on this very comfortable chair�flipping my coat flaps because it got pinned at the sides�okay, this is getting boring. Then again, right when my life goes boring is the moment gets pretty darn interesting. My eyes wandered and I saw Sydney Bristow standing there, in civies and dripping wet. I figured it was raining outside. I don�t know if she was thinking way too loud at that moment or if I was in sync with her thoughts, but I knew it. He told her. Gosh, I hate it when my gut�s right. But then I knew why she came to me at that moment; she had no one else to turn to. Sure, we were standing in the CIA compound but I did not care. Let them see, let them talk. Let them know I do care about my agent. I walked up to her and as I drew closer, I saw that she began to cry. That broke my heart immediately---she was in a situation where she could not trust her mother of her father. So I embraced her; there was nothing I could say to make her feel better. No words at all. At that moment, I wanted to kiss her. Stupid protocol. I wanted to take her to a small caf� and buy her some coffee to calm her down and talk about everything and nothing. But I couldn�t. She and I both knew it, but at that moment, the thought was tempting. I wanted to forget the rules and everything. �I�m sorry,� she whispered to me. We went outside of the compound so that we could talk privately. We didn�t go all the way outside since it was pouring cats and dogs but we stood right outside the door to the inner complex and under the darkness of the bridge above. As I absently returned my attention to the freezing sensation I was getting on my fingers and on my toes, she filled me in on everything she found out about; Jack training her at a young age to put together the pieces of a gun and work through �Project: Christmas� and robbing her options in life to the incident in Madagascar. I was a little surprised about the whole �Project: Christmas� thing that I wanted to hunt down Jack Bristow and knock him out good. Nonetheless, Sydney now knew the truth. �Will you be okay?� I asked. She sighs and tucks her hair behind one ear. Gosh, I love it when she does that; it�s adorable. �I don�t know,� she finally replied. Her voice was still broken and shaky from all the crying. �Who am I to turn to? I can�t turn to my Mom and now I can�t even turn to my Dad.� She pouted and fell eerily silent. She looked so dejected and alone like an orphan left by her own parents. I wanted to tell her that I�d always be there for her, but I couldn�t. Right now, she needed some parental comfort. And besides, protocol states that--- Ah, to hell with protocol. �I know that I�ve said this to you a million times,� I told her, �but whenever you feel alone in all of this, you�re not.� I reached out and took her hand. Yeah, it�s corny but it�s fitting in this particular moment, I tell you. �I�m here and I�m on your side. Don�t forget that.� I looked up into her eyes. To my surprise (and relief), she took my hand into hers and squeezed it affectionately. She managed to creep a slight smile onto her lips, which made me know that she was feeling slightly better. �I know,� she finally told me. �But a reminder every now and then is nice.� She paused, shifting her weight from foot to foot. I knew what she was about to say next. �I�m so sorry for yelling at you a few days ago. You were right, I was---� I shook my head immediately. �No, no, it�s all right, no need for apologizing,� I told her at once. �You were just�you know�� �Being a stubborn ass again?� she suggested, smiling slightly again. I smiled at her. At least she was gaining some humour back again, which was a good sign on my account. Geez, since when did I have a talent for making people feel better? I should�ve become a shrink (like Barnett---no, wait, not like her but you get my meaning) or a counsellor or something. �Stubborn, yes. Protective, yes. An ass? Never.� She smiled at me again before she stood up straight. I knew that this conversation had to end sometime but I wish it was later rather than sooner. I think she got the whole impression as well. �Well,� she said, �I better go before Francie and Will start to wonder where I�ve been.� I nod; what else could I have done? I couldn�t tell her to stay, I would never ask that of her. Besides, I suddenly felt like I was just postponing something from her. I felt like I was suddenly irrevelent from her problem, like I didn�t help as much as I could have. �I understand,� I told her, even though my inner voice was pretty much kicking my brain. She nods and starts to walk away, towards the rain that was continuing to beat down from the sky. Gosh, I suddenly felt stupid. I wanted to yell whether she wanted a ride home or what, but then I remembered the stupid protocol again. And I ask again: why is my life going around in circles around the CIA�s protocol? I suddenly had a vision of enlightenment about my father�s reluctance with the protocol. So, feeling dejected, depressed and useless after this talk, I decided to head back down to the compound and return to staring in front of my computer monitor until my eyes give out. �Michael!� I turned around, a bit startled by the call. Sydney was standing out in the rain, facing me again. I froze; she looked so beautiful standing and dripping wet. Okay, I admit, certain thoughts came to mind at that moment but then my inner voice kicked me in the brain. Again. She was probably going to tell me that she�d see me after she got her next mission or something. She looked at me for an odd moment before saying, �I just wanted to let you know that you were a great help to me. You weren�t irrelevant or anything. You never are,� she added with a slight shrug of her shoulders. I almost gaped at her. She practically read my mind back there! Nonetheless, I actually felt better after she said that. I managed a half smile and nodded. �I�ll see you whenever.� She nodded and continued to walk away in the rain. I decided to watch her go. Geez, who ever said being a handler was easy? the end |
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