LESSONS FOR LIFE

The Healing Art of Paying Attention
Rejection hurts. Attention heals. There are four things which will increase anyone�s capacity to respond to this basic need in others.

Learn to listen deeply. The art of paying attention involves stretching out your mind and heart and focusing on the other person with all the intensity and awareness that you can command.

Teach your ego to hold its breath. All of us are self-centred much of the time. Each of us is an actor intent on trying to impress an audience or hold the spotlight. But if you want to pay close attention to another human being, that is precisely what you must not do. You have to train your own attention-hungry ego to take a back seat. You have to stop striving for the spotlight and let it fall on the other person.

Practice patience. Paying close attention is not a matter of offering snap judgments. Often it�s a question of waiting, listening, standing by until the person you�re paying attention to works out his own salvation.

Be concerned. There�s no use paying attention�or pretending to pay attention�to a person unless you honestly care about that person, unless you are willing to share his pains and problems, unless you want to help him solve his difficulties and can rejoice with him when he does. The capacity to project concern lies at the heart of all deep and lasting human relationships. And the marvellous thing about it is that once the unhappy person feels that somebody cares about him, he is often able to begin caring more about others. Love liberates love�it�s as direct and miraculous as that. �Donald E. Smith