HUMOUR

Junk man: Any old beer bottle you�d like to sell, lady?
Old maid: Do I look as though I drink beer?
Junk man: Any vinegar bottle you�d like to sell?

 

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Bedridden husband: When you told the doctor we were short of fund, was he willing to wait for his money?
Hardhearted wife: He said I could pay him when I collected your life insurance.

 

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Two farmers, keen rivals, entered their horses in a steeplechase. One of them engaged a crack jockey to ride. The two horses were leading at the last fence, where both fell, unseating their riders. The expert jockey rapidly remounted and won the race. On returning to the paddock, he found the farmer fuming with rage.
Why, what�s up? He asked. I won, didn�t I?
Yes, roared the farmer. You won, all right, but on the wrong horse!

 

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Mike: Did you ever see a company of women silent?
Ike: Yes.
Mike: When?
Ike: When the chairman asked the oldest lady to speak up.

 

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Fredo: Why don�t Jack and Mary make up?
Freda: They would like to, but they can�t remember what they quarrelled about.