Parks
They close. How retarded is that?
So you've got this nice grassy place with a sandbox and toys to play on. Teeter-totters, slides, monkey bars. It looks like a ton of fun. The ultimate thing to do when you've been awake for 72 hours, right?
Wrong.
Public parks close.
THEY CLOSE! They're public and they close. You can't go to them most of the time after ten pm. It's absolutely retarded. How can a public park close? It's public. We pay for them with taxes. There are no doors. No walls. No employees. Why would they ever close?
And you know what? If they catch you there and they're feeling particularly pissy you can get a ticket. Even arrested.
For playing in a park after it's closed.
If you go to a park, first check all the signs. If it actually doesn't close, go in and have a blast. If it does - play - and be careful.
In either case - observe these guidelines to insure you don't get a ticket or arrested, and so everyone has worry-free fun.
- 1. Don't be intoxicated. In any way. Public intoxication is always like candy for cops, and especially if you're in a place you shouldn't be. Drugs are like a veritable Disneyland for them. These are surefire ways to find yourself in jail.
- 2. Be as quiet as you can. There are usually houses nearby, so you don't want to disturb the residents.
- 3. No big groups. It's harder to explain things if there are more of you. Keep it under 4.
- 4. If someone pulls up, act cool. Don't immediately stop what you're doing or try to walk away. This makes you look guilty.
- 5. Don't argue with cops.
- 6. Be cooperative.
- 7. Say yes sir/ma'am, no sir/ma'am. And not in a condesending tone.
- 8. Don't be an asshole. If they ask you to leave, do it.
- 9. The most important one: Have an excuse ready. Plan out what you're going to say when asked why you're at a park at 4 am. Here the simple truth will usually work: I couldn't sleep. And since you'll probably be with other insomniacs, you can all use it. Just don't try to make it look like a coincidence. It's insulting (to all of us).
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