You Might Be an Insomniac

Hints for stupid people

Sometimes, especially for our less intellegent friends, it is hard to tell if you are, in fact, and insomniac. Here are some hints to help you seperate yourself from the huddled, unimaginative masses that make up our sleeping giant of a nation. And while these hints may help you, do not make the mistake so many others have and think one of these makes you an insomniac. If I put a tire over my head I am not a car.

• You might be an insomniac if you can never fucking sleep.
• ...if you forget where you are going, where you've been or who the hell you are.
• If you forget the name of your favorite TV show, especially while watching it.
• If you spend more than 8 hours on the computer at any given time. This is null and void if you are talking about Star Trek or work on computers.
• if you spend any time talking about Star Trek, fuck off.
• If you come up with bizarre ideas and actually follow through with them.
• If you save your grocery shopping for three AM because no one else is in line then.
• if you haven't seen the sun since the Ford Administration
• If you can't seem to consistantly capitalize the word IF in lengthy discourse about sleep deprivation.
• If you forget hoaw to tyyype altogether.
• If you often find that your eyes burn from the length of their operation.
• If you are reading this website
• If you medicate yourself to go to sleep more than once a week.
• If you love the taste of Oreos enough to eat them after mistakingly dipping them in roofing tar.
• If people always assume you are mentally retarded based soley on your clothing choices
• if you have ever been asked if you smoke crack or similar stimulent based on the amount of energy you exude when no human has any right to
• If the 'ass crack of dawn' is defined as 11:30 AM