Last evening, I was most unpleasantly beaten by some local neighborhood heroes who seem to think that my musical preference is, and I quote, "So
fucking gay it like hurts dude" Yes, they were fans of Fred. *sighs* Another corrupted American youth. Anyway, I was walking to the store to get
some smokes and a few things when I was most rudely whacked like hell in the back of my very long left leg. Being tall, this dropped me to my
knees, clutching my knee, where the offending pips struck, in sheer agony. Then they began their rather ineloquent debate on both my musical
preference, I was listening to Beethoven by the way, and my parentage and how there were obvious signs of "lameness and gayness" in it for me
listening to "that weird shit with no words".
The youngsters then began to assault me, no too viciously I may add, they knew they had hurt the elephant, me, and that it could not move from
the ground just then, but they also knew that the elephant would get up eventually and whoop em like they owed it money.
In time, 3 or 4 minutes, I got up and they backed away slightly to plan their master strategy, at top volume no less so I could hear the peculiar
habit of saying "dude" ever 4 to 5 seconds.
With a bizarre new tactic, they all rushed me at once. Not to make myself look like a god of Man or anything, I pretty much shoved them away and
kept walking. Knowing that since I, 21, and they, 17 at the oldest, were not a good combo in a fight. They call the cops and my ass is in a cell for
assault on a minor, self-defense or not. I will not go back to a jail cell. EVER
They understood my intentions and merrily marched the other way, chanting some type of Fred Durst abortion as they went.
The moral of the story boys and girls. *shifts the ice pack to his at the least torn kneecap* If you listen to Limp Bizkit you beat up nice people
listening to Beethoven going to the store. Prevention can start now. Take all CD's that have the word "Limp" "Bizkit""Fred" or "Durst" and immediately
drop them in a industrial strength trash receptacle.
Thank you and remember to tip your waitress generously. They do all the work Ladies and Gentleman, I am just a guy on stage.