October 14, 2004

Beeeboop

Ah! Aliens!

They're in my teeth!

I can hear them... quibbling over souls... no you bastards! The souls are mine!

Quick, get the batmobile I have to get away

You don't have a batmobile? Why am I feeding you?!

FIE ON YOU SATANIC NON-BATMOBILE_OWNING PIE THIEF!

I sniffle

QWOOOMBATCHAAA!

~ha, squiggly

~~~~~~~~

SQUIGLIE REDEMPTION!

Foool! Pay heed to the power of the SQUIGGLY ~

Angel Food cake of the masses... UNITE!

Throw off your bonds of oppression and unite against the pies of the world! Doug-Well recuperating, but my throat hurts like a SOB. says: Onward to glory cakes! Onward!

can you hear that? that is the whispers of the huddled masses, yearning for freedom... beware, for the time of reckoning is coming, the cakes shall overthrow the pies, and dessert-dom will never be the same!!!

AH! Arrows!

Pointies!

Pointies aren't like shinies. Shinies are good, they are all that is right with the world. Shinies are the mortal incarnate of heaven itself, but pointies... pointies hurt and make me cry

KAFLOOZLE BOTTEN NOZEN FA!

and slowly, ever so slowly, santa robbed the northern village of their... yes, you guessed it...

SOULS

ELF SOULS!

Kwama, Kwama bing sa

Sir, bring the meatballs, the Col. is hungry

Quickly now, we wouldn't want him to be cranky before bedtime

And bring the pretzel soother

Windex... prevents streaking.....

hey... like waffles?

Waffles and cheese?

FREAK!

I bet you own a furby lunch box don't you?!

Furby lover!

16 October 2004

Broil in the rinds of heaven oranges for all of eternity lime-noselings

Ninja death Pizza Bonzai!

Alan Silvestri in a clocksuit singing Jingle-wing-bat-walla-soo noff!

So I says to Mabel I says,

Georgie's wife is back in town I hears

and she says back, "Why I knows, and she's hooked up with the nice pastor Bob"

"Pastor Bob," I says, "Aint he be the one that tooches the lil byes?"

"No m'love,"She says,"Pastor Bob be a gentle soul, keen on fixin' windmills. You be a'watchin' your tongue about his name dear. You don't want to be a-getting him into trouble. No the one ye be thinkin' of is old preacher Tom. He's the old todger."

"Ah yes," I says, "But what happened to Old Tom?"

"Ralphie ran him out of town,"she says,"My god Abby, where has your mind been gone to dear?"

"I knows mabel dear, I knows. I been a bit distracted as of late," I says, "WHat with the well drying up and all."

"Shame 'tis, but them's the breaks in HANEYTOWN!!!!

Egad!

flying underwear lassoing evil bunny kallops

Heavens be

What is this skuldrudgery

Who plants wheaties in my pumpin patch?

Is it you Robin of Nottingwood?!

I know it not be the lord Earl of shirestun

He be too occupied with the men of Firebrook-side-shire-town

Ogre?!

Bread?!

Yeast demons from yellowville?

Is there anyone here to hear my pleas for mercy from this pit of lies and powerade

?

Powerade is hideous. Cerberus drinks powerade from the skulls of snake-birds clutched in the talons of the maenaeds\

Odysseus was a pansy

Super power beams of underwater gravity fish 17, October, 2004

And then one-eyed jim looked at me with that big old eye of his and says " beware the squid-pigs m'boy, they'll eat your hats"

Now normally squid-pigs don't be a-bothering me, but these were hat-eating squidpigs, I couldn't risk my beautiful hat in those waters. No way. Onto the back of the riding squirrel I went.

Away Geppetto my friend, I yelled to my trusty squirrel, run. But thanks to a few too many trips to old drawberry lane, poor Geppy was a mite tired. My riding companion slurched forward and collapsed under a tree of bright red squashle-todds

Alone I was, all alone to face the awesome wrath of: THE MARBLE WITH NO MOUTH!

"Helen come away from there"

"But mutha... I love this turtle very much, and I'd terribly hate to see him be all alone in this storm."

"Fine then Helen, bring Quansum to join umyself and your brother, Garfunkle. He shall accompany us to the rich island town of Peptical."

CLASH!

A sudden burst of lightning frightens the small, but civilized, travelling circus troupe of toad-monkeys.

WALL!

running, running, running..... tripping... falling... mehyben.

Oh goodie, traffic-juice in a shoe.

FERAL MOUNTAIN SHEEP ATTACK FORCE OF DEATH!

UNLEASH YOUR SUPER-WOOLEN CLONING POWERS!

dun

dun

dun,

da

de

dun

dun de

dun

.

woo

dop

she

doo

dop

Ooo

lee

woo

lee

boo

bop

she

do

wopp

AH! THE LIGHT! NOT THE LIGHT!

I hate the light, ever so much.

The way it reflects off of those dreadful shinies.

Come here my fiendish but lovable pointies

OW!

DAMNIT!

Why does love have to hurt so?

LET ME LOVE YOU POINTIES!!!!

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

shing-sa-wok-ne-poo

When I was little we didn't have none o' these fancy 'leg' contraptions.

No sirre bob, it was a couple o' sticks and two rock feet for us.

But why didn't we use wheels you ask?

Why cuz the wheel wasn't invented my son

Yessiree bob, that wheel, it was a handy contraption, invented by the same guy who made the apple computer it was.

Pete Course only the rich could afford a wheel or two, and wouldn't ya know it, it was the same people who could afford legs, yep, we poorfolk were low and wet on that one.

So where did I get these two prize winning legs you ask.

Found em in a dumpster I did, along with my most treasured possession. THIS SANdWICH!!!!

You see the way the tuna glints green in the corner like that, it's obvious that this sandwich was oriental in design. Probably even belonged to royalty it did, yes my son, I'll be rolling in the dough when I bring this to the antique roadshow. 28, October, 2004

Egad!

BEware my friend, Goblins swing overhead

In the trees they swing

Snatching pumpkins from the hands of unsuspecting village kittens

Those poor kittens, after the fire, the pumpkins were all they had

And the transmat beam was lost in the earthquake

damned Kafloogles and their Quawamitt's

If they'd just stayed out of it Kaj'ammit may have succeed in his plan and felines would rule all of tasmoniatch

Why don't more cities end in -atch?

Honestly can you think of any

I can't

.....

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Boston Ghetto SURVIVOR!

STEP AWAY FROM THE CAR MUTHAFUCKA!

Crazy eyes

SUB-MAR-INE!!! SUB-MAR-INE!!!

Webster versus Oxford in an all-out puncuation bash

Webster's off the ropes and he's grabbed a main clause...

oooooohHHH!!! Taken down by Oxford's semicolon.

Oh Oh, we've got a call of sentence fragmentation against Oxford, the ref is pulling him off, I tell you folks, the semi-colon's a tricky weapon to use. Oh and Webster had a comma hidden up his sleeve, the tricky bugger, Oxfor is being beaten to death with that comma

Oh my god, It's Deus Finalis!!! The Latin pronoun enforcer!!!

He's got Webster by the scruff of the neck and OH!! he threw him over the ropes and into the proofing table.

It's incredible folks, the legendary grammar-wrestler, Final DRAFT, has appeared from the crowd and it appears as if he is stabbing Webster with a red pen!!!

Wait what's this?!

"QWAT!!!"

It's JASON!!! To touch him is instant degeneration of the english language!!!

Final Draft is running towards him but OH! He just brushes him away, it appears Jason has no need for a Final Draft in his life.

Egad, he appears to be controlling webster and oxford, he is using the commas and semicolons with amzing accuracy!! What is going on here?!

"MWAHAHAHA Yes, it is me!!"

GASP! Folks, that's right. Jason has captain Plagiarism on his side!!!! What could possibly stop him now?! With the help of plagiarism even a caveman could sound like he knows what he's talking about. It's all over folks.

That!! That up there!! Coming from the ceiling!!! What is that?!

"What the fuck is that?! QWHAT!?"

Oh it's Dr. Cooke!!! And he's riding the expulsion hammer!!! He's doomed now!!

What happens next?!

Tune into the next episode of grammar-wrestling X-TREME!

At this point Peter decided he was going to make an attempt to respond with his own late night/ early morning ramblings left upon my running msn.

Nov 13/04

*breaking News* the small nova scotia town of pictou is under attack by giant mutant lobsters! The towns first line of defence, a rag tag group of halo 2 players failed at stopping the onslaught when they realized that plazma grenades don't actually exist.

Local madman Peter Clarke has begun work on a spaceship that will carry roughly 2 dozen people away from the carnage to quiet town called Gagetown where the mutant lobsters would never think to look for them.

unfortunately his ship requires a working NES to fuel it and he can't get his to work, not matter how many times he hits the power button or jiggles the connector. (This is referring to Peter's inability to work the NES, whereas I manage to have a magic touch which starts the machine the first try 98% of the time)

the only thing that can save them now is a steady assault of stupidity that only one man can supply. that man is Jason Leger.

"QWAT!!!???"

whats this!

oh thank the lord! its jason to save the day! how did he get here so fast not knowing where nova scotia was?!

oh my god! he just sucker punched that lobster in the back of the head! it didn't see him coming. that bastard! now it appears that the lobsters have challenged jason to a battle of wits. this could go either way people! mutant lobsters are known for their ability to reason at a grade 1 level. jason may be out classed here.

whats this?! he has a laptop. oh hes getting the answers off the internet and copy pasteing them! we're saved!