This was the first roadtrip for the Inside-Out trio, and much happened, to the delight of the ladies. So what are we waiting for? Let's go to the videotape! Errr...let's get down to business.
The threesome stopped at the Chesapeake House on Rt. 95 because Jazz had to get some Starbucks, and hey--Dubs had to have some breakfast (which consisted of an egg sandwich and frozen yogurt), so we made a pit stop after being on the road for only fifteen minutes. At the Cinnabon/TCBY store, staffer Jazz couldn't put away her badge for just one day, as she helped the clerk determine whether a $20 bill was counterfeit.
A little Bruce Springsteen to get us rolling, we set off once again, encountering a scary J.P. Hunt 18 wheeler driver along the way who kept staring into our car. Our only remaining stop for the day was a potty break at a service station on the Jersey Turnpike. Never wanting to leave a place without "leaving her mark", I-O staffer Em answered a ringing pay phone at the service station and had the following conversation. Lady: "Hello, I would like to send you a subsciption to The Enquirer." Em: "Yeah, that'd be okay, except this is a pay phone." Lady: "Well, what's your address?" Em: "Well, actually, ma'am, I'm homeless." Lady: "Um, excuse me?" Em: "Yes, ma'am, you see, this phone is in a rest area on the New Jersey Turnpike, and I was just laying here, covered up in my blanket--because I live in this rest area--and the phone rang, so I answered it." Lady: "Well, uh, oh, I see. I'm sorry." Hangs up.
Staffer Em was driving, and she wanted to make up for time lost due to her tardiness, so the trio made excellent time, arriving at the Meadowlands Complex by 11:10, a full 50 minutes before they were supposed to meet Nomad and Chick. After finding a parking space in the lot where Em tossed her camera batteries ("It's Jersey, nobody will even notice"), the I-O staffers made their way to Gate A. Once there, they encountered "Dan the Man", an events staffperson and lowly Pens fan. He informed the trio that they would not be able to get into the arena until noon. Not ones to be told "no", the trio pestered him about his inability to tell them correct information, the lack of female port-a-potties outside the arena (yes, Jersey has different port-a-potties for males and females), and how many people he kept letting in, despite him telling us that no one could go in until noon. The hilarious President of the NJ Devils Fan Club then came over and took a picture of the I-O staff with Dan, stopping to tell us valuable information about the arena. He informed us about the concourse, the fact that signs would probably not be allowed inside the rink, when to go to the bathroom (since there was only one stall per each ladies restroom), and what to eat in the arena (nothing). A very nice man, he also informed us that on both of his trips to the Phone Booth, he had gotten sick and once had to be taken to the hospital. I-O staff believes it was the garlic fries. He got a good look at Em's road Halpern jersey, but Em assured him that "Halpern sucked" so he didn't have anything to worry about when Halpern was on the ice, except maybe the Devils scoring.
After making several (long) trips back to the car, I-O staff was finally allowed into the arena (without the signs that Em and Dubs had spent so much time making). Inside the gate, they met up with fellow webheads Goatboy, Caps Caps Caps, CapsRoadCrew,, and bookie, plus Nomad and NomadsChick. Nomad brought a jersey for Jazz to wear (awww!), so she put it on with glee. Hugs all around, and then, all entered the Continental Airlines Arena.
Believe it or not, there were many Caps fans scattered throughout the arena, and Em and Dubs made sure these fans "felt the love", extending a hearty "Go Caps!" or screaming out the name on said fan's jersey to let them know they were noticed. NomadsChick, who "says" she hates the Caps (we know she's a closet lover), would not "associate" with the Caps fans, and brought a Devils towel with her to wave. I-O staffers know she only brought said towel in case the arena ran out of toilet paper.
Prior to the pre-game skate, Tim Hunter came out of the tunnel to chat with some Caps fans waiting for the team to exit. He looked over and saw the I-O trio, waved, and gave them a thumbs up. He never showed up for the pre-game skate, however.
The Caps DID show up for the pre-game skate (although, not necessarily the game). Always scratched defenseman Rob Zettler winked at the I-O trio, but Em missed it. However, just as Em was looking over to wave at Zettler, she locked eyes with one center Jeff Halpern, who was standing next to Zettler. Both looked away as quickly as possible, but Nomad commented, "I saw him looking at you, Em, I think he wants you." "What the *insert f-bomb* ever!" was Em's retort. (Author's note: this was the first time Jeff Halpern had looked Em in the eye since July 6, 2001.) The incident was quickly forgotten as Em and Jazzy slid over to the Devils side of the ice to gaze lovingly at Petr Sykora (Author's note: they're traitors and they don't care). It was during this time that Tim "Turbo" Army waved to I-O staff member Dubs and gave her a smile.
After the crowd helped the soloist sing the National Anthem (and two Caps fans idiots in front of the I-O trio screaming "O!" in the middle of it, much to Em's dismay), the puck was dropped and the most boring period of hockey EVER began. Goatboy (sitting one section over from the I-O trio and the Nomad duo) practiced his C-A-P-S CAPS CAPS CAPS! chant, and Devils fans tried to outscream him. I-O would like to note this was the only time during the entire game where Devils fans seemed to give a damn about their team.
After waking up when the buzzer sounded at the end of the first, Nomad and Chick extended incredible un-Jersey like hospitality and offered to get us some snacks (and Nomad offered to pay--yes, hell had frozen over, and anyone in the arena at that time was there). While they were gone, the I-O trio decided to give a warm hello to Joe B. and Locker, who were a few sections over and below them. After getting plenty of exercise going down steps and over rows, the staff finally arrived. Em (who has a relatively loud voice) cried, "Hey Locker!" along with Dubs and Jazz. Locker looked up and said, "Hey!" He then tugged on Joe B.'s shirt and pointed up, saying, "Look! It's Caps fans!" Joe B. looked impressed and surprised to see us. After they gave a little intermission and report, the I-O staff snuck down closer to them and Em yelled to Locker, "We have a suggestion of a name for the Dahlen-Oates-Jagr line!" Locker called the trio down, but Dubs and Jazz refused to go because they did not want to be on television (even though that's not why he was calling them down). Em didn't care either way, so she skipped down the steps and told Locker the line should be called the Caps' "Department of Justice--the Swede, the Feed, and the Speed." Locker promptly exclaimed, "Oh, that's IT!" and asked Joe B. to come over and hear it. They then got Em to write it down, along with their names, and Em had a massive brain fart and forgot TmldrBeowulf's real name and stupidly did not think to write "the webheads" down. Instead, she wrote the real names of the I-O trio and webhead Zuco down (Zuco just happened to walk up the stairs as Em was scribbling illegibly and furiously). Apologies to the webheads who coined this phrase, as I-O was not seeking to steal the spotlight from any of them; sometimes, I-O staffers are just plain stupid and forget things. Locker assured the threesome that they would be discussing this line during the second period, and that they would definitely talk about that nickname on the air.
A few things I-O noticed about the arena and the atmosphere at this Devils games. They play crappy music (except for Glitter's Rock and Roll Part II during goal celebrations); the arena is very dark and VERY cold; they also have "Mites on Ice" (and like the Devils, their mites are much better than ours, and they scored within the first minute of play); the nacho cheese was uncharacteristically cold; the Meadowlands has no meadows, and is in the middle of nowhere; and the arena didn't smell (unlike Goat's Bondra jersey). I-O met a lovely little old lady in the bathroom who seemed disappointed to have season tickets to see the Devils, but admitted to having a crush on the Caps' own Jaromir "B-52" Jagr.
Manwhore may seem like a mean phrase to some, but I-O staffers would like to point out that whenever they screamed "come on, manwhore!" right before a face-off involving the manwhore, said manwhore won the face-off. Of course, only webheads would understand this nickname, as a little boy in front of the I-O trio turned to his mother and said, "Mommy, what's a manwhore?" Em also received quite a few stares from neighboring fans when Matt Pettinger shot the puck right into Brodeur's chest, and she yelled, "Come on Pettinger, you're only 21, you should still be able to get it up!"
Periods two and three seemed to run together. The only noticeable thing was that Em kept screaming "Gonchar, you suck!" and Nomad and Chick kept saying, "yes, but he leads all defensemen in scoring." every time she said that (those in Thursday's game chat understand what this exchange is about). The most amusing part of the game was when Scott Gomez of the Devils decided to put himself in the back of the net instead of the puck. When the usually-sucking Gonchar scored in the third, the Caps fans in the arena all stood up and cheered as if they'd just scored the game winning goal in triple overtime of the seventh game of the Stanley Cup finals. We just didn't want Brodeur to get a shut-out, as he was Chick's fantasy goalie.
Even though the Caps played terribly, with super-star Peter Bondra not playing like himself (and seeming "all Peter-ed out" as he huffed and puffed and whiffed on his shots), the I-O staff had a great time at the game and found most Devils fans to be polite and fun. No instances of fights, although Em tried to start one with Dan the Man (the events staff guy) after the game, in front of the other events staff people. As Joe B. and Locker left the building, all the Caps fans gathered in the concourse cheered for them, and were subsequently kicked out of the building by events staff persons, including Dan the Man.
Dinner was a barrel of laughs, as Em spent the majority of the meal dissing Nomad, much to his friend's pleasure. The staff was promised by said friend that he would travel down to D.C. in April when the Devs and Caps meet again, to see us "in our barn." This led all webheads in attendance to remember that stupid Ken Klee quote that we are tired of reading. The I-O trio also presented Nomad and NomadsChick with small tokens of our "luv" for them, giving Chick a bag full of Peppermint Patties and Nomad a baby seal (for clubbing purposes only), which Chick wanted to save from the subsequent beatings.
The Devils fans that I-O staffers dined with were such fun and very good company. All hockey fans at the table agreed that "Dancing Queen" should have accompanied the fight at that afternoon's game, and all Caps fans agreed that Stephen Peat needs to go back to Portland, as he has no use whatsoever here in Washington. (Author's note: I-O staff is pissed that Hoosier Daddy Mike Farrell was sent back to Portland.)
After turning down a lovely offer to sleep in our cars in the driveway of Nomad's friends, the I-O trio said their goodbyes and headed down the road (after getting somewhat lost in some NJ city with a lot of triangle intersections). Although the weather was awful, the threesome had a great time on the way back, playing fun "road trip" games to stay awake. For example, the trio is going to a hockey game, and taking along the following: aardvark, balloons, can o' whoop ass, doorbell, eggs, funky chips, guacomole, Halpern, idiot spray, Janet Jackson, karoake machine, lubricant, mononucleosis, nylon stocking, Oprah, pepper spray, quark, Reekieluv!, sandpaper, tire iron, underwater basket weaving kit, very sharp stick, wallet, xylophone, yellow lab, and Zettler (author's note: not sure of the "z", as the author was out of the game by that point). The I-O staffers also brushed up on their hockey skills by playing a game in which they had to name a player beginning with the last letter of the last name of the player that had been previously named. I-O would like to point out that a LOT of hockey players' last names end with the letter "n", and not many first names begin with "N" or "E". (Author's note: from this game, I-O staffers Dubs and Em learned of an unsettling preoccupation with Caps' goalie Olaf Kolzig by staffer Jazz. Proper authorities have been contacted, floggings issued, and penalty minutes awarded.) Staffer Dubs is also preoccupied with tour buses, as every time the trio passed a tour bus, she yelled "Hi Caps!" towards the bus. Staffer Em remains the only semi-normal one of the group. But not really.
HONORABLE MENTION: The Devils' Fan Club President, because he is a hilarious "old fart" who was so much fun. And that video with the big blow up wolf scaring everyone made the trip down totally worthwhile, especially when that little kid kicked it in the nuts.
WHO'S SNOT: Tim Hunter, who didn't come to the bench during the pre-game skate.
HONORABLE MENTION: Jeff Halpern, just because.