Before the usual I-O pointless ramblings, we would like to wish all webheads, their families, pets and even mother-in-laws out there a belated Happy Thanksgiving. (While brief and often misinterpreted, we have our nice moments.)
At first, it appeared that Piney Orchard would be quite packed with fans, for nearly all the parking lots were filled. Fortunately, there are a lot of people in the Metro DC area that have better things to do than observe a Caps' hockey practice, unlike lifeless bums like the I-O staff. PO turned out to be hosting a kids' hockey tournament, so there were lots of rugrats and ankle-biters around, but most did not stick around to watch the big boys. This, as you can all imagine, delighted the I-O staff and we have quite a bit to report. And let's get to it!
The excitement of today's practice was the surprise presence of much-shafted prospect Mike Farrell. I-O staff would like to note that it's about damn time, but Mike looked terribly out of place with the rest of the team, for he was able to "get it up" on nearly every shot. Hopefully the Capital Curse will rub off after a few days and he too shall learn to shoot directly at the opposing goalie's uniform crest. Joe Reekie gave "Hoosier Daddy" a warm welcome in the form of a royal spanking in the ass with his stick. Mike looked quite surprised but laughed; I-O staff speculated not all hockey players are used to as much periodic spanking as Jeff Halpern.
Brace yourselves.. I-O staff sadly reports that Jaromir Jagr, despite the numerous moneybags that are filling his house, appears to be lonely for human affection, for he spent a particularly long time skating with his arm around Captain Brendan Witt. While Brendan's long, flowing locks could give someone the misinterpretation that he's a woman, I-O staff would like to suggest that Jagr make an appointment with the team ophthamologist, or perhaps Dr. Drew the Love Doctor, as he later tried to kindle romance with Ulf Dahlen. The I-O staff noted ABBA's "Dancing Queen" seemed appropriate for rink music at that moment.
Center Chris Ferraro participated in the practice.. at least we think it was him. Might've been a mite on ice instead, but that rumor cannot be confirmed at this time.
Goal-tender Olaf Kolzig was injured during a shooting drill, when a stray puck glanced off his foot. The entire arena fell silent as Kolzig fell to the ice for a few minutes, screaming in pain, but fortunately stood and limped his way to the locker room. After further investigation, I-O staffer Jazzy learned that the puck had struck an area of Olie's foot where there are a lot of nerves but not much muscle or cartilage. It is questionable whether or not Olie will play tonight, as such an injury could bother him later, but we certainly wish Olie a quick recovery.
On a postive note, Joe Sacco delighted the I-O staff by picking a fight with Jeff Halpern. However, no actual blows to the manwhore's head were dished out, to our dismay.
Wilson's dog house gang included Dimitri Kristich, Joe Reekie, Chris Ferraro, and Stephen Peat, for all had to skate sprints with assistant coaches Tim Hunter and Tim Army after practice. The I-O staff was sad to discover that Peat will not be suiting up for the Rangers' game tonight, as they are thirsty for the blood of Ulanov. Eaglehaslanded was sad for Reekie because... well, she's his only fan. The I-O staff speculated on Dima's carrying of a puck during the drills - it is undetermined whether he knew he wouldn't be seeing one in the game or the coaches made him leave the knitting needles on the bench.
Sergei Gonchar exited so quickly that I-O did not have the opportunity to observe his pants today. However, given the assumption he didn't walk like he was in pain, they must've been quite comfortable.
Surprisingly, Calle Johannson attended practice today, and left with a pair of figure skates in his hands. After I-O staffer dubs questioned if he'd taken up figure skating, he laughed, nodded, and said there was less hitting involved.
Joe Sacco once again exited the building without being recognized by any fans. He was not able to escape the watchful eyes of the I-O staff, as dubs asked him why he hadn't really hit Jeff Halpern during practice. Joe replied that they needed him tonight. I-O staff would like to put this on record as being debatable.
Jaromir Jagr tried to exit quickly, but miscommunication with his driver forced him to stop and sign autographs. Include I-O staffer dubs in the list of those who did NOT get one, but she's not bitter. Not at all.. nope, not dubs.
Hoosier Daddy was bombarded with autograph-seekers when he exited. You betcha I-O staff was alive and kickin' in that crowd. After the Eaglettes got his signature on their jerseys, dubs got one on a picture of her and eagle, adding that she was glad he was finally here with the big boys, with which he heartily agreed. After informing him that he we were still going to call him Hoosier Daddy, he said "That's ok!" Keeping in line with seniority rules, Farrell was subjected to driving the red bad-ass minivan.
Speaking of bad-ass minivans, before entering the silver one with Frantisek Kucera, tough guy Stephen Peat stopped for a brief interview with I-O. To the suggestion that HE beat Ulanov into a bloody pulp, he replied in his high-pitched "Michael Jackson" voice, "Ok!" (Note: This was before I-O discovered that he would not be playing tonight.)
Still searching for assurance of a bloody Ulanov pulp, the question "Would you open a can of whoop ass on him?" was fielded by eagle to Chris Simon. Sensing his doubt, I-O promised they'd stretch the budget and get him some more Samoas. He just laughed at us.
Message board speculation of whether or not Head Coach Ron Wilson is high can now be confirmed by the I-O staff: while signing eagle's banner for the coaches, he remarked that he'd in fact seen it last year and thought it was funny. (For those not in attendance of the banner revealing, it was last week.)
Kind is not the word to describe the treatment the I-O staff received from Jeff Halpern, as he silently passed us and climbed into his Yukon.. at least it's still the same car he was driving last week, but that'll probably change.
Steve Konowalchuk emerged from the locker room, to the delight of the Eaglettes, who looked to their mom for permission to ask him for his autograph. Receiving Mom's encouragement, they approached "Mr. Konowalchuk", who knelt down and quizzed the smaller of the eaglettes on his hockey future. They were spellbound by the Kono charm, and had a somewhat lengthy conversation on the hard work required to be a hockey player. Kono signed both jerseys, and stood to leave. Eagle thanked him for his generous attitude, and reminded the eaglettes to thank Mr. Konowalchuk. Both boys dutifully thanked him, and the smaller of the two added "I'm Ryan!" Kono laughed, and said "G'bye, Ryan!" and smiled as he left. Waving as he drove away, Kono exited the PO parking lot, having assured the Caps of two more lifelong fans, as well as cementing the opinion of the I/O staff that Steve Konowalchuk is the heart and soul of the Caps.
Tim Hunter once again proved to be our favorite member of the Caps' organization (screw the players). I-O was surprised to discover that not only did his family celebrate Thanksgiving yesterday, but he'd gotten his U.S. citizenship last May, though he still has dual Canadian citizenship. Although he is from Calgary and considered himself lucky to play for the Flames for ten years, he spends the offseason in this area and seems proud to be an American.
After expressing gratitude at the news of upcoming Road Crew trips, particularly Pittsburgh, Tim rolled his eyes at the idea of the Igloo having another puck night. "That's just ridiculous, why would people do such a thing?" I-O agreed, particularly if it'd open "Jaromir Jagr Season" on the ice that night. Upon viewing a picture of the rookies in their bad-ass minivans, he commented that they are just like a family. (Would that make poor Brian Sutherby a widow? If you're out there, we miss you "Sluts.") After I-O staffer dubs confessed that she was afraid of Stephen Peat because, well look at him, Hunter asked, "Yeah, but have you heard him talk!? Sounds like a woman." I-O staff disagreed, not only with him but also each other, as Jazzy said Mike Tyson and Dubs said Michael Jackson.
HONORABLE MENTION: Reekieluv! for yelling at Bondra for leaving without signing autographs.
WHO'S SNOT: Sergei Gonchar, for such a speedy dissing.
HONORABLE MENTION: Jeff Halpern, just because.