This edition shall be rather uneventful, as I-O staffer dubs was horrendously late to practice today. However, staffer jazzy proved to be quite the brown-noser by filling in dubs' absence. For her tardiness, again we remind you that flogging will be distributed at our next staff meeting.
With helmet flaps flying out in full force, B-52 spent some quality time caressing a puck with his stick as he skated aimlessly around the rink. It was later decided that I-O staffer jazzy should've yelled "Get a room!" over the glass at the two.
Loyal readers brace yourselves, for last years' typically benched 7th defensemean Kenny Klee is back! It was noted that halfway through practice, Sergei Gonchar DID attempt to play defense, only to fail miserably. He did, however, do some pretty fancy twirls that would've made Michael Weiss green with envy.
Speaking of green, when I-O staffer dubs FINALLY hauled her a$$ into practice, grumbling something about a backup on 32E (The I-O staff would like to report rumors of dubs getting side-tracked on the drive to PO, being behind a Krispy Kreme truck and disembowling the driver for a doughnut, but these rumors cannot be confirmed at this time), she was *horrified* upon the realization that her teal sweatshirt was the same color as Jeff Halpern's practice jersey. Dubs spent the rest of practice worrying that she'd be mistaken for a Halpy Hoochie.
The I-O staff can confirm why Chris Corrinet was benched during the Philadelphia game: at the moment, he sucks. Not that the rest of the team doesn't, but he whiffed multiple times on beautiful passes from his center, Trent Whitfield.
Newcomer defenseman Patrick Boileau made his appearance with the team. I-O staffers gave up after five minutes of trying to properly pronounce his last name, as dictionaries and thesauruses are out of the budget.
I-O staff caught a rare citing of the quiet, mysterious "Ulf Dahlen" creature and discovered the method for this species creating its unique pigeon-toed stance. In a graceful yet painful-looking gesture, these animals have the ability to flattening their legs against the boards so their feet are along one line. The I-O staff is pleased to be the first to present this information. (Eat your hearts out, National Geographic.)
After a few minutes, the coaching staff abandoned the team, leaving players to practice drills by themselves. This proved to be pointless, so the I-O staff can only hope that flogging will later be distributed at their next meeting.
It is just as painful as ever to watch Joe Reekie attempt to skate half a lap around the ice. However, not under the scornful watch of the coaching staff, Jagr, Gonchar, and Mr. Bootie-knitter himself (Dima) also took Reekielaps.
The Capitals' rookies are still unable to "get it up."The I-O staff can only hope that flogging will later be distributed at their next meeting.
Defenseman Frantisec Kucera is one ugly man, despite the use of a helmet.
Sergei Gonchar again received today's "Looking Spiffy" award for his gray button-down sweater and nicely loose-fitting pants. However, his consistency of wearing normal-fitting pants leaves the I-O staff to wonder if this is no longer breaking news, but rest assurred we will report any future citings of tight-fitting pants, even to the extent of creating a "Pants Watch" unit.
Jeff Halpern apparently has ran out of hair gel, for he left practice trying to sport a white-man's afro. To the shock and amazement of the I-O staff, he kindly said hello, then walked away without replying to our questions about the limp in his walk. (Manwhore.)
Upon viewing the blanket, Trent Whitfield inquired if the I-O staff was having a picnic. After glancing down and not seeing any source of food, I-O staffer dubs replied, "Uhh, no." After asking how she was that lovely day, she then informed him, "I am SO afraid of you," because he was a "friggin' goon" lately. After his initial confusion, dubs reminded him how he beat up poor Bryce Salvador in St. Louis then gave Chris Terrian a concussion last night. After chuckling like we were circus monkeys, he replied that Terrian tried to hit him first, but the answer was unacceptable to the I-O staff.
Craig Billington was assured by I-O staffer jazzy that not only did she protect his Mustang from the men before practice, but also fellow staffer dubs from sitting in it. While pleased at the lack of dubs' a$$ in his front seat, he was even more pleased to show off the engine to Sylvain Cote and Joe Sacco before the autograph seekers proceeded to surround his car, taking pictures and whispering to themselves like it was the eighth wonder of the world. We laughed at them, particularly Biller for letting the "M" on the side fall crooked. (Piece of junk).
Rookie Pettingzoo tried to exit the building without being noticed by the I-O staff, who quickly attacked the problem by yelling hello and waiving their arms furiously at him. He did smile when dubs congratulated him on his first NHL goal, then laughed at her when she added it was too bad it'd been in such a crappy game.
The pleasant surprise of the day was our typical "Who's SNOT" award-winner Jaromir Jagr, in the fact he was charming today. This unusually kind behavior, which included smiling and signing autographs, was no doubt created by I-O staffer dubs informing him that his dad was parked on the other side of the building and he was heading in the wrong direction. Dubs returned the kind behavior by kicking herself for not having her picture for him to sign.
Parked side-by-side, the rookie bad-a$$ minivans were filled by Corrinet and Pettingzoo (silver) and Melanson, Boileau and Stephan Peat (red). I-O has in its possession a picture of both carrying the pimpin'-attempting rookies.
We still can't pronounce Boileau. We're not even sure if it's spelled right.
Stephen Peat, who must've been demoted to the red bad-a$$ minivan for losing his fight last night, scares us.
Without his helmet, Kucera is one ugly man.
HONORABLE MENTION: Reekieluv!, who kindly autographed a picture for webhead Laney's son.
HONORABLE MENTION: Jeff Halpern, just because.