Before we get down to business today, Inside-Out would like to thank all who have contributed to the on-going success of I-O, including Washington Capitals' players, staff, and coaches, as well as faithful webheads who read and help with publishing of I-O. Without you, the faithful webhead fans, we would have no one to bore with our practice stories.
We would also like to note that at many times during practice today (and at other times), foul language is used by both players and I-O staff members. Please know that we will always use discretion in place of such language, whenever possible. In today's edition, the f-word will be replaced with the phrase "insert f-bomb." Thank you.
Now, let's get down to business.
Upon inquiring about the ability to hang signs on the glass, I-O staff members were told that such permission could not be granted in the absence of the rink's general manager. Deflated, the I-O staff retreated to the stands, pondering alternate solutions. It was not long before intelligent I-O staff members Dubs and Jazz came up with the idea to hang the signs on and/or around the table that Capitals players used to sign autographs, right by the locker room entrance. Presto! Joy returned to the previously dismal trio as they crawled under the "no admittance" sign and adorned the table with signs such as:
Biller eats pucks for breakfast!
Viva la Biller!
Who needs Roy? We have Biller!
On Craig Billington: "He has GM written all over him." -Darren Pang
Biller = Beast
We *heart* Biller!
Biller - best $1 the Caps ever spent!
Biller - He's Classic!
No biscuits in Biller's basket!
Put Biller in your pipes and smoke it!
Biller: #1 in our program, #1 in our hearts!
As a special tribute to Tuesday's name calling episode, the I-O staff put up the sign in the hallway leading to the locker room that said, "Even Goalie-Haters love Biller!" On the door leading into the locker room, there is a window which faces into the locker room. In this window, facing inside the locker room, we placed the sign, "You can't burn Biller -he's already hot!" Of course, the I-O staff had chosen a favorite sign by all, and this sign was posted in plain view for all Capitals to see, and it read: "Best crease in the butt: my plumber. Best butt in the crease: BILLER!" Credit to I-O guest staff (soon to be regular staff member) Jazz for that sign.
After photographing the momentous occasion, the trio retired to the bleachers to await the players venture to the ice. During a small discussion, it was decided that the I-O trio should pull a "Mystery, Alaska" and pretend to read/hide behind newspapers when the team hit the ice. We discussed that it might be difficult to remain inconspicuous, since we were the only three people in the bleachers, and three of five people in the whole arena. But we agreed it was a worthwhile cause, so we divided up staffer Dubs's paper and prepared for what lay ahead.
Our wait was small, much like Billington himself. As fate would assign it, Biller and Assistant Coaches Tim Hunter and Tim Army were the first three out of the locker room. Our newspapers went up, and we could hear their responses almost immediately. As Dubs read about Mario Lemieux's hip surgery, we tried to contain our amusement. Finally, we peered over our papers to take note of Biller's reaction. As the staff members lowered their newspapers, Biller pointed his stick in our direction and yelled, "I *insert f-bomb* know it was you!" I-O staff members could no longer contain themselves, lost all composure, and cackled like three Halloween witches hopped up on too much candy.
It was at this time that many more players came out of the locker room, many pausing to take note of the signs placed so lovingly for Biller, and at the same time causing a log jam at the locker room entrance. On-ice, Biller was taking it from all sides. Assistant Coach Tim Hunter had been laughing from the moment he stepped out of the locker room. Army came onto the ice, pointing at Biller and exclaiming, "Yeah, there's the best dollar the Caps ever spent." Capitals defenseman and class clown Joe Reekie yelled, "Hey Biller! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" in typical Reekie fashion. Reekie and Biller conversed many times and shared many laughs during the first few minutes of practice. Tim Hunter looked up at the I-O staff and just shook his head. (Perhaps he's beginning to understand that we really ARE mental.) I-O continued to laugh about this through the remainder of practice.
Practice makes perfect, right? I-O staffers were not surprised that the majority of this practice the team spent shooting the puck UP at the net. I-O staff was also NOT surprised at the number of Capitals players that could not get it up.
Capital Co-Captain Brendan Witt is taking a new outlook on life, as he has shaved off his goatee. However, without the goatee, he now shows more than one expression on his face, and during practice today, it was easy to see he did not look happy.
Right Winger Jaromir Jagr did his best impression of a B-52 stealth bomber, as he left his helmet ear-flaps hanging loose and they were flying in the wind as he skated up and down the ice. Jagr has earned the new nickname B-52 for both his on-ice and off-ice behavior (i.e., dissing I-O staff members in a "stealthy" way). However, I-O staff was impressed to see how quickly Jagr is acclimating to his new teammates, as he is now an official performer of the "Reekielap", i.e., nowhere near a full lap around the ice rink when the team does laps.
Goaltender Olaf Kolzig amused the I-O staff when he shot a puck right at defenseman Joe Reekie during the pre-practice skate. One inch to the left, and Reekie would no longer have been able to give out the "Reekieluv."
Center Jeff Halpern amazed the I-O staff with his continued inability to put the biscuit in the basket, even when there was no goalie to block his shots. Goaltender Craig Billington was ever gracious and full of gifts today, however, as he let a few of Jeff's shots slide into the net for motivational purposes. However, when Halpern fired a REAL shot past Biller, EVERYONE was surprised, even Joe Reekie, who screamed, "HE'S BACK!" and did his best SNL Hanz and Franz impression (MUCH to the amusement of the I-O staff).
Speaking of Joe Reekie, there seemed to be some lingering ill-will between Reekie and rookie left wing Matt Pettinger. Perhaps the pre-season fight caused Reekie to mock Pettinger after Biller shut him down. Or maybe it's just because Reekie's just a grumpy old man.
Right wing Ulf Dahlen, fresh off his banner-luv, was sporting the no-tooth look at practice today. I-O staff swears they are going to buy him a box of chicklets to fix this problem.
Practice again lasted only a meager 35-40 minutes, but the I-O staff was entertained with a small post-practice practice by many of the forwards. This practice included some fun drills, an I-O favorite being one where the puck was shot around the boards and the player had to stop it and then pretend to shoot it over an opposing player and clear the zone. (We assumed this was a PK drill.) If the player correctly cleared the puck, he was allowed to take a shot on goal. Needless to say, if you've seen our PK as of late, this drill wasn't performed that well by our players. However, right wing Peter Bondra was all smiles as he and the other Capitals chided and screamed at each other during this drill. I-O would like to note that it was good to see them smiling and enjoying hockey.
A.C. Tim Hunter impressed the I-O staffers during the post-practice drills. The players were practicing maintaining puck control and driving the net, and they encouraged Hunter to take a spin. As he drove the net, each player on the ice shot three or four pucks in his direction to confuse him. However, Hunter maintained control of HIS puck, drove the net, deked the goalie, and SCORED. This awesome move caused the I-O staffers to scream, "SUIT HIM UP!"
Chris Simon, ever the bruiser?, was the bruis-ED today. He was sporting a mighty nice shiner, probably a direct result from his skirmishes with McAllister in Tuesday's game.
I-O staffer Em retrieved the "Viva La Biller" sign, and flashed it to most of the exiting Capitals as they were leaving, as well as Capitals' hockey announcer Joe Bennanati. All seemed confused by the sign. Perhaps they don't understand English.
I-O staffer Em was the one bombarded on two sides today, as goaltender Craig Billington and center Trent Whitfield exited at the same time. Whitfield was nice enough to wait whilst the ladies dealt with Biller.
Jeff Halpern and Trevor Linden were carpooling again today, but this time, Halpern allowed Linden to chauffeur him around Maryland. Was it a surprise to the low-budget I-O staff that they left in YET ANOTHER DIFFERENT CAR?! No.
Jaromir Jagr exited the building quickly, dissed I-O staffer dubs YET AGAIN, and left under his own recognizance (i.e., no Pops driving him around).
Peter Bondra exited through the back door (but he's shy), and left driving a phat Cadillac Escalade that I-O staffers had never noticed. We figured he was probably swayed by those *awesome* Adam Oates Capitol Cadillac commercials.
I-O staffer dubs once again chased down center Trent Whitfield, but this time only to chastise him. I-O is not allowed to report online what that chastisement was about, but you are welcome to email dubs about it at I'[email protected].
Tim Hunter was again cordial, as the I-O staffers waited to deliver the goods to him after practice. He was excited to receive a copy of the video of Peter Bondra's post-Montreal game interview for his viewing *pleasure*. He was also amused at the I-O staffers antics of the day, saying, "You girls are so bad." He assured us that all the players got a great kick out of the Biller signs, and that none of them wanted to be on our bad side. Tim Hunter is a smart, smart man.
HONORABLE MENTION: Tim Hunter, because he seemed so excited to see that video.
WHO'S SNOT: Jaromir Jagr, for his blatant dis of the I-O staff. "It probably makes him feel more important."
HONORABLE MENTION: Both Princeton snots, just because.