* While doughnut-shopping at a Dunkin Donuts, the I-O staff was offered a free powdered-sugar donut by a guy who talked exactly like Peter Bondra.
* There is a town in Massachusetts called "Billerica".. which of course I-O staffers read as "Biller-ick-uh."
* There is another town called Smuttynose - not even I-O could make up this one, folks. But you bet we laughed about it, for it's definitely worse than "Scaggsville" Maryland.
* Staffer Dubs obviously has a bladder the size of a walnut, for she had to pull over to pee nearly every hour. It got old.. quick. She also consumes more food than a small third world country, evidenced in the all-you-can-eat buffet the staff splurged for in Connecticut.
* Maine drivers are nicer than those in the DC/Metro area.. hell, ALL drivers are nicer than the ones around here.
* I-O had to shell out quite a small fortune in tolls, much more than our budget allows for... I-O was very fortunate not to need any emergency organ donations for some quick cash. At an emergency budget meeting between all I-O staffers present, it was decided that staffer Jazzy would get the axe if budget problems persist. (Sorry jazzy.)
* We lost count of how many times I-O had to clean the windshield - salt, dirt, rain, furry animals, small children, etc. seemed to stick to it like the manwhore to, well, whores.
The Civic Center Arena's doors are always open - as I-O staffers walked in off the street and into a pair of seats near the locker room entrance. It was our guess that most -ok, all- Pirates' fans have lives, for we were the only people in the building not directly associated with the players, coaches, and equipment crew. Although, we received several curious and surprised glances from the players, I-O staffers maintained their composure and of course, later harrassed some of them.
Hoosier Daddy is obviously hoping a more grown-up look will lead to a Caps' call-up, for he was sporting a goatee. I-O can only guess it took the whole three months of him being in Portland for it to grow it's half-inch length.
I-O favorite Nolan Yonkman noticed the staff waving at him, smiled, and nodded with a knowing cocky grin. Em perfectly read his thoughts: "Chicks dig Nolan."
Heaven forbid.. I-O is sad to report that atomic snot blasts are also prevalent in our farm team. Highly prevalent, in fact. A particularly disgusting moment of practice was staffer Em witnessing Mike Siklenka denying the laws of physics and launching a 'double blast' - simultaneously out of each nostril. This incident left poor Em quite traumatized and the two debated the importance of the atomic snot blast in the development of hockey players.. such was reserved as a question to bring to Tim Hunter's attention at a later practice. (So stay tuned.)
After witnessing a 4-on-1 practice drill, Em and Dubs wondered what kind of game they would be seeing that evening.
Cutta was the last player off the ice.. though by the look of him, no amount of extra minutes practicing will make much of a difference anytime soon.
While in DC for training camp, I-O gave Nolan and John Oduya a lunch restaurant recommendation (the Ochard Cafe in Odenton, though at the time Dubs called it the "Orchid," giving us the mental image of Nolan and John lapping the Food Lion mall in the bad-ass minivan while searching for it). Well, it was payback time, we reminded Nolan - and asked him for a lunch recommendation. He chose Panera Bread, proving that Nolan has a better taste in restaurants than I-O staffers.
Pirates Captain and co-I-O favorite Dean Melanson also graced the staff with his presence after practice. While he also graciously autographed a few pictures, he did not seem to remember us. He did ask if we drove up, leaving us to wonder if "No, we walked.. left 6 weeks ago and are working on our eighteenth pair of shoes" would have been a better response. At any rate, he seemed happy for the support and thanked us.
Defenseman Jakub Cutta offered staffer Em one confused look after she'd said hi to him. At first he assumed she wanted him to autograph something, but unfortunately Em did not. So he gave us a limp-wristed "Miss America" wave and walked into the lockeroom still looking confused.
After practice, the staffers visited the Pirates' pro-shop, across the street from the arena. While a lovely selection of Portland merchandise, we couldn't help but wonder why on earth they were selling "used" Stephen Peat sticks - not that no one would purchase one, but the actual amount of use they had is debatable. (C'mon, Peat wasn't drafted for his hockey skills, good looks, or manly voice.)
There were two highlights of the pregame skate: finally recognizing all the players and meeting board poster 77812, who spited Em by wearing his Sergei Gonchar jersey. While at practice, I-O had had a hard time identifying a few players, such as Mink, Naumenko, and Boileau (A.N.: That's "Bwah-Low," Hooked on Phonetics worked for us!), as well as the backup goaltender Whitten. (It was later published in the Portland Press that Whitten is actually a zamboni driver for a local arena and was subbing in for the delayed ECHL backup Curtis Cruickshank.)
It was also nice to meet JR, whose dinner suggestions were taken and appreciated (Nolan should take notes). Later during the game, I-O realized how moronic we were by not offering JR one of the open seats next to us. Then again, he would've witnessed us doing the YMCA dance, which probably no one should see in public.
Oh yeah.. the game: The Pirates showed a consistency the most Caps fans crave at the moment - working hard from the first minute and creating several chances. After a scoreless and chippy first period, it was Providence who struck first, but Portland rebounded by scoring two quick goals in the second. After the Pirates scored in the first minute of the third period, the game got more interesting as the Bruins' frustration mounted and players scuffled, including a 5-on-5 shoving match (during which Mark Murphy was given a penalty for 'roughing,' though I-O only noticed him covering his head while a Bruin pounded him against the boards). It's nice to know that our "Baby Caps" aren't afraid to hit, and we aren't talking with their purses like softies Adam Oates and Sergei Gonchar. The Bruins pulled their goalie and scored within the last minute of the game, but Peter Ferraro added an insurance empty netter with 22 seconds left to conclude the 4-2 Pirates' win. The loudest the crowd got was as they chanted "go! go! go!" to the puck racing towards the empty net.
Special note to George McPhee: after carefully scrutinizing the play of defenseman Jakub Cutta, I-O staffers recorded this analysis: Cutta sucks.
After the game, I-O was amazed again by the politeness of Maine drivers. It took a mere 10min to exit the parking garage next to the arena in an orderly fashion. Simply amazing.
HONORABLE MENTION: The "Peter Bondra" doughnut guy.. free food is always appreciated.
HONORABLE MENTION: The ladies at the Portland Visitation Center, for giving us such great directions and advice.. though we're sorry for not having enough time to visit the open market.
WHO'S SNOT: The bitter - yet cheerful - guy at the ice cream shop Em and Dubs visisted. While his worldly opinions were entertaining, they also scared us. A lot.
HONORABLE MENTION: The cranky woman who yelled at the I-O staff about the Ramada's lack of brewed coffee on the morning of their departure from Portland.. it is duely noted that I-O doesn't drink coffee (it's a natural high, contributes to the lovable factor).
HONORABLE MENTION: Whoever made our meals at Friendly's in New Haven, CT on the trip home - both staffers felt under the weather afterward.
HONORABLE MENTION: Jeff Halpern, just because.