Don't Stand So Close To Me

Well, I figure I may as well write out a journal during this trip for future reference. God knows I make a lot of the same mistakes, so maybe, just maybe I'll learn from this one.

I left a note for Lisette while she's staying in the 21st century here with me..reading that I wanted her to take care of Seijin and Squirt for a while and that I needed to get away.

I decided, after much frustration with my heart and confusion that I was going to go on a trip to clear my mind. Two weeks, starting on January 14th when I get there.

My plane trip was hell, like they all are ... started off leaving New York City from the LGA airport around 7:00 pm Eastern Time. I had to change flights in Kansas City at MCI around 10:00 their time. Finally, I arrived in San Francisco at 11:50 pacific time. The trip was rocky due to the weather over Kansas, and on top of things I couldn't get any sleep whatsoever on the way. The airports, of course, were pretty hectic with all the major security checks they've been running since the twin towers went down. I don't think I've ever seen so many people in uniform in an airport in my entire life...

Anyway, after faring San Francisco traffic (Thank God it wasn't rush hour!!) I found myself at mom's old condo in the city around 1:00 a.m. Naturally ... I crashed.

I woke up this morning around 8:00 a.m. ... and just stared at the ceiling. I couldn't get anything off of my mind.

Figures.

I came all the way out here to clear my mind, think things straight. Yet all I can think about is watching Mo' drive off towards the mountains on Logan's Harley.

I don't know whether or not to call myself pathetic or not, but whatever I am...it's confused.

That brings me to tonight...

After jogging around San Fran around for a while, I decided to crash on the covered patio in the "back yard" (In other words, it's really REALLY small..) I came to to hear somebody crying around 6:00 in the evening. When I rolled over there was Lisette, sitting back on her haunches, in modern clothing (which is a bit out of character for her), and in tears. She was murmuring "....perhaps I should just give up---" before she realized I was awake. She wiped her eyes quickly and took on her stern and practical composure. The conversation was very much as to what follows:

"Lisette??"

"I'm fine ... why did you run?" she asked immediately. I shrugged.

"I just needed to get away for a while ... before my head exploded.."

"Would you like me to leave you alone then? So you can think?"

I shook my head, knowing there had to be a reason to her being here. "You don't have to.."

She stood and headed over to the ledge of the patio. Still feeling pretty worn out physically and mentally, I got up...and slowly headed her way to stand beside her. Then I asked the obvious: "Why were you crying?"

She didn't want to answer but finally whispered: "Because I'm afraid I'm fighting a losing battle"

Yet again, I took the easy question: "Why?"

"Because I've hurt you both, unintentionally"

"Why would that make this a losing battle..?"

She turned to face her back from the ledge, kind of propping herself against it: "Because I know that you feel trapped.."

I chose not to show any reaction to her comment: "Why do you feel I feel that way?"

She gave me this look as if I shouldn't have to ask, and finally shook her head. "Because you are part of me ... and I can feel your thoughts as well as if I were the one thinking them.."

That lost me slightly, it didn't help that I had this headache that slowly was inching in on me due to lack of sleep. I rubbed at my temples: "I do love you, Lisette ... you know that..."

"Which is why I know that you are trapped ... because the choice you made isn't as strongly affirmed as it was before." She paused, as if just now hearing me say I loved her, "Yes ... I know. But is that strong enough anymore?"

That hurt, but I think at the time I was more surprised to hear her say it: "Why wouldn't it be?"

She crossed her arms and stared up at the overcast sky. There weren't any stars above due to the brightness of the city lights on top of the thick clouds overhead.

"Was it enough to keep Roseangelo with you ... ?"

Another ouch, I frowned: "I loved her, Lisette, I-" I paused a moment to look down at the finger I removed my wedding ring from. I had decided to leave it back in New York to help me keep my mind clear, "I don't think she loved me the way I would have liked ... I think our marriage was too early for her..."

She gave me this shocked expression..."Klork, every woman that has ever been associated with you has loved you. Your wife was no different."

I had my doubts, and I told her so, the frown still not leaving me. She walked over to me and stood before me, but she didn't touch me .. I had this nagging sense that she was actually afraid to do so. "Trust me, Klork ... something about you is utterly irresistible to us..." She pointed to, but didn't touch, my chest. "Your heart.." After a pause she threw in, "Of course, it doesn't hurt that you're incredibly pleasing to the eye, as well."

I wanted to laugh at the twinge her voice took on that, but I just didn't have the heart to. Instead my voice lowered..."I really wish I could believe you on the heart ... I just ... I don't know.."

She flinched, "I thought that I had lost the perfect man when I lost Aiden ... but now, I think I really AM losing the perfect man...because I trapped him to keep him in the first place..."

"Lisette ... I told you ... You won't lose me." Though I was beginning to have doubts myself.

"I DON'T want you to stay with me if because the only reasons are the facts; the children and my being here first. I want it to be because in your mind and your heart, you know it's the right choice. If it isn't to you...then go with her."

"My loving you doesn't count then..?"

"I want that to be the reason I stay but it has to outweigh the others, Klork."

There was a long silence after this; I didn't want to say anything or confirm anything that I was unsure about. Finally after a bit she broke the silence.

"Believe me, Klork ... if there were anything I could do to convince you to choose me over her, Id' do it in a heartbeat ... but that is unfair to both you and her."

"I don't know what to do, Lisette..I'm confused AND hurting in my heart."

She looked away, and I had the funny feeling she was hiding tears from slipping down her cheeks. "I know, I can feel it, and so in turn mine does ... because not only does it feel you, but it knows you haven't truly decided what you want."

At this point I said all I could think of saying: "I'm sorry, Lisette ... this whole thing is turning out a mess for both you and Mo'.."

She walked over to a large stone statue of a crane with its wings spread, sitting on the block it was perched on. "It's all right, I haven't made it any easier on you. If I had never come along, you would still be with your wife, and none of this would ever have happened." She kicked at the ground; "I've thought about it, you know ... going back in time and changing what I did. But the truth is, I'm a coward. I don't WANT to, because I would lose Celes and Seijin .. Meridya .. You ... the times that we HAVE shared, as few and far between as those have been." She leant her head back against the crane, her fists clenching. "I think of those times and want to stomp my foot and demand like Celes would that you choose me! That ... you ignore your heart and stay with your children." Thankfully, she calmed herself, "But I don't say that because of the children, I say it because I don't want to let go." Rubbing her fists over her heart, she continued, "In here, you're MINE...despite anything that goes on." At this point her voice went oddly thick, still doing the same thing with her fists, "You're MINE, damn it. When I met you, I couldn't have anyone else ... and I WON'T have anyone else." Then she sank, sliding right off the stone to sit on the ground and curl up into herself. "But perhaps you will. Perhaps YOU will have someone else again. But for me, there IS no one else. If I knew it would do any good, I would scream and kick and beg and cry to keep you with me, but that would be heartless of me." I watched, half bewildered as I sat beside her, as she tilted her head back and laughed, very uncharacteristically, as if talking to God himself, "How ironic it is that you take him away from me just as he had become fully 'mine' ... but I will not fail your test. I do love him, and am no longer the monster I was. If loving him means letting him go, then I must..."

I think what I said next I should have kept in my head; "You see, this is where I'm torn. I have two women in my life that my heart wants for MY own. They both will say they'll share but they don't want to. I don't want to hurt either of you, but I feel I've done so already..."

Lisette clenched her jaw, her voice going angry: "I never said I wanted to share. I will not share. I would rather sit on the 'sidelines' and watch you be happy, being content with knowing that I am the mother of your children. But I WILL NOT share...I can't."

Now completely lost, and befuddled beyond my control, I just started repeating myself: "I don't want to see you hurt ... I don't want to see her hurt ... I don't know WHAT to do, Lisette..."

"Only your heart can decide that, Klork. I've told you what I want; I'm very sure that HLM has told you what she wants. Perhaps not with words, but with her heart."

"That's what's driving me nuts, what's tearing me apart, you both want the same thing and I CAN'T give it to you both...!"

"I KNOW!!"

I winced, not meaning for it to go that far. Lisette stood and looked around, half panicked that her emotion broke through, desperately trying to look for a place to run to as I mulled over her outburst.

"Do you really know...?" I looked up at her, I probably looked pretty crappy. Lack of sleep often gives me bloodshot eyes, on top of raw emotion I'm pretty sure I looked like something out of a nightmare. "Do you know what it's like having to be the one to choose?"

"I know that if I let you go ... it will be the hardest choice I have ever made in my life. Even more difficult that that of my death as a vampire."

I snapped: "And this is the hardest choice in MY life! Do you realize I have to take every last bit of your choices into consideration, as well as HLM's choices before I can make mine? I have to think about how this will effect my children, my life, my friendship!"

"No, that's where you're wrong, Klork. You shouldn't be considering the weight of the facts ... but the weight of your heart. Seijin and Celes are gifted children; they will understand. They also both like her..."

"My heart is pretty small in comparison to the other effects, damn it! It may be there throwing in its' own reasons, but damn it, it's NOT the key to deciding! And I know my children will understand, but I also know they'll want to know why mommy and daddy don't see each other, why "auntie Mo" is suddenly so friendly if I take that road."

"Your heart should be. Everything else are simply extraneous circumstances that can be dealt with at other times. They will change in accordance with your heart." She then went on about the children, "Celes will understand. She knows how it went with Roseangelo. Seijin will grow up with it and find nothing wrong."

I completely didn't hear the part about the children, I just snapped: "My heart has NO say in this damn it. I can't THINK with my heart, Lisette ... I just ... can't."

Lisette's whole demeanor went cold. "Then perhaps you're a weaker being than I thought you were..."

"Lisette, stop that...damn it, act like yourself."

"But aren't I?" I'm acting as the Lisette that trapped you. Are we not one and the same?"

"No, you aren't."

She crossed her arms, brow twitching slightly.

"Lisette ... Please stop..."

"Perhaps I'm trying to help you make your choice?"

"That is NOT helping because I know you AREN'T acting as yourself!"

She smiled, darkly. Then, using a trick I never really did learn all to well, she changed her outfit completely. Her modern clothing fading very slowly as it changed to a full-length white gown with a golden corset that laced very slowly. Had I not known her better, I would have probably been convinced right away.

"Would you have me convince in other ways, then?" She shook her head slowly, her hair falling out of the multitude of braids they were in to cascade down her back. Despite her actions, her eyes were fierce.

"Lisette, no. I would prefer you act as yourself, NOT what you were, not what you're acting out...what you ARE."

She walked my way, and within moments was pressed against me. "Ahh, but aren't I exactly what I'm acting? An ancient slut that took you away from your wife, and now wants to take you away from someone else?"

Clenching my jaw I stepped back and turned away from her, refusing to play along. "Don't do this this way."

She slid her hands around me from behind, "And what way would you have me convince you? You have heard all I have said ... all my heart wants. Maybe now it's time to show you what the body wants?"

I lifted her hands, brow furrowed as I noted they were shaking. "Stop it, damn it. You aren't helping." I looked back at her, brow furrowing, "Lisette .. please, be you?"

She was looking away, biting her lip to keep her hiccups in check, trying to stay silent as she sobbed. I tilted her chin up and gently pulled her close. Lisette broke down, sobbing so hard her body shook for the longest time before she just sank to the ground. I knelt with her.

"Lisette, I'm going to be away for two weeks. I have to think ... please, for right now, know my love is with you...?"

She nodding, shaking on choked sobs. I wiped at her eyes gently before pulling off my sweatshirt and offered it to her. She wrung her hands before shaking her head, pulling herself up and then backed away from me and my sweatshirt. "No ... I don't need a shirt. I have the children which are more of you than that could be." And with that, she disappeared leaving a mental note of And know that I love you..

I felt a bit rejected at that moment but within a few moments the sweater faded as she changed her mind.

As I love you, Lisette ... thank you..

After that, I disappeared into the condo I grew up in .. and crashed. My mind entirely too tired to think any further.

Well, today wasn't as exciting as yesterday to say the least. Granted ... I am thankful for that.

I visited Japantown today as well as some of the churches here in San Fran. (Yeah, I played the typical tourist.) I've never been one for religion religiously (God ... that sounds repetitive...) even though I know it's out there; but the churches here just sound so awesome.

Might I explain that, hmm?

At one church, that I can't recall its' name, I went in to look around out of sheer curiosity. The building itself is kind of square shaped ... its walls a thick concrete that, in places, has to be at least four feet thick. I think it was Catholic (t'would at least explain the Rosaries they had for sale in the gift shop.)

Anyway, the outside looked kinda neat but the inside was awesome. Rows of benches went on for what seemed like miles until they reached the alter. Off to the right, when you came in the main doors, was a huge organ that reminded me of something from a sci-fi movie. The organ was almost an island in itself, towering high above the rest of the church with a small staircase to reach it. Kind of reminded me of a cloud with its' own personal staircase to climb onto it. Of course, the organist (is that what they're called?) was playing Toccata when I entered. The sound filled the church with amazing emotion that must've hit me somewhere, because I stayed to listen for at least another hour.

Of course, I got up to leave just as some choir (I'm guessing a visiting High School choir) started singing.

I sat down again.

If the choir was bad, you couldn't tell. The acoustics blew me away, non the less ... I ended up staying and listening until late.

After walking all over the city I finally made it home. It's so strange to be able to play tourist in the city I grew up in. Then again, of course, I couldn't leave my home while I was here. I don't think Edgar (Damn police dog that I met when I was 5 years old on the docks...that dog had TEETH, like all German Shepherds do...) wouldn't have taken too kindly to a walking/talking cat.

Well, anyway, it's 9:00 p.m. now..I think I might do some katas before I retire for the night...

Heh...

Wonder how much I can keep up not thinking about Mo' & 'Sette....

Until Tomorrow,
Klork Dean Curric

I never expected this...

As if I wasn't surprised enough when I woke to see Lisette there on Monday night, I woke to see Tabitha this morning.

How the HELL she knew I was in San Francisco is WAY beyond me.

So far, no luck on getting away since everybody's coming to me. I sometimes wonder WHY I go on vacations anyway...

"God, Klork, I never thought you'd get up..."

Don't you love older sisters?

"Go away..."

"Nope, I talked to some people down in the lair and got caught up ... damn, you really screwed up this time, lil' bro.."

Little...

"That's nice, now go away..."

I rolled over only to be rolled back by Avriel, my sister's fiance. This guy makes Angelo look short...

"C'mon, Klork, we're here to help," he said, trying to coax me out of my warm futon bed.

"Riiiight ... some how I doubt that."

But I got out of bed anyway. I figured they weren't going to give up on this any time soon.

"Oh for Gods sake, Klork, I don't want to see THAT!! Put some clothes on!"

"You're the one who wanted me to get out of bed. If you don't want to see me, leave my room, ok?"

At least she did that ... so did Avriel. Which gave me a while to shower and dress into comfortable clothing. I didn't know what they were here for but I was pretty sure it wasn't going to help me in any way. When I came out of my room I found her and Avriel sitting at the table with no lights on and candles lit every where around the dining room.

"You know, make-out-lighting doesn't work with me when you're in the room, sis..."

"Shut up and sit, Klork."

Grudgingly I wook a seat on one of the pillows placed on the floor around the low table. Tabby looked over at me, settled the opposite of me.

"It's to help concentrate ... get a clear focus." She noted the lighting then looked at Avriel, whom stood and closed the blinds. "I want you to think Klork, why you're here...just gather your thoughts, ok?"

"I don't think well without coffee in the morning."

"Too damn bad," she glared, "Now THINK."

These weren't exactly the conditions I would prefer to think under but I figured I'd at least humor her. I began to think of why I was here ... almost instantly my head was filled with HLM and Lisette. They'd seem to be talking to me with no lips moving, one fading from the other and back. My heart would pull and my mind began to give reasons as to why one should be chosen over the other. Then it would be interrupted by my heart again, practically hollering at me to choose one so it could rest.

"Um, Klork..?"

I snapped out of it, looking drowsily up at her: "Huh?"

"You're supposed to share your thoughts with me so I can help you..."

"You didn't say that.."

"Do I have to instruct you to do EVERYTHING?"

"Without my coffee, yes..."

"Forget about the coffee, just share, damn it!"

"Fine fine!" I muttered. I propped my chin in my hands, staring at the table as I began to talk, "Where should I start?"

"Klork, so help me if you don't start SOMEWHERE, I'll--"

"Tabs, let him think...?"

The two gave each other looks before Tabby visably calmed, eying me still with that look women tend to give. I'd been getting a lot of those lately...

"Well," I started, "My thoughts are on Lisette and HLM."

"And...?"

"And what?"

"Klork!!"

I was beginning to have fun with this..."And I like them both..?"

"Ok, now he is pushing it, Tabs.."

"I KNOW, Klork, why don't you--"

"Before you go any further, how about that coffee?"

Tabby shot me a look, then looked at Avriel. The guy was whipped, I swear it. He immediately got up and went about making the coffee without a word. A few minutes later I had a steaming mug in my hands of black gold.

"Now ... why can't you just choose one?"

"Because, number one," I took a sip, a long one just to see her get aggrivated again before I continued, "I love them both, I can't just decide. Number two, if I chose one, that would hurt the other one."

"Ok, tell me about Lisette.."

"God, Tabs, this isn't helping. All I'm doing is saying out loud what's been going through my head over and over again! I came out here to clear my head, and this is NOT helping! I would kind of like to NOT think about it while I'm here, ya know?!"

Tabby's ears flattened as she reached over and took my mug of coffee. Saw that coming. She went over to the sink and poured it out slowly, narrowed eyes never leaving me. Yep, officially pissed her off. I also noted that Avriel had somehow disappeared from the room. Not just whipped, really smart too.

"Klork ... Look, I want you to be happy and you're just going out of the way to piss me off. Why."

"Because I don't want to talk about it, I told you that. This is something that I don't want help on. It has to be my choice, unwavered, untouched by anybody else's opinion. If you help me decide it won't be my decision." Guess the coffee opens me up more so than I realized, "...I just need time, and nobody seems to be understanding that.."

Tabby sighed, her ears, thankfully, going normal. Apparently I said something right to get her to calm down.

"Fine." she uttered, eyes sparking with the same electricity that mine do, "But if you ever need help with anything, don't ask ME for it."

Then again, maybe not.

"Tabby.." I looked up to speak to her, to try and calm her down, but she had already left. Damn cats, always too quiet n' sneaky. God, I should talk....now I know I'm confused

Well, after she left I meandered aimlessly around the kitchen to blow out all of the candles. The stench of the smoke was enough to give me a headache and in moments the smoke alarm chimed in to add to my migrain. This was not starting out to be the best of days. As I fanned the smoke out of the house to lull the alarm, I noted that it was only 10:00 a.m. Damn. Really bad and really long...

The day dragged on as I expected, but not quite so bad as I imagined it could be. After I had cleared the smoke from the house I went down to the docks to walk around until about noon. Many things were still buzzing on my mind so I took a short road trip down to Santa Cruz to walk along the boardwalk. Yeah, took a ride on the old roller coaster as well -- but you can't expect one to go there without riding on that thing-it IS a classic.

Still no closure. Must be why I took two weeks to do this...

I drove back just as the sun was setting into the ocean beyond the hills of San Francisco. When I reached home I rummaged through the cupboards before I found a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream and poured myself a pint of it. And then I sat on the couch, downing one pint after the other until I had finished off the entire bottle. When my mind finally went numb, I found myself out cold and sleeping a blissfully thoughtless sleep on the couch of my mother's old condo.

Anybody there...?

Thank God...

Luckily apon waking up this morning there was nobody there ... for a change...

Oh God ... my head...

Ya know, I may work in a bar almost all day ... but that doesn't mean I don't get hangovers.

I think I sat on the couch holding my head for what seemed like forever while my stomach decided whether or not it was going to settle or not. Luckily, it stayed settled long enough for me to mix up some of "Ricardo's Fix". God rest his soul for such a marvelous creation...

Better...now what to do...

I took my time getting ready; a long shower, cold cereal and hot tea. I managed to eat and get out the door for my morning job before I began thinking again.

I need to go buy more Irish Cream...

I jogged down to the docks and towards Pier 49 where Thera had found me almost 18 years ago. When I reached the small waterfront playground I paused to sit. It was empty as expected. All the kids that might play on it were at school at this time. Staring out at the waters of the bay, I began to let my mind really do the talking.

Ya know, had I never come here so many things would be different than they are now. Who knows, most of them maybe for the better...
I mean, Rose wouldn't have had to marry a man who can't even remain monogomous for starters; HLM wouldn't have had to be in this mess; Emer would've never gotten that blue streak or constantly had to worry about me always getting hurt; Lisette never would have shown up--NADIA wouldn't have shown up because Angelo, Vala and Nissa might not've been here or at least stayed around. Thera and Kame....

Th waves began making the dock creak lightly with each roll of the tide.

....might be dead...
if I hadn't have shown, they would have never gone to New York. Kame wouldn't have met Angelo...Angelo wouldn't have killed Cheynal...

My thoughts began to give me the creeps, but I continued--maybe this is what I needed..

Cheynal might've killed Kame and Thera--assuming the Mondais' didn't get there first. Musoko would be ... well, he'd be the same, but Shitako would have suffered in that family and never've met Nissa ... Noche wouldn't have been born--ALIDA wouldn't be around either. And Seijin ... Celes ...

A dry chuckle managed its' way out as I remembered the first time my son watched a soccer game on TV. I'll never forget how he went around for weeks yelling: "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!" with his arms in the air.

I would never forgive myself if I ever let anything happen to him..

I shifted as the sun grew warmer overhead--even though the wind kept the temperature down.

Heh ... things would have been so different ... no Atlantis, no vampires, no FOH for me to beat up frequently, no missing children...
No exploring to find strange rivers of oil beneath the city....

I stood and walked over to the railing to look at the water before turning to walk into the tourist trap of a shopping center. The crowds were pretty small ... but that's to be expected in mid-January.

Maybe I've been looking at all of this the wrong way ...

I paused to look down at the light circle on my finger where my ring had been less than a week ago.

Maybe I just need to grieve...

I climbed the stairs that led to the second story shops. Passing between them I went out to the docks where the sea lions could be seen in the summer time, once again watching the water hit the docks.

Lisette ... I hated her when she constantly began to hunt me down ... I had every right to .. ! She stole what was mine to create a child I didn't ask for ... but then quite a few months later I found she was going to entrust the unborn baby -- MY CHILD to Gorynel. I knew he wanted to kill her and the baby...

I gripped the ledge unconsciously before I forced myself to calm down and think clearly.

...But I stayed ... I was actually afraid for my child. Even though I gave Lisette no permission to create her from me, I still felt as if I already loved her ... so I began to look at Lisette differently -- forgave her eventually ... and so was she, in time, from forces I'm not even sure of. She wasn't what my family remembered her as anymore .. she was human - able to be hurt just as greatly as she could give pain.
And then we had Seijin ... the void between Rose and I grew greater...

I walked away from the docks and down the stairs to buy a few things, some chocolate - "sea foam", for Kameko, other random trinkets and toys for Seijin and Celes.

And then there's HLM ... She's sort of a sister to me, but the more time we spent together, the more I began to see her as so much more.

I purchased the items and wandered into the fifties diner a few stores down to get a late lunch. Once I had my meal I sat, idly eating the food as my mind continued to mull things over.

I don't want her to feel she's replacing Rose .. she's different and I want her to feel she's different than Rose. I can't help but be curious ...
no...
I really want to be with her ... I almost want to say more than I did with Rose...

Fries done, burger started...

I know who I'm going to chose...

Jaw set and mind firmly convinced, I stood and headed out after paying, heading back home slowly.

It's going to hurt no matter who I choose ... and I love them both ... but I can't sit around and never decide. That'll only leave more room for pain ...

I paused in front of a liquor store, eyeing the JD display...

No ... not tonight...

I headed home and turned the lights on, putting Kameko's chocolate in the freezer and the gifts for my children on the table. I settled in front of the TV, slipping my shoes off and propping my feet up on the coffee table. Turning on the tube, I sat, watching a game of soccer.

Only two things left to do...

I switched through the channels..

How to tell them...

224 channels, nothing on ...
I put it back on Soccer.

And secondly ... use the rest of this trip to grieve...

Until Tomorrow,
Klork Dean Curric.

MMmm...french toast, scrambled eggs ... and... bacon...?

I turned over in bed, opening an eye cautiously to see if anybody was there.

I don't see anybody ... why do I smell ... breakfast?

Pulling on my robe and slippers I fumbled out of bed and down the hall towards the kitchen. I could hear somebody rustling around with the pots and pans in there. Warily, I readied myself for some sort of intruder, grabbing my baseball bat from the hall closet and inched towards the kitchen door.

Waitasec ... now why in the hell would an intruder be making breakfast??

I put the bat down, now confused as hell. Shrugging, I meandered into the kitchen, the only person I could think of that would know I was here and make a breakfast worth while stood there, humming quietly as she huddled over the steaming pans of french toast and eggs.

"Morning, Klork!"

Kame...

"He-heya..." I paused, "Wait, how'd you know I was here?"

Kameko shrugged, smiling and putting the food onto two plates, setting them down on the table by two glasses of orange juice and two glasses of milk. She then put the bacon down on a small platter between the plates.

"Oh food..."

I forgot all about my question and sat when she motioned me to do so, digging in immediately to the best breakfast I'd had in a few weeks. She watched me eat before she started daintily eating what was on her plate. I don't know why she always waited to see if I liked it ... I'd have to be dead if I didn't.

"Your daughter told me," She grinned, sipping at her milk, "Surprised me to see her open the door at your apartment, Klork..."

I looked up from a mouthfull of food, "Oh..? Yeah, she n' 'Sette are staying there while I'm here," I managed without spitting any food out. I knew her next question would be "why are you here" or something like that.

"Oh, well that is a good idea then. So, I have some passes to Great America today if you'd like to go there after breakfast and, hmm, definately after you shower, bro, you need it."

So maybe she didn't ask ... I sniffed the air and could only smell the breakfast.

"I don't smell that bad.."

"No, but I can tell where you drooled last night...I hope you plan on cleaning mother's bed before you go back home ..."

I gave her a bland look as if to tell her I didn't need to answer that. She smirked, then went about eating a few strips of bacon.

"Hmm...not as good as Angelo can make, but, that's not even worth comparing," she mused to herself, examining the piece of bacon before munching on it again. I had since finished my meal, leaning back and purring quietly with my glass of milk as I watched her.

"I dunno about Great America...sounds a bit crowded for me, sis."

Kame gave a slight look of disappointment before she simply shrugged, smile returning to her lips: "Have you gone to the beach yet..?"

I shook my head: "Actually, I had kind of planned on staying home today ... I don't mind your company though ..."

Kame twisted her mouth to the side and nodded, picking up both of our plates and beginning to clean up. I stood almost immediately, going over to help her clean things up but she shooed me out of the kitchen. "Out out out, go shower!"

Muttering, I headed down the hall.

After three hours of talking about anything but my situation, I finally caved, looking up at her with my brows furrowed.

"Kame ... which one do you think I should choose...?"

Kame's brows furrowed as she looked down at me, as if she didn't expect me to even bring the subject up. Then she sighed, shrugging. "Off the top of my head I would say Mo' ... but at the same time, even though I don't like her, Lisette is the mother of your children, Klork ..."

I nodded, brow furrowing as she continued. "It's not my choice though, Klork, you have to do what your heart, body, mind and soul want. Not what your conscience wants."

I leant forward, rubbing at my temples, she still continued. "But I do have one question, Klork ..."

"Yeah..?"

"With Mo' ... are you sure you really love her ... or is she replacing what you lost with Rose...?"

She said that very tentatively, as if unsure if she should even ask it. Her silence after my flinch told me she beleived she shouldn't have. None the less, I answered her question.

"What I had with Rose is-was precious to me ... and I did feel at a loss when she left. Even though Mo' has filled that void, she's not the same. She's not Rose and I don't expect her to be ... I love her in a much different way..."

My words came and went very quietly before Kame sat, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"But you haven't grieved yet, have you, bro...?"

Sighing shakily I knew what she was trying to do but I didn't have the power to fight it. I shook my head, leaning on her shoulder as she hugged me gently. "Then maybe you should," she murmured.

Swallowing hard, the tears began to come and for the next couple of hours, I did ...

Well, I feel a bit refreshed today a least.

After saying goodbye to Kame this morning, I headed down to the docks to jog around a bit. I stopped by to pick up some fish for dinner tonight and also some other necessities. After that I headed down to the bay docks, yet again, just to get a good look around.

Today, I don't plan on spending my entire time down here--yeah, I took my journal with me. I figured I could use some fresh air while I write. Things are beginning to look up for me finally, got a lot off of my chest while Kame was here last night. As much as I may claim her to be a pain in the butt, she is really a great sister. ...Heh, too bad I won't let her read this!

Oh that's strange, some kid came over to me and asked: "Whatcha writing, cat-man?"

Well, I think I'm gonna start my jog back home about now...wait a sec...how'd he know I was-----------

Week 2