Top Ten
Political Action
Top Ten Signs Bush Is Considering Dumping Cheney 10. Cheney's desk has been replaced by President's new air hockey table. 9. There's a listing on Monster Dot Com for a Vice-Presidential position in a "Large North American Government." 8. Cheney's so depressed he's only eating 12 KFC drumsticks a day. 7. There is a "For Rent" sign on the front lawn of the undisclosed location. 6. When Cheney says, "We're gonna win in November," Bush snarls, "What's this 'We' crap?" 5. White House interns are no longer required to know CPR. 4. The CIA says they have reliable information Cheney won't be dumped. 3. Bush asked Trump if he could come to Washington and fire Cheney. 2. Yesterday a tearful Cheney sang "I Will Survive" on the White House lawn. 1. Bush called Daddy looking for Quayle's number.
Top Ten Things Never Before Said by a Presidential Candidate 10. "Vote for me or I'll slash your tires" 9. "Forget universal health care -- I'm buying every American an XBox" 8. "In a crisis I ask myself, 'What would Tony Danza do?'? 7. "I'd give you my plan for economic recovery if I wasn't rip stinkin' drunk" 6. "If your last name begins with 'M' through 'Z,' sorry -- your taxes are doubling" 5. "We're gonna cut the deficit by selling North Dakota to Canada" 4. "I have tons of experience from being president of the Burt Reynolds fan club" 3. "Lady, that is one ugly baby" 2. "When I'm president, I'm putting Regis on Mt. Rushmore" 1. "Read my lips: no new wardrobe malfunctions"
Top Ten Reasons George W. Bush Wants To Put A Man On Mars 10. Dick Cheney needs a new undisclosed location 9. It's part of his "No Planet Left Behind" initiative 8. Great deal on the off-season airfare right now at Expedia.com 7. Maybe we'll find some weapons of mass destruction there 6. We've run out of places on Earth to drill for oil 5. Hoping to get Mork's autograph 4. We cannot back down until the people of Mars hold free elections 3. Dude, free Mars bars 2. Why not? It's not like we have an enormous debt or failing economy 1. Pete Rose bet him we wouldn't do it
