Warnings: Insane Stupidity!! Major OOC-ness!!!!

Wufei: King of Things

By: Skylar Inari

Wufei opened his eyes and screamed in absolute horror. He was surrounded by things. . . . . .bright happy colorful things that vaguely resembled his fellow pilots.

"We loooove you!!!!"Chimed the four happy things.

Wufei screamed once more and began backing up, when he noticed something. His clothes weren't his clothes. He was wearing a frilly yellow and orange dress with big blue polka dots. He frantictly touched his his hair and pulled a strand out in front of his eyes. It was pink!!

Wufei groaned, obivously some fanfic writer had a grudge against him.

The things followed him. One happy hop for every step he took.

The thing with long brown hair pipped up,"Why you run?"

At the thought of the thing actually talking Wufei screamed again and tripped over the hem of his dress.

The other three things raced (hopped?) to his side and began bemoaning over him. "You hurt? Don't hurt! Please don't hurt!!" They cried in semi-pain,"We loooove you!!!!" They repeated that line over and over.

Wufei cracked. The stress of having four things declare over and over that they loved him and wearing a yellow and orange with blue polka dots dress apparently being to much for him to handle. He began to cry.

The things began to sing and dance about him singing loudly of happy thoughts, pretty birds and erotic sex.

Gradually Wufei's sobs quieted and he glanced up with a slightly crazed look in his eyes.

The things stopped singing and looked at him hopefully.

Wufei carefully straightened his pink hair and looked imperiously down upon the bright happy things and gestured,"Bow down to me!! I am your King!!! Bow to me!! Worship me!!! Praise me!!"

The things with a happy-happy cheer did exactly what he demanded, even going so far as to kiss his feet.

Wufei smiled, tears of joy streaming down his face,"That's right my children!! More!!! More!! I need more worshippers!! Get me more worshippers!!"

The things -now singing "Happy, happy, Joy, joy."- raced off in search of more people to praise their king in all this glory.

After a few hours the things returned. . . . . dragging Zechs and Treize along with them.

"What is the meaning of this Wufei?!?"Demanded Treize.

Wufei giggled -on the verge of hysteria- and motioned for his loyal things to make Zechs and Treize bow down to him.

"What the --?!?!"Began Zechs when a really big thing grabbed him around the waist and and started slamming his face down into the sand. Another big thing began doing the same to Treize.

While the big things were doing that Wufei got all the smaller things to bow down to him and sing his praise some more. Finally he motioned for them to stop.

The really big things pulled Zechs and Treize out of the ground.

Wufei giggled once more,"Treize, this is for two-timing me!!" Wufei gestured and suddenly Zechs had lost his head. Literally. Zechs' head was rolling among the sand dunes where hordes of Wufei's loyal things jumped on it and ripped bits of hair out of it.

Treize cried out in pain.

Wufei laughed,"Bwahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!"

Hands grabbed his shoulders and began shaking him,"Wufei!! Wake up!! You are having another one of those dreams!!"

Wufei briefly opened his eyes to meet Sally's concerned look,"I like it this time!!" And fell back to sleep and dreaming of bing the King of Things. . . . . . and torturing Treize.

~owari~

Wufei: Look what you did to me onna!!

Skylar: Yeah, what about it?

Wufei: Arghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Skylar: I thought so.