Dear IVL,
teh rain fells on my heads as he said, "Quit U", to me. it hurt so bad. he walk away and mud splashs on my faces. I'am so brokeheart. i ca'nt eat, i ca'nt sleep, ica'nt pee or go #2 becuase i'ams o sadd. my bed is soak! How do i move on with m life after he quit me?

Sincerely,
Brokeheart

Dear Brokeheart,
What do you mean he quit you? Do you mean he broke your heart? First you gotta get outta bed! Once you've used the restroom, you'll realize life has to go on. Go and treat yourself to the movies and have some popcorn. Show him that you CAN live without him. And if you can't, then kill yourself. Dear IVL,

Yo! MaM It suX! laSs NiTe rIte deRe wuz diZ pArTaY i wEnt 2 dAmM i SaW a FoXy cHik! wE taWk n DeN sUdDenLy, wE at iT. nOw I juX reAliZe i DiNk i GaWt HeR preGnaNt. i dUnt HaAb heR nUmBa oR kNo aNy uV hEr freNz! iM sCurRed 2 dEf. wUt dO i dO?

-sCurRed

Dear Scurred,
too bad for you, should've been thinking. you dont really have to worry about being a father because you'll never see her again. your conscience is the only thing thats gonna be haunting you, MOOhaha!! Dear IVL,

Y0 iVL,
ShUpZ sHuPz girlfren!! Yo HoMiE-G-funk!! iM HoLla-in aT y0 ass CUSH i'M tRipPeN mAng! WelPz HeA bE tHa DeAL... I'M sHoOo PoPuLaR OnLiNe, But fOh' sHuM rEaSoN i AinT goTz nO reaL Life HoMie nA mEaN? i diNK iTz cusH weN PeePs taWk tOoH MEH oNLINE, Dey kNoW i BE koo OF THa waY i TyPe. PLzZzZ HeLP me! How cAn i Make ReaL LiFe HoMiez YA Heard?! =0>
TRipPEN-OG-gUh

Dear TRipPEN-OG-gUh,
First, i know its YOU, kummy. if you really have this problem, then see an e-psychiatrist. Well now, first step is to stop wRiTiNg LiKe ThIs. Some people believe that it is "cool" but it just tires your fingers. Second step is to meet up with your online buddies and hope they wont kill you or turn out to be a 47 year old male stalker. the third step is to act like yourself in real life and stop using the internet. Bang your head against the wall until you are sane again. Good luck!