Submissions
"A thousand cuts cannot heal me
And I cannot go on
But somehow when you look at me
You still see nothing wrong"
--Kimmysue
For Me
I was so lost, I could not see,
I lived for you, and not for me.
I went along my merry way
And did not hear the others say
"Oh Kim Oh Kim I think you're lost!
You've got no goal, you're always sloshed.
Oh Kim, Oh Kim, where have you gone?
Whatever happened, oh what went wrong?"
But then THEY came and called me in,
I'd reached the end, time to begin.
"Our time is up, we're no more friends.
There's new horizons and newer trends.
You'll not be missed and not be mourned,
You're grave is bare and not adorned.
I'm sick of you so go away--
I dont like talk I just like play."
So there I sat, alone and bored.
My trust was dirtied, I felt so whored.
Now time has passed and I can see
I lived for you and not for me.
But now I'm strong, I will survive.
Where you now wither, that's where I thrive.
I'm happy now in my own life,
Without you here I've lost all strife.
But now you are alone and sad.
"I'm sorry I left, 'twas just a fad.
I need you now to comfort me,
Where you've escaped Im still not free.
I have no friends and no one cares
My friends aren't mine, they're only theirs.
Turns out you were right all along
They didn't care and now they're gone."
But will I break or shed a tear?
Will I feel bad as others leer?
You were my friend, but what's that worth?
You were my ground, my base, my earth.
But when you left I finally saw
My life was empty, my feelings raw.
Alone the truth confronted me
With you around I wasn't free
But how can I just sit and stare,
Let you get lost when I've been there?
Should I let them tear limb from limb?
Won't that make me as bad as them?
No I'll be here and I will care,
And wait until the weather's fair.
I will support and be your friend
Until you find another trend.
And even though it doesn't last,
I'll be your friend despite the past.
I'll let you think it's like it was
But not forget myself because
I know I wont be quite the same
I'm wiser now, I know the game.
I'm different now, im born anew
I live for me, and not for you.
--Written by Kimmysue
Within
There is a sadness deep within
The likes of which I can't contend
It dwells inside my broken heart
And waits for me to fall apart
I keep it bottled up inside
With all the feelings that I hide
But when I come home late at night
And I am just too weak to fight
The tears come rushing to my eyes
And I cannot contain my cries
The pain becomes to much to bare
And my composure starts to tear
The tears come streaming down my face
And make me feel like a disgrace
I hate the girl I really am
The happy front is just a sham
I smile as my insides die
Cause I can't let you see me cry
--Written by Kimmysue
Music
The saccharine notes drifted across the air,
Riding on feathered wings. And as I sat and listened there
I thought of wondrous things.
The melody crept through my skin
And found something inside.
It touched all that was deep within
And everything I hide.
And just right then my heart was joy,
My feet weren't near the ground.
And I was but the music's toy,
Sweet, unmerciless sound.
--Written by Kimmysue
Hide
I like to hide inside myself
Where all my feelings move in stealth
And I dont have to long for you
And you have never been untrue
I like to tightly close my eyes
Drown out the screams i hear inside
pretend that you are still my friend
and everything's ok again
i like to go where people care
and friends will always just be there
where i dont have to cry all day
and nerves dont ever start to fray
somewhere where i am always free
and everyone's in love with me
somewhere it doesn't hurt to live
somewhere where people just forgive
and even though i know its fake
i really like the world i make
it helps me run away from you
and all the things you say untrue
--Written by Kimmysue
Depression
My mind is quickly spinning
Depression swells in me
I cannot stand the thought of life
My soul longs to be free.
My body only weighs me down
I can not be confined
I try and think of ways to escape
My pain makes me so blind
I can not see the joy in life
I only see the pain
The war was lost so long ago
This battle is in vain
So what's the harm in welcoming
The only thing I know
I've nothing to look forward to
And no place left to go
My razor is my only friend
The only one who cares
Whenever I am all alone
My razor's always there
A little cut she does insist
And what's so wrong with that?
A little slice is not so bad
Just make it through the fat
The vein lies there to tempt me more
Complaining it's too full
So what's so wrong about helping it
Empty out to a small pool
But now the blood is pouring out
There's nothing I can do
It says that it needs to be free
And what it says is true
The only path to life for me
Walks on the trail of death
Each and every day that I live
Seems like it is a theft
But now my soul will steal no more
And now I'll finally rest
This life proved too hard for me
I guess I failed the test.
--Written by Kimmysue
Alcoholic: A Self Portrait
I drink to forget.
I drink to forgive.
I drink so I'll smile.
I drink so I'll live.
I drink all the time
I drink every day
It sucks in this world
I drink so I'll stay
Its lonely in here
There's no one around
I'm always so lost
I'll never be found
I look for the answers
At the bottom my glass
I never will find them
I never will last
It takes so much effort
To survive in this world
I feel so alone
I'm a lost little girl
And so I just drink
So my spirits will soar
And my smile doesn't fade
'Til I fall on the floor
But now I'm alone
And there's no one around
I feel very lost
But I'll never be found
There just is no answer
That rum can make known
I guess I screwed up
My chance has been blown
So what do you do
When there's nothing to say?
What can you do
When you can't face today?
Now my mind betrayed me
And Ive started to cry.
How can I want this?
Oh why should I die?
But the thought is still there
Consuming the rest
Trying to resist it
An impossible test
My eyes are blurry
As I pick up the blade
I just want to forget
I just want to fade
The blood is so warm
Over my clammy skin
It flows like a river
And I follow the trend
I lay on my bed
And close my eyes tight
I'm so tired of trying
Too tired to fight
The blood is around me
And pools on my sheets
The life draining away
Cold chasing the heat.
My mind is a mess
There's so much I missed
At least I had laughter
At least I was kissed.
But all that has left me
Ran fleeting away
And I'll never have to
Live through another day
Written by Kimmysue
The End Of The Line
Every time I start to move forward
I always fall behind
Every time I start to get ahead
I'm sent to the end of the line
And now that I am at the end
And there's no one within sight
I'd live if I just had a friend
Someone to help me win this fight
But now there just is no one here
Yes now I'm all alone
There's no one knocking at my door
And no one on the phone
There�s nothing left for me to do
There�s nothing I can say
You left me for the sake of you
You just didn�t want to play
So now I think I can�t go on
I�m just to weak to walk
I wont make it through another dawn
Cause there�s no one here to talk
I stare into my hateful mirror
But I only see myself
The moment growing ever nearer
And there�s no one here to help
I'm so tired of the tears and pain
I'm so weary of the strife
It seems the battle was in vain
I'm so weary of this life
There's nothing left to say to me
No warning will I heed
There's but one way to set me free
I will just have to bleed
And so I bite down on my lip
And push away my fears
Soon I'll forget everything
And Soon I'll have no tears
I drag the blade across my wrist
The blood runs deep and red
I clench my hand into a fist
And get up from my bed
I turn and look around my room
So many things I have
I turn and look around my tomb
I�ve fallen from the path
I watch the room around me fade
My head falls to the floor
I think of all the "friends" I've made
But there's no one at the door.
So now that I'm finally at the end
And there's no one within sight
I'd have lived if I had had a friend
Someone to help me win that fight
Written by Kimmysue
Disillusioned
Uncertainty fills me
What the hell am I doing
Why keep trying?
Why do I even get up
If I stayed in bed,
would the world miss me?
Do i make the world a better place
or does it even notice that I'm there
I dont think it cares
Im consumed with doubt
How can I ever become something great
when all I am is me
thats all i'll ever be
i scream at the top of my lungs
but no one seems to hear me
they are to consumed with their own problems
maybe i am deaf to them?
It seems so clear to me
but everything is so hazy
If the world were a perfect place...
But it isnt. It never will be
If i had something
Something to hold on to,
Something to keep my feet on the ground
To keep me from being buried in life
I want to love something
I want to love so much
I want to be happy
Because I know i never will be
I long for what i cant have
and the deprivation kills
Daily life is so unsatisfying
I cant help but long for more.
But there is nothing there for me to have
Some childish ideas that have long since crumbled
Only the emptiness is left
From knowing there is something more
Something that doesnt belong to me
And never will
Why can't i be one of the people who smile
Why can't i be blind?
Why do i have to see the injustice in life
Why am i the one?
Youth and ignorance often hold hands
The world is not logical
and there is no happy ending
Disillusionment has poisoned me
My dreams were cut away
Desperate grasping only to pull back empty hands
And so i bleed
Because its all i have left
It shows that i am still alive
that i still feel pain
In the real world, that is all there is in the end.
Written by Kimmysue