Carry an Umbrella
Did you ever just know that you weren't feeling right about something? I just feel really bothered by something, and I don't know what it is. I'm not angry, I'm not annoyed, I'm sad.
I don't understand how people can be so miserable all the time. How can you walk through life with a steady scowl on your face? Knowingly or unknowingly putting a damper on the moods of those people around you who are trying to live happily ever after? I feel bad for people who are like that . . . I don't understand how you can wake up and not be thankful that you're alive in the morning. How can you walk through existence and not be in awe of the life that you have? It doesn't matter who you are, or how much you may despise everyone else - somebody cares about you in ways you may not understand. I am certainly not saying that if you are mean and nasty to everyone around you that someone loves you...no, I'm saying that there's somebody who feels for you, who wishes they could do something to brighten your day, your life. All it takes is for you to let them. If you were hurt before, if you carry a grudge, if you keep your guard up 24/7, maybe it's time to let yourself be vulnerable for a little while. Maybe it's time to tear down your walls and let somebody show you what it's like to be happy, because while you may be happy in your own little world, the perception of you from the outside is a cynical, bitter, person who can't feel love, and doesn't want to. And yes, there are those moments when those cynical people may show signs of happiness, but they're short lived, and whether they're genuine or not, only they know. In the course of my life, I've encountered a lot of people like the ones I'm describing. I used to be like that. While my stint as a cynic was not spread over a lifetime, it did last long enough to make me realize I couldn't live my life like that and every person I encounter who is like that, I do what I can to try and put a smile on their face. However, there are some people you just can't change. Maybe they enjoy living life like that, maybe they think if they keep their guard up all the time, and pretend to dislike everyone and everything that no one will try and make their way into their lives. Maybe I just don't understand it, I don't know. All I know is that people who are like that are missing out on so much. Sure, we all have our days when we're not in the best of moods, but they come and they go - how is it possible for someone to be in a bad mood every day of their life? If your cynicism is only directed at certain people, then fine, but don't go out of your way to make them feel it. It's like knowingly reaching into their soul and putting a cover over their inner-flame. Yes, there are some people who won't let their flame burn out, but at the same time, I think people can only take so much before the damper from the cynic starts to temporarily extinguish their flame. But the challenge is to light it back up, to shine your light so bright that your flame burns through the cover that is put over it. You can only try so hard to make someone smile before you just have to let them live their life in the unpleasant way they wish. And at that point, I think you just have to turn and walk away, because if you don't, it wears on you, and it breaks you down, and you can't let it get to you. You just do what you have to do to keep your bearings about you, whether that means staying away from the cynic, or finding another way to not let them damper the moods of everyone else around them. I can guarantee you this...if you're one of those people who tries to be friendly to these cynics, if you try and cheer them up all the time, eventually they're going to start to resent you, and purposely direct their anger at you, and at that point, your choice is to either keep trying, or to realize he/she is not worth your energy. If you've exhausted all other options, if you've tried to fight their cynicism with overwhelming niceness, then I feel your best option is this . . .One of my friends told me a few weeks ago that I need to start distancing myself from those people who add stress to my life...so I started to, and it has been absolutely great. And sometimes that's just what you have to do. I think we all have people in our lives who we think appear to be our friends, and then you get into these little fights with, and who tell you certain things and don't follow through, and you keep giving them repeated chances, and you just get to the point where you have to sit back and ask yourself if this person is causing you more stress than you need, and whether that stress overpowers the happiness that being their friend brings you. And if it does, then maybe it's better to let yourself break away. Don't let their cynicism, their anger, their lack of truth in what they say and do be a part of your life. Realize that you're better than that . . . realize that you are allowed to put yourself first . . . while it may hurt the other person that you're turning your back on them after everything's worn you down, maybe then they realize that they took you for granted. You have to take care of yourself - you have to do everything you can to make sure you don't become that cynic, to make sure you continue to walk through life in complete awe of everything around you, and that you continue to wake up in the morning thankful that you're alive, thankful that God made you who you are, and thankful that you're not like those people who go through life trying to rain on everyone else's parades. The choice is yours to make - always carry an umbrella.
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