Don't Let the World Win
I�m starting out tonight with no real intention in mind other than to clear my head. I just know I�ve had a lot of things going through my head, a lot of thoughts, feelings, and other things and I�ve wanted to sit down and write it down for quite some time now but haven�t had a chance to do it, so I�m making the time now. This may turn out to be my thoughts jumping around randomly, so try and follow along if you can.
I�m not really sure what�s going on � I know I�ve felt like that a lot lately. There�s so much going on around me and it has just gotten to be overwhelming at times. I feel like everywhere I look there�s so many people who are sad, and I wish I could fix everybody and make everybody happy, but I know that I can�t. I�ve just been trying to help as many people as I can to put a smile on their faces, but as I�ve learned, that�s easier said than done. I�ve always been able to just sense when something�s bothering somebody, regardless of whether they admit it or not. The truth is that everyday, we�re all fighting battles with ourselves. The majority of the time we don�t often see or know about the things going on in the lives of others, unless they�re willing to let us in and help. Someone you know could seem fine, happy, and carefree, but as I�ve found out, a lot of these people just don�t want you to see them hurting. I�ve done it, and I know everyone else has, too. Some people just don�t like to let other people worry about them, when in reality, there are so many people who care and if they were just given the chance, they may just be able to help. I�ve learned that you just can�t keep shutting people out because if you do, you may miss out on seeing a side of someone else that you never knew existed. At the same time, you have to remember that you can�t fix everybody, because what happens is that you spend so much time worrying about everybody else, you forget what it�s like to worry about yourself and it can leave you feeling empty. Some people spend their whole lives trying to make everyone else happy that they don�t remember what it really feels like to be happy themselves. Try and find that balance � worry about others, take some time to worry about yourself, and don�t be afraid to let other people worry about you.
Over the past few weeks, I�ve seen so many people experiencing heartache. I can�t even tell you how many of my friends have lost boyfriends or girlfriends in the past few weeks. These things always seem to happen in groups. It happened in December and January, and now it�s happening again. It just breaks my heart. I�ve listened to my friends crying on the phone with me, asking me how they�re going to get through it. Some of them have thought that if they went back to the person they left that it would make everything better. When you�re so heartbroken, it�s hard to see that sometimes losing someone is the best thing for you. Anything I tell them, I say from experience, because I know how much it hurts. At the time, they may not understand why it happened, and just want an easy fix, but the reality is, there is no easy fix for heartbreak � it takes time to heal. There�s not always an easy answer, and as much as I wish I did, I don�t have all the answers. The best thing I can do is just let them know they�re going to be okay, make them see that they deserve so much better than what they had, and to try and let them know that they will find love again. I know it�s hard to believe when you�re so hurt, but it�s important to try and believe it. No matter who you are, or where you come from, someone somewhere is going to love you for the person that you are and treat you the way you deserve to be loved and cared about in life. I think so many people try and hang on as hard as they do because they don�t believe that such a miracle as finding someone who you love and who loves you back could ever happen twice, but you will find it again. The reality is that the world is no longer a romantic place. Some of its people still are, however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win. The most important thing is to not close yourself off from other people once you�ve been hurt, and I know, because I�ve done it. For the past seven months I have managed to find something wrong with everybody who�s been interested in me. I�ve managed to push people away that care about me, because I�m just as scared as the next person to get hurt again. I think the problem is that I just think that nobody is going to understand the place that I�m coming from, and I was so scared that the things that have hurt me in the past before are going to dictate my future, and I know now that I can�t let that happen. When you�re with someone you love, you let yourself go because you know that the other person will be there to catch you if you fall, and there is no reason not to believe that. There�s no better feeling than having butterflies in your stomach and feeling that magic that you feel when the other person holds your hand. When that�s gone, you feel like you lose part of yourself and tell yourself and everybody else that you�ll never let that happen again. I�ve said it � �I�ll never let myself get lost in someone else ever again.� What I�ve come to realize now, though, is that it�s okay to get lost, because no matter what you can always find your way back � be it with someone else, or on your own. Admitting that to myself was one of the hardest things I�ve had to do. Think about what life would be like without the feelings you get from being in a relationship. I think Anthony Hopkins said it best � �I know it�s a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you can�t live without. I say fall head over heels, find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. And how do you find them? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart, and I�m not hearing any heart. Cause the truth is, there�s no sense living your life without this -To make the journey and not fall deeply in love�well you haven�t lived a life at all. And you have to try, because if you haven�t tried, then you haven�t lived.� When you come from a place that hurts, you have a right to hold out for someone who can make your heart jump and make the butterflies fly inside of you. You learn what you need in your life, and what you want, and it�s okay to want the best for yourself. So many times people just go to the next best thing that comes along because they just want someone, anyone to fill that void and in a sense, they �settle� and don�t let themselves wait for what they really want. What I�ve learned is that if you continuously do that, you are continuously left wanting for more. Even when you�re hurting and you don�t believe it � and this is for every one of my friends who has been hurt recently � you are an amazing person, and you deserve the best. You will find it again. If you don�t believe it, it�s alright�I still have trouble believing it at times, but you can be happy again, and you will be. It may not happen today, or tomorrow, or 7 months from now, but someone will see you for the amazing person that you are, and they will love you like you never knew you could be loved before. Don�t shut people out � you can�t live your life in fear of being hurt again�because you might just miss out on someone who can change your life. Nobody said it happens when you want it to happen, it�s not always perfect, but when it comes along, it�s important that you give it a chance. And if there�s someone out there that you care about, and you�re afraid to let them know, tell them because you never know what could happen � who knows, they might feel the same way. No regrets.
�It�s not what you say about him, it�s what you don�t say. There�s not an ounce of excitement, a whisper of a thrill. I want you to get swept away, I want you to levitate, I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish. Be deliriously happy, or at least leave yourself open to be.� �Meet Joe Black
August 12, 2004
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