"I give you my destiny...I'm giving you all of me, I want your symphony singing in all that I am at the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back....so I lay my head back down and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours I pray, to be only yours I pray, to be only yours I know now you're my only hope." ~Mandy Moore Only Hope
Damn that movie. Another one of those movies that makes you realize what your life isn't, and what you wish it was. And if you're reading this and you think you can tell me you've never felt like that, then you're lying. Everyone feels like that. You either see something or read something at least once a week that makes you think, "God, I wish that was my life. I wish things were really like that." In reality though, I think everyone knows that nobody's life is a movie. Life isn't like a movie - it's not a script - there is no set plan for what's going to happen, and if you think your life IS a script, then it's a never-ending script because it's a work in progress - you write a new page everyday. The only thing different in this case is that you can't go back and erase parts you messed up on - your only chances to make corrections come on those pages that are not yet written. No going back, no regrets for what you "wrote" on the pages before today's. In reality though, I think that's how life should be - no regrets - you did what you did, you can't go back and change it, but you can avoid doing it again in the future. Don't look at those experiences as regrets, but as learning experiences.
Every movie follows a pattern - no movie is entirely climax - there are a million tiny different little parts that lead to the climax and ultimately the denoument. And I think that's the hardest thing for us to realize - that life can't be a constant climax - who wants to see a movie where there is no obstacle to overcome, no plot? It'd be boring and predictable - and I don't think that anyone wants to live their life that way. It may sound appealing, but if life were a constant climax, there would be so many things you wouldn't be able to feel...you wouldn't know what it was like to have your heart broken, to cling to something that's being taken away from you, to know what it's like to really love someone through losing someone else, to know what it's like to be a support for someone who needs you...Those are the experiences that make life what it is. Without those experiences, the script could never be complete, because when your life came to it's denoument, those of us left behind would be left asking, "How could he die? He never got to live." Each of those tiny battles are a part of what makes your life exactly that - your life - a life that ultimately is complete.
For those of you who saw "A Walk to Remember," I bet a lot of you left wishing you were more like Jamie Sullivan - able to walk through life not caring what anyone thinks of you, living your life to its fullest, working your way through your list of things to do in your life...And I am right there with you. Honestly, I wish I were more like that...then I thought about it, and realized that I am like that in my own ways - and each and every one of you should know that while your life can't be exactly like that, you can change it to be like that in any ways that you want - as long as you're doing it for you, and not because you want your life to be a movie. For the longest time, I haven't cared what people have thought about me, because I know that at the end of the day, the only person I have to answer to is myself, and let me tell you how awesome a feeling it is to be able to know that you're living the way you want to live for YOU, and not for anyone else. And I did make a list of things to do in my life...but it was a combined list with an ex-girlfriend of mine, and one of the first things I am going to do this week is go through and edit it to make it fit the way I feel right now, to let myself know that I still have a determination inside of me to accomplish things in my life and that I've moved on with my life. As far as living my life to the fullest goes, I think in some ways I do...but I think in a lot of other ways, I would be a lot happier if I took that "live life to it's fullest" a little bit further, and after re-reading what I've written so far, I think I'm going to add that idea to my script...Whether your script has had its many climaxes, it's downfalls, or whether you've thought you'd reached your denoument, you have to remember that everyday you add to your script, and the way your page looks at the end of the day will all depend on how you write it. You're the writer, producer, and director...there's no one else you have to answer to. So when you hit those downpoints in your "script," remember that there will be a climax coming, and it will ultimately lead to your spectacle of a denoument, and your script will finally be complete, after all, who wants to see a movie that doesn't have an ending?
~Eric Ford
February 3, 2002
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