Her hands shook as she wound the bandages, putting Charles back together again. He whimpered under her hands, shaking his head and blinking away tears, begging her to stop, to let him bleed, to let him die. She didn�t look at his face. She wound the bandages and looked at the drips on the floor, connecting them to form triangles and quadrilaterals and hexagons in her mind. In geometry was survival�or was it that survival was geometric�
�Are you done yet, Fred?� She shivered, her shoulders hunching. Had to pay better attention, had to listen more, hadn�t heard him coming up behind her, and it was important to know where they were, all the time, she knew that�
�He asked you a question.� His girlfriend was at his side now, and Fred hadn�t heard her either. She shivered helplessly. They were smiling. They wanted to play. She pictured the way the sound waves would bounce off the walls when she began to scream.
�Yes,� she whispered. �I�m done.�
�He�ll live?� Faith looked skeptically at Gunn. �He doesn�t look so good. Boss-man wants him to live.�
�It�s on her head if he doesn�t.� Wesley laughed, slipping into game face for a moment. Faith nuzzled his throat, bringing her own fangs out and drawing blood. They kissed passionately. Fred looked away, counted the smears of blood on her hands, and then squared the number three times. Charles made a helpless, wet, whimpering sound, and she touched his arm. �Don�t leave me,� she whispered, hating her feelings for waking up again. She couldn�t have them�couldn�t�they would destroy her like weak acid on limestone�hollow her out�
�Aww, how sweet,� cooed Faith. �She still has a soft spot for her chocolate bar, Wes.�
�Soft spots are good to stick knives in,� he replied with a strange high-pitched giggle. He slid his hand up Faith�s shirt and she sighed, leaning against him. They grinned down at Fred- gaping fanged grins that made her shiver, because soon they�d make her hurt-
She looked away from them as they began to grope at each other, letting her eyes drift around the little room- she�d calculated the area twenty-seven times, but the number kept leaving her head when she slept, she�d have to do it again, and if only they�d give her a marker so she could write it down somewhere. She stared at the huddled figure in the far corner for a minute. Drusilla hadn�t come to play with her doll yet today. Probably she would be along soon.
Fred crawled across the floor, leaving Charles behind to shudder and moan. She picked up their little bucket of water and dragged a dirty plastic cup through it, then carried that over to the broken doll. �Come on,� she coaxed gently. �Drink.�
The doll was crazy too, only even crazier than Fred because she couldn�t even clean up messes. All she could do was bleed and scream, and she didn�t even scream much anymore. She�d been a person once, had a name, a pretty name Fred didn�t want to remember- and she�d had power, too. Charles had told her to let the doll die, that it hurt her too much to live on, but it was Fred�s fault the doll had come to LA at all. It only seemed right to keep her alive.
Faith and Wesley were rolling around on the floor now. The doll huddled back against the wall at the sounds. Fred shivered in sympathy; all of the slaves had been pinned under the vampires one time or another. The thought of Wesley�s hands- Faith�s hands- Drusilla�s hands- the master�s hands- Fred closed her eyes and shook for a moment, willing the memories to go away. Go away�go away�crowd out pictures with numbers�3.14159�turn the memories to binary�1010011100101010110001�
The doll hesitantly took the cup and sipped at the water. She whimpered and bobbed her head. Fred knew that meant gratitude. �You�re welcome,� she said, gently tucking the doll�s dirty red hair back behind her ears. �Go to sleep.� The doll obediently closed her eyes. Fred patted her shoulder awkwardly.
Faith was laughing. �Aww, look, Wes, the crazy girls are having a little chat.�
�Bit one-sided, I�m sure,� he said sleepily. Fred could feel his eyes on her back, cold and sharp like knife blades. She shivered. �Willow doesn�t talk much since she lost her mind.�
The doll whimpered at the sound of her old name. Fred patted her shoulder again. She remembered, back when she�d asked the Willow to come to Los Angeles, how she�d stood in the hotel lobby and power had flowed out from her like wind. She�d been calling something�something red and shiny they�d needed to put back, to stop something terrible�
Pity it hadn�t worked.
�The odds were against it,� she told the doll. �The probability was very low. Not your fault.� Oh, but the master had moved fast, when the Willow�s spell broke and he�d triumphed over the Other, the man whose name Fred didn�t let herself remember. He�d moved fast as a photon from the cage downstairs up to the bedroom where Faith was dying, hardly breaking stride to snap the neck of the Boy, the one Fred had missed for a while before she decided to forget.
�That was a bad day,� she mumbled, taking the cup from the doll�s hand and refilling it, then crawling back over to Charles. She offered him the water. �Very bad.�
She heard the footsteps this time, and huddled closer to Charles, her thoughts breaking down into panicked white noise as the master entered the room.
He was practically glowing, newly fed and smiling. Faith pulled her hand out of Wesley�s jeans and sauntered over to kiss her sire. Wes watched, smirking- he�d never minded sharing everything with Angelus, even before he was Angelus, when he was the Other, the one Fred didn�t want to remember because whenever Charles said the name she started to cry.
�And how are the livestock today?� Angelus asked, glancing from the doll to Fred to Gunn. �Hmm, looks like things went a bit far this time.�
�Your girl plays rough,� Wes agreed.
�She went out looking for flowers,� Faith added, leaning back against the wall. �Crazy Dru and her flowers.�
Angelus nodded without interest. �Got a package coming later I�d like to talk to you two about��
The door slammed behind them. Fred closed her eyes.
Fractals�the Heisenberg uncertainty principle�polynomial equations�She went through elements of math and science the way her mother went through the steps of saying the rosary. A connection to something other than this life.
Only it all got so mixed up.
E equals mc squared and Angelus getting to the bedroom just in time to make Faith drink from him. A body in motion tends to stay in motion and Lorne�s blood spraying Gunn and Willow and Fred as they ran for the sewers. The square root of �1 and storming the hotel and Faith slashing a dark-haired pregnant girl�s throat (another name Fred wouldn�t allow herself to know, except when Charles said it through sobs and it made her shake and scream), atomic theory and Angelus jeering �Let�s see you summon any Powers now� as he ripped the Willow�s tongue out, behavior of matter in a vacuum and Wesley chained down, Faith biting him over and over again until he drained out and then filling him up again with what flowed in her...not blood she wouldn�t call it blood�
She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes and rocked back and forth, keening softly and trying to summon enough numbers to make the memories go away.
Go away, go away, use aerodynamic principles to fly away like supersonic airplanes or cut through the water like submarines�calculate the water pressure per square inch on a memory�she�d have to write a theorem for that but there was no pen to write with, master didn�t want her marking up the walls and making a mess.
Chaos theory, butterflies and thunderstorms, non-Euclidean geometry, thermodynamics, frantic phone calls from Sunnydale looking for the Willow who was now quiet like a doll. Drusilla appearing at her Daddy�s side as if he�d blown a whistle. The behavior of lead in a solution of sulfuric acid. The particle theory of light. Mandelbrot sets. Faith laughing at the Willow-doll, telling her that surely the Slayer, her bestest bestest friend (and Fred didn�t know that name either, because she didn�t want to know the name of someone who was supposed to stop the vampires and didn�t) would come for her soon. That made the Willow-doll cry.
Gunn was moaning again. Fred offered him the water, but he wouldn�t take it. He was beginning to bleed through the bandages, she saw. She didn�t have any more. She�d torn up the Man�s clothes to make them, and they were all gone.
The Man hadn�t lived very long at all. That was what had made the last of the Willow go away so only the doll was left, him turning into a little pile of blood and meat like that. When he arrived the Willow had almost come back to human for a moment. Fred remembered that he had dark hair and wild eyes, before the master let Drusilla claw them out.
The doll had still moved after that, enough to get itself food and water. But then the wave of energy came out from Sunnydale, and the rest of its mind went away. Fred took care of the doll now. She thought of it as another mess, and slaves cleaned up messes�bleed when they bite you and scream when they hurt you and clean up the messes�
That wave of magick had made a lot of messes. Drusilla hadn�t stopped crying for days. Fred didn�t know what happened, but Angelus had sneered something about the Slayer�s stupendous sacrifices for the world being somewhat less impressive the second time around.
Fred had calculated the probability of someone dying to save the world not once, but twice. Then she calculated the probability of that person coming back to life again not once, but twice. Too bad she didn�t have a marker, she would�ve written those numbers down.
The door flew open again, and the three vampires walked in, carrying a blonde man wearing torn black clothing. He was bound in heavy chains that clinked when Angelus threw him to the floor. Fred counted the links in the chain, all the ones that she could see, and cubed the number. She traced it with her finger on the floor. It was a nice number.
�I�m curious,� Wesley said, prodding the man with his toe. �What was that burst of magick out of Sunnydale?�
�You might as well tell us,� Faith purred. �What�s it going to hurt? If you don�t tell us, I can give you a whole list of what�ll hurt��
�Giles did a spell.� The man�s voice was flat and dull. Fred knew that voice, knew the equation for it, used the equation to give the man a name. He was Broken. Broken had an English accent that wasn�t quite the same as Wesley�s, but close enough to make her flinch and close her eyes. �Pulled the power out of the Potentials and gave it to Buffy. Thought it would do the same as the power she rejected from the Shadowmen��
�I have no idea what he�s talking about,� sighed Wesley, instantly bored.
�Except that ol� Rupert screwed up again,� giggled Faith.
�Please,� the Broken man whispered, �just stake me, Angelus, I can�t��
�Oh, no,� said the master, smiling. �Finish telling us about Sunnydale, soul-boy, and then there�s some folks for you to meet.�
He sobbed before he spoke, and Fred pulled herself tighter against the wall. He shouldn�t cry. It didn�t help and if the master forgot to give them water for a few days he�d miss the moisture. The human body could go two weeks without food but only days without water��She was strong enough to stop the First, but she had to die to do it. She closed the Hellmouth.� He was openly crying now. �She was so brave��
�God, you�re blubbering like the day Dru made you.� Angelus slapped the man across the face. �Too bad we broke the witch, I�d love to have her just suck that soul right out of you.�
�Don�t worry, boss, we�ll figure something out,� Faith said, rubbing her face against his shoulder.
�Or we can just keep him here to play with,� said Wesley hopefully. �A less breakable toy��
�We�ll see.� Angelus glanced around the room. His eyes settled on Fred, and she cringed. They were so cold. �Get over here.�
She scuttled to his side, trying not to shake too hard. Sometimes it made him laugh, but sometimes it made him angry�
She stared at the floor between his feet and figured out what time two trains would pass if one left Chicago at 4:00 going 50 miles per hour and the other left New York doing 65.
�Spike, this is Fred,� Angelus said ceremoniously, digging his fingers into her arm till the bone ached. �I keep meaning to rape her to death like I promised, and don�t think I haven�t tried, but I haven�t quite got around to finishing the job yet. She�ll be in charge of feeding and cleaning you till then. Fred, allow me to introduce William the Bloody.�
She let the name slip over her like water. He was Broken and that was enough.
He stared up at her, and the blue of his eyes startled her. It reminded her of something, yet another thing she didn�t let herself remember. Something about the sky�she didn�t remember much about the sky, other than that it was full of fire the last time she�d seen it. But in a place she thought might�ve once been called Texas, it looked like those eyes.
�Oh, damn it all,� Wesley said irritably. There was a dull thudding sound as he kicked at something. �He�s gone and died.�
Fred looked back over her shoulder. Charles had gone still, slumped against the wall. His bandages had soaked through unnoticed while she watched the vampires and the Broken man. �Goodbye,� she whispered.
�Nice work, Fred,� sneered Faith, raking her nails across Fred�s arm. �You went and let our toy fall apart. Now we�ll have to get another one.�
�We have Spike,� Wesley said happily. �It�ll take forever to break him.�
Faith clapped her hands and smiled. �I call sharp! Or hot�can I have both?�
�We�ll see,� Angelus said indulgently, ushering them towards the door. �Let�s find Dru, who knows how much trouble she�s getting into off by herself�and I�m sure she just misses her William to pieces��
The door shut again. Fred stared down at the Broken blonde man. After a moment he coughed and opened his mouth as if to ask her something. She shook her head.
�It doesn�t matter,� she told him. �It�s not divisible.� His brow furrowed, but she went on.
�The Man cried with the Willow before he died and broke her,� she told him, hesitantly touching his hair. �But I didn�t cry with Charles, and I�m not going to cry with you. Crying doesn�t help. All right?�
He nodded slowly, blinking those Texas- she decided to stop remembering the word, it hurt her- blue eyes. She nodded back.
�If you want,� she said, settling herself down on the floor next to him, �I can tell you about Fermat�s Last Theorem. I think I might�ve worked out a proof, if only I had a pen I could be sure��
He stared at her blankly for a moment. �You think about math down here?� he asked with disbelief.
She shrugged. �It helps to pass the time.�
�What is it you�re waiting for?� he said bitterly. �Death?�
She frowned and looked at her hands for a moment. Ten fingers. She could square that number for hours. �The end of the world.�
He gave a sharp and bitter laugh. �Sorry, love, I�m afraid I had a hand in preventing that from coming.�
�So did I, I think, once. Another one will be along soon.�
She really ought to clean up that pile of blood and meat over there. It was a mess.
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