You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living shit out of you. 

- Horoscope seen in "The Onion"

"Like all religions, the Holy Religion of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both Logic and Faith. We have Faith that She is Pink; we Logically know that She is Invisible, because we can't see Her." 

-Unknown

Heaven doesn't want me and hell is scared I am going to take over. 

- Eve Toth

"The test of literature is, I suppose, whether we ourselves live more intensely for the reading of it."

-Elizabeth Drew

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."
-Anon. (thanks Em!)